Disclaimer: The characters used here, sadly, do not belong to me. They are the property of Pet Fly and UPN. I have received no monetary reward, I do it simply for fun.

Contains m/m sex. If you are under 18, do not read this.

Past Memories, Present Fear - part one
by Mia Athlas

Blair woke up feeling good. Nothing to do but relax and revel in his success. He stared at the ceiling as he lay in bed, thinking of his plans in a few weeks. He and a guest of his choice would be attending a blockbuster opening at the Cascade Museum. It was the event of the season, sure to be attended by all of Cascade's best and brightest. Blair was still in awe that he had been asked to speak at the ball. The exhibit was on pre-Columbian artifacts and the curator an old mentor of Blair's who felt he could offer some insight into the exhibit, considering he had been there for the excavation of much that was to be on display. Blair sighed happily and climbed out of bed. He heard Jim in the shower and couldn't wait to share his news. Dr. Knowles had only made the offer yesterday when the original guest speaker had let them know he couldn't make it. Jim had been on a stakeout, without Blair for once, and hadn't come in till after Blair had gone to bed.

He heard Jim go back upstairs and headed for the shower himself. By the time he had showered, dressed and entered the living room, Jim had already started breakfast.

"Morning, Chief. Have a seat, breakfast is almost ready." Jim didn't look up as Blair came over to him.

"Sure, Jim, thanks." Blair took a seat, noting the tension in Jim's back and his slow movements. He thought it was odd that Jim was wearing a turtleneck sweater on such a warm day. Blair could tell something wasn't quite right with his partner and wondered why Jim was pretending to be in a good mood. He decided to play along for now. "You sure are in a good mood today, Jim. What's up?"

Jim glanced over at his friend, faking a hurt expression. "So just what are you implying here, Sandburg? That I'm normally in a bad mood?" He cocked his eyebrow and waited for his partner's reply.

Blair smiled. "Well, big guy, I didn't want to say anything but since you brought it up, you have been known to be a bit... ummm... testy at times." Blair stood up and moved back a step, as he noticed Jim moving suspiciously close to swatting distance.

"Yeah, that's right, run away, Sandburg. Apologize for your harsh criticism or no breakfast." Jim held up the pan filled with french toast.

Blair laughed and threw his arms apart in defeat. "Okay, man. You are very even tempered, always kind and considerate and never have a harsh word to say to anyone. Oh.... and blessed with a sunny disposition." Blair held out his plate for his french toast and Jim bowed and filled it and his own plate then turned away to take care of the pan. He heard Blair's faint mutter.

"This had better be darn good after that load of bull."

Jim rinsed the pan and dropped it into the sink. He casually strolled back over to Blair and then in a burst of speed grabbed his plate and smirked at his surprised friend. "You just broke the terms of the agreement Sandburg... too bad... oh well, I am feeling rather hungry."

Blair looked at Jim dangerously. "You know, Jim, it is a well known fact that you shouldn't bother animals when they are eating, I think that applies to the human variety too." Blair launched himself laughing at the larger man, making a grab for his plate. He caught the edge of it and both men watched in dismay as the plate shattered on the floor.

They both stood frozen for a second then started laughing hard. Jim scooped the french toast into the garbage and grabbed another plate from the cupboard. "Come on, Chief, you can share mine." Jim divided the remaining french toast and sat across from Blair to enjoy his breakfast, leaving the broken glass till later.

Blair was touched; he'd expected Jim to insist that he make his own breakfast. "Thanks man." Blair began consuming the toast. "So, give, what's the news?"

Jim gave Blair and odd look and grabbed the newspaper from the table beside him. He held it up so Blair could read the headline. Blair read out loud.

"COP OF THE YEAR CAPTURES INTERNATIONAL HITMAN" Blair's eyes went wide. "Jim, what's this all about? International hitman? Are you nuts? Why didn't you let me in on this? I could have helped, I thought you were on a regular, everyday stakeout." Blair was kind of hurt that Jim had kept this from him.

Jim held out his hands, surprised. "Hold on now, Chief. This came up very suddenly. It was a lucky break. Brown and I were staking out the Corner Deli, waiting for that slime ball Peterson to show. The deli is just across the street from city hall you know?" Blair nodded and gestured for Jim to continue. "I noticed a guy dressed completely in black enter the building opposite city hall. Brown didn't see him. If I hadn't of been scanning the area for Peterson with my own version of night vision, I would have missed him too. He moved like a cat, quick and agile. He was around the corner and in the building fast." Blair listened intently to his friend, his pulse quickening at the obvious danger of the situation.

"Wasn't the mayor hosting a charity function there last night?" Blair broke in.

"Yeah, he was. It was just starting to let out. I high tailed it after the intruder, leaving Brown to watch the deli and to make a long story short... found him with a high powered sniper's rifle and after a brief but painful fight, I subdued him."

Blair jumped up and moved to Jim's side placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you hurt, Jim? Why didn't you tell me?" He looked at Jim accusingly, his eyes searching for signs of injury. Jim held up his hands.

"Whoa, Chief. It's okay. A few bruises, nothing to worry about." Jim stood and grabbed the dishes, heading for the sink.

Blair followed him watching carefully as he tried to determine whether this was just another one of Jim's "I'm 100 percent" fantasies. He did notice a limp that hadn't been there yesterday. "Jim, you're limping." Blair pointed out the obvious as Jim washed the dishes. Jim didn't even turn around.

"It's nothing." Jim dismissed the statement. Blair began to get annoyed.

"It is not nothing. Come on, Jim, how am I supposed to help you with your senses if you are constantly keeping me in the dark? What happened? Are you in pain? Did you take anything?" Blair pressed Jim for an answer.

Jim sighed and decided that he might as well fill Blair in. He would find out anyway and he wouldn't leave him alone until he knew everything. Or at least until he thought he knew everything. Besides if he was going to be around Jim, he needed to know. Jim put an arm around Blair's shoulders and led him to the couch, his good mood fading as real life seeped back in. He sat Blair on the couch and sat on the coffee table facing him. Blair began to get very nervous; this wasn't going to be good.

"Okay, Sandburg, here's the thing. I struggled with the assassin, he stabbed me in the leg and I ended up beating him by tossing him out the window. After the assassin was taken to the hospital and identified, I called in a favor from a friend in covert ops. He told me that the man, Brian Feld, was suspected of being one of the most feared and deadly mercenaries available for hire today." Jim paused as he heard Blair's heart rate pick up. "I'm concerned that he may not have been here alone. There is a chance that I'm now a target for taking him out."

Blair stared at his friend. "Do you think it's a serious possibility? Do you think that these men will come after you?" Blair was afraid for his friend. He had the utmost faith in Jim's ability to fight almost any man, but hired killers focused on revenge might be more than the big guy could handle.

Jim contemplated his hands for a moment before speaking. He looked up at Blair, his face unreadable. "He's a known lone wolf so the chances of retaliation are slim at best but..." Jim raised a hand in Blair's face, "but...I don't want to take any chances. That's why I've arranged for you to go spend a few days with Simon. He'll be here in a few minutes." Jim watched as Blair's face turned an alarming shade of red.

"Are you crazy, man!? I'm not going anywhere. If they come after you, you will need me. No way. I'm not leaving and you can't make me." Blair sat with his arms crossed and a stubborn look on his face.

Jim tried to reason with him. This was going to be difficult. He had to make Blair understand that he had to go. Jim knew he couldn't risk his friend. He was pretty sure that if Feld was not working alone the mercenaries would try to take him out to save face. There were better than even odds that they would also try to get to the mayor and finish their mission.

"Listen, Blair. I want you out of here. This place could turn into a war zone and you know how you attract bullets." Blair didn't even move a muscle at Jim's admittedly poor attempt to lighten the conversation. "Come on, Blair. You will be safe at Simon's, and I won't have to worry about you."

"No, Jim. I don't care what you say. You are not turning me out of my home. I'm staying. I can take care of myself. What if you zone, man?" Blair sat on the edge of the couch and put his hands on Jim's knees. "You and me are better as a team, haven't you learned that yet?" Blair tried to break through the walls around his friend. "Would you leave me if our positions were reversed?"

Jim's jaw twitched. He was losing this conversation. He sighed, resigned to the fact that nothing short of a jail cell was going to get Blair away from his side. Despite himself, Jim felt a warm glow at the thought. He was still struggling with his recently awakened feelings for the kid, he loved him even if he couldn't say it.

"Okay, Sandburg." Jim gently ruffled Blair's hair. "But if you get yourself killed, I'm going to follow you to the other side and kick your butt." Blair got that weird 'something is not quite the same' feeling as Jim's hand lingered in his hair longer than normal. Jim seemed to notice finally and stood quickly, wincing at the sudden pain in his leg. He turned the pain dial down another notch and headed for the kitchen, hoping that Blair didn't notice. Blair stood and followed him.

"Quit that," Blair snapped.

"Quit what?"

"Quit trying to hide the fact that your leg hurts. How can I help you if you are always playing the stoic hero? Show no pain. Death before dishonor. Sheesh." Blair threw his arms up in frustration.

