DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anyone in this story except Morgan and Caitlin MacKenzie. The others all belong to Bilson, DeMeo, Pet Fly, Paramount, and, at times, UPN. There is no money being made from this.

Thanks to my wonderful betas, Daydreamer and Katilian, who nursemaided a very nervous writer through to the completion of her first story. They helped me get my thinking straight about plot, and kept me focused. Any mistakes are strictly my own (but I did my best, honestly I did). This has been run through a spellchecker, but any grammar mistakes are all mine . Any and all feedback is welcomed (but hopefully no flames, please < nervous Otter peers at all the people on the list, and then runs to hide under sofa >).

"How 'ya doing, Sandburg?" Simon came in the door to see Blair alone in the hospital room, staring at the ceiling.

"Okay, I guess." Blair's voice was totally unlike him. Completely lifeless, without any energy at all.

"You don't sound O.K.," Simon observed.

Blair turned his head and looked at Simon. His eyes were just like his voice - flat, lifeless. "I'm O.K., Simon. I'll be fine."

//Yeah, right! And my name is Dumbo because I got big ears...// Simon thought to himself.

It had been touch and go with the young Guide ever since they had pulled his seemingly lifeless body from the water of the fountain. He had been pronounced dead, but his partner, Jim Ellison, wouldn't let them give up on him.

Fortunately, Ellison had been right.

The doctors insisted that, physically, there were no lasting effects from the near drowning. Psychologically and emotionally was something else. They advised Simon to have the young man's friends support him as much as possible. And, therein lay part of the problem. His partner, who had insisted that Blair was not dead, refused to see him in the hospital after the first time. He had been to see him once after Blair woke up. He had been cold, distant, freezing in his manner to his young Guide. Simon had seen the life that had begun to creep back into Blair wither away and die. Blair had been like this ever since.

Ellison had refused to come back to see him, and, given his recent behavior towards Sandburg, Simon didn't feel justified in dragging his sorry ass back to "cheer up" Sandburg. //Any more such "cheering up", and we'll be able to bury him.// Simon thought. //For all the life he's showing, he might as well still be dead!//

"Jim's looking for your Mom," Simon offered, hoping that it would cheer Sandburg up to see his Mom again.

Blair looked at a small jar by his bed, and said, "Tell him not to bother. He won't find her. Won't be able to reach her."

"She out of the country?" Simon asked curiously.

"Yeah," Blair said mildly. He had a strange look on his face. "You might say that."

Blair shifted in the bed. He was tired. Jim's behavior had chilled him to the
bone, and that, when added to the chill of the news he had just received and the chill of having been dead, left him empty. He felt like he WAS still dead. He was sure that, at some point, he was going to start feeling things again. And he didn't know what would happen then...but that was in the future.

Right now, he had to take care of other things: finding a place to live, changing his dissertation topic to his back-up topic (if possible), settling all his financial and legal obligations, turning in his observer's ID and everything down at the station. He had to get the rest of his stuff out of Jim's desk and turn in the keys. He had to give Jim back his keys to the loft and the spare set of truck keys. //Jim hasn't forgiven me, and he never will!// Blair thought sadly.

By his outburst in the bullpen, Jim had revoked his consent for Blair to use him as his dissertation topic. Months ago, Blair had begun to have second thoughts about the advisability of publishing the information about Jim, so. he had written the introduction and the first five chapters of a dissertation on the closed society of the police in comparison to several South American tribes. Plus he had hundreds of pages of other notes to fully flesh out his topic. Just so that, if anyone at the station or the mayor's office had ever asked, he would be able to show them something. Call him paranoid, but he didn't trust the government, any government. He had written the notes and chapters by hand while sitting in the truck on stakeouts, during free time at the station, places like that. If the university accepted the change in topic, all he would have to do was flesh out his reasoning, data, and conclusions, brush up the grammar, tighten up the structure, wording, and usage, and double check his references and sources. Then he'd be ready to turn it in and, then, to defend his dissertation soon after that.

He was going to have to call Cat...see if he could stay a while with her and Mac. The doctor had told him that it looked like he would be able to be released tomorrow, or the next day. Unless Cat said he could stay there, he'd have to spend the night in his office. That was going to be...strange. Always before he had gone home to the loft. And now...never again.

Blair turned his head to look away from Simon. He seemed to have no control over his emotions at present. Either nothing or too much...no in between. No moderation.

"Blair?" Simon said gently.

"He hates me. He hates me so much he can't stand the sight of me." Blair smiled a sad little smile, his eyes bright with unshed tears.

Simon looked at the young man. "I'm not going to lie to you, Blair, and say you're wrong. I can't. He's been acting so crazy; even before your...drowning...he was strange. Now, it's like this second Sentinel has driven him crazy!"

"Territorial imperatives," Blair muttered. "It WOULD drive him crazy, Simon. Another something he can't control." His fingers nervously pleated the bedclothes.

"But, that doesn't explain his treatment of you!" Simon insisted.

"He thinks I betrayed him by working with Alex. I didn't know she was evil, Simon." Blair looked over at the older man. "Since Jim read the intro to my dissertation, I had been expecting him to balk at being its subject. I was trying to find some way to be able to finish my dissertation and still keep Jim's identity and abilities secret. I was gonna use her for the subject."

"I know, Blair, I know." Simon patted his shoulder gently. "It really wasn't your fault. It just happened. And you stopped when you learned she was suspected of being our robber. And Jim knows that. I just can't figure him out!"

"It doesn't matter, Simon." Blair looked away at the door. "I've never heard him admit that he was wrong, and I can count the times he's said he's sorry on one hand. And, at that, it was never to one of us at the station. It was almost always to a civilian." Blair sighed. "He hates me; he will never forgive me, and that's all there is to it. I fucked up, and, now, I'm paying the price." He smiled sadly. "I walked into this with my eyes open, Simon. I knew he was a hardass from the get go. He's not going to change now."

"But he DID change, Sandburg! Now he's changing back! And I don't like it one little bit! That Ellison was a decent detective, and a rotten human being! I don't know if I can take much more of his shenanigans."

"Simon, his senses are going crazy, triggered by the presence of another Sentinel. That's probably why there was only one Sentinel per tribe in the old days. When she's far enough away, his senses'll settle down. Then he'll settle down...I hope." Blair looked over at Simon. "He knows where I'll be if he needs me...at least for a little while. But, I won't be coming back to the station, Simon. I've got to get things straight in my own head, and I can't do it with the freezer sitting with me freezing me out. I just can't, Simon."

"He'll come around, Sandburg," Simon said. "Then you'll be able to come back."

Blair smiled that same sad little smile again. "No, I won't, Simon. This has been going on for a while, and I tried to make allowances. Or maybe I was just being blind or stupid!" Blair looked down at his fingers. "It has been building up for a long time now. And now, I'm not really sure where I stand...not just with Jim, but with myself. And I've got to get that straight for myself. It's going to take time." Despite his best efforts, Blair's eyes began to close.

Simon watched the young Guide slip into sleep. //I'm afraid he's right!// he thought. //Ellison is so...uptight...it's going to take a while for him to admit he was wrong, if he ever does. But, if he doesn't at least make the overture, he'll lose Sandburg for sure, and then, what will he do? I can't pull him out of these zones the way Sandburg can. He just doesn't respond to me the same way. And, if he starts zoning on the streets, I'll have to pull him and put him to strict desk duty. There's no way I can let Ellison endanger everyone else because of the zone outs.//

As Blair finally slipped into full sleep, Simon stood by the bed. "Good luck, Sandburg. I think we're going to need it." He patted the young man's shoulder, and then left for the day.

Blair woke late that afternoon when his doctor came to see him.

"Well, Mr. Sandburg, you're a very lucky young man. " the doctor said with a smile. "You're going to be able to go home tomorrow."

//Yeah, now, if I just have someplace to go...// Blair thought to himself. "That's good news, doctor. Morning or evening? I need to call for a ride."

"In the morning, if you're still doing as well. You'll be able to go home then." The doctor looked at him. "However, I want you to take it easy. This whole thing has been a shock to your system. You may find yourself more tired, or tiring more easily, than normal. You may also want to talk to a counselor, priest, rabbi, or whatever. Many people who go through this sort of experience find it comforting."

"I'll talk to someone," Blair promised.

'"Very well, then, Mr. Sandburg, I'll see you in the morning, at which time I hope not to see you again. I always prefer to have healthy patients rather than sick ones," the doctor said with a grin.

"Just between you, me and the wall, I don't want to be back here again either. I've seen entirely too much of the inside of a hospital in the past few years." //Yeah, but this trip has been a little different. No Jim to stay beside me, comfort me. Oh, God, I miss him!// Blair smiled at the doctor, never showing any of his internal pain. It was something he was good at. He had practiced it for many years, perfecting it first with Naomi.

The doctor nodded and left.

Blair picked up the phone and dialed the number by heart. "Cat? It's Blair. Look, I know it's an imposition, but I need some help...big time." He listened for a moment, and then smiled, the first true smile he had had in several weeks. "Yeah. Look, I need a ride home tomorrow morning from Mercy Hospital. No...no...I'm O.K., honestly, I am...but...I've had a disagreement with my roommate, and he threw me out. So I really need a place to stay." He smiled again broadly. "All right, all right, I hear you! I'll be waiting. I'm in Room 452. See you then."

All hell had broken loose at the station. Bank robberies, homicides, car jackings, everything decided to break all at once. Simon ran his hand over the top of his head. He hadn't been home in over 72 hours.

Megan Conner looked over at her captain. "You look like you could use some sleep, Captain," she commented..

"Sleep...what's that? I haven't had enough sleep in days. Between everything that has decided to break loose on the streets and Sandburg...Good God, Sandburg! I haven't even checked on him in...three days! I'd better go down there and apologize. The last time I was there, he looked like a soft breeze could knock him flat!" Simon went back into his office, grabbed his coat and his weapon, and headed for the elevators.

"Wait up, Captain. I'll go with you," Megan said grabbing her purse and her gun. She ran to catch up to him at the elevators. "I'll drive. No offense, Captain, but you look more like you will plow into the side of the building, than make it out of the parking lot! At least I've had some sleep in the last 24." She smiled at him. "Besides, I need to go see Sandy. Haven't been to see him since he woke up."

"All right, then. Let's go."

Simon and Megan walked into Sandburg's room and were shocked to find it empty, bed stripped, no sign of occupancy. They looked at each other in horror.

"You don't suppose..." Megan began.

"Don't even go there, detective!" Simon snapped. "No, I don't. And, if he had, they had orders to call me. If nothing else, we would have been called, or rather Ellison would have been called, as the emergency contact. No, he has to have been released." Simon stared around in anger. "But ...when?" He stalked in the direction of the nurses' station.

"Good morning, I'm Captain Banks, Cascade P.D." He showed his ID to the charge nurse. "One of my men, Blair Sandburg, was a patient here recently. He was still here four days ago. He's not here now. Do you have any idea where he is?"

Megan looked at Simon in amusement. She could see that he was about ready to explode. She knew he wanted more to scream than to be polite. But that just wasn't done. Not for a police official as highly placed as Simon Banks. Captains didn't have that luxury, except with criminals and their own men.

"Yes. I remember Mr. Sandburg. A nice quiet patient, all in all. Quite a change from the normal disruption that takes place when he's here." The charge nurse fixed a hard eye on Simon. Recognizing another power player, he began to back down slightly. "He was released three days ago." She reached under the desk and pulled out three or four prescriptions. "If and when you see our little...absent-minded professor, you might give him these. He forgot them!"

"What are they for?" Megan asked, taking them from the nurse.

"Antibiotics, vitamins, antidepressants, sleep aid," the nurse recited holding up each prescription in its turn. "Part of the deal in allowing him to leave the hospital was the assurance that he would faithfully follow the doctor's orders regarding his prescriptions." She sighed. "I knew that it was a lost cause the minute his ride showed up, and it wasn't Detective Ellison."

"What do you mean? Who came to pick him up?"

"They looked like they might have been his parents. I'm not sure, as he never introduced them. He just gave them a hug. The man took the bag with his things in it, the woman took his arm, and out they went." She spread her hands. "There wasn't much anyone could do. It was like the irresistible force and the immovable object joined forces to spring him. They were three of a kind, you could tell."

"What did they look like?"

"Well, the woman was probably in her late 40's, early 50's, medium to short in height, stocky build, long dark hair in a braid to her knees, blue jeans, print shirt, vest, sandals. The man was in his 50's, short, stocky, thick necked...really looked like a brawler, you know what I mean...wore his hair long, down to his shoulders, salt and pepper...in a funny kind of way. His hair was dark, but there were white streaks going all the way through it. Almost looked striped." She smiled. "But they both had lovely eyes, kind eyes, and soft voices." Megan had been writing this down. "So, short, fat..."

"No. I did not say fat. I said stocky. There is a stocky body build, and they both had it. Broad build, but I'd guess neither one of them had an ounce of fat on them." The nurse cocked her head in thought. "I'd say they might almost be body builders...almost. Except that they look like they put their muscle weight on with hard work, not working out in a gym
somewhere."

"Did you see them leave?" Megan asked as she made the corrections to the descriptions.

"Yeah. I rode down with them in the elevator. They all piled into a 4-wheel drive sport utility. Dark green, I think. Vanity plates, too."

Simon and Megan looked at each other with hope in their eyes. Vanity plates were individualized plates, and usually very memorable. Perhaps they were about to get a lucky break. "What did the vanity plate say?"

"BDGERCAT." The woman grinned. "I heard Mr. Sandburg call the man Mac, and the woman Cat. So, at a guess, might be something cat, maybe badgercat." She shrugged. "Anyway, give these to him. And tell him I don't want to see him again for several...years would be nice. I think he's averaged about once every four months here recently. I'd like to not see him again for a while!" With that, the charge nurse moved away and started giving order to her nurses and clerical staff.

"O.K., Conner, you drop me off at the station. Then you go over to the university. See if they've heard or seen anything from him. I'll start running the vanity plate. See if I can get an address. I'm going to wring his scrawny little neck!" Simon snarled as he stalked down the hall. "Leaving the hospital and not calling and letting us know where he'll be! What happens if that female that tried to kill him tries again? How can we prevent it if we can't find him?"

"Maybe she won't be able to find him either?" Megan grinned behind his back, and then trotted to catch up. "What do we tell Ellison?" she asked.

"If he asks, which I'm beginning to doubt that he will, we'll tell him the truth. That we don't know where Sandburg is!" The captain smiled savagely. "Maybe it'll shock him out of this pissant mood he's been in lately!" He stalked through the door, grabbed one of his cigars, and headed for the car. "I'm driving! " he snarled. He looked over at her. "I don't know whose driving is worse - yours or Ellison's."

Megan knew better than to say anything. Her captain was in the mood to bite off the head of anyone who crossed his path. She smiled to herself. //Ellison better watch it! The captain'll have his guts for garters, if he's not careful!// "Yes, sir."

Simon stalked into the bullpen, taking off his jacket as he walked. He saw Jim Ellison seated at his desk working on his paperwork. "Ellison," he snapped. "My office...now!"

Jim watched Simon hang up his jacket. He picked up his progress reports, and headed into Simon's office. Simon seemed to be angry at him all the time lately, and he was not looking forward to this discussion.

"All right, detective. Let's hear what progress you've made." Simon sat down at his desk, laced his fingers in front of him, and settled in to hear Jim's progress reports.

Jim gave him the latest results on all his cases. He looked over at Simon, but noticed that he didn't seem to be paying that much attention to him. His attention seemed to be on some papers on his desk. Jim sharpened his eyesight so that he could read the papers on Simon's desk. They were prescriptions for Sandburg. //Oh, no, now what!//

Simon looked over at Jim. "Jim, have you heard from Sandburg recently?"

"No," he answered shortly. He was not in the mood to discuss his Guide. It served no useful purpose. He winced as his ears picked up bits of conversation from out in the bullpen. He tried to dial down the level, but had only limited success. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wondered." Simon fingered the prescriptions absently.

"What's he done now?" Jim sighed.

"He forgot his prescriptions at the hospital. That's all. I just wondered if you'd heard from him. And what's the progress on locating Alex Barnes?"

Jim looked over at Simon. "She made it out of the country, just ahead of the Feds. I haven't been able to pick up much more than that. Either my contacts really don't know anything, or they're too scared to tell me the truth."

"Which is likely?"

"Both, either, neither. Anything is possible. With that deadly a nerve gas, you're going to be having everyone interested in the product, including Interpol. Anybody in the Middle East would pay big money to get their hands on the product. She won't have a problem finding a buyer; just in deciding how much she wants for it."

"So, she's not likely to be headed back here, then?"

"Not likely. Possible, but not likely. Why?"

"I just wondered how likely it was that she would try to kill Sandburg again. That's all, Jim." Simon picked up the prescriptions and put them in his appointment book.

"Well, since you've got him in protective custody at the hospital, his safety shouldn't be much of a concern." Ellison commented.

"Jim, I had to pull every man I had available to combat the three bank robberies, two hostage situations, the car jackings, and the darling mayor's problems. I didn't have anyone to leave at the hospital."

"What are you telling me, Simon? Where's Sandburg? Has she gotten hold of him again?" Jim demanded, beginning to get a bit agitated.

//This may work out better than I had hoped.// Simon thought to himself. //That doesn't look like you hate him. But, you'll never know what you've missed, until you don't have it anymore.// "Now, Jim, don't go ballistic! We'll find him!" Simon grinned internally. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to give Jim Ellison a little dose of his own medicine. He had hurt Sandburg a lot when he refused to see him again. It wouldn't hurt him to suffer a little.

"Simon, what do you mean, you'll find him? Where is he?" Jim exploded.

"I don't know." Simon took a grip on his cigar, knowing that the man in front of him was going to either explode or go icy...one of the two...and he wasn't sure which one. "I hadn't been able to go see him for three days now. Conner and I went to see him at the hospital today, and he had been released. Picked up by two people whose descriptions don't match any of Sandburg's friends that I know of, and is gone. Location unknown, status unknown."

Jim's face went white. "Then...she could have him?"

"I don't think so, but we're checking. I sent Conner over to the university. The charge nurse was able to get a glimpse of their license plate - a nice vanity plate. Number BDGERCAT. I'm running it through right now. We should know who it belongs to very shortly."

Simon shuffled the papers on his desk, and then looked at Jim. "All right, detective. Let me know when you have any progress to report on your cases. I'll let you know if Conner finds out anything regarding Sandburg."

"I should be looking for Sandburg," Ellison said coldly.

"I don't think so, detective." Simon looked up at the angry man in front of him. "And I make the assignments in this precinct. It's Conner's case. She was there when it was determined that Sandburg was missing. It's her case. Dismissed."

There was a war of stares. Jim finally backed down, knowing that he was not going to win this battle. He turned and silently left the room.

//There will be other battles// Jim thought as he headed back to his desk. //And Sandburg is MY partner! You can't stop me!//

//Yep, this ought to be interesting// Simon mused silently. //Ya' know, Jim, for a man who doesn't want anything to do with Sandburg, you're awfully interested in his whereabouts. And you didn't like it that he was picked up by someone that I didn't know. That means that there's also the possibility that you don't know them either. And you don't like that one little bit!// Simon stuck his cigar back in his mouth. //Yep, this is gonna get real interesting. Sandburg, I may kill you for this, but shock treatment may just work!//

Ellison looked over at the elevator door when Megan walked in. He watched as she headed over to Simon's door, knocked, and, at the signal, walked in.

