DISCLAIMER: These characters are the sole property of Pet Fly Productions and UPN. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters are the sole property of the author.

Dedication: This updated version of Past Interference is dedicated to two people. Jackie Wagner who wrote "This is not long enough--it's like a skeleton begging for flesh, girl! ..." and James Walkswithwind who will one day not offer to hold my hand because she knows how shaky it can be.

Blair looked up from his monitor, removed his glasses, and massaged his strained eyes. Jim was reading the sports section of the newspaper, not noticing that his breakfast was growing cold. Blair looked around at the patrons of the pancake restaurant. Most were families, some were couples-- none of them were working. So why was he? A Sunday morning treat to some of the best pancakes in Cascade and here he sat with his nose buried in his laptop. He saved his file and closed the machine.

"Jim, thanks for taking me out for breakfast." Blair appreciated the special treat of a breakfast out.

Jim closed the paper and gave Blair a wide smile. "My pleasure, Chief." Jim looked down at Blair's laptop. "Finished with your article?"

"Yeah, I can edit it later. Thought I'd enjoy your company and this delicious breakfast."

Blair thought that Jim wanted to say something else but the moment stretched without a sound. Blair mentally prompted the other man to say something. Jim stared intently at Blair for a bit and then began to sift through his newspaper, muttering about the Seattle Mariners place in the standings.

Blair sat back and surveyed the people passing alone the sidewalk. Across the street was an art gallery Blair had been meaning to visit. Too bad it was closed this early in the day. Just then a man unlocked the front door of the gallery and propped it open.

"Hey, Jim, do you think they're robbing the place?"

Jim sat up and scanned the gallery. "No, most thieves take things out not put them in." Jim went back to his paper.

Blair realized what Jim was talking about-- the two men were carrying in artwork. Blair finished his breakfast, watching the items going into the gallery.

"Hey Jim, they just turned the 'open' sign on the gallery, want to stop in with me?"

"No, not really. You go and I'll finish my paper. I'll pick you up when I'm ready to go." Jim continued to flip through the paper.

Jim watched Blair leave the restaurant, the paper forgotten. Only after Blair had crossed the street safely and entered the gallery, did Jim turn away from the window. Jim opened Blair's laptop and held his hands over the keys. He could feel the lingering warmth from Blair's hands. Once the keys were cold, he closed the machine.

Blair crossed the street and walked into the gallery. It was painfully apparent that the prices were out of his range. The smallest piece he saw was priced at $250 and it was ugly.

A tall man came to stand beside Blair. "Welcome to Tasteful Acquisitions, I'm Alex Seaborne and this is my gallery." He offered his hand.

Blair shook the man's hand and refused to acknowledge the slight squeeze the other man gave his hand. He, pointedly, looked back at the woven art on the wall. The piece was magnificent. "Blair Sandburg, this is wonderful."

"It's an early Martha Pierce, a steal at $40,000." Alex placed his hand on Blair's shoulder and caressed.

Blair shook off the hand and gave Alex his "no way in hell" look. Blair, with one exception, was *not* into men. He may have fallen in love with his male roommate but that did *not* mean he was ready to fall on his back for any man that wanted him. He only wanted one, a very special one. Blair was a little old fashioned that way. He believed that if you were going to change your sexual orientation, then you should be in love with that person.

This guy was obviously not used to being turned down. Sleazy or not, he was a male beauty, high cheekbones, dark skin, Native American heritage, perhaps Cherokee. He was very tall, about six feet three inches, and weighed about 210 or 220 pounds. He had waist length straight, coal black hair parted in the middle and hanging loose. He also possessed the darkest green eyes Blair had ever seen.

Blair walked away to view other pieces and was just about to leave when he spotted the gallery owner and two workmen unwrapping a solid black sculpture. Blair went to watch the unveiling.

It was a kneeling nude man wearing a collar. His body was perfection, hard sculptured abs, and not too bulky. About Jim's size, Blair thought. Then the face was revealed and Blair nearly fainted. It was Jim. The hair was long and swept back and the face a little younger, but this was Jim. Jim had never said anything about modeling. True, Blair had never seen Jim nude and erect but the face was one he had seen almost every day for two years.

"Isn't he magnificent." The owner had come to stand beside Blair.

"Yeah, magnificent." Blair replied as calmly as possible.

"It's one of my older pieces, I'm still debating whether or not to sell it." Seaborne said.

"Why wouldn't you sell it?" The statue was perfection. He was very moved by the strength of the kneeling man even in a supposed moment of surrender. The chin was slightly raised. The eyes should have been cold, being carved from stone, but they were alive, focused. The mouth, it was Jim's full mouth and that hadn't changed. It was a mouth to watch talk, to see smile, to kiss. Blair shook himself from that thought. He had come to grips with his desire for Jim and the utter impossibility of doing anything about it.