"Okay, Sandburg, my leg hurts. Feel better?" Jim smiled slightly at Blair's frustration. Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jim put his finger to his lips and pointed to the bathroom. Blair took the hint and hurried into the bathroom, out of sight. Jim drew his gun and flicked the safety off.

He concentrated on the area just outside the door and immediately picked up the scent of a particular brand of cigars.

"It's Simon," Jim said as he relaxed and lowered his gun. He let his captain in and called for Blair again. The three men sat down in the living room. Blair looked at Jim oddly as the man sat so close to him that their legs touched. Simon started.

"Well, Sandburg, are you ready to go?"

"No way, Simon, I'm staying here." Simon shot an inquiring look at Jim. Jim shrugged.

"He's staying, Simon. Against my better judgement, he is staying."

"I can't say that I'm surprised." Simon snorted. "I told you that you were nuts if you thought he would leave."

"I know, Captain, but I had to try. He's just too stubborn for his own good."

"Yeah, Ellison. I know what you mean, stubborn and bossy."

"He's still in the room, guys." Blair waved his hands. "Still in the room and capable of talking for himself." Blair smiled as the other two men laughed. He felt the tension ease somewhat.

"So, Simon, what have you found out?" Jim asked, leaning forward slightly in anticipation.

The captain leaned forward too. "I've gotten as much information as possible about our assassin and it seems that the best knowledge we have shows that he always works alone." Jim breathed a sigh of relief and felt Blair relax beside him.

"Thank, God." Jim breathed, covertly pressing his leg against Blair's to assure himself his partner was with him. Simon smiled at his friend, knowing that the sentiment was out of worry for Blair not himself.

"Amen to that but we are not going to assume anything. I'm going to have a couple of officers keep an eye on you and the mayor for a few days just in case. Better to be safe." Simon stood and moved to the door. "Take the day off if you need to, Jim. We can do the paperwork tomorrow. I know it was quite a night." Jim shook his head as he escorted Simon to the door.

"No thanks, sir. I'd rather get it over with. I'll follow you in." Simon nodded and left the apartment.

Blair stayed silent through the exchange between Jim and Simon. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with Jim. He wasn't acting normal. Obviously whatever happened the previous night was still getting to him. Jim closed the door after Simon and walked behind Blair to the kitchen. Blair was amazed as Jim drew his hand lightly across the back of his hair as he passed. Blair stood and looked at Jim warily thinking, 'I don't know what's going on, big guy, but I'll find out.' Aloud he said, "I can't come in with you today, Jim. I'm covering for Professor Field." Blair watched in amazement as Jim's face fell. He walked over to his friend and grasped his arm to make Jim face him.

"Jim, what is it? What's the matter?"

Jim shrugged his shoulders minutely and looked sheepishly at Blair. "Nothing, Chief, I was just hoping for a little help on the paperwork for the Patterson case." Blair studied Jim's face for a clue as to why his partner was acting so strangely. He could get nothing at all from Jim's expressionless face.

"Does this have anything to do with that case last night?" Blair saw an emotion flicker across Jim's face. Was it worry... fear? It was quickly wiped away before Blair could put a name to it. Jim patted his shoulder.

"It's nothing, Chief. I've got to get to the station." Jim moved away and grabbed his coat.

Blair shook off his uneasy feeling. He and Jim would 'definitely' talk later. He called after his fleeing partner. "Okay, Jim. I should be done by noon. How about you pick me up and take me to lunch, then I'll come back to the station and help you with your big nasty paperwork?" Jim turned and smiled at Blair.

"Sure, Chief, that sounds great."

Blair felt a little tingle in his chest at the warm look on his partner's face. 'What was up with Jim today? Making breakfast, sharing his food, touching him more --well maybe not more just differently -- than usual, using his date smile. Something was definitely going on here.' Blair spoke slowly to Jim.

"All right, Jim. I'll see you at lunch then."

"Sounds good, Sandburg. Do you need a ride to class?" Jim winced. Blair saw the wince and wondered if he had heard the needy tone in his own voice.

"Sure, Jim. Since I'll be coming home with you it makes sense." Blair grabbed his backpack and followed Jim to the truck. 'God what now?' Blair asked himself.

The drive to the university was uneventful, well, except for the fact that Jim kept glancing at him every couple of minutes. Blair breathed a sigh of relief when he climbed out of the truck.

Jim drove away and could barely resist the urge to stop the truck and watch till his partner was out of sight. He settled for listening to him till he was out of range of his enhanced hearing. God, he was such a bonehead. He might as well of just lay down at Blair's feet and declared his undying affection. 'Real subtle, Ellison,' Jim chided himself. 'Real subtle.'

The morning passed quickly for Blair. His class went off without a hitch. He returned to his office and settled in to get some marking done before Jim showed up. Blair glanced at his answering machine and absent mindedly pressed the button. Four messages. Jim's voice filled the room.

beep... 9 am... It's Jim. I forgot to say that you should meet me on the corner for lunch. We'll have more time if I don't have to come in. Okay? Later... beep...

beep... 9:30 am.... I didn't mean to say I wouldn't come in if you wanted me to. If you want me to come to your office let me know... it's no problem... otherwise I'll just assume you are meeting me at the curb. Okay then... beep

beep... 10 am... Chief? It's me again. I just wanted to see if you got my earlier message. Guess I'll talk to you later... beep.

beep... 11 am... Ummm Blair? Me again... ummm... never mind... beep.

Blair stared at the answering machine. Enough was enough. Something was obviously wrong with Jim. He picked up the phone and dialled the station.

"Major Crimes, Detective Brown speaking."

"Henry?"

"Yeah. Sandburg is that you? Jim's with Captain Banks right now. Want me to get him?"

"No, actually could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Hairboy. What's up?"

"I was kinda hoping that you could answer that question for me. Jim has been acting... odd... this morning."

"Well, I can't really blame him. His throat must be driving him crazy."

"You mean his leg?"

"Well that too. Last night was a little too close for comfort. I can't believe Jim is still here. He is one of the luckiest s.o.b's I've met. He could have just as easily..." Brown's voice trailed away.

Blair felt his stomach twist. "Maybe you had better tell me your version of what happened, H."

"Damn, Blair. He didn't tell you did he?"

Blair clenched the phone. "I think that he may have left out a couple of important points. Help me out here, Henry?"

"I really think you should talk to Ellison about this, Blair."

Blair sighed. "You're right, Henry, and you better believe that he and I will talk."

"I'll just bet you will, Blair," Brown laughed. The detective lowered his voice becoming serious. "Don't worry, kid. He's fine."

"Thanks, Henry. I'm coming in this afternoon, I'll see you then."

Blair said his goodbyes and hung up. He leaned back in his chair. He would get the truth, the whole truth, out of Jim at lunch.

The rest of the morning passed slowly. Blair sighed and stretched. He hadn't managed to get anything done. He had just sat and obsessed about Jim mostly. Gathering his things, he headed for the door.

Blair left the anthropology building moving fast. He had his head down talking quietly to himself. "It has to be something to do with his senses. Why wouldn't he tell me..." Blair broke off his monologue as he collided with a man coming from the other direction. He ended up sprawled on the ground with his papers spread around him from his open backpack. He gathered his papers and stuffed them back in his pack.

"Watch where you're going you stupid punk," a gruff voice growled menacingly above him.

Blair winced at the man's tone. 'Oh boy. Why do I always run into the psychos?' Blair turned to look up at the man with an apology on his lips and froze.

Blair felt a chill envelope him. An icy hand squeezed his chest. He gazed up at the man with a sense that somehow he knew this stranger. The man stared down at him, recognition sparking in his eyes. Blair struggled for breath, he had to get away from here. He felt strangely detached, his body wouldn't seem to obey him. Where was Jim? He needed his partner.

"Jim," Blair gasped quietly. He felt panic well up as the man stepped toward him. "Jim!" Blair called desperately. The man was going to touch him. "JIM!" Blair started to hyperventilate as the man reached out to grasp his arm.

Jim drove towards the University to pick up Blair. He felt like a fool. Calling Blair's office like that. He groaned. What had he been thinking? Well he knew what he had been thinking. The close call last night had affected him more than he cared to admit. It made him take a hard look at his life and what he wanted. It surprised him when he realized what he wanted was Blair. God. How could he talk to Blair about this? He could hardly admit it to himself. Jim had enough self knowledge that he realized he had a problem talking about emotional stuff. Most people probably considered him cold. Lord knows, he'd messed up with Carolyn. He couldn't let his awakened feelings come between him and Blair but he had to find some way to discuss it with his partner. Jim was sure of that.

The question was would he be comfortable staying with Jim once he knew?

Jim focused his hearing on the Anthropology building as he entered the University grounds. He caught Blair's little soliloquy and smiled to himself. His smile faded as he heard Blair's exclamation of surprise as he collided with something and fell. Jim pulled up to the curb and saw Blair stuff his papers into his backpack as a large older man stood over him. Something about the guy's stance bothered Jim and he picked up his pace as he heard the man's angry words.

Jim broke into an uneven run when he saw Blair's stricken face and heard him call out for him. He wanted to move faster and cursed his wounded leg. He heard the rising panic in his friend's voice as the man reached for him. Jim reached the two men and stepped between them before the man could make contact with his frightened partner. Jim pulled Blair to his feet, distressed by the younger man's labored breathing. He ignored the stranger for a moment, his back to him. He took Blair's face in his hands forcing his gaze away from the man. Jim caught Blair's eyes with his.

