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This story originally appeared in "Whispers of the Heart 7".

Juggling three bags of take-out, his backpack and a six-pack, Blair kicked the door as his precarious hold on the items threatened to slip. "Jim, open up." Receiving no response, he groaned in frustration. Dumping his backpack to the floor, for once grateful that he had forgotten his laptop that morning, Blair dug around in his pocket. Successful, he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. After pushing it open, he kicked his backpack into the loft. "What's up, man?" he called out as he entered the loft. "Our dinner nearly ended up splattered all over the hallway."

Walking into the kitchen, he set dinner on the counter and then stuck the six-pack in the refrigerator. Finally realizing that Jim hadn't answered, Blair looked around the loft. "Jim? This isn't funny. Answer me."

Thinking that his roommate might be in the shower, Blair quieted down but didn't hear the water running. Glancing upstairs, hesitant to invade Jim's bedroom, he finally overcame his initial indecision and started towards the stairs. "Word of warning, Jim. I'm coming up. So if you're doing something that you don't want me to see you doing, better stop it. Or at least cover up."

Concern increasing when Jim still didn't respond, Blair hurried up the stairs. Arriving at the top, he found Jim lying down on the bed, facing away from the stairs. Frowning, Blair approached the still figure of his roommate. Putting a knee on the bed, he reached over and placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. Giving the other man a gentle shake, he said, "Jim?"

Easing Jim over until he was lying on his back, Blair let out an involuntary gasp when Jim's face finally came into view. "Oh man. What happened to you?"

Finally waking, Jim groaned as his eyelids fluttered open. "Chief?"

"Hey, Jim."

Fully awake, Jim attempted to sit up. Wincing, unable to complete the motion, he fell back on the bed. "Why'd you let me do that?"

Grabbing a pillow, Blair used his other hand to lean Jim up and then slipped the pillow underneath the injured man's back. "Better?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem." Still eyeing Jim's face, Blair asked, "So, want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really."

"Jim..."

"But I supposed you won't leave me alone until I do."

"Damn straight."

Reaching up a hand, Jim began to gingerly feel his face. "Does it look as bad as it feels?"

"I hope not. 'Cause if it does, you must really be hurting."

"I'm just overwhelmed by your concern here, Sandburg," Jim sarcastically replied.

Shifting around on the bed, Blair mumbled, "Sorry." Settling down, he turned an expectant look towards Jim. "Talk."

"It's nothing, just a bust that went wrong."

"Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this than what you're telling me?"

Looking away from Blair, Jim gaze wandered around his bedroom. "Drop it, okay?"

"Whatever it is, talking about it can only help."

Sighing, Jim turned to face Blair again. "A cop got killed today."

Alarmed, Blair asked, "Who? Was it..."

Holding up a hand, Jim interrupted, "It wasn't anybody that you know, Chief. It was a rookie, and today was his first day on the job. There was a hostage situation at a bank downtown. Connor and I were out interviewing some witnesses in that area so we responded. This... this kid and his partner were already there. We were trying to get a handle on the situation while we waited for SWAT and a negotiator to arrive at the scene."

"And..." Blair prompted when Jim fell silent.

Shifting on the bed, not able to suppress the resulting wince, Jim clenched his jaw. "This idiot kid thought that he knew more about the situation than any of us. I told the kid to stay put, but he didn't listen. When a shot sounded from inside the bank, he rushed in there before I could stop him. They shot him point blank in the chest. Kid bled out before the ambulance could even get there."

"I'm sorry, Jim."

"What for? It's not your fault." Angrily, Jim pushed himself off of the bed and began pacing. "I was the senior officer there, so it's my responsibility."

"Jim, you can't..."

"Can't I?"

"He disobeyed your orders. What were you going to do? Handcuff him and put him in the truck?"

"I should have. Stupid, idiotic... You know what the real kicker is? That shot from inside the bank. It wasn't even aimed at one of the hostages. We found out that one of the robbers accidentally shot off a round. That kid died for nothing."

"What happened then?" Blair asked when Jim fell silent again.

"You're not going to believe this." Walking over to the bed, Jim sat down again. His back to Blair, he said, "After the kid was shot, the hostages overpowered the robbers. Took both of them down without a single shot being fired. I don't know who's stupider, that kid or those hostages." Looking over his shoulder, Jim stared at Blair. "The whole thing was over within a half hour after Connor and I got there. In the end, we had two perps in custody, one dead cop, and four heroes trying to decide which reporter to talk to first. I couldn't... I got out of there. I couldn't stay."