"It's a sculpture of my old lover and while I don't mind sharing it, I don't want to sell it."

"Oh," Blair was stunned, absolutely stunned. Jim had been lovers with this guy? He needed to get out of here before Jim came to get him and discovered Blair had met his old lover and had seen that statue. "Well, too rich for my blood. Goodbye."

Blair turned on his heel, hurried down the aisle, and nearly collided with Jim at the doorway.

"Easy there, Chief."

"Jim! Let's get out of here." Blair pulled Jim along with his sleeve. "You wouldn't believe how expensive everything is here."

"Slow down, Chief. What, did you break something?" Jim asked, concerned.

"James." Came the silky smooth voice of Alex.

Jim turned to the source of the voice and turned a deep red color. Blair ached for his friend. This guy seemed to get immediately under Jim's skin. Jim's entire body seemed poised to deal with some kind of threat. Blair hated public confrontations and Jim seemed to thrive on them. But this was different. Physically, Alex was larger than Jim, but Blair had no doubt who would be on the stretcher when the ambulance came. That left the emotional factor. The revelation that Alex and Jim had been lovers, while shocking to Blair, did not mean the end of the world as we knew it.

"Alex, I didn't know you were back in town." Jim reached out to shake Alex's hand. He left his other sleeve in Blair's grip. "It's good to see you."

Jim was lying, of that Blair was sure. He had known him too long to be fooled by his 'dealing with someone who could make my life a misery' tone of voice and body language.

"Yes, it is good to see you." Alex paused and stared at Blair who was still holding Jim's sleeve in a tight, possessive grip. "So, how is Carolyn?"

"We're divorced." Jim said coldly. "Alex, this is my roommate Blair Sandburg."

"We met." Alex replied without taking his eyes away from Jim. "How long did it last with Carolyn?"

Was this guy trying to get killed? 'Yes, Your Honor, the man was obviously suicidal when he provoked Mr. Ellison. I'm sure Mr. Seaborne can make it through life without the leg Mr. Ellison pulled off and beat the victim with.'

"Why do you want to know?"

"Well, you did leave me for her. I'd like to know." Alex reached back and stroked the face of the statue of Jim. Jim paled, shot a glance at Blair, then looked back at Alex.

This was bad, real bad. Blair eyed all the expensive surroundings and decided that a strategic retreat was in order. The image of Jim trying to pay for all the damage was not a pretty one.

"Jim, can we go please?" Blair whispered.

"Yeah, we can go." Jim turned from the laser-like stare of Alex Seaborne.

"I think I will sell that statue, how about it Blair? Take the statue home and I guarantee it'll be just as responsive as the real thing."

Blair tightened his grip on Jim's sleeve but Jim tore away.

"You were always such a shit, Alex, it was one of the many reasons that I left you." Jim stormed out of the gallery with Blair in hot pursuit.

Blair attempted to become invisible while sitting in the truck. He had never seen Jim this angry before and was eternally grateful that it wasn't directed at him. The trip home seemed destined to never end. Somehow during breakfast, someone had moved the apartment an extra 300 miles away.

Jim was acting as if he was humiliated. But was it because of Alex or because of the statue and what it might represent? Had Jim been Alex's sexual slave? No. He'd bet money on that part. Jim would not, could not give over to the surrender that would be required to be a real slave. Could they have played games? Yes, Jim had the imagination for such things. But that shouldn't have caused the reaction Jim had displayed in the gallery.

Alex was the key to that relationship. What had Blair noticed about Alex? He had been rather aggressive in coming on to Blair, and Jim always responded well to aggressive women, why not correlate that to men?

But Jim had left Alex. Had the games gone too far? The statue showed a kneeling Jim wearing a collar, was it art or an act? When Alex caressed the face of the statue, like he owned not the statue but Jim, Jim had nearly ripped the guy's head off. Then he had left, perhaps to avoid violence, or maybe simply because his Guide had asked him to. Blair looked over at his friend.

Jim looked like someone who had crawled out of a plane wreck. Blair didn't know how he had survived and he didn't want to dwell on what had happened. This Alex person had struck some horrible blow to Jim's self esteem. Jim seemed even more subduded. Perhaps he thought that Blair now saw him as less of a man?

No, Blair had admired Jim's strength and integrity since the day they had met. Their months together had only deepened his respect, affection, and love for this man.

Blair had been in love with Jim for some time now. It had gone through many stages: crush, puppy love, hero worship, idolization, nervous lust object, and finally, loved one. He had dismissed his feelings for Jim as Researcher getting too close to his Subject, then as Little Brother in search of a Big Brother. He had nearly moved out the morning he awoke with his hand on his cock and Jim's image burned into his mind.

It had to be because they were too close. He just needed to move out and put some distance between, stop sleeping under the man's roof, stop seeing him half naked or worst -- totally naked.