"Breath, Chief. I'm here now. It's okay. Calm down." Blair's eyes were wide and frightened but he got his breathing under control. Jim turned to the person who had caused his partner such distress, placing Blair behind his back. He felt Blair clasp the back of his shirt as he examined the stranger. He was about 55, approximately 5'11' with the build of an aging body builder and angry eyes. The man spoke to him.

"Who the hell are you? Get out of my way." The man moved to go around Jim to reach Blair. Jim put a hand on the man's chest stopping him.

"Stay where you are. My name is Detective Ellison, Cascade P.D.." Jim pulled his badge from his wallet and showed it to the man. "What is your name?"

"I don't think that's is any of your business, officer. I've not broken any laws. I just want to have a private conversation with Blair."

Jim heard Blair gasp behind him and step closer to his back at the man's use of his name. Was he hiding from this man? Jim was alarmed at the thought of his 'in your face' partner cowering from anyone.

Blair whispered behind him. He spoke for Jim's ears only. "No, no, don't let him touch me. I-I want to go Jim. L-Let's go. I... need... to... go, please?" Jim was worried as Blair's breathing became uneven again. Jim spoke to the stranger.

"No, sir. Blair doesn't want to speak with you. I suggest if you have a complaint you file it at the Cascade police department, good day."

Jim turned and put an arm over Blair's shaking shoulder to lead him away. The man stepped in front of them blocking their way. Blair seemed to shrink before him, edging behind Jim. The man grabbed Blair's arm before Jim could stop him. Blair cried out as if burned. Jim moved quickly grabbing the older man's hand and removing it from his partner, twisting the man's arm behind his back in a fluid move. He held the man for a moment whispering in his ear.

"Touch him again and I'll kill you. I don't know what's going on here but stay away from Blair or I'll make it my personal mission to tear you apart." Jim sent the man stumbling with a hard shove and gathered Blair back to his side. Scooping up the younger man's backpack he led him to the truck. The stranger called out behind them.

"Listen to me, boy. You are going to have to talk to me. I'll find out where you live, you and that bitch Naomi." Jim stiffened and began to turn back but Blair pulled him towards the truck with shaking hands.

"No, Jim. Let's go home. Please leave it. Take me home."

Jim took one look at the lost, scared look in Blair's eyes and gave in. Against his better judgement, he ignored the man and secured Blair in the truck. As he drove away he saw him in his rear view mirror watching them.

Blair was silent during the drive home. Jim called the station.

"Simon, it's Jim. I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off after all. Yeah, it's bothering me. Sure. No, I'm sure it'll be okay tomorrow. Thank you, sir." He ignored Blair's concerned look. Regardless of what else was going on Blair always thought of Jim first.

Jim stayed silent until they walked into the loft. He wanted to give Blair a little time to think before questioning him. Jim went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. He passed one to Blair then sat down close beside him. Blair was the first to speak.

"Look, Jim, I'm sorry. I don't know who that guy was or why I acted that way. That was 'so' not me."

"Hey, it's fine, Chief. Not a problem." Jim tried to sooth his agitated friend. "He seemed to know you though and I don't think we've seen the last of him." Blair blanched at the thought then blushed making the red stand out even more.

"What is it about that guy, Jim? I feel as if I should know him." He jumped to his feet and began pacing.

"Blair, calm down. Remember what you always tell me? Sit back down and relax. Focus and try to remember how you felt when you first saw him. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this." Blair sat back down beside Jim tucking his legs underneath himself.

"Okay, Jim, you're right." Sitting cross legged with one knee resting against Jim's thigh, he closed his eyes and began to breath deeply.

Jim watched as the worry lines smoothed out and Blair began to relax. He gave Blair a few minutes to regain his perspective before beginning. "Okay, Blair. Now think back to when you first saw him..." He never got any further as Blair's eyes sprang open and his heart rate increased. Jim put a restraining hand on Blair's leg, stopping him from jumping up.

"What is it, Chief?" Blair turned on the couch and grasped Jim's shoulders with a hard grip, not even noticing Jim's wince as his hands connected with bruised flesh.

"I remember him now, Jim. I remember, he was an old boyfriend of my mom's." He finally noticed Jim's grimace of pain and released his hold as if burned. His attention immediately reverted to his sentinel.

"Jim, what's wrong?" He reached up before Jim could stop him and pulled his turtleneck away from his skin. Blair gasped at the black bruises that covered Jim's neck. He drew back and looked appalled with his partner. "My God, Jim. What happened? This time I want the complete truth. How bad is that?" He pointed to Jim's neck.

"Listen, Blair," Jim began.

Blair cut him off sharply. "No. Just let me see the damage. I want to see if we should go see a doctor."

"That's not necessary, Chief. I've already seen a doctor." Blair remained where he was, arms crossed, staring at his partner. Jim gave an exasperated sigh.

"Dammit, Blair. I wish we could deal with one crisis at a time." He carefully pulled his turtleneck over his head, being mindful of his bruises. Blair gasped as Jim's chest was revealed. Dark bruises were scattered over his chest ending in a painful looking bruise circling his neck. Obviously made by someone trying to strangle him. Blair felt dizzy for a moment. It was just too much all at once. Jim reached out and clasped his arm.

"Hey, it's okay, Chief. It looks worse than it is. It's just a couple of bruises from the fight last night." Blair slapped Jim's hand away.

"It is most definitely not okay. Why didn't you tell me Jim? What's wrong with you?"

"Ah, Blair. I didn't know what to say."

"What do you mean you didn't know what to say? How about 'Hi Chief, this is Jim, someone almost killed me tonight, I'm at the hospital.' That would have worked. God, Jim, I thought we were friends. I thought we were past all this macho bullshit. I thought that we shared stuff and helped each other. I guess the great Detective Ellison doesn't need any help from anybody, least of all me." Blair sat back against the couch staring at his hands. "How do you see me, Jim? Am I just some weak, useless kid who you let hang around?" Jim knelt on the floor in front of his partner with his hands resting on Blair's knees so that he was forced to look at him.

"Listen to me, Blair. Forget that load of rubbish right now. I know I don't express myself well. It's nothing to do with you, it's just how I am and I'm sorry. I wish I had the words you need. Words are easy for you. All I can say is that you are my 'best' friend. I rely on you. Do you know you are the first person that I've ever trusted without question? Before there was always some doubt. I never really depended on anyone the way that I depend on you. I've been on my own for so long, Blair. Since I was a kid, I've never had anyone who would truly mourn me if I died. At least, I've never believed I have." Jim blushed at the caring (could he call it love?) on Blair's face. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I want to tell you what I was thinking last night but I'm afraid." Jim's jaw twitched at the word. "I'm afraid that you'll leave."

Blair smiled down at Jim, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Wow, big guy. I think that is the longest speech I've ever heard you make." Jim laughed nervously. Blair brought one hand up to his face.

"Tell me, Jim. I don't care what it is. You could confess to me right now that you killed that man in cold blood and it wouldn't change a thing. I would know that you had a good reason for doing it. You really think you could ever get rid of me, man? I don't think so." Jim moved up onto the couch bedside his guide and took one of Blair's hands into his own. Blair jumped a bit with the gesture.

"Oh man, Jim. This is going to be bad, isn't it?" He ran his fingers of his free hand through his hair. Jim smiled at the familiar motion. Blair seemed to do that a lot when he was uncertain.

"I don't know, Chief. I guess that is up to you."

"Well, in that case, don't worry, Jim. I'll help you with whatever it is." Blair made his promise solemnly. Jim squeezed Blair's hand.

"Thanks, Chief, but don't make that promise just yet." Jim held up his hand to silence Blair. "Let me finish. The only promise I want you to make right now is that you'll think about what I'm about to say. I don't need you to say anything right away so don't feel that you have to. Just stay here and sleep on it before you make any hasty decisions. Okay?" Jim's mouth was dry. All or nothing. Time to come clean.

"Okay, Jim, I promise."

Jim looked over Blair's shoulder as he spoke. It was easier than facing his scorn. "Last night was bad, Blair. Much worse than I let on." He felt Blair tense beside him but pushed on. "He almost killed me. It was just luck that saved my life. I was no match for that guy. It was humbling. I can easily say without bragging that I can stand up to most men in a fight but this was beyond my abilities. I knew he was going to kill me. I knew that he 'could' kill me, easily. The fight was over quickly and I was already hurting when he started choking me." Jim felt Blair's hand press his own.

"Everything was fading and all I could think of was you and how I would never see you again. Then he slipped. He slipped Blair and half conscious I shoved him. He fell through the window and he lost and I won. Five minutes later, when Brown burst into the room, I was still lying on the floor. All I could do was lie there amazed that fate had handed me a second chance. A chance to tell you."

"Tell me what, Jim?" Blair asked the question even though he thought that he knew the answer. Jim had to say it. Jim spoke softly, hardly believing that he could find the strength to say it out loud.

"To tell you that... I love you." Jim bowed his head watching their clasped hands, not wanting to meet Blair's eyes.

"Jim, look at me."

"No."

