Author's website: http://spikedluv.net
Jim and Blair belong to me. *shifty eyes* What do you mean, they don't belong to me?!
Written for The Batpack Helping Hand Fanfic Challenge in honor of National Masturbation Month
Mucho thanks to Tammy and Sori for the beta!
Written: May 31, 2005

Blair had attended a study session for one of the classes he was taking that night, and then gone out for drinks with a few of his fellow grad students afterwards. He arrived home by midnight, but Jim was still out on a stake-out with Joel, so he had the loft to himself. Which was a good thing, because a few drinks and several hours spent watching Chad and Hank pretend to be 'just good friends' while their resulting buzz lowered the walls they normally kept erected in public and caused them to lean on each other and generally get into each other's personal space, had gotten him to thinking about Jim.

When they'd first met, all Blair could see was a dream come true; his Holy Grail. It had taken him a while to understand that there was a lot more between him and Jim than merely research and helping Jim with his senses, but once he had opened himself to friendship it hadn't taken long for those feelings to develop into something different, something...more. He could still remember the moment he realized that he thought of Jim as more than a friend, the first time his body reacted to Jim's proximity.

At first he'd been scared. Jim wasn't the first guy he'd ever been attracted to, but he was the first that Blair cared about. It would be devastating to him if Jim discovered his feelings and kicked him out. But Jim hadn't noticed, and Blair, while being thankful, had puzzled over that. He eventually figured that Jim had noticed, at least subconsciously, he just didn't realize what he was noticing, or rather, the reason for what he was noticing. He could probably tell that Blair was aroused, he just didn't know he was the cause. And Blair could live with that. More specifically, he could continue to live with Jim, so long as Jim thought that.

Blair didn't usually allow himself to dwell on the fact that Jim didn't share his feelings, as that only led to madness and thoughts of Jim's horrified reaction and Blair looking for another place to live. He couldn't stand to lose Jim on several levels. Jim had become such an integral part of Blair's life Holy Grail and research subject, best friend, and the person he was in love with that he couldn't even imagine the hole Jim's absence would create.

In a melancholy mood, Blair prowled the loft. He touched Jim's apron where it hung on the side of the fridge, ran his fingers over Jim's books and CDs, and then picked up the picture Simon had taken of Jim and Blair on one of their fishing trips. After staring at it for a few moments, he set the picture back down and looked up the stairs to Jim's bedroom. He'd been up there before to speak with Jim, but never had he invaded Jim's privacy by going into his bedroom while Jim wasn't home.

Tonight, the need to be close to Jim overrode common sense, and Blair started up the stairs. At the top he paused, looking around the bedroom curiously, his heart beating frantically. He listened for any indication that Jim was returning home, and then stepped into Jim's bedroom. His motions overly furtive and stealthy, Blair tiptoed around the room, running his fingers over the book on Jim's night stand, the comforter covering his bed, and the sweater he'd left lying across the foot of the bed when he'd left hurriedly for the stake-out.

Blair picked the sweater up and stroked it, then brought it up to his face and sniffed. He smelled the light, masculine scent of Jim's cologne and wished he had Sentinel senses so he could smell Jim on the sweater. With the sweater still in his hand, he turned to the dresser, where a picture of him and Jim held center stage. Blair smiled as he picked up the picture, remembering how Jim had grabbed him and mussed his hair just before Daryl snapped the picture. Jim's arm was slung over his shoulder, and Blair was flushed. They were both smiling, so pleased with life that it reached their eyes and spilled over.

If he didn't know better, based on his disheveled appearance, Blair would have thought he'd just gotten lucky. That picture in his mind was enough to make his cock thicken. Blair moaned, and, as if it liked the sound, his cock swelled even more.

Because of Jim's senses, Blair was usually careful about pleasuring himself, making sure to do so when Jim would be gone for a while and he had time to air out the loft. Alcohol and unrequited love combined to make him less cautious. He backed up to the bed and sat down, groaning as it constricted his erection.

Blair shoved Jim's book back and stood the picture up on the night stand, then laid back on the bed. He brought the sweater up to his face, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. Opening his eyes once more, he gazed at the picture while he fumbled one-handedly with button and zipper, finally freeing his cock from the constraints of his tight jeans with a groan of appreciation.