But in the end, he hadn't moved out. Not because he could control these new feelings, not because he expected to test the waters of man-to-man love with Jim, but because of money. His stay in the hospital, while recovering from his exposure to Golden, had nearly bankrupted him.

He had medical coverage through the University but the deductibles were high. Now he had almost three thousand dollars in medical bills. He had decided to sell his car to cover the bills when Jim found out how bad things had become. He had offered to cover Blair's bills himself, though Blair couldn't imagine how Jim was going to swing that.

Finally, Blair agreed to Jim's plan to co-sign for a loan and let Blair skip rent payments until the debt was covered. It was something they could both live with. Jim felt responsible for Blair having been drugged in the first place and Blair believed that you paid your own debts.

Now he was stuck in the condo. Tortured by his first sexual attraction to a man. An unattainable man, his best friend. He could no longer leave, so he had pushed his feelings way down, where they could do no harm, and only, occasionally, caused him any pain. He concentrated on his friendship with Jim, forever leaving behind him any thoughts on what could be and focused on what should be.

Now Blair knew that Jim had once had a *male* lover. A *tall* male lover. A tall male lover with even more *hair* that Blair. More hair, social status, money, the list was nauseating. What could Blair offer Jim that someone like Alex Seaborne couldn't top? Just his friendship and that's all Jim would want from Blair. If it had ended so badly, why would he want to take that path again? Especially with someone like Blair?

When they finally pulled in front of the apartment, Blair realized that he had clinched his teeth and now his jaw was killing him. Blair started up to the apartment and Jim just sat in the truck.

"Jim, aren't you coming up?" Blair coaxed.

"I've got some thinking to do. Be up in a bit." Jim stared ahead as if the answers to life's big questions were subtlety etched in the dashboard of the truck.

Blair decided not to push it. "Okay, I'll put on some tea." Blair headed up the stairs. Occasionally looking back, hoping that Jim was following.

What do you say to someone you have known for almost two years, someone you thought was straight, someone that you've been attracted to for months, and you've just met their old male lover? If Blair was smart, not a word. He could just imagine his foot planting itself firmly in his mouth as he said *everything* wrong.

Blair made tea and finally caved in and went to check on Jim. He was still sitting in the truck, still staring at the dashboard. Blair wanted to rush into the man's arms. Kiss him and hold him. Jim would then pull back in horror, pound Blair into a small greasy spot beside the truck, and yell at his corpse. 'You disgust me! What makes you think that I'd want to be with *you*?'

Stick to what you know, Blair. Help the man upstairs and listen to him. He is your friend and he has no obligation to rid you of your pesky virginity or to fulfill your fantasies.

Blair coaxed him out of the truck, up the stairs, and to the couch. Jim accepted the tea, taking slow steady pulls from the aromatic blend. Blair waited until Jim had finished his tea, then he had removed the cup from Jim's hands.

What could he say that didn't sound like a cliche'? I've known lots of gay people? That whole line of platitudes sounded wrong. Blair hated feeling at a lost for words.

Wait, maybe he had hit on the problem. He was trying to rely on words when actions were needed. Blair sat down on the couch so close to Jim that their thighs were touching. He reached down and placed his hand on Jim's leg. Jim turned and looked into Blair's eyes. Blair gave Jim a smile and squeezed his leg.

"I'm here when you want to talk." Blair said.

"I appreciate that."

They sat quietly for a long while, then Blair went to see about lunch. Jim went out to the balcony where he sat, watching the boats. Thinking about that part of his life had he never expected to confront again.

Alex was the wound that you bandaged and forgot. Then one day the bandage came off and you saw the scars. Alex had left scars. Why had he come back? Why did Jim have see him with Blair standing right there? He could just see Blair's expression if he said 'Oh Blair, this is Alex, I spent about four months sucking on his cock like a straw and taking it up the ass.' It was to Blair's credit that he had offered his support to Jim. //Oh, Blair I can never come to you now. Never tell you how much I love and cherish you. I'm tainted goods, my friend.//

The taint of Alex hung over him. For all Jim's pride and self assurance, he kept going back to that man. Kept crawling back into his bed, all the time knowing that Alex didn't love him. Knowing that Alex was using him for his own power games. Knowing it and still returning to Alex because the sex had been so good. //Where were your lofty ideals then, James Ellison? How can you lecture Blair on the "truth" when every time you laid down in that bed with Alex, you told yourself the biggest lie, that Alex loved you.//

Now Blair had seen the "Unconquered Slave" statue. That statue -- that damned statue. He could have destroyed it a long time ago, but it was so well done he couldn't destroy Alex's work of fantasy. What Blair must think? Jim kneeling to Alex, wearing a fucking collar! It never happened, Jim never knelt to Alex wearing a collar. But they had been lovers and when Jim left, Alex made that damn statue. He said that it was a love offering to get Jim back. It hadn't worked.