He piggybacked his ears into his eyesight, and began to listen to the conversation, or at least, tried to. Simon derailed him by shutting the blinds on Jim's side of the office, and turning on a small oscillating fan. Slowly, he began to work his way around to where he could see the two again. "Well, did you find him?" Simon demanded.

"No. I just missed him." Megan grinned. "But he is back teaching, at least according to his assistant. He's coughing a lot, looks weak as hell, but...he's up there teaching like there's no tomorrow." She looked down at the floor, then back up at Simon. "Either there's nothing bothering him, captain, or he's one hell of an actor. She said there hasn't been a real change in his behavior. He's still as bouncy, outgoing as ever. No change whatsoever."

"Why do I get the feeling he's an excellent actor?" Simon groaned. "Of course, the way he obfuscates, this shouldn't surprise me. What else did you find out?"

"Well, he's being picked up and dropped off by someone the assistant didn't know. Said they were nice, but strange. Don't look like university type people, but the woman definitely is. Said one of the other professors greeted her by name (which she couldn't remember), and her title...Doctor." Megan grinned at Simon.

"Why do I feel like it's suddenly getting real deep in here?" Simon groused, with a grin.

"Just wait. It's going to get better." Megan caught a glimpse of Jim moving past the window. "Captain, why is Ellison trying to move to where he can obviously see in this office?"

"Because he's angry that he doesn't have the case, and you do. Do you have any problems with that, Conner?"

Megan grinned. "No. Not really. I think he may deserve a little grief after the way he's been treating Sandy."

"I'm glad we seem to think alike, detective. Go on."

"It seems Sandy went before his dissertation committee yesterday. It was supposed to be a short meeting, but...it lasted for several hours. When he came out, he was ghost white, but grinning. Then, his assistant said he gave her a kiss, and asked her to wish him luck! Then he ran to the phone, called for his ride, grabbed his backpack, laptop, and every disk in the office, and ran toward the greens. She said he was laughing like a loon."

"Uh-Oh. I'm not sure I like the sound of that." Simon looked out at his bullpen. "I've got a feeling Sandburg may have been right when he told me he wasn't going to be able to come back to the bullpen. Those guys don't know it, but he's talked to every wife, son, daughter, sister, mother, brother, father, of every man in the station - uniform and plainclothes alike. He even talked to Daryl!"

"Well, why not? After all, his dissertation IS supposed to be about the closed society of the police, isn't it? And, if they gave their consent for him to use their material in his dissertation at the beginning, then they have no cause to revoke their consent now, do they?"

//No, but Jim did. And that's really left Sandburg in the lurch. I wonder...// Simon stared off to where Blair normally sat by Jim's desk, remembering all the times he had seen Blair scribbling madly in his many notebooks. //Were you really writing THAT dissertation too? Just so it would look like you were really working on it here? Are you really that devious, Sandburg?//

"O.K., so what do we know?"

'Oh, by the way, Rhonda gave me this on the way in. It's that license plate you asked to be traced. It says here that license belongs to Morgan MacKenzie, a licensed businessman in the business district near Chinatown. I checked out the address of the registered driver. It's also the address for a used book store/New Age book store/herb store near the waterfront. I checked with the Hall of Records. It's in one of the old Victorian mansions that got renovated down there about 20 years ago."

'That's a rough area." Simon commented mildly.

"It's at the edge of one, yes, sir." Megan commented neutrally.

"Well, detective, why don't you go check things out? See if Mr. MacKenzie has seen our missing anthropologist. Do you have any other information?"

"Just that he's ex-Navy. Retired out as a Chief at 24 years of service. That's about all. Oh, one other item. His weight and height on his driver's license...I'd say the picture and the description would definitely fit the description we got from the charge nurse, including the comment about looking like a brawler." Megan grinned at him cheerfully.

"Then get on it, detective. And, let me know if you find him. I've got something he was supposed to be taking before now, if you know what I mean." He glanced over at the prescriptions on his desk.

"Yes, sir. I know exactly what you mean. I'm on it. Oh, Captain...what do you want me to tell Ellison?"

"Nothing. Detective Ellison will be busy doing something for me." Simon smiled. "Now, get out of here and track down those leads."

"Yes, sir." Megan nodded to Simon, and moved purposefully out the door.

Jim Ellison hadn't been able to hear much of the conversation because he hadn't been able to piggy back in his hearing on his sight, and his hearing had been defeated by the sound of the fan in Simon's office. Without Sandburg there to help him concentrate, he couldn't isolate the sounds of the conversation from everything else that was going on around him. Furious, he stalked back to his desk. Everyone else in the bullpen went out of their way to avoid him.

Caitlin MacKenzie looked over at Blair as he and Morgan entered their shop. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Blair teased.

"Did they take the alteration in your dissertation topic?"

"Yeah, they did...once they understood that my subject had refused her consent to use the information gathered, not to mention being on the run from the police. They said it was highly unusual, but they would allow it." Blair grinned. "Now all I have to do is put the finishing touches on the closed society diss and turn it in. Expected time - about 2 weeks. They were even happier when I was able to give them all a copy of the introduction, and the first eight chapters to look over."

"I'll bet! I know that it's hard to get your Ph. D., Blair. You've been working hard on this dissertation for almost three years now. And, then, for your subject to revoke his consent..." Cat looked over at Blair. "Is that why you don't live there anymore?"

"No," Blair said shortly, his face closing in.

This was a familiar look. She'd seen it every time Naomi had done something to hurt him in any way. Naomi was a free spirit, but had never realized that her son was not that free. Children need a certain amount of stability, and never knowing anything wasn't what they needed. Blair hadn't even been able to count on Naomi being there; she was just as likely to be off chasing some rainbow or another as being there when he needed her.

"Blair Sandburg, I've known you since the day you were born." Caitlin said acerbically. She took his arm and put him into a chair. "Sit down before you fall down. Now, " sitting in a chair opposite him, "tell me what happened."

"I'm not real sure..." Blair began.

"For realio, trulio?" Cat asked, motioning Morgan to leave them in privacy.

"Really. You know my original dissertation topic was to be Sentinels in modern society?"

"Yeah.. But, the last I heard, you were still looking for one."

"Well, I found one."

"Your 'roommate'?"

"Yeah." Blair didn't feel a bit of remorse at telling Cat everything. She wouldn't tell anyone anything. Telling things to her was as good as telling a priest, and equally as confidential. "Anyway, to make a long story short, I was to help him get his senses under control, and he would let me use him to do my dissertation."

"Go on," Cat encouraged.

Blair sighed. "We had a bad experience a while back. Some renegade ex-CIA agent read my master's thesis. Tried to get Jim to help him steal a top secret plane. After all that was over, I got to thinking that it might not be the best thing to reveal any of Jim's abilities. You know the government. They'll mess up anything they can get their hands onto, and they wouldn't hesitate to try to make Jim do their bidding. So...I started another dissertation. We had used a fake dissertation topic to let me stay with Jim at the police station, so I would be available to help him with his senses...whenever he needed any help. It was on the closed society of the police. And they really are a tribe/clan of their own, you know. Not like any other segment of society. So, I started outlining that
dissertation, in addition to the real one."

Blair got up and began pacing. Cat said nothing as pacing was how Blair thought. He always thought better when he was in motion. //Hyperactive child, hyperactive adult. Oh, well,// she thought.

"Here, recently, though, things have been happening, changing, and I'm not exactly sure how, and when it all started. The point I can really pinpoint having noticed a definite change was when I had to turn in my Introduction to my dissertation. I had it with me at the station. I had asked Jim not to read it, because it was in thesis speak, which he really doesn't understand." He glanced over at her. "You know what I mean...everything dry, objective, etc. And, of course, to him, it is personal. Well, Jim stole the intro out of my backpack, and read it. He...to put it mildly...did not react well to what I had written." Blair stopped for a moment in thought. "I offered then to give up that dissertation, to tear it up," His face sad, Blair began pacing again. "For some reason, he said no. Then Jim got shot. Shortly after that I discovered another Sentinel...a female one...and things went to hell in a handbasket. I was overjoyed. I thought I would be able to finish my dissertation without having to use any of the
information from Jim...I could use Alex. Then, I find out that the woman I had been helping with her senses, to bring them under control, was using those same senses to commit crimes."

"But that wasn't your fault, cub." Cat offered.

"Intellectually I know that; emotionally, I'm not so sure. Anyway, Jim found out that I had been helping Alex with her senses and went ballistic. We had been trying to tell each other something...I'm not even sure what...but every time we got started, we'd get interrupted! Jim started exploding about...stuff at work, at me, at Megan. Stupid stuff! Only I guess it was important to him. One night I came home, and found everything I had in the loft packed up in boxes. Jim told me to be gone by the time he got back.."

He smiled a crooked little smile at Cat. "Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Same thing that always happens. How do I manage it, Cat? Everyone always kicks me out."

"Blair Sandburg, you stop that shit right now!" Cat lunged to her feet, grabbed him by the earlobe, and dragged him into the kitchen, Blair yelling "ouch" all the way. She shoved him onto a stool in the kitchen, tied an apron around her waist, and started cooking dinner. "Go on."

"I spent the first night in a motel." Blair got up, got an afghan off the dryer, and wrapped it around him. Cat watched him without expression.

"A little later, Jim reamed me a new asshole in the middle of the bullpen, in front of almost everybody...told me to leave him alone, he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore." Blair looked down at his feet, and then up at Cat. "I was hurt, Cat. Everything he said hurt. I couldn't take anymore. I told Jim that he knew where I would be, and left. I went back to the university. I graded some papers. Then, the next thing I know Alex Barnes, the female Sentinel, came in. Her behavior led me to believe that Jim was dead." He looked down at his sneakers. "The next thing I remember is waking up outside Hargrove Hall, dripping wet, EMTs working on me." He shrugged. "After that, I remember waking up once or twice in the hospital. Jim was there once. He was like a freezer." He looked over at Cat. "Then he wouldn't come see me again." He thought for a moment. "I really don't need a truckload of ice to fall on me, Cat. I do eventually take the hint."

"Did you ever tell him how you feel about him?"

"What are you talking about, Cat?" Blair fully intended to try to bluff his way out of this. But, he forgot one little thing...Cat wasn't just anyone. Cat had known him all his life. She was familiar with every little trick he had. Even Naomi didn't know all the tricks, but Cat did.

"I saw your face. You look like you did when you were around Artie, and you thought no one was looking. You'd never say a thing to him about the way you felt, because 'Artie didn't like men'."

"Are you kidding me, Cat? Mr. straight-as-an-arrow, ex-military, ex-Covert Ops Jim Ellison.? Do I look like I have a death wish here? No, of course, I never told him! I like living! Although, right now, I sometimes wonder. Besides, I haven't been interested in a man since Artie, except for Jim." Blair looked sad.

"Why were you wet, Blair?" Cat got back to the topic that interested her the most.

"Alex drowned me in the fountain." Blair said bluntly. "I was dead...for a few minutes at least..."

"Ah..." Cat nodded her understanding. "So...now what?"

"Well, I can't go back to the station. I couldn't take being around him. Before, it was similar to what Artie and I had when we were kids...closer really. And, after being that close, I couldn't stand the distance between us. However, they have accepted the change in topic for my dissertation. I just have to finish writing it. It's almost done. Some editing, change a little of this, change a little of that, you know the routine."

Cat nodded.

"Then I can turn it in. I'll defend it, and then we'll see if I can cook or not." Blair grinned up at Cat. "I've administered my last final. I have an exam to take tomorrow morning. Then I'll be completely free to work solely on my dissertation. You know, I've never had a chance to just work on my dissertation, either one of them. I was always busy taking this or that needed class, teaching, or working with Jim, either at the station or at home. I've never had the chance to just...work on IT, and nothing else. I won't know what to do."

He looked over at Cat, standing by the stove. She was waiting for what she knew would be coming. "Cat, I have to take Naomi to the Lair. You know she wanted her ashes to be scattered off the cliff into the ocean from Moose Head Peak." He looked down at the floor. "And then I'd like to spend some time talking to...people. Can I use the house? Work on my dissertation there?"

Cat knew who he was talking about talking to. She just hoped that talking to them would help him. Having all this happen, and to be told of Naomi's death at the same time...it just wasn't fair. "When did you find out about Naomi, Blair? How?"

"In the hospital. Her lawyer, the one entrusted with executing her will, came to see me in the hospital. He brought...her, and a bunch of papers. Letters mostly. I'll read them at the Lair...when I can...handle it."

"How did she die?"

"The car she was riding in was hit by an 18-wheeler that lost its brakes coming down the Monteagle Grade in Tennessee. The lawyer said the police felt that neither of them in the car knew what hit them. They were killed instantly." Blair looked over at her. "At least it was quick! Not some drawn out lingering illness to...make her really hurt, make her less of a human being. Know what I mean? No cancer, no AIDS, no leukemia, no terminal illness to take away her dignity."

"Yeah, Blair," Cat said softly, "I know what you mean." She walked over to her foster son, and gave him a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss her, too." She smiled and kissed his nose. Then she looked back down at the vegetables she was chopping. "All right, Blair. Yes, you can use the house, but you're NOT going there by yourself. I'll be there with you. You will not be there alone. Not now." She looked at him firmly. "You, young man, need a keeper, particularly if you're going to be working your normal crazy hours trying to finish your dissertation topic."

Blair smiled at her, got up, hugged her, kissed her cheek, and surreptitiously stole a piece of broccoli. Cat smiled, and smacked his hand as he reached back for another piece of the veggies. "If you keep that up, we won't have any for dinner. Now, go set the table."

"Yes, Cat." Blair said meekly, and, as he had done most of his life, went to do her bidding.

Megan walked into the shop. She looked around. There were herbs, tea pots, herb books, crystals, tarot cards, new books, used books. Wherever she looked almost every space was taken up by something. Some of the herbs even hung in bundles from the ceiling.

A short stocky man came up to her. "Need some help?"

"Megan Conner, Cascade P.D.," she said showing the man her ID. "I'm looking for Morgan MacKenzie."

"You've found him." Morgan said. "Can I help you?"

"You picked up Blair Sandburg at the University today?"

"Yeah."

She looked at him. His eyes were twinkling and very gentle. "Do you know where Mr. Sandburg is now?"

"Yeah."

Megan smiled to herself. He clearly wasn't going to give her much information, at least not voluntarily.

Morgan walked away and began twisting some herbs together into a small bundle, tying it up with kitchen twine. He looked over at Megan, and grinned. "Why do you want him?"

"He's...a friend. I'm worried about him. So are his other friends." Megan didn't really want to tell him that she was looking for Sandy under the orders of her captain, even though Blair probably would understand.

Morgan stopped tying the bundles together. "You know, I'm not sure I believe that..." he said looking at her closely.

"Well, it's the truth..." she said.

"No," looking closely at her face, "no, it's not."

"It's all right, Mac," came a voice from the doorway. There stood the missing anthropologist, his hand resting against the door. "Hello, Megan."

"Hello, Sandy. We've been looking for you."

"Really. Why didn't you try the University?"

"We did. Just missed you. Only knew anything because someone caught a glimpse of the vanity plates." She smiled at him.

Blair and Morgan exchanged glances. Morgan nodded. Blair nodded his head toward the back of the shop. "Come on. You might as well stay for dinner."

He turned and headed down the hall, keeping one hand on the wall for support.

"Are you all right, Sandy?"

"A little tired," Blair sighed., "but, the doctor told me I would probably feel tired more easily for a while. He was right. But I had to finish the last of my classes. Did that today."

"Yeah, well, Simon's ticked. You left the hospital and didn't let anyone know."

Blair led the way into a large spacious eat-in kitchen. "Well, you all seemed to be so busy then, that I didn't want to bother you."

"Sandy, we take care of our own, no matter what. You should know that by now."

//Yeah, well, I'm not sure if I AM one of your 'own'!// Blair sat down at the table, looking at the figure over by the stove. "I've invited another for dinner, Cat."

"I heard. Set another place, cub. You know me, the more the merrier! The food will stretch." Cat smiled at him. Then she looked over at Megan. "Hi, I'm Cat MacKenzie. And you are...?"

"Megan Conner."

"Go wash up, cub. Show your friend where the bath is. Dinner will be ready in two shakes." Cat turned back to the stove and started dishing up the rice.

"Come on." Blair led the way to the small bathroom with the dressing room just to the side. He showed her where everything was, and then went and got a hand towel for her to use.

"You seem to know your way around," Megan observed.

"I've spent a good part of my life in this house." Blair said, letting his eyes wander around. "I've lived in it off and on since I was 3." He shrugged. "It's home."

"Do you always do as you're told?"

"Depends on who's doing the telling?" Blair grinned. "If it is Jim, Simon, you, any of the guys at the station, not necessarily. Cat or Mac, oh, yeah. In a heartbeat. They spank!" He grinned again. "And, even at my age, I'd just as soon not have to deal with a whipping from either of those two. I'd prefer not to disappoint them at all, thank you very much." He reached for the soap, washed his hands, and dried them on another towel. Then he led the way back to the kitchen.

In the front, Mac put the CLOSED sign in the door, and headed back into the kitchen.

Cat nodded to the two coming in from the bathroom. "Dinner's on, Morgan," as he walked into the kitchen from the shop.

"Thanks, love." The man moved over to the kitchen sink, picked up the bar of hand soap, washed his hands, and then dried them on a hand towel hanging from the refrigerator.

Cat took her place at the end of the table closest to the stove, Morgan took the head of the table, Blair sat to Morgan's left, Megan to the right. Megan watched in surprise as the other three at the table clasped hands, and bowed their heads. After a moment's silence, they released their hands, and took up their silverware.

"And where do you work with the police department, Megan Conner." Morgan said with a Mid-western twang to his voice.

"Major Crimes...same place Blair works." Megan responded.

"And what sort of things do you handle there?" Cat said, a soft southern tinge in her voice.

"Robberies, car jackings, bombings, any sort of violent crime, up to and including homicide at times. Depends on the situation."

"No wonder you didn't want us to know where you were working at the station. I was expecting something like...oh, I don't know...bunco, robbery detail...not violent crimes." Morgan looked at Blair with one eyebrow on the wing.

Megan watched in amazement as Blair flushed hot pink to the roots of his hair. "Now, Mac..."

"Don't you 'Now Mac' me, Blair Sandburg! What are you doing in such a place?" Morgan scolded gently.

Megan was about to have hysterics. Blair was turning white as a ghost.

Cat looked at the two men. "Hush, Morgan. Blair's a man now, not a child to clear things with us. He has to make his own decisions, and his own mistakes. You know that. There were reasons, good reasons, for him to be there. He HAD to be there for his dissertation." She stared at her husband, as she put her hand on top of Blair's where it rested on the table. "There was need, Morgan." She said it as if that was all that mattered, picked up her fork, and began eating. "Blair, try the stir fry, cub. I'm afraid I may have used a little too much ginger."

Morgan dropped his fork on the table. "Too much ginger...again?"

"I didn't say I had...just that I thought I might have." Cat said primly. "Well, Blair."

