Author's webpage: http://www.skeeter63.org/dolimir/
Author's disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply. Pet Fly Productions and UPN own the characters and the series. No copyright infringement intended. No money was made in writing or sharing this story – unless someone wants to pay me and then I'll talk to my lawyers about sharing
Author's notes: See inside notes.
Have you ever read a story which just moves you deeply? That haunts you? Making you go back and read it again and again? Actually, I've read quite a few in The Sentinel fandom. I just love the quality of writers in this fandom.<g> One of the stories which has moved me is "Sojourner" by Autumn Skies.
In case you haven't read it, please do so now. Run, don't walk to: "Soujourner" http://members.aol.com/AutumnSkies1/sojourner.html and it's sequel, "Sojourner Epilogue" http://members.aol.com/AutumnSkies1/sojournep.html And yes, that is me in the Epilogue. See what happens when you bug authors too much <eg>
These stories haunts me. I wanted to know ... desperately ... what happened when Jim finally found Blair.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I told Autumn, through the course of several emails, that I was tempted to write a slashy sequel to her story. She told me to go for it. In fact, mentioned that her birthday was coming up in a few months and hinted she would like it by then. Unlike my birthday present for DL, I actually got this one done in time.
Given the circumstances (being that the original is a gen story), I really didn't think this story would ever be posted to the net. It wasn't my intention to share it beyond a chosen few. But Aly and Lisa both encouraged me to post it. So I asked Autumn if she would mind. You see, I've made Autumn a character in the story. I figured what was good for the goose was good for the gander, but I didn't know how she would react to seeing her name online in a slash story. I even offered to change the name.
After much consideration she has consent to letting me share this story as is.
A big thanks must go to Lola, Lisa, and Beth for giving me pointers and encouraging words, to Aly for giving me the courage to ask for permission to share this with the world at large. And most importantly, to Autumn Skies for her generosity in allowing me to play in her universe.
Without further ado, the story:
In all my wand'rings round this world of care, In all my griefs--and God has giv'n my share-- I still had hopes, my latest hours to crown
SOJOURNER'S END
by Dolimir
Autumn sighed as she looked up from her small spiral notebook. //Go out into the world, he said. Observe, he said. See who doesn't fit and try to figure out what makes them tick, he said. Go to an unusual setting and find your protagonist from one of the people you observe.// Professor Walsh, her creative writing instructor, had made it seem so interesting, so easy; but after three hours she realized practical application wasn't the same as theory. Maybe serial killers didn't hang out on ferryboats, she mused. So much for finding the perfect person to star in her suspense novel. She sighed again as she stuffed the notebook into her purse.
The ferry, while not crowded, was far from being deserted either. Why couldn't there be at least one shifty looking person on board?
She looked over at the white haired grandmother, who was concentrating on her knitting, her body moving with the gentle sway of the boat - obviously someone who was familiar with this means of transportation. Wonder if she's capable of stabbing someone with her needles? Autumn chuckled to herself. Nah, too predictable in its unpredictability; besides her own grandmother would no doubt insist on reading her story and the last thing she wanted to do was offend her by some stock caricature.
She watched a young oriental couple taking pictures of each other, their faces glowing with love. Newlyweds. No doubt about it. Maybe he could be an up and coming computer programmer, who opened a file he shouldn't have. Maybe he could have ... No. She wouldn't even try to project sordid thoughts on them. Let them enjoy the innocence of young love.
She got up from her chair and strolled along the deck, away from the other passengers, until she spied a lone figure standing against the railing near the front of the boat, gazing out over the fog enshrouded sea. Autumn slipped into a small alcove for an uninterrupted look. There was something about the set of the young man's shoulders which intrigued her - as if the burden of the world rested upon them.
A slight breeze blew the young man's long, curly, sable hair around his face. She could tell from where she was standing that his eyes were closed and that he was enjoying the gentle caress. His back arched slightly, his palms facing upward, his arms barely held out from his sides. Not enough to draw attention to himself, but enough to enjoy the full effect of being surrounded by the gentle wind. When the breeze died, he straightened, tucking a strand of hair behind his left ear with the back of his thumb.