Jim turned from the sea to watch Blair puttering in the kitchen. Blair fit perfectly in Jim's life. Not at first, but they had managed to rub the rough edges off each other until they made a perfect fit. Perfect. It would *never* be perfect, not for Jim. Blair had a little black book that could easily be mistaken for the Metropolitan Cascade phone book, except it was thicker and contained nothing but women's names. What would a hot, straight, babe magnet like Blair see in a balding, middle aged cop that was, to quote Blair, "so anal he could suck the cushions off the couch with his ass"? Well, he knows I was once with a man, that's not too anal, was it? Not the way he wanted to show Blair that he wasn't *really* that uptight.

"Lunch, Big Guy, need to keep up your strength."

Jim smiled at the affectionate look that Blair turned his way. //I want to kiss you, until the world fades to a black mist. I want to suck that lower lip. I want to trace your lips with my tongue. I want memorize every curve of your face with my fingers. I want you to bite my shoulder and say that I am yours.// Jim shook himself clean of his thoughts, for the moment, and went to join Blair for lunch.

"I'm listening," Blair prompted after they had finished their salads and he had ladled the soup.

"Have you got your path cleared for your hasty exit?" Jim stared down at his soup. His stomach was doing the jitterbug. He was risking his friendship with Blair either way he went. If he lied, Blair would think that Jim didn't trust him. If he told the truth... He would tell Blair the truth, he had to believe that he could, or everything that he had known about this man was a lie.

"I'm here for you. I'm sorry you have such a low opinion of me. Do you think I value our friendship so little that I would leave you when you're hurting?"

"No... it's just hard to talk about." //And it'll be harder for you to hear.//

"Start from the beginning."

"The beginning.... Alex wasn't the beginning. David was the beginning."

"David?"

"David Bishop, we were on the high school football team together. Senior year team co-captains. The All-American ideal." Jim opened the floodgates of memory.

"We were best friends, running buddies. We liked the same kind of girls, cars, and movies. We went everywhere together. We double-dated, we hung out, we complained about our latest failure with a girl.

"Then it was the night before our high school graduation. We stole some beer from his old man's stash. Had a can a piece and we're feeling real "manly". We climbed into his bed and slept. Nothing unusual, we slept in the same bed many times over the years.

"He woke me up about two in the morning and said that after the summer we might not see each other again. He was going to Texas and I was going to Virginia. I said that we would write, see each other during the summer, those types of things. David said that he wanted to tell me that I was his best friend in the whole world and he didn't know how he was going to make it in college without me. I tried to make some joke and he had these *tears* in eyes. I thought he looked so beautiful... I kissed him. He got wide eyed, but he kissed me back. We ended up sucking each other off.

"The next morning, when I tried to bring it up, he hit me. He said I was a sick bastard, that we never did that, that only perverts did that sort of thing. It didn't matter that the sheets were sticky with our cum. We were just randy teenagers and it happened in our sleep.

"I walked out of his house and never spoke to him again. I put it out of my mind. Maybe he was right, it shouldn't have happened, so maybe it didn't happen. I never even looked at another guy until I was in the army.

"Some of the missions, well let's just say that they could get pretty hairy. You'd get into town and find the first prostitute that didn't turn your stomach and the largest bottle of Jack Daniels you could buy.

"We had come back from a very nasty situation missing two good men. Units would get real tight, losing someone was like losing part of yourself. The worst part was lying to their families. Couldn't tell them how they really died or give them something to bury. I found some booze and a whore and was ready to settle in for the week. Then I heard Sam Brady breaking up his room. Went in to check on him. Ended up trying to wrestled him to the floor, he was about two inches taller and thirty pounds heavier. Then he started sucking on my neck.

"I'd like to say that I was in shock but the truth... the truth was that I liked it. Sam stripped me naked and fucked me silly. I sent the prostitute on her merry way and went back to Sam. We spent a week fucking.

"We had a pattern, come back from a mission, have a few drinks, and then go to a hotel and fuck. No kissing, no holding each other, we never talked, we just fucked. I fucked him, he fucked me, that's all he wanted and that's all I gave him.

"He died in the helicopter crash. I cried for him, not as a lover, you couldn't call someone who wouldn't call you by your name a lover, but as a member of the unit. I cried just as hard for the other men. I buried Sam and I never touched another man, until Alex Seaborne."

Jim looked up from his hands and looked at Blair, there was a tear in his eye, but not the loathing he was afraid that would be there. Blair hugged him tightly, Jim settled into that embrace, content. He didn't want it to end. //Fold me into your arms Blair.// He almost moaned with Blair pulled back.

"Jim, thank you for telling me all that. I had no idea of the things you had gone through." The tear slid down Blair's cheek, unnoticed. "Do you want to talk about Alex?"