Blair smiled at her gently, picked up his fork, and took a sample. "No, Cat. I think you got it just about right."

Cat smiled back at him, as Morgan smiled to himself, picked up his own fork, and began to eat. Megan realized that she was obviously watching what was a family ritual. It surprised her. She didn't think that Sandy had had much of a family life...at least from what she had learned from overhearing the others in the bullpen talk. But, this clearly revealed that he did have a family life, a fairly rich one she would say. At least their conversation was of an old and established nature.

They finished their meal in easy silence. Blair didn't say much, just ate the small helping he had taken. Megan saw Cat watching him carefully. When he had finished his small portion, Cat put her hand over his. "How about some dessert? I made a fruit cobbler today."

Megan saw Blair's eyes light up. "What kind?"

"Mixed fruit. I had to use dry stuff. The new stuff hasn't come in yet. I'll have to go to the Lair to be able to get enough berries for cobblers."

"Apples, apricots, peaches, plums, and everything?" Blair said, his voice raising in a question, his eyes wide and shining.

"Yes," Cat smiled, "and vanilla ice cream for a topping."

Megan watched in amazement as the tip of Blair's tongue came out and ran over his lips quickly. //He's actually already tasting it,// she thought. //Good Lord, he's sensual!//

"And, how long ago did you take it out of the oven, did you say?"

"Oh, about an hour ago. It should still be warm."

Morgan smiled at the sight. Blair loved Cat's fruit cobblers, fresh and warm from the oven. He had gotten his love of different food from being experimented on as a child. But Cat's cobbler was something that Blair really loved. It was only Cat's cobblers that he loved. He didn't care one way or the other for anyone else's.

"Go get the bowls, cub. I'll get the cobbler." Cat smiled. "Would you like some, Ms. Conner?"

"Call me Megan, and yes, I'd like some." Megan figured that it would be a frozen dessert, cooked in the oven. Her eyes widened when she saw the large rectangular baking dish filled with succulent cooked fruit and covered with a decorated top pastry, baked to a golden brown. She looked over at Blair as he handed a large spoon to Cat, and sat back down at the table.

Eyes wide, he watched in delight as Cat broke the crust and spooned up a large serving of the dessert into a bowl. She handed the bowl to Morgan, who looked at Megan. "Ice cream?" he asked smiling.

"Ah, no, thank you. Just like that is fine," she said. She took the bowl from him and picked up a spoon.

Blair's eyes were shining, like a small child's, as he watched Cat dish up the dessert. He was rocking gently back and forth in place.

"Blair, not at the table, cub. Relax, it's coming." Cat smiled at him.

Blair ducked his head. "Sorry. Just so excited. It's been...so long...since you've made cobbler," he said apologetically.

"It's been a long time since you've been home to live with us," Morgan said gently. He reached over and gently rubbed the top of Blair's head with his knuckles.

The tip of Blair's tongue peeked out as Cat handed the bowl to Morgan. Morgan put a large scoop of vanilla ice cream on the cobbler, and then handed it to Blair.

Blair picked up his spoon, dug into the pie, and ate the spoonful. A blissful look came over his face as he swallowed. He soon finished his bowl, scraping at the sides to get all possible tastes of the pie. Then he sighed in contentment.

Megan, Morgan, and Cat were talking quietly among themselves when Cat glanced over at Blair, and saw that he was asleep at the table. "Morgan," she nodded toward Blair. She didn't say another word, just got up from the table and headed upstairs.

Morgan smiled. He came around to Blair's side of the table, and gently picked him up like a small child, even though Blair was almost as big as Morgan was. He took Blair upstairs, Megan following behind.

He took Blair into a large room with a king-sized bed, a dresser, a bookcase, and a desk and chair. On the desk was Blair's laptop. His backpack was on the back of the chair. Megan saw several anthropology texts on the shelves.

Cat turned down the sheets, Morgan placed Blair on the bed. "Go on. I'll get him taken care of," Cat said. "Go finish your dessert, old man."

"Call if you need any help, old woman." The pair grinned at each other, and then Morgan herded Megan out of the room.

As they left, Megan heard Cat say, "Now, cub, let's see if I remember how to do this without waking you up. But, you always did sleep like the dead!" She glanced back, and saw Cat removing Blair's shirt, and then moving toward his belt.

Morgan looked back at her. "She'll just be a moment. He's not hard to take care of."

"She looks like she's done it before."

"For many years, and at many ages." Morgan smiled. "He runs until he collapses, and then can't do anything else but crash."

"Yeah, that's Sandy, all right. Does he do that a lot?"

"He used to. I don't know about now. We only see him about once or twice a month, when he comes in and gets his herbs. It's been three or four years since he stayed with us for any length of time. Usually the more hectic his school schedule, the more likely this was to happen."

Cat came back in the door. "Remind me, old man, to put another blanket over him later. He feels a little cool."

"Do you need me to get the extras from the chest?"

"Yes, I think so. And a couple of the afghans, too." She spotted the afghan Blair had used earlier in the day to wrap up in . "Here, put this over him on the way up."

"O.K.," Morgan took the blanket, and headed quietly up the stairs. For such a heavy man, he was very light footed and quiet.

"Now, why are you here looking for Blair?" Cat said shrewdly. "You aren't dating. I know that much. He would have told me if he was dating a pretty girl."

"I don't really think Sandy's dating anyone specifically. I know he's dated most of the available women down at the station."

//Just the women? He wasn't joking when he said he hadn't been attracted to any men after Artie. Hmmmm...// Cat thought to herself. "I repeat, why are you here?"

"He's one of us. We try to take care of our own." Megan said almost defiantly.

Cat smiled at her. "So you're a friend?"

"He was one of the first to be nice to me when I arrived in America." Megan said.

"That's Blair. Now, I repeat...why are you looking for Blair?"

"Captain Banks was worried about him. No one told us that Sandy'd been released. We'd had 72 hours of sheer insanity."

"Yes, I know. I saw it on the news."

"So, we were finally going to be able to check on Sandy. Got to the hospital, and no Sandy...and no one knew where he was."

"Ah."

"By the by, the nurse gave Captain Banks some prescriptions that Sandy's supposed to be taking. I'll drop them by tomorrow morning, if you don't mind."

"Prescriptions?"

"Yeah...an antibiotic, an antidepressant...a sleep aid...and some vitamins."

"Sure, go ahead and drop them by. We'll make sure he gets them filled and takes them." //Cub, you're testing my patience!// Cat thought. //I thought it was a little too good to be true that you didn't have any prescriptions!//

Megan folded up her napkin. "Do you need any help with the dishes?" she asked quietly.

Cat grinned. "No. I'm all for modern conveniences. I have a dish washer. I'll just load it up, and run that. No problem."

"In that case, I have to get back to the station. I need to tell the Captain that I've found Sandy, and that he's O.K , and being looked after." Megan smiled as she gathered up her purse.

"You do that." Cat escorted her to the door.

Cat closed the door, and locked up the place again, then headed back into the back of the house. Morgan was just coming downstairs.

"How is he?"

"Sleeping...quietly so far."

"You know we will have to keep an eye on him, don't you?"

"I know his nightmares have not gotten any easier for him to deal with over the years. That child is just too sensitive for the things he sees, has seen...here and abroad. He's got guts, though. He'd never let anyone suspect that he was that upset...at least not until he got home."

"Well, we'll keep an eye on him tonight, just like we have the past few nights. Then, tomorrow, after his final, I'm taking him to the Lair. We'll be there for as long as it takes him to complete his dissertation. He's going to get the chance to complete that damned thing in peace and quiet. She'll be back tomorrow. She may bring someone else with her. She may not. She's supposed to be bringing some prescriptions he left at the hospital that he needs to get filled."

She and Morgan exchanged rueful glances. "He hasn't changed much in that regard, has he?" Morgan complained.

"No. But...you'll need to get them filled and bring them to us. I'll take the large launch, since I'll have most of the supplies. While he's taking the exam, you and I will load the launch with enough food and other supplies to last till the fall. If possible, I'm going to keep him there as long as possible. He needs to relax.. He's wound as tight as an over-wound mainspring. One false move and he'll snap!"

Cat moved over and put her arms around Morgan. "We have to take care of our cub, Morgan. He's all we've got left." She said sadly. "So many taken from us. I wish he would give us grandchildren. I'd love to have some grandchildren."

"I know, but...things have a way of working out. You know that."

"I think he's in love. He's not admitting it to himself... or to the man."

"Man?"

"Yeah, man. You know we never raised him to discriminate concerning love based on gender. You love who you love, regardless of their gender."

"Yes. I know. But...from the way you're talking, there's an impediment."

"They've quarreled...rather badly I'm afraid. So badly that, unless the man makes an effort, he'll lose Blair entirely. Blair's not that eager to be hurt again."

"Starting over's never easy, old woman. You know that."

"Yes, but...this might actually work for him. You see, they are Sentinel and Guide."

"I take it Blair's the Guide."

"Of course. It's what he was trained for all his life...to have the flexibility to be able to handle a difficult Sentinel, and the intelligence to be able to handle any situation, even if the handling is a bit unorthodox."

"If this is another Sentinel/Guide bonding, they may not be able to deny their feelings for each other," Morgan advised.

"Yes, I know." Cat smiled up at him. "Let's go to bed, old man. I'm tired."

Arms around each other's waists, the pair ascended the stairs.

Megan walked into the bullpen, and headed over to Simon's office. Jim Ellison watched her calculatingly. Maybe this time he would be able to hear something.

Simon motioned Megan to come in. As she entered, Simon turned on the fan and then closed the blinds. "O.K., Conner, what did you find out?"

"Blair's fine. He was asleep when I left. These people... maybe they calm him down ....or something. Have you ever seen him sit completely still?"

"Only when Jim was real pissed at him." Simon said.

"Yeah, well. I saw him sit still and eat dinner like a normal human being. Did you know he has a sweet tooth?"

"Sandburg? Mr. -too-much-refined-sugar-is-bad-for-you Sandburg? Has a sweet tooth?"

"I'd say so...at least for one type of sweet."

"Oh, what's that?"

"Homemade fruit cobblers, warm from the oven, with vanilla ice cream on top." Megan looked over at her boss.

"Get away from me! You know I'm on a diet! And Sandburg actually ate it?"

"Yeah, Sandy ate it. Then he fell asleep at the table. They got him upstairs, into bed, and covered with two or three blankets. I've never seen him so still, except when he was unconscious in the hospital."

"How did he seem?"

"Quiet...too quiet, if you know what I mean. But it's a place where he feels safe. He even does what they tell him to."

"What?"

"Yep. Saw it myself. Didn't really believe it either, but..." Megan shrugged her shoulders. "I'll tell you one thing though..."

"What's that?"

"Don't tick off either of the people he's with. According to the records, Morgan MacKenzie was a self defense instructor for the Navy, as well as being an Aviation Electronics Chief. But, he looks like a old fashioned barroom brawler...the kind that, when you hit him in the head with a chair, he shakes his head, and says...'you shouldn't have done that...now I'm really pissed off.' He picked Sandy up, to carry him upstairs. Now, he's not a tall man, Captain. He's only about one to two inches taller than Sandy. But he picked him up out of the chair, carried him upstairs, and laid him in the bed without a quiver, shake, grunt, nothing. He wasn't even breathing hard when he hit the second story landing. Now, Sandy's not a heavy weight, but still...he was sound asleep, a dead weight."

"Okay. And the second person?"

"You know, Captain, you have an excellent command of the English language, and the vernacular, but...don't get in a word fight with this lady. She'll cut you to ribbons. She has a real flair for cutting through the bullshit...even Sandy's. And, don't ever threaten Sandburg. I've seen people like her before. She'll skin you alive verbally if you ever hurt Sandburg. You hurt anything that's hers...Yet, they were both so...gentle...with him. Like he was something precious and fragile."

Simon tried to digest what he had heard. "So, you think he'll be okay with them?"

"Yeah, I do. MacKenzie rated sharpshooter in the Navy. And, I think I saw a couple of rifles in one of the cabinets, locked away. And, if the vegetables and meat in the stir fry were any indication, Mrs. MacKenzie has a very neat hand with a blade and a thorough knowledge of anatomy, if you know what I mean. And, she's won't hesitate to hurt a woman. MacKenzie might, but she won't. I don't know what makes me think that...just an impression I got."

"Okay. Tomorrow, you go warn them that Alex Barnes has still not been apprehended, and tell them to keep a close eye on Sandburg."

"All right, Captain. Will do. Can I have those prescriptions? I told them I would bring them by there tomorrow morning."

"Sure." Simon handed them to her.

Megan started to turn around, and saw Ellison staring at the window. "What do I do about him?"

"You're not his partner..."//at least not yet. But you may be...particularly if Sandburg isn't willing to come back.//

"All right, Captain. I'm for home and bed." Megan nodded and left.

Jim Ellison stared at her back. He was so ticked at Simon. He kept turning on the fan and shutting the blinds so Jim couldn't hear anything. He needed to know where Sandburg was...but, he didn't know why. However, tomorrow, he was going to find out.

Blair moaned. His hands gripped the blankets tightly, eyes squeezed shut. He slowly drew up into a fetal position, moaning in his sleep.

Cat hurried in. She quickly sat on the edge of the bed. She began to gently rub Blair's back in a circular motion. "Shh, it's all right, cub. Cat's here. No more monsters, no one can hurt you...it's all right." She kept her tone soft and soothing, her touch relaxing.

Blair continued to twist in his covers, trying to get away from whatever monsters were after him this time, until, finally, he sat bolt upright with a scream. "No, Teddie! Don't go!" Tears were streaming down his face. He looked over at her, saw the shock on her face, and buried his face in his hands sobbing.

"Cub, cub, it's all right." Cat quickly gathered him to her, putting her arms around him, and gently rocking him back and forth. She resumed her gentle rubbing until his sobs died away into incoherent words interspersed with hiccups.

She poured him some water from the pitcher by the side of the bed. He quickly drank the water. Then he looked guiltily at her, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"Now, would you like to tell me about it?" she asked gently.

He shook his head negatively.

"You need to talk about it, cub. Otherwise, it'll just keep happening. Once it's out, maybe it'll be sufficiently known to prevent it from waking you up again."

"You know me, Cat. Nightmare City." Blair tried a smile.

"If you think you are going to get away with THAT feeble little attempt at detouring around the problem, you have another think coming. That miserable little smile you just gave me fairly shrieked, 'HELP!'."

She got in the bed with him, gathering his head and shoulders into her lap. She laid his head down, and began stroking his hair. "Now, tell Cat what's going on here, cub. This is the third night in a row that you've had this dream. What were you dreaming about?"

"I told you I was drowned. That I was dead...at least for several minutes. What I didn't tell you was that I was so dead, that the EMT's had given up on me. The only reason they continued to perform CPR was that Jim wouldn't let them give up on me." Blair looked up at her. "You know that tunnel of light that you hear about?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, it DIDN'T happen to me. I was in the woods, somewhere near the Lair, some place familiar. And I was all alone, and wandering around trying to find someone, some place I really recognized. And all of a sudden, they were there."

"Who was there, cub?" Cat had a feeling she knew but she needed to hear his answer.

"Teddie, Artie, and Gus Gus. They told me that I had to come back...that my task here on earth was not completed. My reason for existence hadn't been fulfilled. And...they put their arms around me, and held me....Oh, god, Cat, I didn't want to leave them! I wanted to stay with them so bad!" Blair began crying again.

Cat just rocked and held him, comforting him as best she could. "Go on."

"But, after a moment or two, they told me that I had to go back. That I had made a choice earlier to be the Guide to a Sentinel. And that I wasn't going to be able to get out of that this easily. I couldn't leave yet. There was someone here who still needed me too much for me to be able to leave. They...they said they would be waiting for me when my true time came, and then...then.....they just faded away. I tried to find them, but the only thing that happened was that I came to by the fountain, gasping for breath, coughing up water."

"Well, you did take on the responsibility of caring for your Sentinel," Cat commented mildly.

"Yes, but...he doesn't want me!" Blair wailed, suddenly sounding like a child of about six who's been denied his mother.

"Well, we'll see what happens about that, won't we?" Cat just grinned. "I've got a news flash for you, Junior...he may not have a choice about it! I was going through some of my old tapes from Nigeria. You remember the old ones we taped there?"

Blair nodded. They had traveled there when he was about nine years old. He'd had a wonderful time. Teddie and Artie were there, and they had run wild. But, they learned about all sorts of things, including some wonderful old stories.

"Well, I finally found someone to help me with the one from the old man whose dialect was so thick we couldn't understand it. It seems that there is a sexual link between the Sentinel and their Guide. It's almost like a sexual imperative. And, it didn't matter if it was a mixed sex couple, or a same sex couple. That drive, that need, was still there. The only difference was that, for the same sex couple, they usually also had wives and at least one child. They were driven to join with each other. And that drive had been known to drive those who resisted it insane."

Blair gulped. "'Resistance is futile'...this is ridiculous! I don't really swing that way. The only one I've ever felt that for was Artie. All the rest of the time, until now, it's been women only. Why are the powers that be fucking with me like this? It's killing me!"

"Do you need me to get you some valerian? It might help."

Blair nodded.

She got the valerian and poured the dose into a spoon. Blair took the dose like a child, and then followed it up by drinking half a glass of water. "Stay with me?" he asked softly.

"Of course, cub. Now get back into bed."

Blair obediently got in under the covers. As he had been starting to shiver, Cat spread another afghan over him. She laid down beside him outside the covers, and covered up with another afghan. She started stroking his hair.

"Better?"

Blair nodded sleepily.

"Now, how about this? In the olden days, when the world was new, and the gods were young, Odin went a-walking about the world...."

Blair smiled sleepily, and soon dropped off into gentle dream-free sleep for the first time since he had arrived in the house.

Cat smiled as she got off the bed, tucking the other afghan around his shoulders. "Ah, cub. I know. You wanted to stay. Of course you would, but I'm glad you're here." And she left to go back to her own bed, and her waiting husband.

Megan walked into the bookstore. She smiled at Morgan. "Good morning, Mr. MacKenzie. How are you doing today?"

"Fine. What can I do for you, Detective?"

She handed him the prescriptions. "I told Mrs. MacKenzie that I'd bring these by for Sandy. He forgot them when he checked out of the hospital."

He took them. "Oh, yeah. Cat told me about them." He went across the street to a Chinese apothecary shop. "Mr. Lee," he called.

"Yes?"

"I have some prescriptions I need to get filled," MacKenzie, handing Mr. Lee the prescriptions, and then I need them delivered to the pier. Can that be arranged?"

"Of course. These can easily be taken care of." Mr. Lee headed back into the shop.

"Please let me know how much I owe you. Oh, and if possible, I need them delivered within 4 hours."

"Still possible." Mr. Lee smiled.

"Thank you, Mr. Lee."

MacKenzie headed back over to the shop. He slowed. He felt eyes on him. Someone was watching. Suddenly, he stopped, his eyes focused on a blue and white truck about half a block away. Something about the truck looked familiar.

He walked back into the bookstore, and came up close to Megan. "Who's in the blue and white truck?"

"What blue and white truck?"

"The one about half a block away. Whoever it is, is watching this store, or you..."