Unwilling to let go of Jim's sweater, Blair placed stocking feet on the bed and lifted his hips, using one hand to shove jeans and boxers down his legs. He trailed his fingers along the sensitive skin of his inner thigh and over his balls before circling his cock. He briefly wished that he had something to use for lube, but then he glanced over at the picture of him and Jim and his cock twitched. At that moment he stopped thinking.

When Jim stepped into the loft, he had the oddest feeling that there was something...amiss. Blair was home, because Jim could hear his heartbeat, but there was no sign of him. He wasn't sprawled in the living room, nor asleep in his darkened bedroom, and no noises emanated from the bathroom to indicate his presence there. His body tingled as if the very air was charged, and a shiver went down his spine.

A sound from his bedroom had Jim moving silently across the loft and up the stairs. He froze when he reached the top of the stairs, having found his missing roommate. Blair was sprawled across his bed, eyes closed. He held one of Jim's sweaters to his face while his other hand stroked his pretty impressive erection.

Jim found himself staring at Blair's cock. At the drop of pre-come at the slit, at the way Blair's fingers curled around it. His eyes shot up to Blair's face when Blair moaned, "Jim." To his vast relief, Blair's eyes were still closed. Swallowing hard, Jim glanced around the bedroom and noticed the picture that had been moved to his night stand.

After months of dreaming about this very thing, and worrying as much that it would happen as that it never would, Jim found himself faced with a decision. Walk away, pretend this never happened, despite the fact that this image of Blair would be forever indelibly etched into his brain, and continue on as they had been. Or he could stay. He hesitated, and Blair's eyes drifted open, locking immediately on the photo. Jim could tell the exact moment Blair realized that he was no longer alone.

Blair's heart rate skyrocketed and he nearly sobbed, "Oh, god, Jim," just before he struggled to sit up, and run away, Jim was certain.

The fear and pain in Blair's eyes made Jim's decision for him. Before Blair could hurt himself in his attempt to flee, Jim knelt on the bed and placed his palm against Blair's chest, gently pushing him back down onto the bed. "Shhh," he soothed as he stretched out on the bed beside him.

"Jim...."

Jim slid his hand up Blair's chest and snagged the sweater, tugging it out of Blair's hand. "I don't think you'll be needing this," he said softly.

"Oh, god," Blair moaned, turning an interesting shade of red as he released the sweater. He closed his eyes and covered them with his now-free hand. "Jim, listen...."

Jim tossed the sweater aside. He could tell that Blair was mortified, and decided to nip that in the bud. "I'm going to kiss you now, Blair," he said.

Blair's hand flew off his face and he nearly whacked Jim with it, and his eyes shot open. "You're going to what?"

"Kiss you," Jim repeated. "Uh, you do know what a kiss is, right?" he couldn't resist teasing.

"Yes, Jim," Blair said with the same patience he showed when Jim was giving him a hard time about something. "But I...."

Suddenly Jim had a horrible thought. "You do want me to kiss you, don't you?" he asked.

Blair placed his hand against the side of Jim's face. "Yes, Jim."

"Oh, good. I mean, I kind of thought...." Jim indicated Blair's state of dishabille. "And then I didn't know what to think...."

"Jim?" Blair interrupted his babble.

"Yes, Blair?" Jim asked thankfully.

"You're gonna kiss me tonight, right?" And then he grinned shyly.

Jim agreed that they'd already wasted enough time not kissing, and so he dug his fingers into Blair's hair, and then lowered his head and kissed him. Blair, though he'd been blind-sided by Jim's presence and subsequent reaction to seeing him splayed across the bed, responded eagerly. He slid his hand around to the back of Jim's head and moaned as Jim licked and sucked on his lips, parting them when Jim dragged his tongue between them to finally taste Blair's mouth.

Blair's hand tightened and he began kissing Jim back, his tongue twining with Jim's and following it back into Jim's mouth. Blair's other hand came up against Jim's cheek as Blair held him while they kissed. Jim breathed deeply and Blair's scent filled his nostrils. He pulled away from Blair despite Blair's whimper of protest, and turned his face into Blair's hand, sniffing, and then licking.

"Uh, Jim?"

"I can smell you, taste you," Jim growled. He grasped Blair's wrist, and then suckled each finger clean before starting on the palm.

"Oh," Blair breathed. "Oh god."

