The guys aren't mine and I sure don't make any money off these stories so don't bother to sue me.

this has a touch of nc, not directly but as under duress. // means we're inside Jim's head.

Past Imperfect

Jim Ellison was angry. He was pissed off and he was ready to blow - and not in the good way - and it was all directed at his 'friend' Blair Sandburg. The hyper young man had bounced into his life a year ago and taken over. Sure he'd saved Jim's life and helped him with his senses but this latest fiasco was just too much. He wished he could do without him sometimes. He wished he could go back to being plain old Detective Ellison.

//You wish you could grab him by the hair and drag him upstairs to your bed.//

Jim hated the inner voice that reminded him constantly that his annoyance at Blair was masking a more profound attraction.

//The Kid is as strait as a Texas road and comes home smelling like a different woman every week or so. He must love giving head because his hair smells of woman - that sweet scented cream that flows profusely when you find a woman's G-spot - for most of the next day. And you are bisexual enough to find the combination of scents deeply, incredibly arousing.//

Blair had followed him into an undercover operation. That was what had the sentinel so angry that he wanted to smash something with his bare hands. The ever-annoying anthropologist just turned up at the Walthram estate - grinning like a cheeky puppy as he introduced himself as Blair Sandburg, financially strapped grad student. He was, ostensibly here to catalog the massive library. The kid, must have hacked into God know what computer to find the location of Jim's undercover assignment.

It couldn't have been easy since, in the Cascade PD, only Simon and the Chief knew where he was. The FBI had requested his assistance in taking down Bruno Walthram and his twisted associates. Bruno handled all of his business on a remote estate on an island off the coast. His sinister 'parties' usually involved forbidden fruit of some sort, but every raid on the place had turned up nothing illegal. The wealthy man had an early warning system, fast boats and a helicopter standing by to remove his customers and their victims. Several young men and women had vanished and the fed.'s could only speculate that the vast Pacific held the answer to their fates.

Walthram had remained in business so long because he trusted no one in his inner circle that he hadn't known for years. But he trusted Jim - because, once upon a time, Bruno had been young Captain James Ellison's first male lover. Colonel Walthram had been a highly decorated warrior and as tough, beautiful and magnetic as an ancient Greek God. The man was six feet five inches of muscle, with thick, rust-brown hair and glass green eyes. He became Jim's mentor and trained him to be a perfect killing machine. And then he made him his willing slave.

Twelve years Jim's senior, Walthram became father, brother, and teacher to the vulnerable young officer. Then one day they were working out, and Bruno was teaching Jim various in-fighting techniques. Wearing only loose shorts, the two sweated and strained in the sultry Georgia heat. Jim still remembered the instant that BW (how proud he'd been when his 'god' had told him to call him by the familiar initials) pinned him face to the floor and covered his body.

"Give it up, JJ!" The Colonel had his arm pinned behind his back. Jim felt something hard prod his muscular ass through the thin fabric of his shorts. The older officer wasn't wearing a cup and his erect penis was close to nesting between Jim's ass cheeks. Jim broke the hold and rolled away in a near panic, all the blood from his brain rushing to fight the chill in his belly. "Jeez kid, break my arm why-don-cha?" Walthram laughed and stood up so nonchalantly that Jim wondered if he'd been imagining things. With his back turned, the senior officer headed to the showers. "Come on, JJ. We have a meeting in forty-five minutes."

In the shower, Jim tried to discreetly glance at the man. BW's cock hung large and flaccid as he showered and Jim wondered again if he'd been imagining things.

After that day, things subtly changed. The Colonel began calling him by his first name, or Ellison and no longer asked him to join him for dinner. There were no more pats on the shoulder or taps on the head to get his attention or to punctuate a humorous reprimand.

Jim was stunned by the gradual with-drawl of approval and affection. But he was nothing if not brave. So, after a couple beers for courage, Jim went to the Colonel's home on the pretext of delivering papers. After asking if he could come in, he looked up at the man who had become the center of his universe. "Colonel, Sir. May I say something off the record, so to speak?"

"Of course Jim. Whatever you say stays in this room."

"I... thank you, Sir. I was wondering about that day in the gym. I thought I felt... I was surprised... I never..."

"I trust that I, too, have your word that you will never repeat any of this?" The Colonel smiled gently at the flustered young man.