Autumn moved slightly so she could see the young man's face. It was a handsome face, almost beautiful, in an ethereal sense. He gave the appearance of dark exoticness, while at the same time, appearing to be very pale. He seemed to be the ideal picture of contradictions.
Finally, someone worth observing.
Autumn settled back into her nook and studied the man more in-depth. His dark brown jacket had obviously seen better days as had his jeans, but he was clean, well groomed. He had obviously had a run of bad luck, she decided. His blue eyes spoke of a sharp intelligence, but also of an overwhelming sorrow. What could cause such sadness in one who was so obviously meant for laughter? She could picture this man's arms flying around in front of him as he debated with a friend. A brilliant smile would no doubt grace his face, making anyone arguing with him forget their reasoning for doing so in the first place. He appeared to be the type who would bounce slightly on his toes when he was making a point, his enthusiasm contagious.
A fight, she decided. Harsh words had been spoken. Awful, cutting, soul rending words. She couldn't decide if he had been on the receiving end of the words or had given them and was now regretting them.
There was a loneliness about him, an emotional fragility which was heartbreaking. He gave the appearance of a man who had lost everything important in his life and wasn't quite sure how to proceed or where to go. A part of her longed to step out of her hiding place and wrap him in her arms and tell him that everything would be okay. But she resisted, knowing she didn't have the power to make it better for him. She wondered briefly if anyone did.
The young man turned once more to the sea.
She was about to step out of her hiding place, when another person drew her attention. A tall man, wearing a gray jacket over a blue work shirt and black pants, stood several yards from the younger man - simply staring. A cop, she thought instantly, but was confused as she watched emotions flit over the stranger's face: relief, joy, love, sadness, and at last, fear.
Why fear, she thought in surprise. Surely he couldn't be afraid of the smaller man. She watched as he ran a hand over his short cropped hair as if steeling himself for a confrontation. He took several steps forward, then hesitated and stumbled to a stop. She noticed that he silently berated himself, although his eyes never left the thin figure of the man by the rail. The raw emotions which he had apparently kept stuffed beneath his calm exterior bubbled once again over his face. Autumn was fascinated. He looked as if the fate of his world hung in the balance.
He had found him. The thought struck her with sudden clarity. This was who the younger man had had harsh words with. But the older man hadn't found him right away. It had taken time. Time which had allowed the canyon between them to grow. Time which made the older man hesitate in his approach.
Father/son?
No, she decided, the tall man was only about 10 years older than his friend.
Friends then?
Maybe, she thought as she watched the man unconsciously play with his hands as if suddenly unsure what to do with them. They could be friends, but the regret radiating from the older man was almost tangible in nature.
No, they were more than friends. She shook her head in frustration. No, that didn't seem right either. Her eyes widened slightly as the sad thought struck her. A relationship which had been destroyed before it had begun.
As if realizing he was under scrutiny, the younger man turned to the man watching him. At first, his eyes slid over the figure - not seeing; then she heard his quiet gasp which seemed to echo off the rock walls of the channel the ferry was passing through. He looked over his shoulder as if seeking an escape route, but then his shoulders sagged in defeat.
He had been caught.
He turned and faced back toward the ocean, although Autumn seriously doubted he was seeing anything.
The older man's shoulders slumped briefly, but he squared them in determination and walked very slowly toward his friend - as if afraid any abrupt movement would send the young man fleeing.
When the older man had closed the distance between them, standing beside the younger man, almost, but not quite touching, he, too, turned and looked out at the ocean. They stood in silence for several minutes.
Autumn watched in fascination as they appeared to have a conversation with no words actually spoken between them. The younger man's body swayed ever so slightly toward the older man, as if acknowledging his presence. The older man's body conveying an openness, a willingness to talk. The younger man's body tightening ever so slightly telling him that talking hadn't worked for them before. The older man's body tensed slightly, acknowledging the past, but turned ever so slightly and relaxed again, asking for a second chance. The younger man's body stilled ... not agreeing, but not running away either.