Scooting over to sit next to Jim, Blair once again placed his hand on the older man's shoulder. "What happened next? How did you end up looking like that?"

Looking down, unable to meet Blair's eyes, Jim answered, "I kind of lost it, Chief."

"Jim, what did you do?"

"Something stupid." Hearing the resulting increase in Blair's vital signs, Jim hastily explained, "It's not that bad. I just went out, got a little bit drunk and..."

"What?"

"Got into a fight."

Shaking his head, Blair said, "Should I even ask about the other guy?"

"I'd say we inflicted an equal amount of damage on each other."

"C'mon."

"What?"

Standing up, Blair started for the stairs. "We're going to go downstairs so that I can clean you up. Then, I'm going to heat up dinner so that we can eat. After that, we're going to sit down and have a talk."

"Sandburg..."

Cutting Jim off, Blair ordered, "Now, Jim." Without waiting for a response, confident that Jim would follow, Blair got up and headed for the stairs.

Unwilling to give Blair the satisfaction of seeing him give in immediately, Jim remained upstairs. Hearing tuned in to his partner, he listened as Blair went down the stairs. After waiting a few more minutes, he let out a weary sigh and then heaved himself off the bed. Finally joining Blair downstairs, he asked, "What's for dinner?"

Not falling for Jim's attempt to divert his attention, Blair went over to the table and pulled out a chair. "Chinese, which I just put in the refrigerator. Sit down while I go get the first aid kit. If you feel up to it, we'll eat after I patch you up."

"When did you get so bossy?" Jim complained as he walked over and sat down.

Walking to the bathroom, Blair paused to look over his shoulder. "I've always been bossy, Jim. But unlike some people, I know how to effectively use it."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You figure it out." Leaving a puzzled Jim behind, Blair continued on to the bathroom.

Returning to the table, Blair set the first aid kit down and then chuckled when he noticed the confused look on Jim's face. "Don't strain something, Jim."

"Funny, Sandburg."

Opening the kit, Blair took out some gauze and antiseptic. Wetting down the gauze, he instructed, "Tilt you head up so that I can clean up those cuts."

Catching his breath as Blair's hand came up to cup his chin, Jim looked towards Blair only to find the younger man's gaze focused on him. "Sorry."

"For what?"

Averting his eyes, Jim mumbled, "Nothing."

Turning Jim's head slightly, Blair surveyed the damage to his face. "Either you were really drunk, or you didn't put up too much of a fight."

Uncomfortable from his reaction to Blair's closeness, Jim pulled away and dislodged Blair's hold on him. "I don't need to hear your smartass comments right now, Sandburg."

Reaching out, persisting when Jim attempted to evade him, Blair was able to recapture Jim's chin. Bringing up the gauze, he dabbed at the cuts. "Sorry," he apologized when Jim hissed. "I'll try to hurry."

"I think that I can handle it."

"Maybe you can, but I can't," Blair whispered, his breath caressing Jim's face.

"What did you say?" Grabbing Blair's wrist when the younger man attempted to turn away, Jim repeated, "What did you say, Sandburg?"

Pulling free from Jim's grasp, Blair turned and started placing items back into the first aid kit. "Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Yes, you did." Standing up, Jim followed behind Blair as he closed up the kit and started towards the bathroom. "Tell me what you said."

Stopping, Blair spun around only to find Jim standing right behind him. Holding up his hands, he said, "Back off, Jim."

Capturing Blair's wrists, Jim pulled Blair to him. "Not until you tell me what you meant by that."

Briefly struggling to get free, Blair suddenly stilled and dropped his head forward. "I can't stand it when you do shit like this. I can't stand to see you hurting."

"Why? Afraid that your lab rat will get damaged?" Tightening his grip, only stopping when Blair winced, Jim lowered his voice. "Don't want anything to fuck up that dissertation, do you?"

Dropping the first aid kit, not caring when it struck the floor and its contents scattered, Blair attempted to break free again. "Damn you, let me go. I mean it, Jim. Let me got right fucking now, or so help me, I'm out of here!"

Instantly releasing Blair, Jim stared at his hands in shock. "Shit, Blair, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't mean anything that I said."