"Yeah, Blair. I'm in a confessing mood." //See if you have the stomach for this tale, Buddy. I need you to stay with me and help me through this.//

"I was back from Peru, broke, alone, at loose ends. I had several weeks to wait before the Police Academy began its term. There was an 'Wanted, Male Nude Model, top dollars paid for top bodies' ad. I'd never posed before but how hard could it be? I had spent hours in the jungle standing perfectly still. This was going to be in an air conditioned studio and not in the steaming jungle.

"So I went to the studio, standing around with these other guys. Alex Seaborne strolled the room, looked us over, and dismissed the other guys. He didn't care that I hadn't posed before, I had 'the look' he wanted.

"My first posing job was holding a sword and shield for a cover to a sword and sorcery book. I was nude and Alex painted in the costume. The thing I thought was great were all the beautiful women in the studio, especially Alex's girlfriend, Tonya. Blonde, tall, legs started right around her earlobes. They were all over each other. She was pretty vocal, when they had their long lunches in his rooms above the studio.

"I didn't care, I got paid whether he was fucking Tonya or painting. Then the second week I was there, he sent Tonya out of the studio and she was never allowed back in. He just dismissed her. I had to know, so I asked him and he said that he had fallen hopelessly in lust with someone else. I named all the female possibilities that I had seen. He said no to each one, smiling bigger and bigger until I gave up. He said it was me.

"I nearly ran from the studio. I wish I had. He said he would never force anything with me and that my job was safe. He said he couldn't be with Tonya if he might yell out my name in an inopportune moment. I posed the rest of the day in turmoil.

"He gave me little gifts, he took me places, he was always touching me. He began posing me in very provocative positions. Then he needed me "firm" for a pose. I was sitting in this high back chair, he knelt in front of me, and unbraided his hair. That hair, God, it was almost as soft as yours. He wrapped it around my cock and started stroking me. I nearly went through the roof. It was an incredible experience. I was firm alright, for about another two minutes, my orgasm nearly took my head off.

"After that I was lost. He swept over me like a storm from the sea. He wasn't secretive, he showed me off. He didn't just want sex, he wanted to hold me, he would watch me sleep. He seemed so romantic so dedicated to the relationship that I thought we were building.

"Then the Academy started its semester, I came to see him and show off my cadet uniform. He hated that I cut my hair. He hated that I wanted to be a cop and wasn't satisfied to be just with him. He wanted to support me, you know collect money for being his model even when we were upstairs and there wasn't a paintbrush in sight.

"Suddenly I didn't 'care' about him, I was just 'using' him. I told him off and left the studio. A week later he was on my doorstep. Makeup sex is often the best sex. Suddenly he was gung ho for my career. He had 'thought' about it and realized that he was wrong. But the first time I had to study and couldn't come to one of his functions, it started again.

"We would break up, make up, he would become possessive and I would leave. He would come back and apologize and 'Jim the Spineless' would cave into him. Finally, I decided for my own sanity that it was truly over. I gave him back the keys he had given me and told him goodbye.

"It was over a month later that a mutual friend told me that he was very ill and had asked to see me. I wasn't taking his calls so, he had them to call me. I went to see him, he really did look sick. But it wasn't from an illness. He had been doing without sleep, barely eating to create that statue. It was the finest thing he had ever done. I had never posed for it. It was his fantasy. In that moment I saw what he wanted me to be, he wanted me to be his slave. I picked up a sledgehammer and nearly broke the statue up. But I couldn't, it really was brilliant work. The thing seemed almost alive to me, it was as if I had been painted black were kneeling there on that pedestal. I couldn't destroy it.

"I walked out, Alex threw himself on me, I must have drug him twenty feet before he let go. I never saw him again until this morning. I burned his letters unopened, I never took his calls, I even stopped speaking to anyone that I thought might be spying for him.

"I graduated from the Academy, became a cop. Eventually, I met Carolyn and we married. I never told her about Alex. I thought it was safe. I had read in the paper that he was opening a gallery in New York. I wished him every success and that he would never come back."

Blair was stunned with all of Jim's confessions. He had laid himself open for Blair's inspection. He had never guessed at the things that Jim had kept hidden so well. The pain, the emotional abuse, the self loathing.

"Jim, I'm glad that you could tell me all this and it does not effect how I see you. If fact it makes me respect you all the more. The way you have put all that behind you and become the person you are today. I'm proud to be your friend."

"Thanks, Chief."

"I've never had any experience with men. Not from lack of offers. Guys see the hair and the earrings and think it's open hunting season. One guy offered me $1000 to sell my virginity and wear this latex outfit with the bottom cut out."

"What did you say?"

"I expressed my distaste at his suggestion, utilizing many vulgarities and hand gestures. What a sleaze. He thought money would make up for his lack of manners and the fact that I cared nothing for him. When I give myself to someone, man or woman, I want to love and respect that person. I want that person to love and respect me. In that, I am very old fashioned."