"It's peaceful here," the older man finally said aloud.
"Yes," the younger one responded, simply; implying nothing, promising nothing.
"I need you, Blair."
"No, you don't, Jim. You need someone you can trust."
The older man flinched as if struck, but rallied. "I would give everything I own to take those words back. Everything." Jim raised a hand, tucking a stray strand of the younger man's hair behind his ear. Autumn could see Blair swallow hard. His body started to lean into the older man's but he stopped; the effort to hold back clearly visible.
"You can't take them back though. You can't take back the truth." The softly spoken words were almost lost in the wind which blew around them.
Jim turned abruptly and grabbed the young man by the shoulders. "It's not the truth, Blair. It was never the truth."
The young man trembled visibly, his emotions roiling on the surface for all to see. "I ..."
"No," Jim growled, cutting him off. "I was wrong, about a lot of things. I need you."
Blair stilled and studied his companion for several moments before he answered. "I wish you did."
"I do. I need you, not only to help me with my senses, but to help me with who I am. I am no longer just Jim. I'm part of a unit ... we're part of a unit. I need your laughter in my life. I need you lecturing me about my red meat intake. I need you slapping me upside the head when I cross the line. I need you by my side, Chief."
The young man just blinked at him with owlish eyes.
"You love me," Jim said suddenly, intensely.
The young man shook his head in denial. "No." He tried to step back, but the older man held him in place.
"Yes, you do. You loved me enough to leave me, to give me what you thought I wanted ... what I thought I wanted ... but I was wrong, Blair. Don't you see that? I need you like breathing."
"It's too ..."
"No, it's not," Jim said with quiet intensity. "It's never too late. It can't be too late. I won't allow it."
"Jim -"
"Tell me to go home then," Jim demanded. "Tell me to leave." His hands moved slowly to Blair's back, drawing him closer, then slid up to Blair's neck, gently fisting the curly hair. "Tell me it's too late," he murmured, bringing his lips a mere fraction of an inch over the younger man's lips.
Blair began to pant, his chest heaving with the effort to breathe. "I -"
Jim lips ghosted over Blair's cheeks. "Tell me."
The young man whimpered in the back of his throat.
"Tell me," Jim pressed.
"I ... I ... can't," Blair said in a voice which sounded suspiciously like a sob.
Jim lifted the younger man's chin, forcing their gazes to meet. "Because you love me."
Autumn watched Blair's lips move, although no sound came out. "Because I love you."
"And I love you," Jim said quietly, before slowly caressing the younger man's lips with his own.
Blair's hands clenched the older man's jacket as he melted against the body which held him upright. They kissed tenderly, with an aching sweetness which made Autumn want to weep.
The older man gently broke off the kiss. "Come home, Blair. Please."
The younger man searched the eyes above him, searching for the answers to unspoken questions, for promises not yet made. "Go home, Blair. Go home," Autumn mouthed, tears leaking slowly from the corner of her eyes, silently willing the younger man to give Jim a second chance.
Blair nodded once. "Home," he agreed.
Jim gathered the young man to him, holding him tight as if he would never let him go again. Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's head, providing a safe shelter for them both. Jim never lessened the intensity of his hold as the minutes ticked by slowly.
"Jim. Jim? Come on, big guy. Jim?" Blair smiled with affectionate exasperation, then chuckled, then laughed -- a sound filled with such joy that the heavens honored the moment by letting a shaft of light break through the overhead clouds to shine down upon the two.
Autumn wiped the tears from her face as Jim joined in with the laughter. She watched as Jim gave his companion one more tight squeeze then released him, but keeping hold of one of the younger man's hands.
"Home?" Jim asked again, vulnerability clearly written over his features.
Blair instantly reassured him with a brilliant smile. "Home."
Autumn watched as the two men walked further down the deck, wondering if it was too late to change her writing assignment to a romance.
~*~ finis ~*~