"Jim, look at me." Blair spoke firmly. Jim raised shamed eyes to his partner and spoke before Blair had a chance to have his say.

"I'm sorry, Blair. I won't ever do anything. God, I don't even know what to do really. I've existed this long without acting on my feelings toward men. I promise you will never see a difference in how I treat you. I know it's wrong. I'm sorry." Blair looked at Jim shocked.

"Who told you it was wrong? Never mind, daddy dearest raises his ugly head again. As I was about to say before you so rudely interrupted...ALL RIGHT!!" Blair threw his arms around Jim enthusiastically. He pulled back abruptly as Jim grunted in pain. "Oh, sorry. You'll have to excuse me. It isn't often that the thing I most covet hands himself to me." Jim was stunned.

"Huh?"

"Back to the monosyllabic man that I know and love, I see." Blair smiled happily and gently wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, pressing his face to the older man's chest. Jim hesitantly embraced Blair, still a bit confused.

"What just happened here, Chief?" He felt Blair's lips turn up in a smile against his chest and warm breath on his skin as the young man spoke.

"To recap: Detective Ellison, unable to continue to hide his injuries, confesses that a hitman beat him up. On death's door, he realizes his adoration of his partner. He, under threat of bodily harm from said partner, confesses all and learns that his love is returned. Clear enough?" Blair leaned back to look at Jim. It finally sank in and Jim tightened his arms around his partner.

They were content to hold each other. The rest seemed unimportant. Blair's confrontation at the University and Jim's uncharacteristic fear and injuries all faded away. Everything was forgotten except the feel of strong arms, the beat of kindred hearts and the warmth of heated flesh.

Jim opened his eyes and was amazed to see dusk settling in. He had fallen asleep. The events of the last 48 hours had caught up to him. He looked down into the bright eyes of his guide, cradled against his bare chest. Blair smiled up at Jim and tightened his arms around the sentinel's waist.

"Hey, big guy. Sleep well?" Jim returned Blair's smile.

"I slept better than I have in a very long time. It is quite amazing considering my position." Jim was leaning against the back corner of the couch with his legs stretched out, his feet resting on the floor. Blair was sitting sideways on his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around him and his face and chest pressed close. Jim grinned foolishly at his partner.

"I may never move." He brushed a hand across Blair's cheek and played with a curl that had fallen across his forehead. "Did you sleep, love?"

Blair cuddled closer to Jim. "Love... I like that." Blair kissed Jim's chest softly. "I really like that." He whispered against the sentinel's right nipple and felt the big body beneath his shiver. Blair leaned back and looked into Jim's face. "No. I just enjoyed being here with you. I loved watching you sleep... watching over you." Jim rested his hand on the side of Blair's neck.

"How long was I sleeping?"

Blair glanced at his watch. "About four hours."

"You laid here with me for four hours?"

"Sure, Jim. I couldn't think of any place I'd rather be and you didn't seem to mind." Blair searched Jim's face for a clue as to how he was feeling. Jim's eyes darkened and he brought his other hand up to Blair's neck.

"If I had my way, you would never leave my side." He spoke seriously, trying to convey the truth in his words. Blair turned his head and kissed Jim's palm.

"I want that too big guy -- with all my heart." Jim gazed down at Blair, still not quite believing that they were here like this.

"Can I kiss you?" Jim whispered the words, his voice shaking slightly. He still half expected Blair to change his mind. Instead of answering, Blair straddled Jim's thighs and leaned forward pressing his lips to his partner's forehead. He moved down and stopped almost touching Jim's lips. Jim felt his guide's breath caress his lips as Blair spoke.

"That is the last time you need to ask, Jim. Whatever I have, I'll gladly share with you. Whatever you want is yours."

"What if I don't know what I want?" Jim spoke in hushed tones.

"Then, I'll show you." Blair closed the space between them, his lips finally touching his partner's. Blair lost himself in the connection. He vaguely wondered if this is what zoning felt like, then Jim parted his lips and he was floating in sensation.

Jim felt Blair's mouth open in a mirror of his own movement. He tentatively tasted his guide. He wasn't prepared for the impact on his senses and felt himself slip away as he focused on the feel of Blair's tongue against his own.

Blair pulled back from Jim as the older man went still. He shivered at the abrupt loss of his lover. One moment he had been kissing Jim, feeling the passion and heat between them like a living entity. The next, there was nothing. He felt as if he was kissing a statue. Jim wasn't there. Blair knew the signs and immediately placed his hand on Jim's chest above his heart and tried to bring his sentinel back to him.

"Jim, you've got to focus. Listen to my voice, feel my hand. Come back to me." Blair smiled as recognition came back into his partner's eyes. Jim looked confused for a minute then the emotion turned to embarrassment.

"Damn it, I'm sorry, Blair. I guess I got a little too into it. It just felt so... I don't have the words. The only thing that comes close is incredible. I turned up my sense of touch to the maximum. I didn't want to miss anything." Jim blushed. "I promise to be more careful." Blair stroked Jim's chest and smiled at his partner.

"It's okay, Jim. Just make sure you don't concentrate too much on one sensation. Want to practice some more?" Blair raised

his eyebrows suggestively. Jim laughed and hugged the younger man.

"I want to practice and practice. I think I need a lot of practice. Hours of practice. I think I'll need massive practice in kissing..." Jim kissed Blair's cheek, "in stroking..." Jim ran a hand up Blair's thigh, "in suckling..." Jim leaned forward and lightly bit Blair's nipple through his shirt, "and in caressing..." Jim hesitantly squeezed Blair's erection, both wishing for and fearing its release from his jeans. Blair arched his back as electricity pulsed through him and inhaled sharply.

"Jim!" Blair grabbed Jim's face and kissed him hard. He thrust his tongue into the older man's mouth. Jim returned the kiss with equal fever. Their tongues dueled and caressed. Jim pulled back suddenly and Blair leaned forward trying to recapture his mouth. Jim kissed him chastely then pulled away grabbing his shirt.

"Simon's at the door, Chief." Blair finally noticed someone knocking on the door. He grinned at Jim.

"I didn't even hear it, man."

Jim leaned over Blair. "You only have ears for me... I like that." To Blair's amazement, Jim licked his ear then strode over to the door. Blair laughed behind him. Jim grinned and opened the door for his captain.

"Hey, Simon. What's going on?" Jim gestured for his friend to come in and then settled back on the couch next to his partner. Simon tossed a package to Blair.

"Catch, Sandburg." Blair caught the brown 8" by 11" envelope and looked at Simon inquisitively. "Some guy dropped it off at the station. He said it was very important that you get it, and I thought that I might as well drop it off on my way home. It's probably from some girl, desperate to date you," Simon teased the young man. He saw Jim and Blair exchange an odd look but shrugged it off. Blair tore open the envelope.

"Thanks, Simon. I really apprec..." Blair gasped as he looked at the contents of the envelope. He started shaking. Jim took the envelope from Blair's hands and examined the contents. Simon cast a worried glance at the young man.

"Are you okay, Blair?" Simon asked. "What is it?" Jim looked at Blair his eyes asking permission, Blair nodded but stayed silent. Jim passed the envelope over to his captain. Simon pulled out a birth certificate and read the name. "Blair Gregory Hall, born March 30, 1969 in Bangor, Maine." Simon ignored the implication of that for a moment and examined the rest of the contents of the package. A laser photocopy of a driver's license, the picture was of a man with strong features and silver hair. "Phillip Neill Hall." Simon's eyes widened as he looked back at the birth certificate. The father was listed as Phillip Hall. Simon looked at the third sheet of paper. It was a short hand written note addressed to Blair. He read it out loud.

"Blair, meet me at the Harbour Diner at 9am tomorrow. We need to talk." It was unsigned. Simon looked up in alarm as Blair squeezed his eyes shut, wrapped his arms around his own body and started to rock back and forth.

Jim ignored Simon's presence and gathered the young man into his arms. He whispered into Blair's ear. "It's okay, you don't have to meet him."

Simon cleared his throat mumbling something about forgetting something in his car. He left saying he would be back in a few minutes. He obviously wanted to give them time alone. When Simon left, Blair drew back from Jim and grabbed the birth certificate and the driver's license picture.

"This is the man from this morning, Jim." Blair stared forlornly at the image. Jim nodded.

"I know, Chief. Do you think this is real? What do you remember?" Blair stared down at the face of this ghost from his past.

"I don't remember much actually. What I remember most are feelings. When I look at this man, I get this pain in my stomach. I feel fear but it's more than that. I feel a sense of helplessness. When I look at him, I know that he is going to do something that will hurt me and that there is nothing we can do about it. The feelings are so out of control that they're frightening." Blair looked directly at his partner. "I have one clear memory of him. I remember him pushing my mom down to the floor, then slapping me." Blair lowered his eyes and raised his hand to his cheek as if it had just happened. He looked back up at Jim and immediately moved forward, taking a clenched fist in his hands.

"I'm alright, Jim. It was a long time ago. I couldn't have been more than five at the time." Jim stood abruptly his jaw twitching.

"Five, Chief! He hit a five year old. He'll regret even touching you or Naomi, I promise you." Jim growled the words, his eyes dark and dangerous. Blair stood and stepped back, overwhelmed by the anger emanating from the sentinel. He spoke softly but clearly to his enraged partner.