"Oh, no! He wouldn't....would he?" Megan carefully stuck her head outside the door. "That's Jim Ellison's truck!" she whispered. "Now, what in the world is he doing here?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Mr. MacKenzie, would you please watch my purse for me?" handing him that item.

"Of course. Do you need me to call for backup?"

"No. Just keep an eye on things for me. It shouldn't be a problem." Her lips narrowed in anger as she stared at the truck. Then she went out the back door and started down toward the truck.

She maneuvered so that she was approaching from behind Jim. He had his attention so deeply on the shop, looking for his Guide, that he failed to notice her presence until her hand touched his arm.

"What, may I ask, are you doing here, Detective Ellison?" she inquired coldly.

Flustered and surprised for a moment, Jim stammered out an incoherent reply concerning a robbery case he was working on.

She shook her head. "Chew that cabbage again, will you? I didn't understand one word you said."

Jim took a deep breath. This was embarrassing. He was not usually surprised like this, but...his senses had been going crazy for days now. And they didn't seem to be getting any better. What little control he had was beginning to slip away.

"I said that I was watching a fence's place. He's been seen receiving stolen goods similar to the ones stolen in the Stagner case. Same brands, same models, but we don't know if the serial numbers match or not. I was just watching the place." Suddenly he went on the offensive. "What are you doing down here? Are you trying to meddle in my case?"

"I could ask the same of you!" she responded acerbically. "I'd say your cover was blown. However," looking at the people looking at them, including several from the suspected fence's shop, "I'd suggest getting out of here before you start a real commotion."

Turning, she stalked back down to the bookstore. After darting inside, she turned and watched Jim stealthily.

Jim hit the steering wheel once or twice, and then leaned his head on his hands. //How in the hell did she sneak up behind me?// He looked toward the bookstore. //I'll never find Sandburg at this rate. Where has he gone?// Finally, he started the engine and drove away.

Megan turned to say something to Mr. MacKenzie and was startled to find him close behind her shoulder, so close that she stumbled and nearly fell when she saw him. Quietly, he handed her her purse. "Your bag."

He looked after the truck as it drove away. "So, that was Jim Ellison, huh?" He put his hands on his hips. //Oh, Blair, you can pick them, cub. Are you drawn to them, or are they drawn to you? I just don't understand.// "Looks like someone else may be looking for Blair."

"Speaking of which, the woman we suspect of trying to kill Blair has NOT been caught. We are still looking for her. I don't know if she will try again, but she might. Can you please try and make him take precautions?"

"Have you ever tried to make Blair do anything he didn't want to?"

"No, but I've seen Jim do it."

"Detective Ellison is a special case. I mean normal humans beings, not Mr. Ramrod up his..." he stopped for a moment, realizing that he was talking to a woman, and changed his wording, "...his spine."

Megan's lips twitched. "My dad always used that particular phrase, but not that particular portion of the anatomy!"

MacKenzie grinned. "Yeah, well, my mama used to whop me for using certain indelicate expressions in front of females, and that indoctrination of the elm switch still holds. I stand by my statement."

"No. I've seen Simon do it."

"When Blair really really didn't want to do it, or was just voicing an objection?"

"You know, I don't know Sandy well enough to tell the difference." Megan admitted.

"Well, let me put it to you this way," he looked in the direction Ellison's truck had gone. "You might as well try to move the proverbial immovable object as get Blair to do anything he wasn't willing to do in the first place. He just has to..." he looked funny for a moment, and then grinned again, "well, being short myself I can say it...sometimes us little guys have to pipe up and kick up a fuss to make you big guys realize we're here, we're adults, and we have minds of our own! We have to stand up for ourselves because nobody else is going to. And Jim Ellison may be the irresistible force, but Blair's the immovable object." //And he has to be, in order to guide and control his Sentinel.// MacKenzie's lips quirked. "The only one I know of can get Blair to do something he truly doesn't want to do, is Cat. And that's because they're so much alike. If he says anything, she tells him 'it's the pot calling the kettle black'!"

He looked over at Megan. "So, in answer to your question, I'll ask him to...but I can't force him to. Besides, after today, he won't even be in town."

"What?"

"He's got to work on his dissertation. It's due by the end of the summer. He's got to work on it uninterrupted. So, he and my wife are going to the summer place."

"And where's that?"

"We own some land near the Canadian coast...about 300 miles north of here. Mostly wooded, but some orchards, some meadows, some mountains, some streams, an ocean front beach, a couple of small lakes..." He moved back into the store. "I'll be joining them in about a week. Just as soon as Mr. Lee's nephew gets out of college for the summer."

He noticed the look on her face. "Oh, it's not a change in plans! We do this every year. The land's been in Cat's family for over 100 years. It's isolated, but we've got good fishing, good hunting, all the necessities of life. We're about 25 miles from the nearest town. But, we've got a generator, indoor plumbing, and don't usually need air conditioning. We brought our kids up there while they were growing up." //...And we buried them there too.// he thought sadly.

He shrugged. "If we weren't getting old, and we didn't get so cold in the winter, we'd live up there year round. But, it's just getting to where it's too cold for us in the winter."

"To get back to the situation...strangers are noticed up there. All strangers. We'll be all right."

"Can you leave me a number where he can be reached? In case we need to for some reason?"

"Sure." MacKenzie scribbled the number on a piece of paper. "That's if you can get through. The weather is kind of hard on telephone lines. You can't always get through. But..." he scribbled another set of numbers and letters on the paper. "That's our radio call letters. The radio almost always works."

Saying that, he opened the door for her, and she left..

//So, my fine young Sentinel// he thought, as he headed toward the back of the shop, //you're looking for your Guide, and,// finishing the thought aloud, "you've just realized that you don't have the vaguest idea where he is!" He smiled. "Good luck. You're going to need it."

Cat jumped down from the hood of the sport utility when she saw Blair coming. His arms were full of notebooks and disks. "Well, how did it go?"

Blair shook his head. "I don't know. I did O.K., I guess."

Cat just grinned. If Blair was that ambivalent, that meant that he had done pretty well. That was the way that went. He'd been that way ever since he was a child. If he felt he had aced it, he hadn't passed with as high a grade as he could earn. But, if he felt like a) he had failed, or b) was ambivalent about the results, that almost always meant that he had done well. "So are you ready to head out now?"

Blair nodded. "I changed the address to send my grades to your place. I hope that's O.K." he looked at her expectantly.

"You know it is." Cat helped him put the notebooks and disks in the backseat "So, where do we go from here? To the pier, to pick up a few clothes, what?"

Blair slid into the passenger side of the SUV, and pulled the seat belt tight. Then he turned to look at Cat as she slid into the driver's side. "I need a big huge favor."

"What, cub?"

"Take me to 852 Prospect. And I've got to arrange for something for the car," he shrugged. "It's still here in the university parking lot. I need to get it moved, or maybe Mac could drive it up to the Lair. Then, when I need to come back to defend my dissertation, you won't have to make the drive with me."

"Cub, given your luck, that car wouldn't make it 100 miles! Let Morgan look at it, work on it."

"But, I can't pay him. I'm already putting a strain on your finances just by living with you. I know how tight money is."

"Blair, I haven't touched a penny of the principal of my trust fund in almost 30 years. I have money, cub. I just don't always use it. Things that are worked for are appreciated more. You know that." She smiled at him. "How do you think we could afford the SUV if we didn't have some additional income? Although, don't get me wrong, the shop does very well. We are very popular because we have a lot of the herbs and other items the Latin, Chinese, and pagan populations want, or, if we don't have them, we can get them from our contacts around the world." She reached over and touched him. "Cub, our needs are simple. Each other, a warm, dry bed, a solid roof over our heads, clothes on our back, food on the table, and that's about it, now. We want to be able to leave something to you and any children you may have, so we...try to be careful."

She checked the traffic, and then carefully pulled into the stream of vehicle leaving the parking lot.

While they were stopped at a traffic light. "Now, why do you have to go to the loft?" She looked over at him.

Blair's face was pale, but set. "I have to drop off some things..." he equivocated.

She saw a convenience store, and pulled into their parking lot, put the SUV in park, and then turned to look at Blair. "Cub, look at me."

Blair turned his face up to her.

"What's going on? Your pulse is making like one of Buddy Rich's drums! Your breathing...well, let's just say that your breathing pattern leaves a lot to be desired! Your hands are shaking, you're pale a ghost...Do I need to go on here?"

"No." Blair looked out the window. "I need to drop off the spare set of keys to the truck, my key to the loft, and..." and his voice faded off into intelligibility.

"Cub, stop muttering, and speak plainly. This is Cat, remember!" Cat touched his shoulder gently.

He looked back over at her. "And leave all my Sentinel data, notes, and what I have written on my dissertation there..."

"But, why?"

"He revoked his consent," Blair said softly. "I can't use him for my thesis, and you and Mac are too close for me to be able to use you two." He smiled sadly. "And, if I can't use him for my dissertation, (and mind you, given the fact that 'Big Brother' is always watching I'm none too sure I SHOULD use his information for my dissertation), I have no need of the data. It's safer with him! That way, he knows I'm not going to use any of the stuff without his consent."

"Are you going to give it to him, or just leave it?" Cat asked quietly.

"He hasn't spoken to me since I was revived....not one word!" Blair looked down at the hands twisting in his lap. "I was just planning on leaving it. I...I just couldn't face talking to that shut face again. Hell, I'd have gotten more response from the door than I got from him!"

He looked over at her. "Yes, I know...that's the coward's way out...but, I'm just not up to it right now. I know my own limitations." He looked back down at his hands. "You remember how I was after Columbia?"

"Yeah." He'd been a basket case. Of course, Cat herself hadn't been in much better shape.

"Well, right now, I feel just as strange, numb, out of it...you name it...as I did then. I just hope I can pull it together enough to do a good job on my new dissertation topic. But, I just can't face him. I've been in warmer freezers!"

"Why he is acting like this?" Cat asked curiously.

"I don't know. Something started going ....strange...a couple of months ago. I brushed it off. Said it'll get better, only it didn't. It got worse. And the presence of another Sentinel, a young Sentinel," he said flashing her a grin, "seemed to...I don't know...drive him off the deep end. He's hurting, and he won't let me help!" Blair was almost on the verge of tears.

"All right, cub. Take it easy. We'll do it your way, for now. But, you realize that you two are going to HAVE to iron out your problems, don't you?"

"Maybe...maybe not. I'm not the one driving him away, Cat. He's rejecting me! Not the other way around. You know that old saying, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'? Well, I'm going to give that a try. Maybe, if he can't find me, it'll make him think. Or maybe not. I may just be screwing myself, and him, big time. I just don't know anymore."

"Cub, you've been training for this job since the day you were born! Stop trying to second guess yourself!" Cat stared in him in concern.

"Yeah, well, he's not like anyone else I've ever met! He's...he's had a lot of grief in his life..."

"And you haven't!" she exclaimed.

"This is a little different. I'm not a Sentinel. He is. You, of all people, know how hard it is for Sentinels to stop being the protector for their Guides. To let them live their own lives. Maybe this is his way of saying it's time for me to live my own life, instead of tying myself so close to him."

"Or maybe it's just panic!" Cat said shortly. "I never thought you would tie yourself to a coward, cub!"

"That's not fair, Cat! He's had a lot of loss in his life!"

"I repeat...and you haven't! Teddie, Artie, Gus-Gus, Naomi...do I need to go on? A life where you couldn't even count on waking up in the same house you went to sleep in! No true stability...I loved Naomi. She was my best friend! But, her ideas on the rearing of children left a lot to be desired! I mean, I can talk, I dragged you kids all over the globe! One season in Kenya, another in Peru, still another in Alaska, and so forth and so on! But...there was always a home to come back to...with Morgan there, when he was in from sea...and you all always went WITH me. It wasn't a case of dropping any of you off with friends so I could 'go find a little inner peace'. Bullshit!" Cat slammed the steering wheel with her hands. "Giving up her responsibility as a parent! You deserved better!" She looked over at Blair. "And that's why, after you were about six, that you spent most of your time with us, with Naomi popping in and out to see you. But you had a stable family life. Me, Teddie, Artie, Morgan, and Naomi coming in when she felt like it. You spent a lot of time with your mother, Blair, but your family was us."

She started the engine. "All right, cub. I'll let you know if anyone is in the loft. Then you can drop everything off. Then we're to the pier, and on to the Lair. We're going up by launch. Morgan will drive the SUV up this weekend, and take the launch home on Sunday. Then, in about 2 weeks, we'll go pick him up. But..." she grinned at him while stopped waiting on traffic, "once he gets a look at that piece of junk you call a car, we may not see him for a while. In fact, he may not even come up on time. He may be getting that piece of junk taken care of!"

"Now, it's a good car, Cat! Besides, it's what I could afford after the Corvair died..." Blair protested.

"Yeah, right." She grinned, and then pulled out into the traffic, headed for the loft.

Blair carefully placed all the disks on the kitchen table, along with all the journals and test results. He went into the bathroom, then his room, and carefully checked to make sure he was leaving anything important behind. He went over to the table, carefully wrote a note to Jim, and left it on top of the journals. He took one last look around the loft. He had spent several happy years here, and he was going to miss it. He was going to miss Jim. He carefully closed the door behind him as he left.

Cat looked at him as he got in and closed the door. She didn't say anything, just patted his shoulder. Blair buckled his seat belt and they pulled out of the parking area. They were off.

Ellison came in from work that night. He looked around the loft. Something was different, but he wasn't sure what. Something smelled different....it smelled like...Blair! He focused, trying to see if his Guide was still here, hear his heartbeat. But the familiar heartbeat wasn't there. He sniffed again. It was Blair's scent! He would swear to it!

He followed the scent trail into the kitchen. His heart died in him when he saw the keys, the disks, and the journals and notebooks on the table. He picked up the note, and read it carefully. Then he sat down heavily in the chair. Blair was gone!

Simon phoned the loft, waiting anxiously while the phone rang unanswered. He looked over at Megan. "Are you sure it was Jim this morning?"

"Oh, yeah. A little hard to miss, at his size...and that truck! It sticks out like a sore thumb! So I went over and talked to him." Megan looked at him. "What's going on, Captain? I don't think I understand what happening here."

"I'm not sure I do either." Simon looked at her. "Jim refused to go back to see Sandburg in the hospital. Didn't say a word to him the one time he was there. Blair's given up hope, at least in regards to Jim. I didn't believe him. I'm still not sure I believe what I see happening." He put down the phone. "I think I'm gonna run by the loft. I've got a strange feeling about this." He reached out and grabbed his jacket.

"Need some company?" Megan offered.

"No. If Jim's ready to talk, willing to talk, whatever, he'll do it to me alone. He won't say a word with anyone else present. But I think I need to talk to him." Simon stood in the door.

"One thing, Captain. Blair left town today."

"What?" Simon exclaimed.

"Yeah. Going to work on his dissertation in peace and quiet, up in Canada somewhere." Megan said.

"Well, that's gonna rock the boat some," Simon said thoughtfully, "but, maybe, just maybe, it'll bring Jim to his senses...if I don't have to kill him first for picking fights with his co-workers. He's been as touchy as a bear with a sore tooth. Normally, Sandburg can calm him down; but there is no Blair here now. And whose fault is that, Jim?" he asked softly. "Well, I'd better go see what's going on. Of course, he could be out looking for Blair. But, where would he look?"

"Should I call Mr. MacKenzie and tell him Blair could be being stalked by a lunatic?"

"Hold off on that for a moment. Hold that thought! I'll let you know." Simon put on his jacket and headed out the door.

Simon walked up the stairs to the loft. The elevator was out...again. He knocked on the door. There was no sound from within the loft, but he knew...he could feel...that Jim was there. He tried the door. It was unlocked! That wasn't normal. Jim always locked the door...always. But, maybe he was down in the laundry room. Simon drew his weapon, opened the door, and walked in cautiously.

This was the first time Simon had been there since this whole business had started. He was shocked at how bare, how cold the room looked. //This is the way Jim has been living. He needs help!// he thought as he looked around the empty loft. There was nothing left in the living area except Jim's bed, a bureau/chest, and the kitchen table and one chair. //I'm gonna have to have him see the department psychiatrist. This isn't healthy!//

He looked around and saw his detective out on the balcony. //Oh, boy! I hope he's not trying to tell me something here!// He holstered his weapon as he moved into the kitchen, and froze when he saw all the disks and notebooks on the kitchen table. He walked over, picked up one of the notebooks, and thumbed through it. All the pages were covered in Sandburg's tiny precise writing. It had always amazed Simon that someone as hyperactive, over- exuberant, and uncoordinated as Sandburg had such neat precise handwriting. Then Simon's eye was caught by the note on top of one pile of journals. Against his will, his eyes read the note, and then read it again, trying to make sense out of it.

Jim,

Since you revoked your consent for me to use you in my dissertation, I have brought over all the information I have collected over the last 3 years, as well as my observations and conclusions. I no longer have any need of them. These are the only copies of the data. Do with them what you will.

Blair Sandburg

//Well, that's torn it!// Simon thought. //If Jim revoked his consent, what is Sandburg going to do for a dissertation topic? This means that Sandburg can't get his doctorate....something he's worked for for over 3 years! His life's work!// He looked out toward the balcony. //Maybe you'd better stay out there for a while, Jim, until I calm down! You didn't need to do that to the kid, no matter what he'd done!//

Simon carefully put the note back on top of the journals. Then he moved out to the balcony. He looked over at his detective, and then deliberately didn't look at him any more. Jim didn't look good. His cheekbones were more pronounced, his face more craggy. He looked like he had lost weight. The muscles in his jaw were jumping like electricity was being sent through them on a regular basis. "So, do I guess from what I see on the table that you've finally gotten rid of Sandburg?" Simon said harshly.

"Yeah...I guess..." Jim's voice was quiet, harsh, lifeless.

Simon moved over until he could see Jim's face. He could the tear tracks on Jim's face. "Why'd you do it, Jim? Sandburg cared about you, a lot! He practically worshipped the ground you walked on...and then you treat him like this..." He looked over at the man again. "I just don't understand. Why?"

"I don't know." Jim said simply. "It was all just...gut reactions...I don't even know what I did, or what I said to him."

"Well, I can tell you that, at the station, you were pretty brutal to him. So brutal that, he as much as said he wouldn't be back until you asked him to...that you knew where he would be..."

"Yeah, but he's not there..." Jim said quietly.

"Yeah, I know." Simon said equally as quietly. "You were following Conner today, weren't you?"

"I hoped that she might know where he was. I...I" Jim stopped as tears threatened to close his throat. But, he didn't release those tears, because...as his father always said... a man doesn't cry! What a load of crap!

"Jim, you're gonna lose him if you're not careful! He's gonna be gone!" Simon warned.

"He's already gone..." Jim said listlessly. His hand waved toward the papers on the table. "That's three years of his life! There's no way he'd give that back...not willingly." He looked at the table.

"But, Jim, you rescinded your permission for him to use you and your information in his dissertation. Without you, he HAD no dissertation! You knew that! And, I can tell you from when my cousin got his doctorate, you have to back up every statement with fact! You have to present concrete proof of your conclusions. You can't just say it and not be able to prove it! So, you cut the legs out from under him! Ethically, what else could he do but this?"