"Yes sir!"

"Jim... JJ, I love women - I really do." The older man stepped closer and lay his hand on Jim's shoulder. "But in my time as a soldier I've learned to appreciate the beauty of the warrior. There have been times that I turned to another man and enjoyed the special closeness that comes with the bond of equals."

"After I pulled away - you seemed cool... kinda distant." Jim was shockingly pleased at the pressure of the hand on his shoulder. "I thought you were punishing me."

"Oh JJ, no." The tall man took another step closer and his hand curled around the back of Jim's neck. "It's just that I don't want you to think that I expect anything you don't want to offer. I'm just resisting temptation..." Whatever his next words were going to be were smothered by Jim's lips. His amateurish kiss was met with a soft, almost chaste embrace as the older man teased and tempted his mouth apart and the kiss deepened.

"Please... anything..." Jim was begging but he didn't care. He'd never felt passion like this. Love like this. "Show me... "

That night, using only his hands and mouth, BW showed him how to reach heights he'd never reached before. He kissed and licked every inch of the tall young body and swallowed all that Jim could give, taking no pleasure for himself.

Every night for a week he teased and tormented Jim, until he could barely make a coherent sound much less speak. Finally on Friday, Jim could resist no more. They'd just finished dinner and were kissing on the sofa. Jim stirred in his lover's arms and sighed. "BW? Why don't you ever... you know... get hard. Am I doing something wrong. I know you can, cause I felt it that day, but if there's something wrong ... it's ok..."

"Darling boy." The broad chest rumbled under Jim's cheek. "I learned about fucking men under somewhat violent circumstances. Now I find that with men or women, I can't reach erection without some force or pain being involved for them. I can't afford risking scandal and I'm not a rapist - so I rarely enjoy release. But I find our time together rewarding, just the same."

"But I..." Jim almost said Love You." "...want you to come too. I need make you happy."

"As I said..."

"No!" Jim slid off the sofa and knelt on the floor between Bruno's feet. "I'll do anything you want."

"Are you sure?" The Colonel sounded excited but wary as Jim nodded vigorously. "If you want to stop - oh hell, I don't know - just yell, UNCLE. All right JJ?"

"Yes sir." Instinctively, Jim bowed his head and tried to remember the details from the few porn books he'd read with S&M stuff in them. He fought down the panic that threatened to rise in him.

"Stand up, soldier! Strip!" Bruno's voice sounded dispassionate and the full lips that could be so soft and inviting drooped into a brutal sneer. To Jim, the most outrageous thing was that he was half-hard - just from the tone and his expectation. He took off his shirt, then his pants and folded them. His briefs were tented over his erect cock and he turned his back to remove his underwear. "Give me your tee-shirt."

Oddly embarrassed to be standing naked in front of the man - odd because that same man had his tongue up Jim's ass the night before - Jim handed him the shirt. "Yes sir."

"Hand's behind your back." The shirt was twisted into a rope and tied around Jim's wrists. He knew he could pull his hands apart at any time as the fabric stretched. Still it gave him a strange thrill, as if this was more taboo than letting his commanding officer suck and rim him until he screamed. "Kneel on the couch and lean over the back." The vinyl back of the sofa felt cool against his hot flesh. He wanted to ask what happened next. Something cold touched his shoulder and he jumped. "Don't move!" BW ran the ice cube over his back and then licked the water off the smooth back.

If this was torture, Jim could take it all night.

The taller man leaned over him and he could feel that he too was naked. He nipped the flesh he'd been tonguing and laughed when Jim sucked in a breath as he almost broke the skin. "You see JJ, a true warrior should learn how to take pain. Someday you might be a prisoner and they will use humiliation, rape and torture to break you. It happened to me. But I beat them, instead. I learned to turn the pain into pleasure. The two are very close in the mind, you know?

"Yes!" Jim breathed as his balls were laved and kissed.

"I could teach you." A hard hand came down on his tense ass with a loud crack. Over and over it fell, choosing a different spot until Jim let a hiss of pain escape through his teeth. He couldn't believe how much the 'spanking' hurt as the blows fell on the inflamed skin. Then it stopped and his smarting cheeks were parted. A velvet soft tongue teased his anus as his cock and balls were expertly stroked. Jim could feel the hot breath on his super heated flesh as BW whispered. "So beautiful. So brave and strong."