"Jim, stop it! This is not helping me. I don't want you to hurt him. All that would accomplish is a jail cell for you and I would be alone."

Jim let Blair's words sink in and took a deep breath, trying to regain control. How could that bastard dare to approach Blair now? What did he want? Jim knew he needed to reign in his emotions. Being too emotional was not something he normally had to worry about, he thought wryly. He was no use to Blair like this. Jim drew on his training and felt his mask click into place. First thing he needed to do was find out if the son of a bitch's obvious claim to be Blair's father was true. He glanced over at Blair noting his nervous stance and uncertain eyes. No. The first thing he had to do was apologize to his guide. Jim stepped carefully toward Blair, gratified that Blair stood his ground even though he looked ready to bolt.

"I'm sorry, honey." Jim wondered at how easily the endearment slid from his lips. He took Blair's trembling hands in his own. "It's just that I want to protect you. I hate that he hurt you. My anger got away from me for a minute. I promise I'll keep it under control." Blair squeezed Jim's hand.

"Okay, Jim. I love the fact that you are here for me and that you want to protect me, but you have to keep in mind that I'm a grown man capable of looking after myself. Just don't do anything that we'll regret. I need you here with me, not waiting for an arraignment. I love you." Jim sighed and once again drew Blair into his arms. He felt his partner's arms tighten around him.

"I'll do whatever you want. I love you, Blair." Jim kissed the top of his guide's curly head. He turned as he heard Simon cough behind them. Simon stood in the open door, astonished.

"I think I missed something here, gentlemen. Do you have anything you'd like to tell me?" Simon's mouth twitched up at the corners at Jim and Blair's embarrassment. He leaned against the door jam -- waiting.

Jim looked down at Blair who nodded. He turned to his captain drawing Blair close to his side. He met Simon's eyes directly and stated clearly in his 'don't mess with me' tone. "We love each other." Simon decided he needed to be absolutely sure.

"I assume you are not referring to a brotherly type of love here." Blair shook his head and spoke.

"No, Simon. Definitely not brotherly. Are you okay with this?"

Simon came all the way into the apartment. "Well, I can't say that I'm not surprised but I know how good you guys are together. I'm happy for you. How do you guys intend on handling this at work?" Simon was worried for his friends. Not everyone would accept this easily.

Jim sighed. "Work is not going to be easy, Simon. This is all still very new to us. I'd like to ask you as our friend to keep this confidential. Blair and I need to be able to work things out without the added pressure of bigotry. Can you do that?"

Simon took in the worry on the faces of the men before him. "As far as I'm concerned I came here on my own time as 'Simon your friend'. Once you inform Captain Banks of your relationship, or it becomes known in the precinct, we'll deal with it in an official capacity. Until then your friend is happy for you, okay?"

Blair pulled away from Jim and came to stand in front of Simon. Simon had always been such a good friend to both of them. Blair hadn't always seen that but now he had no doubt. He was relieved that he and Jim's relationship wasn't going to change that. Looking up at the big man, Blair found he didn't know how to put his gratitude into words.

He settled for a simple, "thank you, Simon," and threw his arms around the captain, hugging him. Blair quickly let him go and stepped back uncertain of Simon's reaction. Simon looked surprised and his look quickly turned to stunned as Jim stepped past Blair and hugged Simon as well before stepping back, blushing furiously. Jim haltingly said, "yeah, Simon, thanks."

Simon sputtered for a minute before regaining his composure. "Now cut that out," he stammered, "you guys are seriously wierding me out here, as Sandburg would say."

Jim and Blair smiled at their friend for a moment. Blair's face fell as he remembered the problem at hand. He turned to Jim. "I've got to meet him, man. I've got to find out the truth." Jim nodded at Blair.

"I know, Chief, but I'm going with you." At Blair's uncertain look he added, "It's okay, I promise to behave."

Blair agreed. "Okay, Jim, but you've got to let me handle this. I'm glad you'll be there." His face lit in an adoring smile and Jim returned it, their arms going around each other.

"Uh, guys?" Simon interrupted. " I'm still in the room." Jim and Blair pulled apart.

Simon continued. "I ran a check on our mystery man when I went downstairs." He chuckled at their surprised look. "What? I needed something to do while I made myself scarce. I had the man's driver's license number from the photocopy so the check was easy. I told Rafe I needed the information immediately, that it concerned Blair." Simon caught Blair's worried look. "Don't worry, Sandburg, I asked him to keep it to himself, you can trust Rafe."

Jim asked, "What did you find out?"

The two men settled back down onto the couch facing their captain as he filled them in. "Phillip Hall. Age 50. Current occupation is salesperson. He was employed by the Bangor police department for 10 years as an officer. He was released from his position in 1984 for undisclosed reasons. The record is sealed by internal affairs. He has a record of domestic violence stemming back to 1977. No convictions until 1987 when he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for the death of the child of his common law wife. He served 10 years in prison before being released last year. His current residence is in Cascade." Simon looked up from his notepad that he had been consulting for the information and addressed a wide-eyed Blair.

"I don't know a tactful way to ask you this, Sandburg, so I'll just say it. Is this man your father?"

Blair stood and walked to the window, staring out into the darkness. "God, I hope not."

Simon joined Jim and Blair for a light supper. None of the men were really in the mood to eat and the food mostly went to waste. Simon left after promising to see what else he could find out. Jim locked the door behind him and walked over to where Blair was still staring out the window. He stepped up behind his guide and wrapped his arms around the shaking body. Blair jumped and twisted away from him. Jim stared at him in shock. Blair's eyes focused on the big man for a moment, then filled with regret.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Jim." Blair grabbed Jim in a fierce hug, easing off as he noticed Jim's pained expression. "I was just thinking about 'him'. You startled me." Jim relaxed.

"It's okay, Blair. I shouldn't have sneaked up on you like that." Jim held the young man close. "You're still shaking, honey. Do you want to talk about it?" Jim could feel the tremors in his partner's body.

Blair snuggled closer to Jim, pressing his face into the bigger man's chest. He thought that if he could get close enough he could block out the world.

"Why would you want to block out the world, Chief?" Jim asked softly.

Blair grimaced. Damn that sentinel hearing. He hadn't even realized he had spoken the words. Blair turned his head to the side resting his ear above Jim's heart. This way he could speak but he felt strangely calmed by his sentinel's heartbeat. "It's just that ever since I ran into that man today, I've had this feeling in the base of my stomach. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel panic, apprehension, that something is out of place. I feel like no matter what happens I'm never going to feel the peace I felt before. I feel like I don't belong here anymore," Blair finished quietly. Jim pressed his partner tighter against him, ignoring his own bruises.

"Don't say that, Blair. You are right where you belong. Why would you say that?"

Blair tried to organize his feelings so that he could explain. "Okay, it's not really that I don't belong... It's more like... like I need to go. Like I need to get away." Jim tilted Blair's face up so that he could look into his eyes. He stared down at him uncertainly, fear radiating from his body.

"Blair..." Jim paused not wanting to know the answer. "Do you want to leave me?" Jim felt his throat constrict. Blair's eyes widened.

"No, Jim! Never." Blair pulled Jim down for a quick brush of his lips. "If I left, you would have to come with me." Blair didn't doubt that his partner would. Jim smiled, relief erasing the lines on his brow.

"Thank God." He took a shaky breath. "I would, you know... go away with you if you felt you needed to get out of here." Blair felt his eyes fill yet again. He rubbed a hand across them.

"Damn. I can't believe this. I do not cry, man, honest. All day I've been fighting the urge. What's wrong with me?" Blair pulled gently away from Jim and walked over to the kitchen to get a drink of water and get himself under control. Jim followed.

"It's natural, Blair. All this stuff with that Hall guy has dredged up a lot of childhood memories. Along with those memories come the feelings. Don't let it bother you." Blair put down his half finished glass of water and turned back to Jim smiling.

"Thanks, man. I just didn't want you to think I was some big crybaby."

Jim noticed the weariness in Blair's posture and voice. He gathered Blair up into his arms, lifting him off his feet to the startled amusement of the young man. "You will never be a crybaby, baby." Jim nuzzled Blair's cheek. "Time for bed, I think." He set his guide back down on the floor as he felt the stress in his wounded leg. Blair reached up and put a hand on Jim's cheek, gazing into his eyes.

"Jim?"

"What is it, baby?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't think I'm ready for anything heavy but I-I would rather not sleep alone." Blair asked the question hesitantly. He wasn't sure if Jim was ready to have him in his bed. He didn't want to scare the older man off but he needed Jim close while he slept. Jim smiled brightly.

"I can't think of anything that would please me more, Chief. I was about to ask you the same thing."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Now why don't you grab whatever it is that you need and I'll meet you upstairs?" Blair nodded. Jim was grateful to see the bounce in his step as he headed for his room -- correction-- while he headed for his 'old room'.

Jim sat on his bed, waiting for Blair. He looked down at himself. He was clad only in boxer shorts and the white bandage on his leg. Jim began wondering how Blair would feel about sleeping with his almost naked partner. He didn't want to make Blair uncomfortable. He decided he should probably put on those old pajamas he was sure he had somewhere in his dresser. Standing, he walked over to his dresser and began rifling through the drawers. "I know they're in here somewhere." Jim heard Blair come up the stairs and stop behind him. He noticed his partner's little gasp and increased heart rate. He smiled to himself thinking, 'you've still got it Ellison.' Blair watched quietly for a moment then had to ask.