Jim laughed, it felt good to laugh after the emotionally wringing day he had had.

"Blair you are an original."

"I do try... Jim is it harder to love a man or a woman?"

"I wouldn't know Blair, I was never in love with Alex and I know he never loved me. I loved Carolyn but it wasn't enough to keep us together." Jim felt he was choking. The only man he had ever loved was sitting across the table from him. Looking at him with those soulful eyes. Every gesture from him radiating support and affection toward Jim and Jim was so unworthy.

"Have you ever been in love with a man?"

"Yeah, Blair, desperately, but he thought of me as a friend." Jim fought the tears that threatened to shame him. "Goodnight." Jim went up to his room, it was only dark outside because it was raining. It was hardly late enough to go to sleep but Jim wanted to bury himself in the covers and brood.

Blair cleared away the dishes. Poor Jim, going to bed at four o'clock in the afternoon. You didn't need to minor in psychology to figure out that he wanted to wallow in his bed. //Oh Jim, you deserve so much better. I want to be ready to tell you that. I need to be able to tell you that and soon.// Blair, the coward, washed the dishes.

Blair made a pot of hot chocolate, the old fashioned way: sugar, cocoa powder, whole milk, a bit of vanilla, and a dash of salt. It was the ultimate comfort food and tasted a thousand times better than one of those instant mixes. He filled the largest mug he could find and went up to Jim's bedroom. Jim was sound asleep.

Blair sat on the edge of Jim's bed and drank the cocoa. //So beautiful, I want to climb in bed with you and beg you to make me scream your name. I want your hands in my hair. I want you to mark me. I want to feel you inside me. I want you to say that I'm yours. I want to be yours.// But Blair knew he could not come to Jim, not now. Maybe later when he wasn't hurting from the memories. "I love you, Jim Ellison, I wish had the balls to tell you that while you are awake."

Blair left Jim's bedroom and Jim slept.

Jim answered the door, fully expecting to find his apologetic roommate, sans keys. He stopped with the door opened halfway, it was Alex. Alex pushed his way in, Jim could have stopped him but didn't.

"Jim, darling, how well you look. I came by to apologize for our little contretemps yesterday. I don't know what got into me." Alex placed an expensive gift basket into Jim's hands.

It was from Braverman's the best gourmet food shop in Cascade. Jim had once bought a cheesecake there. He had been impressed with the place but the prices were too much for his wallet.

"What do you *really* want, Alex?" Jim asked, his voice dripping ice.

"What do any of us want, Cochise?"

Jim flinched at the nickname. He hadn't heard it since the day he walked out of Alex's studio and out of his life. He could heard Alex whispering the name, feel him licking his neck, see him with his head thrown back screaming "fuck me, Jim, fuck me my Cochise." Alex caught the basket before it hit the floor.

"Alex, this is not a good idea." Jim glanced at his watch.

"Aw, the pretty boy you are living with, really Jim, you're old enough to be his father."

"He's not *that* young." Jim countered.

"If you say so." Alex sat the basket down on the counter and looked around the condo.

Jim noticed the tight black jeans that Alex was wearing. He wasn't the hard body that he once was but he still looked good. The hair that he once wore mid back was now brushing his waist. He was wearing it loose and flowing, the way he liked Blair to wear his hair. Jim glanced at the basket bursting with gourmet food, champagne, and chocolates. //I would rather get a single cracker from Blair, than a dozen of these baskets.//

Jim looked up from his inspection of the basket to see Alex peeking into Blair's room. "Get out of there!" //How dare Alex invade the sanctity of Blair's bedroom.//

"Temper, temper, James. I was just looking." Alex came back to stand an inch away from Jim. "I see he has his own room."

"Blair, is my *roommate*."

Alex smiled, his most predatory smile. "Good, I like it that you are free. I haven't courted anyone in a long time."

"No need to court me, Alex."

"But, Cochise... I want to court you. I want to worship at your feet." Alex lowered himself to his knees and mouthed Jim's cock through the fabric of his pants."

Jim pushed Alex away and almost threw him out of the apartment. He collected himself and sat down on the couch.

"James, you're more beautiful today than ever."

"<snort> Don't even try it Alex, I'm losing my hair and the skin around my eyes is starting to look like a roadmap. I'm getting old."

"Never," Alex sat down on the couch and flipped his hair to the side so that it lay across Jim's shoulder and brushed the other man's neck. "Taking away the hair only emphasizes your strong face, those delicious lips, and those magnificent eyes. I would still use you as a nude model. That body is still perfection." Alex purred and Jim shuddered.

"It's getting late and Blair will be home any minute."

"Then let me take you to Luciano's for dinner, an intimate dinner between old friends. Lasagna and conversation, what could be better?"