"I didn't understand that, though, Simon. Or, if I did, it didn't sink in."

Simon looked at Jim. "How long has it been since you ate? Since you slept?"

"I don't know..." Jim was almost as lifeless as Sandburg had been in the hospital.

"Jim, why wouldn't you go see him in the hospital? He was hoping to see you, talk to you. It was killing him that you never came to see him. It was scary, Jim. He was quiet, still." Simon looked over at Jim. "I don't know who came back to life, but I'm not certain it was Sandburg! At least, not the Sandburg I know."

"He was still, quiet?" Jim questioned.

"Yeah. Like it hurt to talk, to think, to move, maybe even to be alive. Like, he wasn't exactly sure that we had done him any favors by reviving him!" This was going a bit further than what Sandburg had told him, but...it was a conclusion that Simon had reached on his own. Just by listening to Blair.

"No!" Jim denied that intensely. "No. He'll bounce back. He always does!"

"Sometimes they can't bounce back. Always before, he had a support group - you. And as long as he had you in his corner, he bounced back, sometimes a little the worse for wear, but he came back. I'm not sure he's going to come back from this one, Jim." Simon looked out over the city lights.

"Have they found him yet?" Jim asked.

"When did he leave this?"

"Sometime today."

"Then, no.. We haven't found him.. Megan saw him yesterday. Said he was thin; you could see almost every bone in his body sticking out. And, he was picking at his food."

"Standard Sandburg maneuvers," Jim interjected.

"But, he was bouncy, hyperactive, etc. You know him, Jim." Simon said. "She said she could almost see him pulling the mask into place. It was an act, to make people feel better."

Jim just stared at the floor of the balcony. He was feeling faint, but...Suddenly he wavered; he had gone white.

Simon grabbed him by the shoulder. "Jim!" //You'd think he was the one who'd been drowned!// "Jim." He helped him inside to the table. "When is the last time you ate something? Slept?"

"I don't know...Saturday?"

"Jim, that was three days ago! Sit!"

Simon opened the refrigerator door. There wasn't a lot of food in there, and definitely nothing that looked edible. He opened the cabinets. Coffee, sugar, creamer, a little dry cereal, some old fashioned oats...nothing for an immediate meal. Simon walked over to the phone, looked at the number by the phone, and called in an order for some egg fu yung for Jim and some Szechwan chicken for him from the neighborhood Chinese restaurant that delivered.

Jim started to get up.

"Stay right there, Ellison!" Simon snapped. "You're not going anywhere!"

"But..."

"But nothing! Sit there, be quiet, and don't move!" Simon picked up everything, and stacked them on the counter out of the way. He saw Jim about to say something, and held up one finger. "Not a word!" He glared at him.

//This is pathetic, Ellison// Jim told himself. //You're a fool! You had a good thing going, and you screwed it up big time! Friendship, companionship, and yes...even love! Even if you wouldn't ...or couldn't...say anything to Blair about it! Face it, Ellison! You fucked up good! A man you could have lived with for the rest of your life, and you drove him away! It was like you couldn't stop yourself. Your mouth and body were in forward, and your mind was in reverse. It was like watching a movie. Nothing was real!// Jim looked down at the floor. //Only it was real, fool! And now he's gone. He'll never come back. You hurt him too bad!//

Simon turned around to say something to Jim, and saw something he had never thought to see.. Jim was just sitting there, tears silently rolling down the big detective's cheeks. //Uh-oh,// Simon thought to himself. //I think I better go see where his weapon is. I'd just as soon NOT get a call from a uniform telling me that Ellison ate his gun!// "Jim, where's your weapon?" He touched Ellison on his shoulder. It was like touching a rock.. "Jim, talk to me. Where's your weapon?"

"One's under my pillow, one's on my bureau, and the third is over by the key stand," Jim murmured.

Simon gathered up all the weapons he could find in the loft - guns, knives, disposable razors. He didn't want to take any chances here. Of course, if Jim was completely set on suicide, there wasn't going to be any way to stop him, unless he had someone do a watch on him 24/7.

The delivery boy came to the door with their dinner. Simon paid him, and then set the food in front of Jim. He got down the dishes, and served Jim a portion of the egg fu yung. Then he got his own dinner dished up. Jim looked at the food. He picked up a fork, and started playing with the food. "Jim," Simon ordered, "eat your dinner..." He fixed a commanding eye on his detective.

Jim's jaw worked for a second or two, then dropped his fork on the plate. "I'm not really hungry, Simon."

"Jim, you're not going to be any good to Sandburg if you're weak from hunger, or so out of it from lack of sleep, that you're a zombie! Remember, Alex Barnes is STILL out there. She could still try to hurt him again!" He hated to do it, but he had to. If Jim didn't start thinking about himself and Blair, they both would be gone. Jim would eat his gun, and Sandburg would blame himself for that, and it would be a downward spiral.

Jim looked up at Simon. "There's still no word as to her whereabouts?"

"No." Simon looked down at his food. "And we don't know where Sandburg is either!"

"But you said Conner saw him yesterday!"

"That was yesterday! This is today! Yesterday, Sandburg was going out of town to work on his dissertation in peace and quiet. Today, his dissertation material is on your counter, and Sandburg is nowhere in sight! Now, you tell me! What does that add up to to you? Hmmm?"

Jim looked over at his friend. "Out of town? You don't know where he is? Has anyone been able to find Naomi? Maybe he's gone to be with her..."

Simon looked at the floor. "That's another thing, Jim. We put out a APB on Naomi...trying to get her here while it was still so touch and go for Sandburg. I finally got a reply from a small town in Tennessee, Monteagle. It seems that one Naomi Sandburg was killed in a car accident the same day Blair was pulled out of the fountain. Jim, Naomi, if that's Blair's Naomi, is dead."

"I've got to find him!" //I don't know why. It's just...a feeling...I've got...I've got to find him. I feel like I'm missing a huge part of myself. And I won't have it back until he's back here with me. He stayed with me for more than three years. He said over a year ago that he had enough information and data for three dissertations. But he still stayed. He was committed to helping me with my senses. I committed to using my senses as a Sentinel. Now I need to commit to my Guide.// Jim started to get up from the table, but then sat back down, too weak to move.

"Eat!" Simon ordered. "Then you're going to go to bed..." he looked over at Jim who was trying to say something, "or I'll knock you out cold, and then tie you in the bed!"

"But..."

"Don't push it, Ellison! I'm starting to get real bent here! First Sandburg, then you, then Sandburg, now you again! I'm losing both my patience and my mind! You will eat, you will sleep, you will eat again, and sleep again. In the meantime, I'm going to call in some markers and see what I can turn up." He looked down at his food. "And I hope they come up with something, because this situation is about to drive me to drink!" //And, if they don't find Alex Barnes, and that missing container of nerve gas, it may not matter very soon! We may all be dead.//

Jim looked over at his captain, and saw the determination in his face. Silently, he picked up his fork, and forced himself to eat. //Eat, Ellison, or you won't be worth a plug nickel. When it comes down to the line, you won't be able to help Blair. You've already failed him once! By the grace of God, he survived that time. He may not be so lucky the next time. And you know him. He attracts trouble like a magnet! You'll have to be ready to move at a moment's notice.//

Simon and he finished the meal in silence. Then Jim walked slowly up the stairs, stripped down to his boxers, and crawled into bed. Since he had not been able to sleep soundly (if at all) for the past week, he was exhausted.. His eyelids drooped, and then he was gone.

Morgan looked at the Volvo. //Cub, I don't know how you manage it, but this one's almost as much of a piece of junk as the Corvair.// He popped the hood, and took a close look at the engine. //Oh, boy! I can see I'm going to busy for the next couple a weeks.// He smiled. Only the cub... He called for a tow truck.

Jim stumbled down the stairs to the bathroom. He heard a noise. "Sandburg?"

"No, Jim. Simon. Go back to sleep."

Jim looked in the front room. There was Taggert, Rafe and Conner all sitting on the floor surrounded by mounds of paper. Jim just shook his head. //I'm seeing things. Taggert's sitting on my floor.// He took another look. //Yep, that's Joel, all right. Don't ask. Don't go there.// And he went back up to his room, and crashed on the bed again.

The next time Jim woke the loft was silent except for Simon's snores. Jim came down the stairs. He was still unsteady on his feet, but he knew that would vanish as soon as he ate.

He looked over. Simon was sleeping on the floor in Jim's sleeping bag, which he had gotten out of the storage cabinet. Jim didn't know what was going on, but he was starving. He found a moldy loaf of bread, and that was it. Not even any eggs.

He went up the stairs, got dressed, and got his wallet and keys. He silently closed the door behind him.

Morgan stared at the engine of the Volvo in disgust. No wonder the damn thing didn't run all the time. The wonder was that it ran at all!

"Cub, if you've been paying someone else to do this, you've been getting ripped off.,. And, if you've been doing this yourself, I'll skin you alive! I taught you better automotive mechanics than this!"

He sighed as he traced the faulty wiring. Oh, well. Looked like this was going to be a complete rewire AND rebuild. He smiled to himself. This was going to be fun. He loved working on old cars. "Why didn't you come to me, cub, when you needed the car worked on?" he mused aloud as he started breaking down the engine. "You know I'd have done it for the cost of the parts and the fun of doing it!" He laid some parts he'd need to either rebuild or replace on his work bench.

"I know, I know! You didn't want to bother us with your 'petty problems'!" He smiled again thinking about Blair. "Did you ever stop to think that we might sleep better knowing you had a car that would run all the time, and run safely. Nooooo, don't think you did." Morgan just shook his head. This was going to take a while.

Jim Ellison sat in his truck outside the bookstore. He could hear a young man's voice in the store, but not the voice of the older man he had heard with Megan last week.

He didn't know how; he didn't know why; all he knew was that he had to find Sandburg! He had to! He looked at the name written on a slip of paper in his hand. He had stolen...actually stolen...the information off Simon's desk! What connection there was, Jim didn't know, just that this license number had picked Sandburg up the last time Blair had been seen. But, whatever the connection, he had to find Blair!

Jim got out of the truck and entered the store.

"Detective James Ellison, Cascade P.D." He showed his badge to the young Chinese American man behind the counter. "I'm looking for a," and he looked at the slip of paper in his hand, "Morgan MacKenzie, who lives and/or works at this address."

"Mr. Mac is in the back. I'll see if he is available." The young man slipped off the stool he had been using to stock the shelves, and slipped into the back.

Jim focused his hearing on following the young man.

"Mr. Mac?" Johnny Lee called. "There's a policeman out here to see you." The young man was distressed. The police always meant trouble.

Morgan looked at him. "It's all right, Johnny. Is it a big man?"

"Pretty good size," Johnny admitted.

"Did he give a name? Say why he was here?"

"He said his name was Ellison, and he didn't say why." Johnny shifted from one foot to the other.

Morgan smiled and sighed. //Finally!// "It's all right, Johnny. Show him back. He's not here to make trouble, at least I don't think he is" He stuck his head back under the hood.

"Are you sure, Mr. Mac? He's awful big. Do you need me to send for one of the Chang brothers?"

Morgan just grinned and shook his head. "I don't think I'll need one of them, thanks, Johnny. Have one of the neighborhood kids keep an eye on his truck for me, will you?" He reached into his overall pocket and pulled out a twenty. "Give 'em this , O.K.?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Mac." The young man walked back into the main portion of the shop. "This way, please, Detective Ellison."

Jim followed the young man back into a complete, state of the art garage. Jim looked around at all the tools, and whistled softly.

"Yeah," Morgan grinned up at him from under the hood. "I can do a lot of stuff here that others can't, Detective." He stood up and stretched. Then he reached over and threw a pair of overalls at Jim. "I'll try to answer your questions, whatever they are, but in return you can help me drop a new engine in this baby."

Jim looked at the car. It looked like Sandburg's bucket of bolts. He stared at Morgan from beneath lowered brows.

Morgan smiled openly. He could follow Jim's thinking as plainly as if Jim had said his thoughts out loud. "Yes, it's Blair's heap! Piece of shit is more like it! I'll bet this damn thing hasn't run completely right since the day he bought it!"

Jim started pulling the overalls on over his clothes. "No, it hasn't," he allowed.

"I'm not surprised. I recognized B.E. Moore's handiwork in this wiring. And that man's been out of business for 15 years. He got driven out because he did shoddy work, and wouldn't stand behind his dealer's work! They had to have replaced every bit of the factory wiring with substandard wiring!" He kicked the front bumper. "Not to mention doing some of the most screwed up mechanical repair work I've ever had the misfortune to see! Grab that chain, will you?" pointing to a chain anchoring an engine block in mid air.

Jim grabbed the chain off the hook, and took the weight of the engine while Morgan guided the new block into place in the car. "Whew! Thanks. I was beginning to wonder who was going to help me get the new block in. O.K., ask away."

He bent his head under the hood, and began tightening the engine block bolts to the frame.

"Where's Blair Sandburg?" Jim asked bluntly.

"Out of town." Morgan said matter of factly.

"Where?"

"I can't tell you, Detective." He peered at Jim closely. "Headache?" he asked softly.

In surprise, Jim looked over at him. The man had large, soft, gentle greenish- brown eyes, the kind that change color from brown to green depending on the clothing being worn and the surrounding lights. "Yeah, a little," he admitted.

"Have you been having a lot of them?"

"Off and on for the last couple of weeks. Why?"

"No special reason. You just looked like you had a headache." He reached over and gently touched Jim on the hand.

Jim's hand began to tingle, in an odd sort of way. A way he had noticed only around Sandburg. Without his realizing it, his headache began to recede.

"If you like, I can fix you a cup of tea. A tea meant for headaches."

"I...uh...I have an odd reaction to things like analgesics and pain killers." //Why am I telling this man this? He doesn't need to know this. But I can't seem to help myself.// It was like something was forcing him to tell Morgan these things.

//Yeah, I'll just bet you do, Sentinel. And if it's anything like Cat's, we're all in trouble!// "Well, if you change your mind, let me know."

"When was the last time you saw Sandburg?"

"About week and a half ago. Just after he took his last exam and before he left town." Morgan picked up another car part and began attaching it to the engine block.

"Did he say where he was going?" Jim asked diffidently, as he held the part while Morgan tightened it up.

"No." //I already KNEW where he was headed, Detective.// He looked over at Jim, and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. //You're not going to get the answers you want, Detective, try as hard as you can.//

Morgan finished attaching the other parts to the new engine block, and then went to the driver's seat. "Watch your hands!" he called. And he started the engine.

Jim stared at the engine in surprise. It had never sounded like this before. This sounded almost like his truck engine. He turned to Morgan. "What did you do?"

"Rebuilt the carburetor, the ignition, the rings, the engine , the water pump, put in a new engine block, redid the wiring, replaced all the belts, filters, battery, the brakes and master cylinders, changed the oil, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, drained the radiator, put in a new radiator when the old one started leaking like a sieve, basically rebuilt or replaced everything in the engine area. Reupholstered the seats. Had fun with them! Course Blair may not like leather seats, but they're going to make this old monster look sharp! After this, comes a new paint job. Then, he should be ready to go hunting bear! Or at least be able to drive to the university and expect his car to start when he comes out of his office!"

Jim stared at him. "How long have you been working on it?"

"Since I had to have it towed from the University parking lot the day after he left town! How's the head now?"

Jim started. He had forgotten about his headache. "It's gone. What did you do?"

"Nothing. Basically got your mind off the pain, and that let it go away." Morgan wiped off his hands and handed Jim a business card. "Listen to me. Listen to me very carefully." His voice was soft and melodic. It reminded Jim of Blair's voice...smooth, soothing. "If you have any more problems with headaches like this one, give me a call. Do you understand me?" He touched Jim very softly on the shoulder.

"Yes," Jim heard himself answer in a daze. Somehow, without his knowing it, he found himself back in his truck, keys in his hand, Morgan standing outside the truck.

"If you have any problems, call me. If you lose the card, I'm in the book." Morgan shut the door firmly. "Now, go get some rest!" came through the door faintly. //Blair has done a good job in training his Sentinel to respond to the Guide voice...makes it a lot easier to handle him in times when Blair is not there.

Jim sat at his desk, rummaging through his papers. His headache was back. It wasn't real bad yet, but it was enough that he wasn't able to concentrate. He reached into his drawer and pulled out the aspirin bottle. He seemed to be living on the stuff here lately.

Simon watched as Jim took out two aspirin. He walked up to the desk. "Problem, Jim?"

"Just a headache." He put the bottle back in the drawer, but not before Simon could see that it truly was aspirin.

"A bad one. Like the ones you used to get before...before Sandburg came along?" Simon asked softly.

"Not yet. I'm trying to keep it from getting to that stage." Jim admitted.

"All right, Jim. That's it. Go home! Take something strong for that headache! I've seen you with this before, and I'd like to have this turn out to be something minor. I don't want you punching someone's lights out because they made your headache worse!" Simon glared at him.

"O.K., Simon." Jim got up carefully and headed out the door.

Troubled, Simon watched Jim go out the door. //He's really feeling bad! He didn't put up any kind of a struggle. None at all! Better check on him later.//

Jim woke up with the worst headache he'd had in years. The slightest sound put him into agony. He curled up in a ball, putting his pillow over his ears. He could hear everything. He tried turning down the dials, the way Blair told him to, but it didn't work. Finally he got up and padded down to the bathroom to get something for his head. He pulled two aspirin from the bottle and looked for the glass, which, of course, was missing.

He headed into the kitchen. He ran some water, wincing as the water coming from the tap sounded like a flood in full spate. He swallowed the aspirin, and then rolled the cold glass over his forehead. It felt so...good, so soothing. Maybe cold compresses would work. He went back into the bathroom, got out a thick washcloth, and soaked it in cold water. Then he pressed it over his eyes and forehead. It felt just as good as the glass had, only softer...more distracting... He could feel each individual fiber of the terrycloth. Even though it was wet, it was still rough.

Now his skin was starting to hurt. His boxers chafed. He skinned out of them. It didn't help. He got in the tub. The porcelain was cool, but smooth. No pain, no distraction. Suddenly, he moaned. The porcelain had minute imperfections and he was feeling each one! He was going crazy! He curled up into a ball, and wished the world would go away. He wished Blair was here to make it go away!

Simon stopped by the loft that evening. He had tried to call several times, but had only gotten the answering machine. That really did not bother him very much, as it was possible that Jim had turned off the ringer, and set the machine to pick up immediately. Simon knocked on the door. There was no answer. Now Simon was beginning to get worried. Ellison should have been there; his truck was parked outside. //If he's out there trying to find Sandburg...on foot....// he thought, then he stopped. He heard a noise; it sounded like a moan. He heard it again.. //Something's not right here!// He looked around, and then pulled out his little set of lock picks. //Jim will just have to forgive me for this, but..//

Simon worked for a few minutes, and finally got the door open. After he got in the loft, he carefully closed the door behind him and put the chain and dead bolt on. As he clicked the dead bolt closed, he heard that noise again.

//It's coming from the bathroom!// He drew his weapon and eased toward the bathroom. Peering around the doorjam, he saw something that worried him. Jim Ellison, stark naked, curled up into a fetal ball in the corner of the bathroom. "Jim?" he exclaimed. He was shocked to see his best detective cry out in pain and try to cover his ears with his hands, his arms, anything.