"What are you looking for, Jim?" Jim didn't turn around as he answered.

"My pajamas."

"Why?"

"I thought it would be best if I wore them to bed."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Will you please quit saying 'why'?" Jim smiled. It reminded him of the old 'Why?' game that Steven had liked to play when they were children.

"I'll quit saying 'why', if you quit looking for those god-awful pajamas," Blair countered. Jim stopped. He didn't really want to wear the pajamas. If Blair was okay with it, he was okay with it --wasn't he?. He closed the drawer and turned to his partner.

"Okay, Chief. I just..." Jim stopped as he saw the young man. He knew that he himself tended to walk around the house half dressed but it was a rare thing to see any Blair-skin. Blair kept everything pretty much undercover due to his aversion to the cold. Glimpses of naked flesh were few and far between, moments that Jim treasured in his mind. Jim blinked at that thought. Had he really treasured those moments, even before he realized the true nature of his feelings for Blair? He was surprised that he could recall every time with startling detail. Every fleeting glimpse of a lightly haired chest, every view of muscled legs and, of course, his one unimpeded view of Blair's chest and back from when he had taped his partner's cracked ribs. All that was nothing compared to what he felt now.

Blair was standing before him dressed only in happy face silk boxers. Jim's breath caught as he enjoyed his first real unimpeded look at his partner's slight form. He felt himself harden as his eyes caught a glint of silver attached to a small pink nipple. He noticed a red tinge seep up Blair's neck and face and felt an even stronger wave of affection at his love's embarrassment.

"Jim!" Blair squeaked. Jim couldn't tear his eyes away from where they had come to rest. He knew that he was staring at Blair's boxers, watching as Blair's arousal became evident. He was fascinated by the hardening erection he could almost see through the thin silk cloth. Blair reached down and shifted his erection with one graceful hand and Jim watched the motion hungrily. He raised his eyes to Blair's, not moving any closer.

"Can I... ummmm... can I...?" Jim trailed off, his face flushing. Blair took a step closer.

"Anything, Jim. You know that. Can you what?" Blair's words were gentle. He knew that this was new to Jim. He wanted to help his partner feel comfortable with him and his body. Even had he been up to it, Blair didn't want Jim to rush into anything that he wasn't ready for. Blair also knew that he couldn't deny the big guy anything. Jim's eyes drifted back down to their previous position.

"Can I see you..." He whispered, "I've never seen... I mean... an erection... I mean... any but my own anyhow..." Jim flushed an even deeper shade of red.

Blair felt himself harden further. 'Oh well,' he thought, 'so much for not doing anything tonight.' He smiled at Jim trying to ease his discomfort.

"It's okay to ask, Jim. I want to share everything with you." Blair had always been comfortable with his body so stripping in front of Jim was no hardship. He carefully drew his boxers over the head of his throbbing cock and let them fall to the floor. He watched Jim's face as his reactions crossed it: arousal, wonder, curiosity, love, fear.

Jim stepped closer to Blair. His mind was screaming 'slow down!' but his body was urging him on. Blair was beautiful. His body was perfectly proportioned. His cock stood straight and stiff. Jim was amazed by the differences between Blair and himself. His partner's cock was a bit shorter and wider than his own. Jim shuddered at the thought of trying to take that inside himself. It was amazing how much bigger Blair's erection seemed in that context.

Blair stepped close to Jim, as he noticed the shaking, and cupped Jim's chin bringing his face up to look at him.

"It's okay, Jim. We won't do anything you aren't ready for."

"What if I'm never ready? What if I can't go all the way with this?" Jim was worried he didn't have enough to offer Blair to make him stay.

"Jim," Blair began very seriously, "I never want you to do anything that you are uncomfortable with. Do you understand me?" Blair spoke firmly and watched for Jim's nod before continuing. "Whatever you can share with me will be enough, I promise you. I want you so badly that I ache but there are lots of ways to relieve that particular ache, many of which don't even require your direct participation. Okay?"

Jim nodded again. "I want to do 'everything' with you Blair and I mean 'everything'." Jim stared directly at Blair to make sure he understood. "I'm just not sure how or if I can... uuhhh... accommodate you." Jim looked back down at Blair's erect cock. Blair couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his face as Jim's meaning finally became clear.

"Jim, love, I don't think that will be a problem. We'll just have to go slow. I have done this before, you know, I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know that, Blair. I have never trusted anyone enough before to even try... anal penetration." Jim choked a bit on the words. Blair sighed. Jim was definitely not ready.

"Jim, until you can say it without flinching, we are definitely not going to do it."

Jim looked slyly at his partner. "Until then, can we experiment with other things?"

Blair laughed. "Sure, big guy." Jim put his hands in Blair's hair and tilted his face up for a kiss. Revelling in the soft full lips beneath his, he ran his tongue along them before diving in briefly. He drew Blair's bottom lip into his mouth and sucked lightly. Blair moaned.

Jim drew back and whispered against Blair's lips. "Can I touch you, Blair?"

Blair pushed Jim back onto the bed and lay down beside him. They rolled to their sides facing each other. Blair trailed one hand across his partner's broad chest. "Tell me exactly what you want, Jim." Jim looked embarrassed. "No embarrassment. It's just you and me here. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing you can't ask. What do you want?" Jim pushed Blair's hair back and kissed him gently.

"I've never been with a man before."

"I know, Jim. What do you need?"

"Can I... explore your body...?" Blair laid back and opened his arms, his cock straining.

"Yes."

Jim looked down at Blair spread out before him. His to explore, his to touch. He drew a hand from Blair's chin to his nipple. Jim turned up his sense of touch slightly -- he had turned it down after his injury. The big man felt a pang of pain from his leg and the ache in his bruises was stronger but he felt that the discomfort was a small price to pay as he reveled in the feel of Blair's soft hair beneath his fingers. After the smooth skin of his female partners, it was an odd but entirely pleasurable experience. Jim stroked his fingers over a hard nub, brushing the cool surface of a nipple ring. He heard Blair moan beneath him and shiver as Jim's fingers played with the small nub.

Jim was lost in his feelings of pleasure mixed with the pain of his bruises. He left the nipple and moved his hand down Blair's body. He rested his palm on Blair's stomach as he admired his partner's fully erect cock, feeling the breath moving in and out of the body beneath his hand. Jim paused for a moment and tried to get a handle on the mixed feelings he was experiencing. It was weird to realize he was sitting there staring at another man's penis. It was disturbing, arousing and frightening all at once. Jim was overcome with a desire to touch his Blair's beautiful cock. To feel the texture, to see how it differed from his own, to hear how Blair responded.

Jim ran his right hand down to tangle his fingers in the course hair at the base of Blair's cock. The texture was so different from the soft hair on his chest. Jim drew his left hand to his own chest and felt the smooth hairless skin -- so different. He moved his hand down under the band of his boxer shorts, brushing past his erection to his own groin. He rolled the hair in his fingers, the texture was softer, his own pubic hair shorter. He felt Blair's eyes on him.

"Take them off, Jim, please. I want to see you too." Blair gasped out the words as Jim's fingers continued to play at the base of his cock. Jim pulled his hand away from Blair, ignoring his love's whimper of loss and quickly pulled off his boxers. He sighed at the delicious feeling of release as his cock sprang free. Blair's eyes found his again.

"Beautiful Jim. I love you." Jim leaned over and kissed him gently, his right hand going back to Blair's groin.

"I love you too, Blair, and I love the way you feel." Jim sat

back on his heels and continued his exploration. He ran his hand down and rolled his partner's balls between his fingers. His left hand mimicked the action on his own body. He heard Blair's groan echoed by his own. It felt so incredible. Jim continued mapping the differences between his body and his guide's. He drew his right hand back up and hesitantly touched Blair's naked cock for the first time. He felt his guide grunt and arch at his touch, moaning.

"Yes, Jim! Touch me. Please. Harder!" Jim ran one finger up the shaft tracing a bulging vein. He could feel the cock throbbing under his finger. He wanted to feel more. Unconsciously he turned his sense of touch up to the maximum, then cried out as his senses were overloaded by the pain of his forgotten injuries. He fell back gasping. Blair immediately was on his knees next to his writhing partner.

"Jim! What's wrong? What's happening, baby? Talk to me!" Blair was frantic. He ran his hands over Jim's body looking for a sign of an injury that was missed.

Jim gasped out, "Stop... Blair... stop." Blair's hands immediately stilled. "Turned up... too far... can't control it..." Jim's face was contorted in a grimace of pain. Blair leaned over Jim, bringing his face close to his partner's -- not touching him.

"Open your eyes, Jim. Look at me!" Jim struggled to comply. His body didn't seem to want to obey him. Finally he opened his eyes a crack. Blair stared directly into his eyes, holding his gaze with his own.

"Good, Jim. Good. Now look at me. Concentrate on your senses of sight and hearing. Let you other senses fade into the background. There is nothing but my voice and my face," Blair chanted to his shaking partner softly. He felt the older man relax slightly.