"Please..." Jim rubbed his nipples on the couch back and felt his cock swell and throb again.

"Not yet," Bruno stepped back and rubbed the ice over the aching ass. He drove a wet finger into Jim's virgin ass and pumped it until he hit a spot that almost made Jim come. Then he stopped and used the ice on the tight pucker. "I don't have any of the stuff you're supposed to use... whips and stuff... so I'll have to improvise. If you want to continue, that is?"

"Yes anything..."

"You sound so sexy when you beg." BW walked across the room and fooled with the mini blinds. For an insane instant Jim thought he might open the blinds and expose him to the surrounding houses. Instead he twisted off the wand and swished the three-foot plastic rod through the air. Jim's balls tried to climb inside his belly at the sound. He hit Jim across both ass cheeks and the already sensitized skin there felt like it was on fire.

Three more blows and Jim forgot his resolve to remain silent. "Ahh!"

"Yes, open that gorgeous mouth," The stunned young officer opened his eyes and beheld his lovers erect cock bobbing under his nose. He'd never done this - hell he'd only had it done to him for the first time, this week - but he opened his mouth and tried to remember to cover his teeth and not to gag or forget to swallow... "Breathe, Love." BW was laughing as his hardness was almost devoured by the determined young man. Jim gasped a little and kept sucking - making up for what he lacked in expertise with sheer enthusiasm. "So very perfect. One day soon I'll make love to you and then you'll be totally mine."

"Now," Jim lifted his head and wondered if he'd lost his mind. "Do it now."

"Impatient?" Bruno walked around the sofa and studied the picture he'd created. "Very hot - with a narrow welt here..." He dragged a nail across the gluteus muscles making them flex and twitch. "...and here..." He began to rub some sort of cream over the skin. It smelled medicated, like lip balm. Then he dipped one greased finger into the tense hole and worked it in and out. Just as it almost started feeling good, BW added another finger and then another. He made sure to hit the nerve bundle with each thrust and soon Jim was pushing back onto the long fingers.

When something much larger nudged it's way inside, Jim's body rebelled momentarily. Powerful hands pulled him up and back until he was leaning back against broad hair matted chest. Bruno reached around and milked Jim's cock until he shuddered and relaxed. Then the narrow channel opened and reluctantly welcomed the invader inside. "Burns...ahhh..." Jim wanted to hold still and he wanted to thrust against the hand holding him and he wanted... "Fuck me."

With leisurely long strokes the big man did just that, thumbing the leaking tip of Jim's cock while pinching and teasing his flat pink nipples. He was grateful for BW's strong arms when he came so hard that the room went gray and he folded like a broken puppet. It took several minutes more of ass stretching stroking before BW came and fell forward, on top of the semi-conscious Captain. "JJ my boy, you are a dream come true."

"JJ my boy." Bruno leaned over the dinner table and tapped his guest on the arm. "You told me you had some prime mid-western stock - cherry and young - Scandinavian descent."

"Yeah." //Brilliant answer Ellison.//

Bruno had come to Seattle soon after retiring from the Army. He'd bought several clubs there and moved into Cascade not long after Jim joined the force. Even though they were no longer lovers, BW still trusted him. After offering an edited version of their friendship to his Captain, Jim went under cover for Vice and used his contact with Bruno to break several big cases. His cover was a leather-clad coke-dealing pimp/master who specialized in runaways. Because Walthram was mostly legit at the time they let him stay on the streets and keep up business as usual. When all his contacts dried up in Cascade, Bruno returned to Seattle and Jim transferred to Major Crime. His operation there became more and more sordid, dealing in under age hookers and hardcore S&M. When the law was about to take him down, he moved his operations to the island estate where James Ellison was presently eating dinner with him.

"So Jim you were telling me about the new blood you had to offer?"

"Four boys - five girls - all fresh, under twenty. Lookers." Jim growled and looked around the large dinning room. "So what's with the pretty boy librarian. Your tastes change since I knew you?"

"Young Mister Sandburg?" BW shrugged and smiled. "A shade delicate looking for my 'rough' tastes but I might sample him. Anyway, I'll let him stay and catalog my books - who knows - I do get a customer occasionally who wants to talk to their toys. And some even expect an intelligent answer. The boy has no local family - no one will miss him."