Simon walked over and crouched beside Jim. He touched Jim on the shoulder, only to have him arched away from him in pain. Tears of pain ran down Jim's face.

"Jim?" He saw Jim flinch and whimper in pain as he tried to cover his ears. "Jim," he whispered. "What can I do?"

The question penetrated the haze of pain that surrounded him. It was Simon's voice asking the question.
"Business.....card....by...phone....Call that number..." Jim whispered.

Simon walked quickly out to the phone and saw a small plain business card. It said, Morgan 555-9872. He dialed that number, wondering what anyone would be able to do, and if he really needed to call 911.

A soft voice answered the phone. "Yo, ya got me. Who is it, and what 'cha need?"

"This is Captain Simon Banks, Cascade P.D. I'm calling to speak to..." he looked again at the card, "Morgan?"

"What's wrong? Has something happened to Cat or Blair?" came an anxious voice over the phone.

"I'm calling for James Ellison." Simon said tentatively.

Morgan knew that this was going to be it. "Where are you, where is he?"

"852 Prospect Avenue, Apt. 307."

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in about..." Morgan looked at the clock, "30 minutes. In the meantime, put cold compresses on his eyes and forehead! I'm on my way!" he repeated, and then slammed down the phone.

Morgan headed into his kitchen, grabbing the supplies he knew he would need to combat the massive headaches the young Sentinel would have. He grabbed enough other supplies to try to take care of any other problems Ellison might have on the way while they took him to Blair. He grabbed his old seabag, which had already been packed in preparation for his leaving to take Blair his car. However, as he headed to the garage, he knew he wouldn't be taking Blair his car. He was going to have to take the big Suburban dually. He was going to need something with enough room for the big detective to be able to stretch out on, in as much comfort as possible, and that did NOT mean the Volvo!

He ran back into the kitchen, grabbing all the bottles of water they had in the house and loaded those in the back of the Suburban next to his seabag. Then he raced up the stairs and pulled out every afghan they had and a couple of extra quilts. Ellison would be going into shock soon from sensory overload, and his body temperature would be dropping. They were going to need every blanket they had to help keep him warm.

He grabbed up the cell phone. He would need to call Cat to check on Blair. Because, if Ellison was bad, then Blair wouldn't be far behind. He was too sensitive to Ellison not to be.

Simon looked at the phone in his hand. //Cold compresses!// he thought to himself. //How did he know, just by my calling him, that cold compresses would work, or even be needed. I could have been calling to tell him that Jim was dead!// He put the phone down, and headed back into the bathroom.

As he ran the cold water in the sink, he knelt beside Jim and whispered, "Do you think you could make it to the sofa?"

Jim just looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

Then Simon remembered that Jim's sofa was in storage. There was only one other place for Jim to go, and that was upstairs. "Jim, do you think you can make it upstairs? You need to be some place other than on this cold tile."

"No, feels good." Jim moaned.

Simon cursed softly, and turned off the water. He wet the washcloth, then folded it into a compress, and placed it carefully over Jim's eyes and forehead.

Jim hissed in pain as the cloth came to rest on his forehead. He tried to remove it, but Simon quickly stopped him. "No, he said to put cold compresses on your forehead and eyes. Leave it where it is."

"What...else...?"

"What else did he say?"

Jim nodded slightly.

"He said he was on his way. He would be here in 30 minutes..." //I hope his estimate is right.// Simon watched Jim helplessly. //I have absolutely no idea what else to do for him!// "Jim, do you want some aspirin?"

"No...aren't ...helping!"

Simon sat back on the toilet seat.. All he could do was sit there and watch helplessly as Jim grew whiter and whiter from the pain.

Morgan pulled into a parking spot near the loft and located the apartment. Grabbing his herb bag, and one of the bottles of water, he raced up the stairs to #307. //Whew!// he thought as he came to a puffing halt outside the doors, //I've got to start running again. Of course, I'm also too damn old for this shit!//

He knocked gently at the door. There was no response. He tried the door - locked. He knocked again, louder this time. He did not wish to disturb the young Sentinel too much. He was already going to be in agony. Morgan did not wish to add to it.

"Captain Banks!" he called softly.

Simon came out of the bathroom when he heard his name. He saw a stocky man standing outside the door. He came over quickly and opened the door.

Morgan looked up at him. "Well, you're a big one!" he said as he walked in the door. "Blair must grow you! He always seems to find these big people!" He set down one of the bags in the kitchen, put water from the bottle in the kettle, and put the kettle on to heat. "Stop it before it whistles!" he instructed. "Now, where is he?"

"In the bathroom," Simon said showing him the way.

"Oh, child!" Morgan murmured as he caught sight of Jim on the floor. He slipped off his shoes, and padded over in his sock feet. "Hush, child," he said softly, as he gently touched Jim's forehead.

Jim moaned at the first touch of his fingers, and then sighed as some of the pain eased. "Hush, little one," Morgan whispered. He quickly rinsed out the cloth and put it back on Jim's forehead and eyes.

"Picture a dial for your pain, Sentinel. Picture the dial slowly going to 10, to 9, to 8..."

Simon watched as Jim's face and body gradually relaxed. He'd only seen this sort of thing with Sandburg, even if he'd never been able to see the full process before.

He listened as Morgan began taking down Jim's hearing. "Stay here with him for a moment," Morgan said quickly. He ran into the kitchen, and lifted the kettle off the heat just before it started whistling. He took down a cup, quickly measured in differing amounts of herbs, and then put the herbs and hot water in the cup to steep. He looked until he found a large heatproof container, placed more herbs in it, and then poured the rest of the water over them.

Then he ran back into the bathroom. "All right now, my fine young Sentinel, let's get touch down, and then sight." He whispered.

Simon listened as the man put Jim through a series of exercises that ended with Jim relaxed, and relatively pain free, on the bathroom floor.

"Find him a robe or something upstairs that he can put on." Morgan said quietly to Simon.

"Will do..." Simon ran up the stairs and got the robe down from a hook on the wall.

While he was gone, Morgan eased Jim into a sitting position. "Now, young Sentinel..."

"Sandburg told you about my senses!" Jim accused.

"Blair told me nothing about you!" Morgan contradicted. "I know a Sentinel when I see one. Having lived with one for almost 30 years, I DO know one when I see one! Now, young Sentinel, time to try to stand up."

"Blair didn't...tell...you?" Jim looked at in him in surprise.

"No. Blair said nothing! He wouldn't! It's not his secret to reveal." Morgan put his foot against Jim's as a brace, and held out his arms for Jim to pull against.

Jim put his hands on Morgan's forearms, and Morgan quickly pulled the bigger man to his feet.

Jim stared at him in surprise. Morgan was a small man, smaller than Jim by several inches, even though he may have weighed close to the same. Morgan smiled. "I'm stronger than I look." He grinned up at Jim.

Just then, Simon walked into the bathroom carrying the robe. Morgan stood on the toilet seat to be able to slip the robe over Jim's shoulders. "Now, you will come sit into the kitchen and drink a cup of tea..." he looked at where Jim were getting ready to protest, "special tea...no arguments will be accepted. You need it. It will help you remain in control until we can get you and Blair back together again."

"Now," he said, gently shoving Jim and Simon out of the bathroom, "go!" It was like trying to resist a pint sized bulldozer. Before they knew it, both Simon and Jim found themselves sitting at the table, Jim drinking tea, Simon drinking a beer.

Morgan disappeared up the stairs. Jim got a little upset when he saw him come down with clean boxers. "Here. You'll feel more secure with these on," he said with a gentle smile. "Then we need to get you some stuff packed...enough for at least three weeks. Drink!" he said sternly, pointing at Jim. "May I use your phone?"

Jim nodded. He was overwhelmed...it was like listening and watching a large version of Blair steamroll around the loft.

"Operator, I need to make an international call - person to person to Mrs. Caitlin Mackenzie at..." Morgan moved off into the living room as he gave the number to the operator, charging the call to his home phone. He brought in some more water, and put it on to heat while he waited for Cat to pick up.

"Cat," he said quickly. "It's hit the fan here! I'll be bringing HIM up with me!" He listened for a moment. "No, he was down on the floor in the bathroom with a major overload! He'd evidently been in it for several hours. I know, for a fact, that he's been having headaches, probably from aural overload, if not visual." He moved to the kitchen, looking for something to make to feed Jim. "Don't try to teach me how to suck eggs!" he snapped. "I've nursed too many young Sentinels through this particular overload not to know it when I see it! How is Blair?"

He held the phone away from his ear, made a face at it, and then stuck out his tongue at it. "Cat, I really, really think it would be a very good idea if you went to check on him. At close range. Because, if Ellison was like that, I don't want to think about what kind of shape Blair's in!"

He handed Jim a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Jim looked at it, and then at him. "Eat it! It's all you have in the house that isn't screaming something about squatter's rights!" Turning back to the phone, he listened for a moment. "I knew it! Find him, Cat, and get him fed, beveraged, and in bed! Listen to your friendly neighborhood Guide on this, Cat! I'm not joking! I can't take it! These two are going to get this settled and settled quickly. I am not taking no for an answer! They WILL settle it!" He looked over at Simon and Jim. "You need to take vacation, personal leave, sick leave, whatever. If you need an excuse for sick leave, find out if they will accept an excuse from a Canadian doctor. I can get you one. No problem. He completely understands about Sentinels, Guides, and their bonds." Then he looked at Simon. "You need to make arrangements to come with me."

Simon looked at him and started to protest.

Morgan overrode his protests. "Do you want him well?" pointing to Jim.

Simon nodded.

"O.K., then he needs to get to Blair; Blair is in Canada; and, if you think I'm going to manhandle THAT..." pointing to Jim, "by myself, 300 miles, you're crazier than you look! Right now, he's calmed down for a bit, but this is only going to get worse until we can get the two of them together. They do their thing, and then they start working out their problems. In the meantime, he's going to keep drifting in and out of these types of states. The tea will help for a while, but it will not cure him. So, I'm going to need someone who already knows what's going on to be with me, to drive, or whatever else is needed. Restrain him if necessary."

Jim looked at him with fright in his eyes. "You're talking about this as if it isn't over."

"It isn't! Yes, Cat! It figures. Use one of the horses and the old travois." He listened for a moment. "Get the travois as close as possible, and then roll him onto it! I know he's a dead weight, sweet, but you've moved heavier! What do you mean 'not from where he is now?'"?"

He stared at the phone and the woman's voice on the other end swearing a blue streak. "He's where?" He started to say something smart and then realized it wouldn't be safe to do so. "Cat, lasso him and drag him back if you have to. He does not need to go down the otter's slide in his condition. He'd probably just breathe water in if he did! And he doesn't need that again! Cat, I'm 300 miles away! If you had acted like this while I was at sea, none of them would have survived infancy! Please, sweeting, I know we're too far apart, and that we'd planned on being a lot closer together by now...but, please..."

"All right, sweeting. I'm going to get him dressed...yes, warmly! And then into the Suburban, and then on the way. Take care of yourself and Blair! Love you." He smiled and hung up the phone.

"Detective, I may kill you yet! Blair is down by the otter slide, pulling a zone out just like you did...or maybe he's wandering in his sleep, I don't know. But, right now, eat!" Morgan ran up the stairs into Jim's bedroom. "Detective, where is your suitcase, seabag, duffel bag, whatever?" He stared down at Jim.

"Ah..." Jim told him where he kept it. Morgan disappeared into the depths of Jim's bedroom. Jim heard drawers being pulled out, and clothes being stuffed into the duffel bag. Suddenly, Morgan came down the stairs carrying underwear, pants, flannel shirt, heavy socks, and hiking boots. "Here, get dressed." Then staring at Simon. "What are you waiting for? You're going to need clothes too!" Then he turned to Jim, "And you, call your superior, and make arrangements to be off. If you have to, quit! Cause you ain't going to be worth a tinker's dam to him until you and Blair get this settled! Haven't you finished that sandwich yet!" With that, Morgan was gone back up the stairs.

Simon and Jim stared at each other. "You know, Jim, I'd never met anyone with as much energy as Sandburg...until now..." he stared up at the bedroom. "I wonder what they use as a power source!"

"I don't know. Simon, can I be off on sick leave, please?" Jim cursed mentally, shrugged, and then yielded to the inevitable.

"Yeah."

Then a voice drifted down the stairs. "While you are making the arrangements for Jim's leave, don't forget to arrange for your own." The head popped back over the balcony. "You won't have to be there as long. You'll only need about a week off." Then the head popped back into the bedroom.

"Do you suppose it has something to do with the hair?" Jim asked with a humorous look in his eyes.

"God only knows." Simon murmured. Looking at Jim, he said, "I'll be back in two hours. See you then." And Simon left to go make the arrangements.

Morgan ran down the stairs carrying a neatly packed duffel bag. Looking over at Jim, he said, "Do you own a sleeping bag? And do you know where it is?"

Mutely, Jim pointed to the bottom storage cabinet where they kept a lot of their camping gear.

"Ah, good!" Morgan bounced over to the closet. He opened the door, and started rummaging. He pulled out Jim's sleeping bag, several other blankets and piled them by the front door. After he was through packing, he went through the refrigerator, cleaning out everything that could spoil or had already spoiled. Then he washed up the dishes, and neatly spread the wash cloth over the spigot.

Grabbing a drying towel, he started drying the dishes he had just washed. "Are you going to take forever on the sandwich, Jim?" He bent a close eye on the other man. "You need to finish your sandwich and tea, and then get dressed. You've been sitting there playing with your dinner for almost one and a half hours! When you weren't zoning that is. You need to finish eating, and get dressed!"

Jim stared at him puzzled, then looked at the clock. Shock spread through him when he realized that Morgan had told him the truth. He'd been zoning for over an hour.

"Don't worry, I didn't let you go too low. But I can't keep you from zoning again. I'm not your Guide. Blair is. And things are going to start moving a lot faster now that he's taken his spirit walk."

"His spirit walk?" Jim asked slowly.

"His death trial..." Morgan said softly. "When he died...it was a spirit walk! One that will change his life forever..." he looked out the front window. "It's not something you ever get over either." Remembrance flavored his voice, and shadowed his eyes. Then he sighed. "Now, young Sentinel, let's get you dressed. Your friend just pulled up outside. We need to get going."

He pulled Jim to his feet, and held out the underwear for Jim to step into. Jim stared at him in bewilderment. "Don't try to understand anything yet, young Sentinel. Just put on your underwear." Morgan watched him closely for an instant. Then he knelt down, and said quietly, as if talking to a very small child, "lift up your left foot, please." Like an automaton, Jim obeyed. Morgan slid one foot through the leg of the boxers. "Lift up your right foot, please." Once again, Jim complied. In this way, Morgan got Jim dressed, a giant size two year old child. "Well, at least you didn't fight me on this!" he murmured as Simon came in the door.

Simon was shocked to see Morgan dressing Jim as if he were a small child. He looked down at Jim, and was saw total non-comprehension on Jim's face. He heard Morgan talking to Jim as if he were a very small child. Jim nodded to whatever it was Morgan said.

Morgan looked over at Simon. "Keep an eye on him while I go spread up the back of the Suburban. I think the cargo area is big enough for him to be able to lie down in his sleeping bag, and go to sleep. We'll just have to keep a close eye on him."

Morgan ran down to the Suburban carrying the extra blankets he had pulled out of Jim's closet. He put down the back seat to give Jim even more room, and spread several of the blankets over the cargo space, making a soft pallet. Then he ran back upstairs to grab the sleeping bag and a pillow. He got those situated to his satisfaction. Then he ran back upstairs and brought down Jim's duffel bag and loaded that into the back seat
floorboards with the things he'd brought from home.

Finally, he walked back in the door. Jim was just staring vacantly at...something only he could see. Morgan shook his head. He poured the tea he had made from the container into the bottle the water had come in, and put the top back on it. Placing it in a carry bag, he slung it over his shoulder. Then he looked at Simon. "Are you ready to load your stuff into the Suburban?"

Simon nodded. Then Morgan and he guided the basically unconscious Jim Ellison down the steps, and got him into the cargo space. Jim sank into the sleeping bag with a soft sigh. His eyes closed quickly.

Morgan helped Simon load his stuff into the floor boards. "Thank God this thing is huge!" Then he looked over at Simon. "You have your choice - you can either sit up here with the crazy man driving," pointing to himself, "or you can shack out in the cargo area with him and get some sleep! Take your choice."

"I think for a while that I would like to sit up front with the 'crazy man'." Simon said slowly.

"Suit yourself," Morgan said, "but I really don't talk much while I'm driving. I'm afraid you're gonna be kind of bored." As he got into the front seat, Simon slid into the seat next to him.

Simon fastened the seat belt quickly as the shorter man pulled into the flow of traffic. Watching as someone nearly broadsided the bigger vehicle, Simon just closed his eyes, and whispered, "No, I probably won't be bored...terrified maybe...but not bored."

Morgan glanced over at him and grinned. Once they hit the beltway around Cascade, he began to make the big vehicle move. "Dance for me, baby," he whispered to the big Suburban, and it began to move even faster. //We're on our way, sweeting. We'll be there as soon as we can. Please take care of him. I don't think I could stand to lose the baby. He's the only one we have left!// Morgan began praying as he rode down the freeway.

Cat watched as Blair tossed and turned in his nightmares...nightmares she couldn't help him with. Not many Guides were rejected by their Sentinels, even at first. And to be rejected after three years!

"Gus-Gus!" Blair sat up in bed and buried his face in his hands.

"It's all right, cub!" Cat sat down next to him.

Blair curled up into a ball, with his head in Cat's lap. "Why, Cat? They'd never hurt anyone! And, if it was because of something I did..."

"Stop it, cub!" She brushed the curls back from his face. "It was just the luck of the draw. Nothing that you or I could do was going to change that! Nothing!"

"Karmic justice?" Blair hid his face in her lap again.

"If it was, cub, what could we do to change it? If we earned it in a past life, we cannot change it in this one! Nothing can change the fact that they died." She stroked the back of Blair's neck. "Besides, cub, what makes you so certain that it was YOUR bad karma? Could just as easily have been any of ours: mine, yours, Teddie's, Artie's, their father's, or even Gus-Gus'."

"Then why do they keep haunting my dreams?" Blair wailed.

She cradled him in her arms, and began to gently rock him. "I don't know, cub! Perhaps because, in sleep, we are closer to their world than when we are awake. Perhaps...because you long to see them so awake that you call them to you in your sleep."

Blair wrapped his slim arms around her waist. "Oh, God, Cat! I miss them so!"

"I know, cub. I know. So do I." She continued to rock Blair until he fell asleep again.

//They are worried about you, cub! Until you and your Sentinel finish the bond, you are both vulnerable. At least NOW he is on his way here!//

And one of the elder Sentinels of the North watched over one of the future Guides/Guardians of the North.

They drove through the night. Shortly after dawn, they got within 20 miles of the house, Morgan called Cat. "O.K., Cat. We're at Three Forks, now. We'll be there in about 15 minutes. Get him going."

"O.K., Morgan, I'll do my best."

Morgan hung up, and glanced back in the rearview mirror. Jim had been quiet, too quiet, since about 25 minutes after their last stop. //He's unconscious this time, I would say, // Morgan thought.