"Now turn down your sense of touch. Do you see the dial? Slowly turn it like we've practiced." Blair felt Jim's shaking slow as he got his pain under control. He sat back as Jim put both hands over his face.

"Thanks, Chief," Jim spoke, dropping his hands. "That was the most intense pain I've ever experienced. Do you think it had something to do with the fact that I was aroused when the pain struck?" Blair ignored the question and glared angrily at Jim.

"What happened, Jim?"

"I got a little carried away and turned up my sense of touch a bit too high. I just couldn't resist, I didn't even realize I'd done it till it was too late. What a mood killer, huh?" Jim tried to smile but got no response from Blair.

"Jim, if we are going to go forward with this, you have got to learn to keep your senses under control. You almost gave me a heart attack. Zoning on me before, now this." Blair flopped down beside Jim, his exhaustion suddenly coming back, both of their erections deflated. "What are we going to do?"

Jim stared at Blair for moment, seeing the lines of worry on his forehead. The poor kid had a terrible day and he wasn't helping. Jim got Blair to scoot up so that he could draw the blanket down. He settled his partner under the blanket and rolled close to him gathering the small body in his arms.

"We will take it one day at a time, love. Right now, we are going to sleep. Tomorrow we'll deal with Hall. We have our entire lives to work on our problems." Jim curled his fingers into Blair's hair rubbing gently. "Let it go for now... sleep." Jim whispered the words against Blair's cheek as he felt the young man succumb to his exhaustion.

Blair woke to a comforting pressure on his chest. Glancing down, he smiled as he saw Jim still sleeping, head resting on his chest. Blair closed his eyes again and stroked his partner's hair. He felt Jim stir and looked back down into sleepy eyes.

"Good morning, Jim." Blair smiled down at the Sentinel. Yawning, Jim rubbed his face.

"Good morning, Chief. Now this is the way to wake up."

"The best," Blair agreed. He realized that it was the truth. Blair couldn't remember the last time he'd awoken with such a sense of well-being. He pulled Jim up, wrapping his arms around the large form.

"I love you, big guy."

"I love you too, Chief. How are you doing this morning?"

"I feel like I could do anything. Nothing like sleeping wrapped in the arms of the man you love to help you find your center."

"Yeah," Jim agreed, "so how do you feel about giving me a good morning kiss?" Blair didn't answer, except to take Jim's face in his hands and bring their lips together in a gentle but thorough kiss. Jim felt his heart rate pick up and heard Blair's do the same. They pulled apart after a moment.

"Wow," Jim gasped. "Good morning." He smiled brightly.

"Would you like to share a shower?" Blair laughed at the expression on Jim's face. "Just a shower, man. We don't have time for anything else."

"Sorry, Blair. My imagination got away from me there for a minute. I started imagining all sorts of creative uses for shampoo." Jim felt himself harden and tried to push down the urge. Blair was right, they didn't have time for that right now. "I think that you had better shower while I get breakfast ready. I don't think that I have the self control right now to be in the shower with your naked body and not throw you against the tiles and have my way with you." Blair laughed again.

"Okay, Jim, but I definitely want a rain check on that."

As Blair padded off to the shower Jim collapsed back on the bed groaning. He tried to focus on anything except the image of a naked Blair, running his soapy hands all over his body. Jim forced himself to open his eyes and ignore the growing erection between his legs. Breakfast. He pulled himself up, tugged on a pair of boxer shorts and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

By the time a towel clad Blair had emerged from the shower, a breakfast of eggs and toast was laid out on the table. Blair walked up behind Jim enjoying the view of rippling muscles and strong thighs as Jim leaned into the fridge to pull out the orange juice. From behind, Blair wrapped his arms around Jim, pressing his still moist body against his partner's back. He felt Jim shiver before he turned and pulled Blair into another kiss. Blair felt Jim's erection poking into his stomach and moved his body against it, smiling at his partner's moan.

"It seems you have a problem here, big guy. I can help with that." Blair rubbed himself against Jim again for emphasis. Jim rocked his hips against his guide.

"I'm sorry, Blair. The more I tried to concentrate on not thinking about it, the more I couldn't seem to get my mind off of you in the shower, lathering up your body, running your hands over yourself... Ahhh!.." Jim cried out as Blair's hands found his swollen cock. Blair carefully drew Jim's boxers down, exposing the cock to his greedy eyes. Lightly stroking Jim with one hand, Blair pulled the bigger man's head down and captured his lips in a demanding kiss. Blair thrust his tongue into Jim's mouth, stroking it against his partner's in time with the motion of his hand on Jim's penis. The older man's hips began pushing forward, seeking Blair's touch.

"Aahh, Chief... you don't... you don't have to... do this." Jim had his eyes clenched shut, sweat breaking out on his face. Blair smiled.

"Okay." He let go and stepped back. Jim almost fell over at the sudden stop of the sensation. He opened his eyes in confusion and need.

"Wha... Blair?" Blair smiled brightly at his partner.

"Just kidding." He threw his towel to the side and fell to his knees in front of Jim, grasping his erection in a strong grip. Jim gasped and arched into the touch. Blair leaned forward and engulfed Jim's cock in one smooth movement.

Jim almost came as he felt the moist heat surround his cock. He opened his eyes to find Blair on his knees in front of him, his mouth moving up and down the length of his erection. It was too much. Jim came with a scream. "Blair!"

Blair felt Jim's body tense and then his mouth was flooded with the salty taste of his lover's cum. He savored this first taste and suckled Jim's penis till he was completely spent. Jim fell to his knees beside Blair.

"My god, Chief... that was... wonderful... intense... I don't have words." Jim cursed himself for his inelegant speech. He wished he could tell Blair exactly what he felt, but he never could seem to find the words. Jim settled for taking Blair's lips in a hard kiss, pausing slightly as the taste of his own semen hit his lips. He licked Blair's lips finding the taste incredibly erotic. A mixture of himself and Blair. Jim reached down and grasped Blair's throbbing erection hesitantly. It felt strange to be holding another man's penis. Jim experimentally rolled his fingers over the head, feeling the precum coat his fingertips. Releasing Blair's mouth, he brought his hand up to his lips and sucked his finger into his mouth, tasting his guide. He heard Blair moan beside him as he watched Jim's actions. It tasted like nothing Jim had ever experienced before, it tasted like Blair. In disbelief, Jim felt himself begin to harden again. Reaching for Blair again, Jim was surprised when his partner caught his hand before it could reach its goal. Blair brought the hand up to his mouth and kissed it tenderly, looking into Jim's eyes.

"Jim. You don't have to do this... I'm okay... If you're not ready yet..." Jim moved his hand to cup Blair's face and grasped Blair's cock with his other hand.

"I'm ready, Blair... right now. Maybe not for everything but let me do this." Releasing Blair's cheek, Jim took his partner's hand and placed it on his reawakening cock. "Does this feel like I'm not ready?" Jim felt Blair's hand curl around his hardening erection and sighed. "That feels so good Chief... stroke me..." Jim stroked Blair in a firm grasp and felt Blair do the same. He heard Blair's breathing pick up as he got closer to orgasm.

"Harder Jim... faster." Jim felt his own orgasm approaching as he stroked his partner, feeling the stiff flesh grow minutely harder then spasm, coating his hands. Blair cried out and in reflex clenched Jim's erection tightly. Jim exploded and collapsed against his spent partner. Both men lowered themselves to the floor, and lay there panting trying to regain their breath. Jim recovered enough to speak first.

"Do you realize that we're laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen?" Looking around, like he had just realized where they were, Blair started to laugh.

"Oh man. Next time, we are just not going to fight it, then maybe we can avoid floor burn." Blair looked down at his reddened knees. Jim leaned over and kissed the red flesh.

"I can't say I'm sorry, love. You make me do things that I never would have before." Jim smiled till he caught Blair's serious expression. "What is it, Blair?"

"I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do, Jim."

Jim laughed. "God, Blair. Don't take me so literally. I wanted this. I came twice in a half hour. I haven't done that since I was a teenager. You make me so hot I can't see straight. I wanted this, and soon I want much more. Okay?"

Blair smiled slightly and nodded, hugging Jim. "Okay, big guy. I just get nervous cause I know you've never done this before and I don't want you to go too fast. It would kill me if I forced you before you were ready and ruined this."

Jim squeezed Blair tightly. "First of all, you couldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. Second, I promise I won't do anything before I'm ready. And lastly, I love you, nothing is ever going to change that." Jim paused suddenly thinking of something. "Hey Chief, guess what?"

"What?" Blair asked happily.

"I didn't zone. Not even a little bit. Now that's progress." Blair's face broke into a blinding smile.

"You didn't, did you? That's great, Jim!" Blair inexplicably felt tears well up in his eyes. Everything just might turn out okay after all. Jim jumped to his feet and pulled Blair up next to him.

"How about we jump into the shower and get cleaned up? We only have a few minutes before we have to go meet Hall and I think breakfast is a washout anyway." Blair looked down at his cum streaked stomach and grimaced.

"Yeah I think that would be wise. Come on, big guy. I'll wash your back."