Jim watched BW shrug off Sandburg's life and wanted to scramble over the table and rip his throat out. Bruno had aged well physically, but his mind had already been turned to rot when Jim met him years ago.

//How naive I was - God I was a kid - Twenty-one, much younger than Sandburg was now and in a way, much more innocent. Between my dysfunctional family home and the Academy I had lived a sheltered existence. I was so pathetically starved for affection that I would have done anything - hell I DID do anything - he asked. The man was a master of manipulation. Whatever horrors had happened to him as a prisoner were no excuse for his warped view of life.//

"Always good to have extra merchandise on hand." I said as I nodded, grinned and (after physically forcing my teeth to unclench) kept eating. "You never know when you'll have a buyer."

It was the next morning before Jim could sneak into the library. Blair was up on a ladder sorting a shelf filled with fancy old-looking books.

"Sandburg, get the hell down here." The sentinel hissed after ascertaining they were not being watched.

"Oh... Hi...?" Blair looked around furtively and scrambled down the ladder. "...Jim." He finished with a whisper as he leaned close.

"Before I kick your ass all over this island, you want to tell me what you're doing here?"

"Jeez, Jim." Blair had the gall to look offended. "I'm here to watch your back. I hacked into a couple of mainframes and this Walthram creep is real bad news."

//No shit Sherlock!//

"This 'Walthram creep' is planing on selling you to the highest bidder first chance he gets. Then, in a month or so, when you're used up, he is going to kill you and drop you in the Pacific." Jim might be whispering but his tone was still vicious. His mouth was next to Blair's ear and the herbal scent of shampoo teased his nose. "I can't help you, either. I'm stranded here until the end of the week. He sent his boats to pick up a group of customers in LA, and his chopper is being repaired."

"I have my cell phone."

"Have you called anyone?" Jim's tone switched to sarcastic.

"No."

"And you won't. There's a scrambler somewhere on the island. I can't find it but Walthram has the only way to contact the mainland.

"What are we going to do?" Blair looked scared as his heart rate soared.

//What's this WE shit, Whitemeat?//

"I'm going to improvise." Jim barely breathed the words as the familiar footsteps approached. "Pretend to resist, but go along with whatever...." Then, as the door swung open he spoke aloud, anger still tingeing his words. "I'm just looking for a bed-warmer, punk. Nothing a little fag like you probably hasn't done." He grabbed the front of Blair's flannel shirt and ripped it open to expose... another flannel shirt.

//So much for the dramatic gesture, Ellison.//

"J...Jim?" Blair's voice when he asked the question was almost silent.

"So JJ, I see your interest in Marian the Librarian was a bit more than academic?" Bruno hitched one hip on his mahogany desk and studied the two men with amusement."

"Mr. Walthram! I'm not gay. I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding." Blair looked at Jim and blushed as he stammered in hyperspeed. "I'm flattered that Jim... err Mr. Ellison would find me attractive but you see I'm not gay and if you don't think I'll fit in here you can send me back to Cascade cause I think Walmart's hiring and I'll be happy to return that advance you gave me..."

Jim couldn't help himself. He buried his fingers in the thick curls and kissed the moving lips, using Blair's bewilderment to slip his tongue inside the warm softness. The sturdy body tensed and tried to pull away. Using his grip on the curly hair he tilted the square jaw back and kissed the stubble-rough neck and chin. He detoured to the velvet soft earlobe and sucked at the tiny holes - missing the absent earrings. All this time Blair simply stood motionless, as if paralyzed by shock. Jim unbuttoned the second flannel shirt and nuzzled the soft chest hair he exposed one button at a time.

When he reached for the top button of the worn blue jeans, Blair spoke at last. "No... please..."

The sad longing in those words went through Jim like a knife. He pulled out the long flannel shirttails to hide the beginning of an erection under the faded fabric.

//Holy hell, the kid wants me, too. What am I going to do now//

"Yes, please." He mocked Blair as he grabbed his hand and started to drag him toward the door.

"Oh, stay Jim." Bruno sounded disappointed. "Or use the dungeon. I'd love to watch."

"Aww, BW. You know squirrelly how virgins are." Jim laughed cruelly and tugged on Blair's hand again. "I'm not carrying you, unless you're unconscious, punk! Of course that could be arranged."