"I don't think so."

"Come on Jim, I'm sure someone Blair's age would be happy with a glass of milk and a peanut butter sandwich."

"You don't know Blair, he's quite the gourmet."

"If you say so... Come on Jim, I have the pictures from our trip to Maui. You never saw them. We looked very good together and we could again."

"I... don't know."

"Come on Jim, when you and I were together we threatened to take the planet off its axis when we made love."

"Alex..."

"Remember the time we were at the banquet and the lights went out. I slipped under the table and gave you a blowjob."

"I also remember that the very next day you flew off the handle because a lady asked me for directions and I held onto her arm."

"That was just my crazy jealousy, I've changed Jim."

"I see no evidence of that."

"My wonderful Jim, always such a sceptic." Alex leaned in and kissed Jim's unresponsive lips. "Kiss me Jim, burn me with those lips. Stick your tongue down my throat." Alex crushed his lips against Jim's.

Jim was losing his battle with his memories. Alex was an incredible lover and his body remembered. He caught Alex's face, returned the kiss, then pushed him back when he felt Alex's cock harden against him. //I am not going to fuck this man.//

"I think you should take your basket and go home Alex."

"You don't really want that, James. You want me, I know, you know. If I dropped my pants, you'd fuck me right on this couch and I'd be lucky if you took the time to *spit* on your cock." Alex reached for the buckle of his belt.

Jim placed his hand over Alex's. "This is not going to happen."

Blair walked into the apartment.

Blair was still mumbling to himself about the rain, the traffic, the idiot who parked their Porche in his parking space. He was late and thankful that it was Jim's turn to see to dinner, he didn't have the strength to boil an egg. He spotted the beautiful gift basket on the counter and then he saw *Alex Seaborne*, the bastard, sitting on the couch with Jim.

Jim snatched his hand away from Alex's *crotch* and stood up. "Blair, you're home. You remember Alex."

"Vividly," Blair replied in his 'dealing with parents of stupid children' voice. "Good to see you again, Alex." Blair threw out his plan to head straight for his room, instead he deposited himself on the couch facing the guilty couple. Jim was dripping guilt and Alex looked smug. "So, staying for dinner, Alex?"

"I was hoping to take Jim out for dinner. You're welcome to join us."

//Good thing you're not cooking the meal Alex, I might be accidentally poisoned.// "That's sounds great." //Right up there with a root canal.//

"So what do you do, Blair?"

"I'm a research fellow at Rainer University, working on my Doctoral dissertation in Anthropology."

"My, a brain, too." Alex trailed his eyes over Blair.

Blair felt that he had been catalogued and dismissed by Alex as a non-threat to whatever he had planned for Jim tonight. Only his desire to be civil to Jim's guest kept his tongue in check. "Well why don't I get cleaned up. Formal or informal?"

"Informal, I'm looking forward to having the two of you... for dinner." Alex purred and smiled at Blair.

//Not going to work, pal.// Blair thought as he headed to his room. Alex was trying to frighten Blair into staying home. No way he was going to leave Jim alone with this guy. Blair settled beside his door to listen. Dinner, he knew was just a diversion by Alex. Now that he thought that Blair was out of earshot, he would hear the truth from Alex's lips. Normally, he would not have spied on Jim but this was different. Blair was not going to leave Jim to the tender mercies of that alley cat.

Jim had drawn some strength from Blair's presence and the way his scent had helped to drown the smell of Alex's musk. The smell of Alex's arousal had nearly overwhelmed Jim just before Blair came into the apartment. Now Blair had left the room, taking his comforting presence and scent with him.

Alex moved closer to Jim, evading his space, and pressing his body into Jim's. Jim raised his hand to push Alex away and Alex caught his wrist and began sucking the sensitive flesh there. Jim moaned and then pulled his wrist away.

"So that's what is holding you back. Jim, Jim..." Alex shook his head sadly. "Do you actually think that Joe College could ever fall in love with you? Please, Jim. The *child* is as hetro as they come. Stick with someone who wants you. The unrequited love thing makes great novels and lousy lives."

"I think you should leave now Alex."

"Okay but before I go, let's call him in here and ask him if he could abide your touch."

"Get out Alex." Jim said quietly.

Blair was livid, who the hell did Alex think he was and how was he going to remove all the bloodstains once Jim got through with the idiot? //Come on, Jim, not too many broken bones.//

But Jim wasn't pounding the guy, he wasn't making a sound. Blair looked out of his door and watched the two of them on the couch.

Jim was inching away from Alex until he ran out of couch. Then Alex grabbed and *sucked* on Jim's wrist. Blair flinched, expecting an explosion from Jim. But there was nothing. He only pulled away form the other man. //Jim what the hell is wrong with you? Don't go back to him. It would kill me.//

Blair's eyes were swimming with tears. //After all he put you through, you would still rather be with him than me.// Of course, he only had Jim's version of what had happened between Jim and Alex. But Blair believed Jim, he wouldn't try to make himself to look good in the story, he would tell the truth.