"Simon, here's what's going to be happening when we get to the house. I will stop the car; you will get out and go inside the house, making sure that all the doors are open. I will get Jim out and carry him into the house. We are going to put him and Blair together, and hope that things work out. Because, if they don't, we're probably going to lose both of them."

"Are you sure you don't want ME to carry him?" Simon asked.

Morgan grinned over at him. "What's the matter? You think the little man can't handle him?"

//No, I don't,// Simon thought to himself. "Uh...no, just that it might be better if I carried him."

"I can carry him. If I can carry 250 pounds of Artie up the stairs, move cargo and furniture for the Navy, work as a stevedore, a ranch hand, a farmer...shifting 100 pounds bags of feed for hours a day (which I did as a young man before I entered the Navy), I can move him." Morgan smiled. Then he turned down a long winding gravel road, shaded by trees.

"This is a lovely area." Simon observed. "Lots of trees."

"Yeah. The timber companies keep wanting us to sell them the land, but..." Morgan just shook his head. "Cat will never let them have it. This land has been in her family for over 100 years. Our dead are buried here. And she'd never let them cut all these old trees." Motioning with his hand, "Over there, is the ocean. Just about 2 miles past the house. A lot of the time, we come up here by launch. It's faster, particularly in the winter, than trying to move stuff overland in the snow. Just a hell of a lot colder and wetter."

He pulled into the yard of a magnificent Tudor style farmhouse. "O.K., show's on!"

Simon went to the door, and opened the door into a huge eat-in kitchen. "Hello," he called.

Morgan went to the tailgate, opened it, and began pulling Jim out. He got him to the point where he could get him in a fireman's carry, picked him up, equaled the balance, and headed for the door.

He walked up the five steps to the back of the house, and walked through the kitchen. He headed up the stairs. He was starting to puff a little, and rested for a moment in the middle of the stairs. "Cat, I'm on my way!" He headed up the rest of the stairs.

Simon saw a small woman with very long braided hair meet Morgan at the door, opening the door into a bedroom. He followed them up.

Cat pulled the covers down so Morgan would have a place to put Jim. He shifted his weight and gently lowered Jim to the bed. He looked over at Cat.

She nodded. "He's already ready. Go get him." Cat started undoing Jim's shirt. She looked over at Simon. "Well, don't just stand there. Help me get him undressed!"

"What?"

"The best chance they have is to be exposed to each other as much as possible. That means no clothes...on either of them. Blair is already ready."

Just then Morgan came in carrying Blair like a small child. He carefully laid Blair down on the other side of the bed. When Cat and Simon had finished stripping Jim to the buff, Morgan carefully eased Jim into the center of the bed, and then moved Blair so that they were spooned on their sides. Then they carefully covered each of them up.

They turned out the lights, drew the curtains, and closed the door as they left.

Cat picked up a glass of whiskey and headed it to Morgan, then handed one to Simon, and then picked up her own. "May the gods smile on us, and we have them back again!"

Morgan clicked his glass to Cat's and Simon's. "Please, God, Amen!" Then he chugged back his portion. Then he looked down at the glass, his eyes wide. "Good God, woman! Warn me next time you're serving the JD Black! I'd expected Canadian whiskey!"

"Now, Morgan, my love," she said as she tossed hers back neatly. "Why would I serve anything but the best to company and to us on such an occasion." She looked up toward the bedroom. "Now, we start praying!"

Simon looked over at her as she moved into Morgan's arms, and gave him a strong hug. Then she moved away. "Go get your things out of the car, old man. I'll show our guest to his room."

She motioned Simon to follow her. She showed him to a room just down the hall from the room Jim and Blair were in, showed him the bathroom, and then said, "Dinner will be in about 3 hours." And then she left.

Jim looked around a beautiful clearing in the middle of a forest. There was a throbbing noise all around him. He almost couldn't hear because of it.

He tried to isolate the sound, identify it, but he failed. //My senses have been getting worse. Have I gone mad? I've always been afraid that I would, and now...have I?//

He heard a little laugh behind him. He turned around and saw a child staring up at him with bright blue eyes, curly sandy brown hair, about 4 years old. The child covered his mouth and laughed again, eyes twinkling.

"What?" Jim took one step toward him.

The child backed away. "No! Catch me if you can!" He grinned, and then took off.

Worried about a child out here alone, Jim began chasing him. //I should be able to catch up with him fairly quickly(,)// Jim thought. //He's so small...//

But, try as hard as he might, he wasn't able to catch the child. The boy was always just out of reach. Jim stopped to catch his breath, and noticed that the throbbing sound had gotten louder. He looked around trying to identify the original of the sound. It was familiar. It was something he should know!

The child appeared again, just outside Jim's reach. "Come on," he said urgently. "He won't wait forever!"

"Who won't?"

"You know!" and the child started off again.

Jim followed him. He didn't know why, but he had to. A feeling of urgency was pushing him on. Something was going to happen, and he HAD to be there when it did.

Jim came to a clearing. The noise seemed to be strongest here. It was cool, calm, and, except for the throbbing sound, quiet. He looked around for the child. When he saw him, the child seemed sad.

"This is as far as I can go! You have to go the rest of the way by yourself," he said, pointing out the way.

"I can't leave you here alone!" Jim said, reaching out for the child.

The child let him pick him up. He was a sturdy little boy, heavier than he looked. "I won't be alone," he said softly. "My mother and my uncle are here with me! You need to go now. He's waiting for you!" Reaching up a tiny hand, he patted Jim on the cheek softly. "Tell him I love him and that I miss him, will you? Please?"

"Sure...but, tell who? And what's your name?" Jim tried to hold on the boy, but he wriggled loose, and dropped to the ground.

"You'll know," the child said softly, as he disappeared into the underbrush. Jim saw a tall man and woman waiting for the child. They each took one of the child's hands, looked at Jim, smiled a sad little smile, and then they all just...sort of....faded away.

The throbbing noise got louder and louder until Jim was about to go crazy. It was so loud! Then, finally, he recognized the sound. It was the sound of his Guide's heartbeat, strong and steady. Reliable, an anchor in the unreality of this place. Jim yielded to the sensation.

Jim smelled a familiar smell...shampoo. Blair's shampoo. He smelled him, felt his presence. But, he still couldn't see him. Suddenly, he saw a small woman with long braided hair standing near him. He had not seen her arrive, but she was there. He listened closely, but could hear no heartbeat. The only heartbeats he could hear were his own and Blair's.

"You must call him back to you, young Sentinel. He wanders and is going farther away with each heartbeat. YOU must call HIM back, not he you. Not this time. And, you must mean to stay with him. Do not reject him this time. If you reject him, he will die. You must accept him for who and what he is...no matter if you approve or not. For, if you do not, he WILL die again...and this time you will not be able to save him. Hurry, young Sentinel. He is drawing closer to the point of no return!"

She faded from his view. Jim looked around. He saw a small figure in the distance, walking away from him. "Sandburg!" he called.

The figure stopped, and looked around, as if trying to find out who had called his name. Then he shrugged, and started forward again.

"Sandburg!" Jim started running toward him. "Blair! Wait!"

Blair stopped and looked around him again. Facing backwards, he stared into the woods. He slowly began to back away.

Jim ran up close to him and came to a stop, resting his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. "Where do you think you're going, Sandburg?"

Blair looked at him, and then just shrugged. Jerking his head in the proper direction, Blair said, "Thataway!"

"No," Jim said quietly, "we need to go this way." Taking Blair's arm, he began to gently lead him away from where he had been headed.

"No!" Blair protested shortly. "I have to go THAT way!" trying to pull his arm from Jim's grasp. "There are...friends...waiting!"

Jim looked at Blair. He saw that the younger man had lost a lot of weight. Every bone seemed to stick out. "What's the matter, Sandburg? Have you been forgetting to eat again?"

Blair looked down at the ground, biting his lip. "No. I just haven't been very hungry! And, besides, what business is it of yours? You don't care!" He tried to pull his arm away angrily.

Jim sighed. "Sandburg, you're headed in the wrong direction, believe me. Would I steer you wrong?"

"I don't know," Blair said softly. "Once...I would have said no, but now...I just don't know!"

"Trust me on this, Chief! You're headed in the wrong direction. You don't want to go that way. You don't know what is there!"

Blair looked at him, and smiled sadly. "Yes, I do. I know exactly what lies in that direction, and...I'm not sure I want to go with you! In that direction," he pointed in the direction he had been going, "are my friends and loved ones - Teddie, Artie, Gus-Gus...and with you," pointing in the direction Jim was trying to drag him, "lies only pain, because you don't want me!" He looked up at Jim. "I think I must go where I was headed."

"No, Sandburg. I had explicit orders not to let you go. I'm not leaving without you!" Jim stood next to him. He thought for a moment. Without Blair, all he was headed back to was insanity and eventual death. Maybe Blair was right. But they would go together!

"O.K., Chief, lead the way!" Jim let go of his arm. "But we're going together. You're not going alone!"

"No, Jim!" Blair protested. It wasn't right. Jim would be able to find another Guide. Cat would take care of him.. Sentinels were too rare, too precious.

"Nope. My mind's made up, Blair! Whatever direction we go, we go together!" Jim said firmly.

"Jim, there are...things...about me...that you don't know. You won't like..." Blair tried to make him change his mind. "Jim, I'm bisexual. I like men!" Trying to put the worst face on it possible to drive Jim back to safety.

Jim blinked in astonishment. His Guide...liked men? Sexually? But...he had never given the appearance of liking men, had never come home smelling like he had been with a man... "Is this a recent development, Chief?"

"No." Blair ducked his head, hiding his face behind his hair.

"Then nothing has really changed, has it?" Jim asked quietly.

"Jim, I have...feelings...for you. And, I'm not sure I can...live...like that again. Not being able to touch you, to talk to you. And I definitely can't stand being kicked out of your life again! I won't!" He moved away from Jim. "I can't do that anymore."

"You...have feelings for me?" Jim asked, for he had never expected this. He had been attracted to his Guide from the moment they had met. He knew himself too well. He lived in a world where homosexuality was not accepted...had lived there too long. But, real life was a tough teacher. You did not express such things in either the Army or the police force. He had hidden that side of his nature where no one could see it. In Vice, it had been ignored because "it was due to the job."

"Yes," Blair said quietly.

"Chief, we will discuss this later...much later..." Jim took his arm and started heading in what he thought was going to be the right direction. "When you're out of danger..." looking for a path through the densely wooded area.

Blair smiled. He had been here before. He knew where he was headed. Besides, he could hear Cat's voice. "Jim, YOU'RE headed in the wrong direction." He smiled at him, pulling him around to face him. Pointing to the north, "that's the right direction to get to safety. Listen for the voice. It's a woman's voice, or a man's, singing the old wild fey songs from the hills. Follow the voice, Jim, and take us to safety." He put his hand on Jim's shoulder, and left it there.

Listening closely, Jim could hear a soft low voice coming from the north, singing softly. Old songs of death, despair, life, love, harmony, joy, sorrow...flowing softly through the woods. He headed in the right direction.

As they drew closer and closer to the voice, the figure of a couple gradually became clear. Yet, they were odd. The more Jim looked at them, the more they flashed back and forth between a human figure, and an animal figure. The woman would suddenly become a badger, short, extremely muscular, broad faced, brindled, with extremely powerful shoulders and legs/arms. The man would appear to be a bobcat, whiskers fluffed out on either side of his face, lightly stippled white on dark, blocky body, large head, with large dark greenish-brown eyes, always alert, somewhat suspicious. The woman moved in front of them, the man to the side by Blair.

"So, cub, once again, you come here."

"Yes, Badger..." Blair said softly.

"Do you know what you are doing?"

"I think so," Blair said softly. He looked over at Jim. "I can't let him die, Badger...I just can't! Therefore, I must be with him."

"Does HE understand?" the woman asked softly.

"No," Blair looked down at the ground. "We've never had the opportunity, or the need, to discuss this situation. It did not appear that we would develop this type of a relationship."

The woman smiled sadly. "You should have known better, cub. This is not your first time before us..."

"THAT was different. We had known from childhood what would be happening. We..." indicating Jim and himself, "did not...I did not expect this to happen."

"But it has," the woman said, gathering in her hands two thin golden lines of light. She looked over at Jim. "Listen to what he says. If you can, respond in kind. If you cannot, let him go peacefully where he must go."

She turned to Blair. "Now, wolfing," her voice deepening, her figure growing taller, more majestic as she pulled the power that was hers around her, "why do you come here with this one?"

"I pledge to him, my guidance, my mind, my heart, my soul,..." Blair hesitated a moment, and then continued, "my life...at all times.. From now until life ends..."

She smiled at him. Then she turned to Jim. "How do you answer your Guide, Sentinel?"

Jim looked at her, and then at Blair. Then he said, the words coming to him from nowhere, "I pledge to him my life, my heart, my soul, my mind, my protection...at all times. From now until life ends...."

She took the two lines of golden light and put one in Jim's left hand, and the other in Blair's right hand. "As you two have vowed, so now let the gods decide the degree!"

Jim stared as the two golden lines twisted between the two hands, knotting in strange and intricate ways, until he could no longer tell where one left off and the other began.

The couple came up and stared. "Oh, cubs!" They stared at each other in dismay, and then shrugged. "So be it. The powers have spoken! From now until eternity! From before this life, your lives were intertwined in all things, and beyond this life as well. Be happy!" She and the man faded from view.

"Blair, what just happened?" Jim asked hesitantly.

Blair was staring at the joined golden lines in dismay. "I think we just got cosmically married! In all our lives, past and present...." He sank down to his knees. "I'm not sure, Jim. I'm not the keeper of the tales. I cannot get access to them! Only certain elders..." He looked at Jim. "Come on, let's get out of here!"

Taking Jim's hand, Blair quickly led them into a dark room. "Lie down on the bed, and go to sleep, Jim. When you wake, we will be in the real world...no longer on the spirit plane. We'll discuss things then...a lot of things!"

Jim laid down on the bed, pulling Blair down close to him on the bed. They lay there for a moment, and then, exhausted, both fell asleep.

Simon looked up at Cat and Mac, who both seemed to be asleep. //How long is this going to take?// he wondered.

Cat seemed to jerk awake. "Oh, god!" She swallowed hard, then stared at Simon. "Would you please pour us another drink? We're going to need it!"

As Simon poured them a drink, Cat moved to sit near Mac. He gave a shudder, and then opened his eyes. "Oh, Cat!" he wailed. "No! He's so much older than the cub! It's not fair!"

"It's been a long time since they were back here, Morgan. Many years. Perhaps, this time, they will be able to grow old together!"

He looked over at her in anger. "Do you really believe that? Every time THEY come, they are in so much danger! And, when one dies, the other dies! No hope of survival!"

"We have no say in this, Morgan, nor do they...now. The powers that be have spoken. The two are among us again! But, it may not be as bad you think. There have been times when the two were here, that it was not like living in a Chinese curse."

Morgan looked over at Simon, who handed him a glass with whiskey in it. "Why do I get the feeling it just hit the fan?" Simon asked.

"Because it did," the two replied in unison.

"The next few days are going to be real interestin'," Cat murmured in her soft Southern drawl. "Real interestin'."

Morgan looked at the whiskey, and then chugged it, and sat looking at the glass.

"How much longer is it going to take?" Simon asked.

"Stage one should be complete very soon," Cat replied. "Stage two will take a little longer. Stage three will be ongoing. They should be waking soon, and coming down for a meal. I'd better see how the soup is doing, and put the bread in."

She bustled around the kitchen, while Morgan set the table. Neither would he let Simon do anything, telling him that he was a guest. "Make the most of it, because the next time you come, you will be counted as family, and have to do for yourself," Morgan grinned.

"O.K." Simon sat back out of their way.

Jim woke up missing a warmth that had been by his side. He sat up and looked around. He saw Blair seated on the end of the bed, stark naked. Jim looked down when he felt a draft, and saw that he was in the same condition. He gently pulled part of the covers over him, and then looked at Blair.

Blair picked up one of the afghans off the end of the bed, and wrapped it around himself. He tipped his face down and pretended to study the pattern in the quilt on the bed. "Hi, Jim," Blair said softly, stealing a quick glance up at the man who, until recently, had been his best friend.

"What's going on, Chief?" Jim asked softly. "I'm real confused here," he said in a trembling voice.

"Yeah...Ummm....I'm not real sure what to tell you...how to tell you...I'm not even sure I know..." Blair swallowed visibly. "So, I guess we're back together again...like it or not," he said softly, inaudible except Sentinel ears.

"Ummm, Chief, were we dreaming?" Jim asked.

"No, not really. We were...spirit walking...I guess. I've only done this one other time! How do I know?" Blair exclaimed, getting up off the bed and walking over to stare out the window.

"Well, you seem to know more about what's going on than I do," Jim retorted, looking around for his clothes. He saw his boxers on the rocking chair next to the bed, got out of bed, and put them on. Then he walked over next to Blair. "Uh...Chief, you said something in that...dream."

"I said several things, Jim, and I meant all of them." Blair looked at him.

Jim was obviously at a loss for words. //For an educated man,// Blair thought to himself, //he sure has a problem putting things into words!// "Spit it out, Jim! I won't break!" //I hope!//

"You...you said you were....a...." Jim stopped, uncomfortable saying the word that he had heard.

"A bisexual?" Blair looked down at his feet. "Yes, Jim, I am. In the sense that I can and have had sex with both women and men." //But only one other man before you, and no desire to have anyone else but you...// He gnawed on his upper lip lightly.

"Who? I mean...is it anyone I know?" Jim asked.

"God, no!"

"I...I mean...when you came home smelling of arousal and sex, you also always smelled of women, not men, Chief." Jim was embarrassed to admit that he could tell the difference.

"You mean you could tell who I'd had sex....with....?" Blair came to a screeching halt mentally. "Always?" he said numbly.

Jim flushed red. "Yeah...usually..."

"Usually?"

"All right! Yes! I can smell your semen, your arousal, the smell of the woman's secretions...."

"Oh, man, talk about living in a goldfish bowl!" Blair started moving back and forth, pacing in front of the window. He looked at Jim, started to say something, and then just shook his head. He didn't know WHAT to think! He sat down on the window ledge. He rubbed the back of his neck.

Jim sat down next to him on the ledge. "Chief, um...where do we go from here?" He looked over at Blair. "And, exactly how knowledgeable are you, with men, I mean?" Jim knew that he had a lot of experience in sex with both men and women, mostly built up during his time in Vice.

"I....I....I was the middle of a triad, Jim."

"What?"

"I was the middle of a triad...a threesome..." Blair looked over at Jim. "I had sex with both male and female lovers at the same time," he said plainly.

"God, Chief, that's sick! Couldn't you just make up your mind which one you wanted?" Jim asked desperately.

Blair swallowed hard. "I told you there were things about me you didn't know! That's one of them!"

"Well, why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, yeah, right, man! I'm going to go up to Straight-as-a-Railroad-Tie Jim Ellison and tell him I've made love to a woman while a man made love to me! Yeah, right! When pigs fly, and monkeys give live birth to full grown blue whales!" Blair walked over to where his clothes were, and began putting them on.