Bruno strolled over and ran a finger down Jim's cheek. "Dear JJ, whatever happened to my sweet, beloved boy? What happened to us?"

"I walked in an found you fucking Oliver over your desk." Jim answered honestly. "Remember BW? You'd found a new and creative use for my entire box of 'bulldog' file clamps."

"Ollie was a total slut. He was never, in any way, as good as you."

//No argument here.//

It was easier to drag Blair now that he'd been stunned senseless by their conversation.

Upstairs in Jim's room, Blair fell against the closed door and looked at Jim in complete surprise. "Jim! You and Walthram were..."

"Get in the bathroom," the sentinel growled fiercely. Bruno had a small peephole set up behind a one-way mirror, over the bed. He had surely run up the stairs as his heart was pounding on the other side of the wall. "Now." He grabbed Blair's arm and forcibly shoved him into the tiled bath.

Holding a finger over his lips, he turned on the shower and sat tiredly on the tubs flat rim. "Okay, you can talk."

"Talk... damned fucking strait I'm gonna talk." Blair hissed as he perched on the closed toilet and leaned in close to Jim. "You and that guy were... lovers? He thinks you're going to screw me while he watches? You and that guy were lovers?"

"Yes - yes and yes." Jim buried his face in his hands. "I'll think of something. He can't see or hear us in this room. Maybe we can convince him I've developed a water fetish and can only get it on, around porcelain." Jim was suddenly out of ideas. "Oh, by the way, you should scream 'no' about now."

"What?"

"It'll make him think - oh hell, who knows what he thinks - just do it."

""NO!!!" Blair bellowed as if in agony. "okay?" he whispered.

"Bloodcurdling, Chief." Jim shook his head and tried to come up with a plan. "I'll sneak out tonight and try to find a small boat. He might have a Zodiac hidden somewhere around here. Or maybe, I can overpower a couple of guards and find the communication set up Bruno has hidden."

"Jim those guards are goons. Machine gun toting, behemoth goons!"

"Can you come up with a better plan, Chief?"

Blair paused and cleared his throat before speaking in a steady voice. "Yeah, we take a quick shower then go out into the room and you fuck me raw."

"Aww, Chief." Jim cringed even as the words made his cock surge. "You don't want that from me."

"Hell, Jim!" Blair stood up and pulled off his shirt. "I've been dreaming about that since you slammed me into that wall. I thought I was pathetic lusting after a man. No. Lusting after my tough guy, best friend and partner. I never felt like this - how's that for a clich -and I was so ashamed of it." Blair continued to rambles as he kicked off his jeans and boxers and hopped into the shower and screamed melodramatically. "PLEASE! NOOO!!!"

Jim divested himself of his garments in record time. In the shower, he hugged the shorter man hard and rested his chin on the wet hair. "I'll have to pretend to force you... rough you up some... okay?"

"Okay... just, well if you're gonna do... you know... I never did it but I don't mind if it hurts at first."

"I'm going to stretch you now, Chief. Sorry but it'll have to be fast." Jim had snagged a tube of cream and gestured to Blair to leave the shower. "Bend over the sink here and let me get you ready. He squeezed a thick glob of the lube and pushed a finger deep into the tight opening."

"Hey... ohhh... you're the authority on this stuff - and remind me to reel in amazement about that when we're... OHHH... safe." Jim followed the first finger with a second and a third. "Oh Jim that feels so...OH!"

"Chief. You can't be going oh or yahoo or anything when we get out there. I'll have to pretend to rape you and you have to scream and whimper in pain, cause without that whole tube of lube inside you, that would hurt real bad." Jim was already fully erect. Wet, naked Blair was a favorite fantasy from many a long lonely night.

"I'm ready. We better go before he wonders what..." Blair's words were cut off as Jim jerked open the door and literally threw him out of the bathroom.

"Shut up. I'm sick of your stalling."

"Please don't hurt me." Blair had stumbled and was kneeling on the Oriental carpet.

Jim noted the peephole's location again and lifted Blair by his hair. The younger man landed a punch to Jim's ribs and staggered close. "Hit me Jim" He said the words so softly that only Jim could hear him. "I'm asking you to. It'll save our lives."

Jim slapped his face hard enough to make a loud crack of sound without causing much pain.