When Jim let go of Blair's hand, it fell bonelessly to his chest. Blair opened eyes he didn't remember closing and found Jim staring at his groin. Blair couldn't hold back the moan at the thought of Jim seeing him like that. His cock twitched, obviously liking the idea a whole lot also.

Jim glanced up at him. "Looks like you need a hand with that," he practically purred, which sent shivers down Blair's spine. But when Jim reached for him, Blair snagged his wrist.

"Jim, wait." Blair's voice cracked and Jim looked at him in surprise.

He wanted this...so much he just didn't even have the words for it hard to imagine him, speechless but he didn't want it to be a one-time thing, or a buddy fuck. He wasn't sure he could live knowing Jim's touch without holding a piece of his heart as well.

"Is that all this is?" he asked. "A-a helping hand, a buddy thing? Because that...that's not what I want."

Jim just stared at him until Blair felt tears of disappointment sting the back of his eyes. His heart felt heavy with loss, which was strange, because how could you lose something you never had?

"Christ, Blair, you see everything else, how could you never see this?" Jim finally asked softly.

"Jim?"

Jim interlaced their fingers and they clung to each other as Jim lowered his head and whispered against Blair's lips, "It's more, Blair, so much more than a helping hand. Though I'm always willing to give you one of those, too," and then claimed Blair's lips in a kiss that either meant Jim was searching for his tonsils which would keep him busy for a while, since Blair'd had them out when he was twelve or trying to tell Blair without words how much he cared. Blair voted for the latter and returned the kiss feeling for feeling.

So wrapped up in the kiss was he, that Blair started when the knuckles of their joined hands brushed his cock. He moaned into Jim's mouth, and Jim's only response was to drag their knuckles once more along Blair's length.

Jim pulled back and Blair stared at him with eyes that must've looked wild. Jim's own gaze was pretty intense, and Blair felt gooseflesh break out all over his body.

"Can I, Blair?" Jim asked.

At first Blair didn't know what Jim meant, but Jim stroked him again and begged, "Please."

"Oh god, yes, Jim!" The words exploded out of Blair in a breathless rush. "Anything, please."

Jim kissed him again, and Blair was sure he could come from just that, but Jim separated their fingers and wrapped his own around Blair's cock. Blair's freed hand flailed, and then finally landed on Jim's biceps, gripping tightly as Jim stroked him slowly, as if he was sensing Blair through his fingers.

"Jim," Blair breathed when Jim lifted his head.

Despite his irrational fear that it might actually happen, Jim had imagined this so many times. But the reality of it was so much better. Blair was beautiful; his hair spread out beneath him, face flushed and breath coming fast. Jim looked away from Blair's face and down at the cock that was hard and heavy in his hand.

He stroked his fist up the length of it, listening to the change in Blair's heart rate, watching as it filled with even more blood and a drop of pre-come oozed from the slit. He'd tasted Blair from his own fingers, but couldn't resist swiping his thumb through the fluid and bringing it to his lips.

Blair's fingers tightened around his arm and he couldn't stop the strangled gasp that escaped his lips. Jim let his eyes fall nearly shut as he gazed at Blair.

"You taste so good," he purred, reveling in Blair's response to him.

He placed his hand on Blair once more and lowered his head so he could whisper, "Give me more, hmm?"

"Jim!" Blair cried as Jim fisted him, squeezing the head between thumb and index finger when he reached the top. Blair's eyes were dilated and sweat beaded on his upper lip.

"Give it up for me, Blair. Please. I wanna see you come."

"Oh god, Jim," Blair groaned and arched up into him.

Blair's cock pulsed in his hand and then spurted over his fingers and Blair's shirt. Jim milked Blair's orgasm from him and then gentled his touch, holding onto Blair while he settled. When Blair's breathing had evened out, Jim released him, raised his hand to his mouth, and licked his fingers clean.

"Oh, Jim," Blair moaned.

Jim stretched out beside Blair and pulled him into his arms, burying his face in Blair's neck and soaking in the scent of him. "Thank you, Blair."

Blair gave a little hiccup of laughter as he squeezed Jim close. "Oh, no, man, thank you," he breathed with an earnestness that had Jim smiling into his neck.

"Well," he allowed, "when you put it that way, you're welcome. To that, and more. Anything. Everything," he vowed.

Blair's breath hitched. "You too, Jim. I love you, too."

End More Than a Helping Hand by Spikedluv: spikedluv@usadatanet.net
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