"Yes, you did." Dropping to his knees, Blair began to gather up the scattered items. Standing up, he walked over and dumped everything onto the counter. "You wouldn't have said it if a part of you didn't think it."

"That's bull."

"That's the truth. Whether you want to admit it or not." Turning to face Jim, an expression of pain and regret on his face, Blair continued, "I thought that you would have know different by now. Would know how I felt. Know that I..."

"That you what?"

"Nothing, Jim. Nothing."

Walking over to stand beside Blair, Jim hesitantly reached out a hand and grabbed the younger man's wrist. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

Fingers moving over Blair's flesh, Jim felt the heated skin. "There'll probably be bruises."

"Won't be the first time I've had a few bruises."

"No, but it'll be the first time that I've been the one to put them there." Bringing Blair's wrist to his mouth, Jim kissed the bruises that were just beginning to develop.

At the touch of Jim's lips, Blair gasped. "Jim?"

"Don't leave, Blair." Placing another gentle kiss on Blair's wrist, Jim then flicked his tongue out and licked the spot he had just kissed. "Don't leave."

"What's going on here?"

Instead of answering, Jim ordered, "Tell me how you feel about me."

Swallowing, Blair began to pant slightly. "You know."

"I need to hear it."

"I love you, you bastard." Reluctantly pulling away from Jim's hold, Blair backed up a step. "This is going too fast though. We need to talk, Jim. I don't... You had a bad experience today. A painful one and we need to deal with it. You can't just push it aside. You can't use this... this thing between us to forget what happened."

Stepping forward, Jim placed his hands on the counter and trapped Blair in place. "That's not what I'm doing."

"Really? Well tell me something. If that cop hadn't died today, would you be doing this right now? Would we be doing this?"

"I don't know." Leaning close to Blair, Jim whispered, "Right now, I don't care. All I know is that I need you. Need to be close to you." Dropping his head onto Blair's shoulder, Jim closed his eyes. "God, I'm just so tired right now, Blair. Tired of seeing good kids die needlessly. Tired of all this shit. Tired of holding myself back when I'm around you. Right now, I just need to be with you. Everything else can wait until later, can't it?"

Arms coming up to wrap around Jim's waist, Blair hugged the other man to him. "I want to help you, Jim. That's all I ever want to do. But right now, I don't know how."

Turning his face towards Blair's neck, Jim murmured, "Do what you're doing right now. Hold me. Love me. Let me know that there's something in this God forsaken world worth caring about, worth fighting for. That's what I need you to do, Blair."

Feeling Jim's breath against his skin, Blair shivered. "I promise you, Jim. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, and I'm staying here as long as you want me to."

Smiling, Jim nuzzled Blair's neck. "How does the next thirty or forty years sound?"

"Short," Blair answered as he reached up a hand to stroke Jim's hair.

"Then I guess that we need to get started right away."

Moving his hands to cup Jim's face, Blair drew Jim away from his neck. "Let's go upstairs."

"Why?"

Voice choked, Blair leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Jim's lips. "So that I can hold you. So that I can love you."

Touching his forehead to Blair's, Jim breathed, "You're going to make it all go away?"

"For tonight, at least," Blair said, his voice as soft as Jim's. Releasing Jim's face, Blair grabbed his partner's hand. Walking towards the stairs, he gave a tug when Jim didn't immediately follow. "It's all right, Jim."

Wordlessly, Jim allowed Blair to lead him upstairs and over to the bed. "Blair, I don't know if I can..."

Placing his fingertips on Jim's lips, halting the words, Blair said, "Hush, Jim. Just let go and let me take care of you."

When Jim nodded, Blair guided him onto the bed. Moving to straddle Jim, Blair caressed his chest and then began to unbutton his shirt. Pausing to kiss the flesh as the material was moved aside, Blair drew back and simply stared when Jim's chest was finally laid bare. Bending forward, he placed a kiss to the flesh over Jim's heart. "I love you."

Arching upwards, attempting to increase the feather-light touch, Jim moaned. "God, Blair."

"Easy, Jim." Moving back, Blair grabbed Jim's wrists when his partner tried to hold him in place. Leaning forward, stretching Jim's arms towards the railing, Blair pushed them down against the mattress. "Keep them there, Jim."