Blair wiped his eyes and refocused on the scene in the living room. It was the phrase "Joe College" that caught his attention. Alex believed that Jim was in love with *Blair*? If only that were true. But Jim didn't deny it, instead he looked resigned to the truth of Alex's statement that Blair would not, could not love Jim.

//Of course, I love you Jim. Don't listen to that evil bastard.// Blair was convinced that Jim would act now. He would hate it if Blair burst into the room to "defend" Jim. He would act, Blair was sure of it. But all he did was ask Alex to leave. //Oh my God, Jim. Don't believe him.// Blair tried to will his strength into Jim. //Do it, Jim, send the guy home.//

Still nothing, Jim was shaking and not from rage. He had an almost helpless look on his face. Resigned, tired, and defeated, Blair expected the man's lip to start to quiver at any second. Alex was hurting Jim. Pounding on his self esteem.

Alex wasn't finished, he leaned over until that hair of his was sweeping across Jim's chest. Then he suggested that Jim call Blair in to see if Blair could abide Jim's touch. Abide, hell, he would grovel on the floor if Jim would just talk about touching him. //Strike back, Jim. Tell the guy off. Throw him out so I can throw myself at your feet. I want to surrender to you tonight. After I spray disinfectant over everything that Alex touched.//

Still nothing. Jim practically whispered for Alex to leave. That was all Blair was going to take. This bastard had to go.

Jim wanted to crawl off the couch, he felt unclean. How could have ever thought that he cared anything for this cruel man? It made him want to scrub his skin off. Just leave, that's all he wanted. Leave, Alex. He looked up at the smug, beautiful, cruel face. Then Alex's head was pulled back.

"I believe that the man asked you to leave." Blair announced.

Blair drug Alex off the couch by his hair. Alex may have been larger but Blair was stronger. Blair hauled Alex to his feet and slammed him against the wall. Alex pulled in a breath only to have it squeezed off by Blair placing his forearm across his throat.

"You can leave on your feet or on your ass." Blair lessened the pressure to Alex's throat.

"Who do you think.." Alex sputtered.

"Ass it is." Blair opened the door, grabbed Alex by his lapels and belt, then tossed him across the hall. Blair then retrieved Alex's coat and threw it on top of the man. Blair closed and locked the door, then turned to look at Jim.

Jim couldn't believe what he had seen. Blair had just manhandled someone. Mr. "Let's Talk It Out" had just physically ejected someone from the apartment. Jim was so proud. He was actually grinning like an idiot.

Blair strode back to the couch. "I never want to find that offal in our home again."

"Sure Blair, I don't think he'll want to come back after that." //That's right Chief, this is *our* home.//

"Good." Blair came over and sat down by Jim and then pulled the larger man's face close to his. "You are the most important person in my life." Blair kissed Jim on the lips. "You deserve so much more than that trash heap. You deserve more than I could give you."

"I only want you." Jim confessed. //Take me, love me, protect me, Blair.//

"You've got me." Blair kissed Jim again. "I love you, Jim Ellison. I wanted to tell you that for some time. I should have woke you up and told you yesterday." Blair kissed Jim's mouth then his throat and shoulder.

"You love *me*?" Jim wanted to soar.

Blair hugged Jim so tight that Jim feared that he might slip into unconsciousness from having his air cut off, but he was more than willing to take the chance.

"I love you, I want you, Jim."

"You want me?"

Blair pulled back and raised his eyebrow at Jim. "Jim, you usually pick up on these things so much quicker." Blair placed Jim's hand on his cock, then stroked and gently squeezed the other man's erection. "I want you, James Michael Ellison, to make love to Blair Sandburg, today, tomorrow, forever. I want you to make me scream your name. I want you to show me everything. I will be your humble and eager student."

"I don't know what to say."

"Yes is the preferred answer in this situation." Blair's voice was stern and Jim broke into a wide smile.

"Yes."

"Let's go to my room." Blair pulled at Jim.

Jim started to rise, then stopped. He didn't want to rush Blair, not after Alex had reminded him of all the things he had done wrong in that relationship. "Blair, you don't have to.."

Blair placed two fingers across Jim's lips. "I want to, I want you. I want you to be my first, my last, my only."

Blair kissed Jim with such passion that Jim was afraid that he would melt into the couch. Jim got up and followed Blair into his room.

"Chief, should we send that basket back to Alex?"

"Hell no, I'll consider it a couple's present from him. Besides there was a smoked wine cheese right on top that has my name on it."

Jim laughed and kissed Blair with all that he had held back. All that he wanted to share with his friend, his guide, his love. They made it to the bed, barely.

End

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