30 minutes later they were in the truck on their way to meet Hall. At 9am they pulled into the Harbour Diner parking lot. They could see the man from the day before through the window of the restaurant. He seemed to be looking down at something clutched in his hands. Jim zeroed in on the object. It was an old picture of Naomi and a boy -- obviously Blair. Jim scanned up to look at the man's face. He was alarmed by what he saw there. He saw only anger. Jim reached out and grabbed Blair's arm, stopping him from climbing out of the truck.

"Blair, I don't think this is such a good idea." Blair stopped and leaned back against the seat, looking at Jim.

"Why, Jim? What's up?"

"Nothing really. He just looks so angry. I'm not sure it's safe for you to meet with him." Blair looked at Jim and rolled his eyes.

"Jim, I'm meeting him in the middle of a crowded diner. You'll be sitting here where you can see and hear everything. I think I'm safe enough. The worst thing he can do to me is bring back a bunch of bad memories that I don't want to deal with." Jim knew Blair was right. He could be in the diner in a matter of seconds if Hall tried to pull anything, but he still felt uneasy. He saw Hall turn and see them sitting in the truck and reluctantly released Blair's arm. Jim stopped Blair as he leaned toward him, obviously wanting to kiss him.

"He's watching us, Chief." Blair looked at him defiantly.

"So what? I'm certainly not going to let that man stop me from kissing the person I love." Blair leaned forward again and Jim didn't stop him as he pressed his lips to his. Jim opened his mouth as Blair ran his tongue along his lips and the kiss deepened. Pulling back, Blair grinned at Jim's stunned expression.

"There, that's better. I'll be right back." Blair tapped Jim's face with his hand and climbed out of the truck. Jim glanced over at Hall's red furious face and shivered. The man was obviously not happy to learn that his supposed son was gay. Jim decided that maybe waiting in the truck was not such a good idea.

Walking into the restaurant, Blair waved off the waitress pointing to Hall to indicate he was with him. He walked over to the older man and slipped into the seat across from him. The man was looking at Blair, the distaste clear on his face. Blair took one look and started to get up. He did not need this. The man grabbed his arm.

"Sit down." Blair just looked at the hand that held him.

"Let go of my arm," he said calmly, not wanting to make a scene. He saw Jim enter the restaurant and look over at them. Blair decided to sit and pretend everything was okay. He didn't want Jim bouncing this guy's head off the wall. Blair sat back down.

"Good boy. Good choice." Blair flinched at the condescending words. He fought his fear and revulsion towards the man.

"What do you want, Hall? Make it fast." Blair scowled at the man, taking refuge in anger.

Hall smirked at him. "Well now, the little waif tries to prove he's a man. Don't bother, sonny. I saw your little display in your sugar daddy's truck, I know just what you are. If only Naomi hadn't stolen you from me, I might have been able to make you into a real man, not some sort of fairy." The anger and scorn were evident in his words. Blair felt his anger rising.

"Why don't you just shut up? You haven't got a clue what you're talking about. Naomi was a good mother and you never had any claim on me or her."

"Ah, but I'm afraid I do. You are my son. Naomi stole you from me all those years ago and obviously turned you into the aberration of nature that I see before me. I'll make sure she pays for that, if it's the last thing I do. You belong to me, I can help you regain what she has taken from you and from me." Blair looked at him, seriously considering that this man was insane. What was he even talking about?

"Listen, Hall. I'll say this once. You are not my father. You have nothing I want or need. Stay away from me and stay away from my mom. You see that man over there?" Blair pointed to Jim seated at the counter watching them. "He is a detective at the Cascade Police Department. His best friend is a Captain. If you so much as look at my mom or myself he'll make sure you pay for it. Do you understand me?" The older man smiled coldly as he stared at Jim.

"He's part of your problem, son. Don't you understand? You've been led astray. You haven't had the opportunity to learn right from wrong and others have taken advantage of that. He is evil, like your mother. I can help you. I can make you understand what they've done to you. You are my son, I can still fix this." The man stared intently Blair. Blair decided this conversation was getting him absolutely nowhere. This man was obviously nuts.

"I don't think so, Hall. You don't seem to understand. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I love my mom, I love Jim, I love my life. You have no place here. Stay away from me and my family." Hall grabbed Blair's arm in a bruising grip as Blair stood to leave.

"It's you who doesn't understand, little boy. You belong to me and I intend to take back what's mine." The man growled the words, leaving no doubt as to his sincerity. Blair felt Jim come to stand beside him.

"Let go of his arm, Hall, or I'll have you up on charges of assault and you'll be back in jail before sundown." Jim spoke harshly, his hand behind his back on his gun. Hall let go of Blair's arm and leaned back in the seat.

"How do you think the rest of your cop buddies will react when I tell them what a pervert you are, Ellison? I was a cop once, I know how it is. I'll bet you would lose your so called friends pretty fast once they knew how much you like to be fucked, huh? I remember once, when I was still on the force, one of the cops came out. Well, a bunch of us got together and taught him a lesson good. He lost his taste for having something up his ass pretty fast. The coward didn't even press charges. Maybe your 'friends' would like to teach you that lesson too." The man laughed in Jim's face. Blair blanched and felt Jim tense and step toward the repulsive man. He grabbed Jim's arm and whispered very quietly.

"No, Jim. He's just trying to provoke you into doing something. Let's go." Blair was relieved when Jim allowed himself to be pulled away. They heard Hall laughing behind them all the way to the truck.

Jim pulled over after they had driven a few blocks and hit his hand against the steering wheel with enough force that Blair winced.

"God damn son of a bitch!" Jim hit the steering wheel again then took a deep breath trying to calm down. He looked over at Blair and was struck by the frightened look on his face. Jim softened immediately and moved over next to the young man, wrapping his arms around him.

"God, I'm sorry, Blair. Are you okay?" Blair pressed his face against Jim's chest, his arms curled around his partner's back.

"Yeah, he just kinda freaked me out. All that talk about fixing me and taking care of Naomi. Scary guy." Blair's arms tightened around Jim. "What if he was serious, Jim? I've got to talk to my mom. Maybe she can tell me who this guy is." Jim held Blair for another minute before releasing him.

"You're right, Blair. Naomi might be able to shed some light on this asshole. Do you know where to reach her?" Blair nodded.

"I think so, it might take a couple of days though."

"Until then, just make sure you stay clear of that guy." Jim moved back and restarted the truck.

"You don't have to tell me that, Jim. I'm staying far away from him. Do you think he'll really tell everyone at the station about us?" Worry was clear in Blair's voice.

"I don't know, Chief. If he does, we'll deal with it. Simon already knows and he's cool with it, I think most of my friends will stand by us. Don't you?"

"I hope so, Jim. I was just hoping for a bit more time to work things out between us, before everyone else knew." Jim nodded seriously.

"Me too, Chief, but they'll all find out sooner or later. Either way, we'll have to deal with it." Blair smiled at Jim. He was such a 'matter of fact' kind of guy.

"You're right, Jim. I think we should tell Simon what just happened though, so he can be prepared just in case."

Jim pulled into the police station. "I think we had better tell him in any case, since that guy threatened you. I want to know more about this Hall guy and why he feels that you're his son. I think the first thing we should do is a little research into his and your time in Bangor."

"A good place to start," Blair agreed. Feeling a bit scared of what he might find out, Blair followed Jim into the police station.

Jim and Blair immediately went to Simon's office. The Captain gestured for them to sit and settled in to hear the news. They filled the Captain in on their meeting with Hall.

"This disturbs me." Simon shook his head after they had finished their story. "I called in a few favors and found out the reason that Hall left the police department."

"Which is?" Blair prompted.

"He was fired. It seems that he had several complaints filed against him for police brutality. Off the record, I found out that there was concern over his mental stability. Things seemed to come to a head when his wife ran off with their son." Simon paused for a moment to let that sink in before continuing. "When that happened, he seemed to lose it. He filed a missing person's report and kidnapping charges against his wife. The longer he was unable to find them, the worse he became. It got so bad, no one would ride with him. Intense mood swings and violent behavior. Internal Affairs started an investigation resulting in his termination. He never found his wife, though there were a couple of close calls. The person I talked to said that even after he was fired, he came down to the station every week for five years, demanding that they find his child. He was enraged, obsessed. You know the rest."

"Simon, who was his wife?" Blair knew the answer but felt he had to ask the question anyway.

"Naomi. You are listed as his son. The birth certificate is real, on file in Bangor. I'm sorry, Blair." Blair stood and began pacing.

"No, Simon. It's not right. I know this guy is not my father. It feels wrong." Simon and Jim shared a concerned look. Blair caught the look and faced them furiously.

"What you're telling me here is Naomi knew all these years who my father was. She took me and ran from him, which is why we've been moving around so much. She hid the truth from me my entire life, even after I was an adult. It's not true. I would feel it, if he were my father." He wound down and collapsed in the chair. Jim sat beside him, taking his hand. "Look, Blair. If Naomi did take you and run, she obviously had a good reason. Your memories tell you that. She was protecting you." Blair sighed and nodded.

"I know, Jim. I've got to talk to my mom. I just don't want it to be true." Blair stood. "I'm going to use your phone and try to track down Naomi, okay?" Jim nodded and watched as Blair left the office, shoulders slumped. Simon swore.

Concluded in part two.