Releasing Jim's hands, Blair trailed his fingers down Jim's arms to once again caress the other man's chest. Pausing to flick and pinch Jim's nipples until they hardened, Blair's hands continued their descent until they came to rest on the zipper of Jim's jeans. Looking up, meeting Jim's eyes, Blair licked his lips. "Are you ready?"

Breath catching at the husky tone, Jim glanced down at Blair's hands. "Do it. Please."

Fingers quickly unbuttoning and then moving to unzip the jeans, Blair looked up at Jim as he gripped the waistband and started to tug. "Lift up."

When Jim complied, Blair moved off of Jim and pulled off the jeans. Tossing them aside, he turned to meet Jim's eyes and ordered, "Not one word."

"Not a one," Jim promised.

Hands once again moving to Jim, Blair stroked and fondled until his lover's cock was fully erect and leaking. Bending down, Blair kissed the head and then gathered some of the fluid on his tongue. Locking eyes with Jim, he ran his ran his tongue over his lips. "You taste good." Smiling, he bent his head and began to lick Jim again. Alternating between licks and kisses, he soon had Jim writhing and moaning. Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and slowly engulfed Jim's cock. Not sucking yet, he simply bobbed his head up and down.

Barely resisting the urge to grab Blair's head and clench his fists in the tempting hair ghosting over his flesh at his lover's motions, Jim pleaded, "More, Blair. I need more."

Showing mercy, Blair began to suck. Pausing, he held Jim in his mouth and began to hum, causing Jim to thrust upward. Pulling back, letting Jim slip from his mouth, Blair started kissing Jim's cock again. Gentling Jim's frantic movements, Blair placed his hands on Jim's hips and pressed down to hold his lover in place.

Head thrashing, Jim cried, "Just a little bit more. Please, Blair. I'm almost there. I need..."

Moving his mouth away, Blair rubbed his cheek against Jim's cock. "It's all right. I know what you need. I'll give it to you."

Nearly sobbing, Jim closed his eyes. Emotions threatening to overcome him, he couldn't watch as Blair licked the underside of his cock before engulfing him again.

Increasing his movements, not wanting to draw it out any further, Blair sucked hard on Jim's cock, causing his lover to buck upward one final time. Mouth flooded as Jim came, Blair swallowed convulsively. Letting Jim's softened cock slip from his mouth, Blair sat back and licked his lips once more.

Gasping, Jim struggled to open his eyes and look at Blair.

His voice soft, Blair said, "Hey."

"Hey, yourself." Bringing his arms down, Jim held them open. "Come here."

Crawling into Jim's outstretched arms, Blair snuggled down against Jim's side. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Moving his head, Jim leaned down and brushed his lips against Blair's.

"Better but not completely okay, huh?" Blair asked when they separated.

"No," Jim confessed. "Not completely. But you helped, Blair. This helped. Having you here in my arms helps. For now, that's enough."

Settling back down against Jim, Blair was quiet for several seconds before speaking again. "I want to do more, you know. I wish I could just make everything go away with the touch of my lips."

"You did. For a little while, at least."

"I'm glad." Lifting his head, Blair began to plant little kisses all over Jim's shoulder.

Sighing, Jim looked down at the top of Blair's head. Moving one of his hands away from Blair, he began to card his fingers through his lover's hair. "I don't think that I'm up for another round tonight, Blair."

Placing his chin on Jim's shoulder, meeting Jim's eyes, Blair said, "Neither am I actually. I just... I don't want this to end yet. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do." Untangling his fingers from Blair's hair, Jim traced a fingertip over Blair's lips. "But there will be other nights. Other times. I want to make love to you, Blair Sandburg; and for the rest of my life, I want to spend every night holding you in my arms as you drift off to sleep."

Unable to prevent a faint blush from spreading across his cheeks, Blair buried his face in Jim's shoulder. "I never took you for a romantic, Jim," he mumbled.

"Before you, I never was." Turning slightly onto his side, Jim wrapped his arms around Blair and hugged the younger man to him. "Go to sleep, Blair. We both need some rest right now."

"But tomorrow we talk, Jim. About what happened today, about us and our future together."

"Tomorrow we talk. I promise." Giving Blair a quick squeeze, Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and then rested his cheek there. "Right now though, the only thing that exists, the only thing that matters, is us... here together."

Content for the moment, safe in the arms of the one they loved, Jim and Blair drifted off to sleep.

End For the Moment by KAM: [email protected]

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