//God, Chief. I'll let you do anything you want to me. You can do pain studies, make me climb trees and type your reports.//

"Get over there. I was going to make it nice for you but you just keep pissing me off." Jim slapped him again and again, leaving red handprints on his wet face and back. "If you don't want to get hurt bad I suggest you don't move. I'll use my belt and beat you till you bleed."

Jim forced the smaller man face down over the foot of the bed and held his wrists in one powerful hand. Again he heard the almost soundless whisper. "It's a game, Jim. Remember that. I want you to do this."

"Please don't do this." Blair howled as Jim kicked his feet apart and leaned in to guide his hard cock into the defenseless opening. "Oh, it hurts..."

Blair buried his face in the bedspread and made a sobbing sound before he spoke to Jim in his near silent whisper. "Man does that feel strange... good but strange. Do it harder. You're supposed to be raping me."

"I'll give you 'hurt'!" Jim grabbed Blair's hips and pulled him back, hard. The clear lubricant eased his way, but the passage was nevertheless, unbelievably tight. He withdrew and then slammed home again so violently that he lost his grip on Blair's wrists.

"You're killing me!" Blair shouted as he bucked backward, then seemed to collapse with a wail. "OH!"

"Oh Jim I'm gonna come... do that a few more times..." the breathless whisper that was Blair's real voice tore at Jim and made him wild. He could feel the spasms as the young man rubbed his cock on the rough fabric of the spread and came violently.

The ripple of muscles felt like heaven to the sentinel. He was awed at the courage and control the young, innocent man had shown. He was being raped, if not by Jim then by Bruno, using Jim as a proxy. Still it felt to Jim as if he was the one ravaging an innocent. And here was Blair, taking all he could and asking for more. Forgiving his tormentor and finding what pleasure he could from an act of desperation. To Jim it was the ultimate benediction, being absolved by his partner for his brutal behavior, as always.

//I love you so much, my brave little guppie. If this is catch and release - it think it will kill me.//

The scent and feel of his partner's heartbeat around his cock, made Jim come at last. He gloried in the pulsing release as his breath caught in his throat and he swallowed his shout of joy.

//Blair! Oh Chief I love youloveyouloveyou...//

"Get in that bed, punk." Jim grabbed the hair again and all but threw the smaller man on to the king-sized bed. Jim walked around and got under the covers. He roughly pulled the damp figure under the quilt and offered him a brutal kiss. The kiss was accepted with ardor and returned with a ferocity that dazed Jim. He angled his body to hide Blair from Bruno's line of sight and gentled the kiss until he saw a tear start in the corner of a sapphire eye.

"He's gone, Chief." At last, Jim's hearing no longer picked up Bruno's panting and muttering from the next room. "I'm so sorry Chief."

"Want to know how you can make it up to me?" Blair winced as he turned over on his side. "Grow out your hair. I'm gonna grab it and drag you around the loft."

"Kinky, Chief." Jim smiled at the picture in his mind. "Seriously, are you all right. I know I hurt you."

"The sex was great. I hope that freak Walthram enjoyed the show. As for the hitting - I got more beat up playing flag football." Blair plopped his head on Jim's chest and chuckled as Jim used a corner of the blanket to dry his wet mane. "So Jim? If the whole cop thing doesn't work out, you think we have a future acting in gay porn films?"

"You were De Niro, Kid." Jim kissed the moist curls and wondered how anyone could be so calm about the earth-shattering thing that just happened. "Only you could have an orgasm, worry about me, and pretend to scream in pain and terror - all at the same time."

"It's called multi-tasking Jim." Blair shivered and snuggled closer to Jim. "Learn it."

Jim pulled the quilt up over their heads and held his love closer. Someday he'd tell Blair about Walthram and their past together. But first he had to get them out of here. He was sure he could get BW to 'give' him Blair. He just didn't think he'd be able to keep this up for three more days. Blair's flair for melodrama would fail or Bruno would want the join them and Jim would have to start breaking necks.

This wasn't happening again. The next time they made love - he'd be so gentle and take so long that Blair would beg him to finish it. Sweet torture, indeed.

No, he'd find the way off the island tomorrow. With Blair here to ground him he could use his senses to search for some way to communicate with the mainland. For now he would sleep lightly, and listen for danger and guard his love well.

End Past Imperfect by clcarne: clcarne@postmarks.net

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