Jim watched as his friend jerked on several layers of clothes, noticing that Blair was too thin. Each rib stuck out plainly. "You need to eat more," he said, beginning to get dressed himself.

"I'll eat when I'm hungry!" Blair snapped. Then he sat down on the bed. "Sorry, man. I guess I'm just a little shook here. I never expected to wake up when I went to sleep today...yesterday?" looking outside at the light. "I expected to die, and...I think I almost welcomed it!" He pulled his upper lip in between his teeth, and worried it gently.

"Now, stop that right now, Sandburg!" Jim came over and sat down on the bed next to his partner. He wanted to put his hand on his shoulder, but was unsure how it would be received. He had not been very...comforting, forthgoing...anything the last time the two of them had seen each other. "You knew what was happening?"

"Not exactly," Blair twisted the socks in his hands, "but I had a strong suspicion." He turned his head toward Jim. "I've been through this before, you see." His lips trembled. "With the triad." He looked down at the socks, sniffed, and then began putting on his socks.

"The triad...one of them was a Sentinel?"

"In a way...Between the two of them, they made up the complete set of senses." Blair put his sock feet on the floor. Then he went looking under the bed for his shoes.

"Chief, I don't understand. Why did you let them BOTH make love to you?" Jim persisted.

"Because I loved them both, Jim. How could I deny either of them? Teddie and Artie were twins; together they made up one human being! It was like they...they each had half of a person, and together they made up one complete person. They would finish each other's sentences, they knew when the other was hurt, and why, and who had done it...two halves making a whole. It was like...when they were conceived...one egg split into male and female, splitting characteristics, hearts, minds, souls...you name it. It's genetically impossible, of course! But, that's what it seemed like. And together, they were my Sentinel..." Blair looked down at the floor. "And I've got to talk to them about this...about you."

He tried the door. It was locked. He looked over at Jim. "I gotta go! I gotta get out of here!" He ran over to the window, threw up the old fashioned sash, and hopped out on the ledge. He jumped onto the branch closest to the window, and shinned down the tree, running away from the house.

"Blair!" Jim yelled. Then he grabbed his shoes and socks, threw them on, and climbed out the window after him.

Cat turned around quickly. "He's bolted!" she exclaimed as she turned off all the burners. Morgan ran out the door ahead of her.

"Which way?"

"Which way do you think, old man?" as she pelted past him.

"Shit!" and Morgan turned on a dime and ran after her.

Simon was reduced to following blindly.

"Chief! Wait!" the three heard in the distance.

They topped a rise, and saw Blair stop at the edge of a steep slope. He looked back at Jim, running toward him, and then slid over the edge. Jim came to a stop near the edge.

"Oh, blast!" Cat slowed and came to a stop. Then she looked over at Morgan. "Oh, hell! Why not?" She ran past Jim with a grin and sat down at the edge. She looked over at Morgan again. "Find us if you can!" She laughed and then pushed herself over the edge.

"This will be your first introduction into Sentinel/Guide playtime, young Sentinel. The game is Hide and Seek, and we're it! Start after them, using all your senses that you can. I will find you in just a moment."

"I can't use my senses without my Guide!" Jim exclaimed.

"Yes, you can, young Sentinel. I may not be YOUR Guide, but I am a Guide. Just as you are not MY Sentinel, but you are a Sentinel. Now go. I will catch up."

Jim looked over the edge. "How do you get down?"

"Slide, young Sentinel. Make like an otter." Morgan grinned.

Jim sat down and then shoved. "Shit!" as he slid quickly down the slope.

Morgan listened carefully. Holding up a finger to Simon to silence him for a moment, they both heard, "Shit! Sandburg! You're dead meat! That's cold! I'm gonna kill ya!" And they heard splashing noises below.

Morgan turned to Simon. "I don't think you'll be able to keep up, and I'm positive you DON'T want to go down the otter's slide."

"Why? What's down there?"

"A lake of ice cold water, fed by mountain streams." Morgan grinned at him. "And, now, I would suggest you go back to the house, turn the heat on under the soup, have a bowl or two and some bread, and then sit back and wait. I'm sure we won 't be long. Blair doesn't have the stamina for this right now! He's probably running on adrenaline, and maybe some fear! If you would, have a blanket warming by the stove for him. We'll need it. He's not in good shape right now, practically no resistance." Morgan looked toward the otter slide, and shuddered. "Make that four blankets, will you? Oh, god!" and he threw himself down the otter slide head first. "Look out below!"

Simon looked over the edge of the slide until Morgan vanished from sight. "Cripes! That's cold!" as Morgan came up for air.

"They're all crazy!" And Simon went back to the nice warm house to wait.

Jim swam for the shore. He didn't know what exactly was going on, but... As he reached the shore, he heard the sounds of someone coming down the slope. He stood in the knee deep water, and watched as Morgan fell silently into the cold water.

Morgan broke the surface. "Cripes! That's cold! Damn! I hate that!" He brushed a few strands of hair away from his face. Quickly orienting himself, he swam over to where Jim was standing. When he felt the bottom, he began to wade to shore. He wiped the surplus water from his face. "Did that wake you up, young Sentinel?"

Jim glared at him. "Yes," he answered tersely.

"Don't be angry at me!" Morgan retorted. "I'm not the one who quarreled with my Guide, and made him run away!" He began looking over the ground. "We need to find them quickly, young Sentinel. He will not be able to stand being cold for very long. He doesn't have the reserves for it." He came on a track. At that point, he began looking for further signs.

"This is Cat's," he said softly. He moved to another footprint. "This is Blair's. He didn't wait for her."

Jim knelt next to him on the ground. "Which way, then?"

"You're the one with the senses. Use them." He squatted down next to Jim. "Listen to me, James Ellison. You have a link with your Guide. It is stronger now than ever before. Use it. Do not be afraid to use your senses, all of them, to find him." He put his hand on Jim's shoulders. "It is why you have the link. To enable you to find your Guide. His link, of a different kind, is also to enable him to find you, but, also to let him know...other things. That's just the way it is."

"How do you know that one was Cat's?" Jim asked curiously. "You don't have the senses to tell the difference, do you?"

Morgan grinned at him. "No. I'm not a Sentinel, but I learned tracking at my daddy's knee, so to speak. We had to hunt to put food on the table. We learned to track, to shoot accurately, and to set snares. And, if we did it well, we ate."

"And did you?" Jim asked.

Morgan looked down at his chunky body. "We never went hungry, at least, not longer than one day at a time." He glanced back down at the ground. Pointing to the footprint he had said was Cat's. "The first thing is that this is a moccasin track, not a white man's shoe. Cat was wearing moccasins; Blair was wearing sneakers." He looked back up at Jim. "Not hard to figure out. Besides," he got a funny look on his face, "I KNOW where SHE is. YOU have to find HIM!"

"How do you know where they are?"

Morgan sighed softly. "Because I have been with Cat for 25 years. And I was not failed by my Sentinel. And, in my turn, I did not fail my Sentinel!"

"You're a Guide?" Jim said in surprise.

"To two Sentinels. The first I lost while in the service. We were only together for eighteen months. I survived his death. I will not survive Cat's!" he said softly, looking over at Jim. "When she dies, I die. We are bound together on the wheel. We are one." He looked sad.

"So, you've had more than one Sentinel, huh?"

"Yes," Morgan said, pulling off his shirt and wringing the water out. He looked sad. "It can happen. The first connection is not as intense. The Guide can survive the death of his or her Sentinel. But usually only once...any second bond is always a deeper one for Guides. But, many Sentinels never meet their foredestined Guides. They can survive the deaths of their Guides, even more than once. However, that is not the situation you are in." He looked down at the ground as he put his wet shirt back on. "You must find him, or he WILL die....now...today. And you must find him on your own, without my help. I can coach, but I cannot help." He looked over at Jim. "Think of it as a final exam, so to speak. This life is hard on both Sentinels and Guides. The longer the relationship, the more likely that the death of one is likely to end in the death of the other. You and Blair have been together a long time, in terms of a Sentinel/Guide bond. Most Sentinels or Guides do not survive more than one to three years. You are at the crisis point. He chose, when he chose to return to life. Now, you must choose."

Jim started in surprise.

"Oh, yes, young Sentinel. He chose to return...to a life where he had been rejected by HIS Sentinel, knowing full well that, if the bond was not fully accepted, it would mean his death, and not a very pleasant one. You might be able to survive his death, but he will NOT survive your
rejection. "

"What are you talking about?" Jim grabbed his shirt.

"Unless you find him, he will die. Even if you find him, you must commit fully to the relationship, all the way so to speak. If you do not, he will die. Your presence, your friendship, your...lo-...anyway, they are like a drug to him. After too long apart, he will go into a form of withdrawal. That is why you woke up in bed with him, naked, for maximum exposure. If you do not accept him fully, he will go into a similar state, and, this time, nothing will bring him out of it. You do not have unlimited chances, and neither does he. His body, particularly now, after his spirit journey, is low in reserves, strength, endurance. He will not be able to physically endure such a strain. His heart will eventually stop working, as will the rest of his body systems, and he will die...in great pain."

Morgan stood up and stretched. "So, now, young Sentinel, you know some of the stakes you are fighting for. You are fighting for Blair's mind, for his body, for his life."

"Who are you?"

"I am the Elder Guide of the North, Guide to the elder Sentinel of the North. I am guardian of the ancient mysteries. I am vigilance. I see clearly, in the dark that exists in this world, including the darkness of man. I am guardian and teacher of the young, both Guide and Sentinel. Many elders do not have a chance to teach the young, to help a young pair coexist, survive the bonding process. We do not have long lives, normally. Either of us, but particularly those of us who make the deep bond."

Jim looked over at Morgan. "And what kind of a bond do Blair and I have?"

Morgan looked at him with both kindness and sorrow in his greenish-brown eyes. "Stronger than the bond that Cat and I have. When you were on the spirit plane, and you saw the golden lines of life, what kind of knot was made? Could you tell where your life ended and Blair's began? Or were they so intricately wound about each other, that you could not tell which portion belonged you and which to Blair?"

"I...couldn't tell the...difference," Jim said hesitantly.

"That should tell you of the depth of your bond, then. Cat's and mine, particularly after so many years, are intricately woven together, but you can still tell whose is whose. I could not on yours and Blair's."

Jim started trying to follow the tracks. "So, tell me, how have we done so far?"

"Until the last year, you were doing well. Then the rogue Sentinel came to town. She threw everything out of whack! Your senses, your mind, your heart, everything told you that there was great danger. And you didn't know what, or who, or even why you were acting the way you did."

"Blair called it a territorial imperative," Jim said absently, picking up a piece of broken bush and lifting it to his nose. He could scent Blair on the twig. Jim altered his course slightly, and kept going.

"He would," Morgan grinned. "He went to school...learned all that he could learn about everything he could...just to be able to give his Sentinel - whoever his Sentinel would be - the best Guide possible. That's one reason he's had so much traveling to do, both with Naomi, and with Cat."

Jim stopped dead. "What?" He turned to Morgan. "What did you say?"

"His entire life has been spent in gaining the knowledge to be able to help his Sentinel to the best of his ability, no matter what the problem." Morgan said gently. "He learned how to handle a Sentinel like Cat when he was very young. He spent his youth learning to handle a split Sentinel, learning to handle both Teddie and Artie, two very different people - as different as night and day. He's not a new Guide. You would not have been able to survive with a brand new Guide. You are so strong that you required an experienced Guide."

"But, he says...a lot of the time...he's working in the dark. He doesn't know what he's doing!" Jim protested.

"And, in actuality, he doesn't. Each Sentinel is different. They have different strengths, different weaknesses, and different needs. Each requires a different technique, a different method of handling. Keep looking, young Sentinel. There is no time to waste in talk!" Morgan reminded him.

"This is useless!" Jim said peevishly. "It will take too long to track him this way!"

Morgan looked over at him sternly. "Then find him another way. Use your other senses. You have a link! Trust it! It will never lead you wrong!"

Jim stared at him.

Morgan looked at his feet. "Young Sentinel, look at the earth. What do you see?

"What?"

"What do you see?" Morgan snapped.

"Dry leaves, dirt, loam, bits of grass...." Jim began to drone a list of the things he could see in the dirt, just like it was one of Blair's tests.

Morgan listened to him, and then, once Jim's attention was fully on his task, sprang a trick question. "Jim, where's Blair?"

Without his conscious volition, Jim's arm rose and pointed to the northeast. Jim stared at his arm in amazement. "But....why...how...?"

"As I said, you have a link, use it! Your heart knows, and what your heart knows, your mind will eventually know." Morgan laid a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Lead the way, Sentinel."

Jim stared toward the northeast. //Blair's there...in that direction. And...not more than 2 miles away! But how can I know this?//

Jim began to lead the way toward his Guide, Morgan following silently.

Blair stumbled slightly with exhaustion. He looked over at Cat. "This just started out to be a simple talk with Teddie and Artie." He whispered. "The timing for this sucks, Cat! Why did the test have to be now?"

She ghosted near him. "You know why..." she said softly. "This is not our decision; it is yours and his. And you've already been together longer than many teams ever have. They go through this early in their relationship! But, there's an old saying, the longer the awakening, the stronger the bond! And the bond the two of you have is stronger than any other bond I have ever seen."

He leaned up against a tree, trembling with fatigue. "Why now?"

"Why did you run?" she said softly.

"I was afraid. He...he called me sick! No..." he said honestly, "he didn't call ME sick. He said that what I had with Teddie and Artie was sick! I knew he was going to say that," he said miserably. "He's so....conventional...in his sexual practices. He is not going to be able to accept me as I am, is he, Cat?"

"I do not know, cub. But, what you had with Teddie and Artie was not sick. It was beautiful. And, you made them both very happy. And I thank you for that! For keeping them sane and alive long beyond the time they should have lasted on this earth!"

Blair looked at her in surprise. "You expected them to die young?"

"Yes. They were not the first of their kind, you know. There have been tales of the split Sentinels. And, usually, the only way they survived was by taking the same Guide...taking a Guide who was willing to love them both equally. And for that, Blair, I will always love you." Cat sighed.

Blair shivered as the wind hit his wet clothes.

"Cub, you must keep moving, or dig in to get warm." Cat said softly.

"If I dig in, he'll have a better chance to find me; if I keep moving, he'll still be able to find me." Blair said miserably, wrapping his arms around his chest and stomach in a protective move. "I don't want to die, Cat, but...if he doesn't accept me as I am, I will, won't I?"

"I can't lie to you, cub." Cat smiled at him sadly. "You know what will happen."

"So, if I stay still, dig in, and let him find me more quickly, I will find out if I am going to die more quickly, eh?" Tears began rolling down Blair's thin cheeks.

"He may accept you more than you think, cub!"

"Jim only dates women, Cat. To my knowledge, he's never been with a man...ever."

She cut her eyes over at him. She knew better than that! She had seen and known about Jim Ellison when he worked Vice, even if he didn't know her! He had plenty of experience with both men and women...and enjoyed them both! "It's your decision, Blair. This is not a decision I can make for you! You must make it for yourself!"

"I'm too tired to go any further!" Blair moaned, as the world started tilting around him.

Cat grabbed his arm and helped him slide to the ground. "Hang in there, cub!" she said encouragingly.

"Oh, Cat. I'm so cold!" Blair's eyes began to close. He slowly drew up into a fetal position, wrapping his arms around his knees. And he was unconscious.

//Hurry up! Or we're going to lose him!// Cat thought as she sat down near him, ready to guard him against all comers.

Jim stopped suddenly, and shivered. "Something's wrong with Blair!" he said, cursing softly. Eyes wide, he began to run at full speed through the trees, heading for his Guide as fast as he could.

Morgan smiled. Shaking his head, he followed the Sentinel toward Blair.

Jim ran through the trees as if pursued by the devil. He didn't know what was wrong, but something was wrong. Blair was in trouble. The Sentinel tried to edge his speed upward.

He ran into a clearing not far from the house. He looked around, and saw Blair curled up in a fetal ball in front of what appeared to be a tombstone. Blair was shivering. Cat was crouched nearby.

Jim ran up and gathered Blair into his arms. "Chief! What's wrong?" he cried, running one hand down Blair's arms and legs, and then checking his torso for any wounds. He gently swept Blair's hair away from his forehead, checking for any other signs of trauma. He looked over at Cat, who crouched there rocking. "What happened? What's wrong with him?"

"He thinks you are rejecting him because of his past. You called his relationship with Teddie and Artie sick!" She glared up at him. "It wasn't sick! It was beautiful! THEY were beautiful! He loved only them, and they loved only him!"

Jim stared at her helplessly. "How can I help him?" he asked.

"Love him," she said simply. "In all forms of the word! Mentally, emotionally, physically! If you do not, he will die! But, hear me, James Ellison, and hear me well. Do not play him false. Do not offer him false love! If you love him, then show him. But, if you do NOT love him, let him go. I can make his passing easy."

"You would kill him?" Jim gasped.

She came over and squatted next to Jim. "I have loved him since the day Naomi gave birth to him! I have cared for him...all his life. I have held him in happiness and in sorrow! But, I do not wish him to suffer! A rejected Guide's death is not an easy one! I will ease his passage from this life, as I helped his mother give birth to him!" She brushed the hair away from Blair's face. "Make up your mind, Sentinel! Do you love him? Love him enough to love, care, and protect him all the rest of your days? And I mean physically as well as emotionally!"

Jim stared down at the man in his arms. He loved this man, more than he'd ever thought he ever could love anyone! Yet, to do this....He looked over at her.. "Yes, I love him." He ducked his head, hiding his face. "But...I'm not the best person for him! He needs someone his own age, someone young and gentle, full of life. And I'm not!"

"Yet YOU are the one HE has chosen!"

"No! This is that damned Guide/Sentinel thing! He doesn't love me! He's afraid of me!"

"Only because you never let him know how YOU felt...that you were also bisexual." Cat said quietly.

Jim looked up at her in surprise.

"Oh, I know you, James Ellison. From when you used to work Vice." Cat smiled grimly at him. "We have many 'ladies' who patronize our store. I have heard much gossip about you, both good and bad. But, I never heard it said that you played anyone false, nor that you deliberately set about to hurt anyone!"

Jim flushed. His days in Vice had been bad; he'd wanted to forget them so much. He'd hated it. He never wanted to remember it.

"And you were gentle with the young ones. Especially the males," Cat veiled her eyes and looked at him. "Can you make that commitment now?"

"I don't know." Jim confessed. "I love him. I've loved him, almost from the first moment I saw him. But," he looked at her in confusion, "he's never come home smelling of men, only women! So, that means he doesn't like men." He said softly.

"No, it means that he was either very careful in his cleaning, or he never met a man he wanted since he's known you. He was with Teddie and Artie, as a Triad, for a little over 5 years! He had sex with a man all during that time, as well as with a woman. He was never taught to discriminate regarding love based on gender, only on like and dislike! Love is too precious a commodity to miss out on any chances for it, simply because you happen to be the same sex!"

Cat reached out and gently tilted Jim's face up toward her. "If you love, really LOVE him, take him to the house. Make gentle passionate love to him until he wakes up! Then do it again, as many times as necessary to make him believe it!" Cat sighed. "He'll still want to talk to Teddie and Artie about it - if he can!" She smiled sadly. "If he can." She climbed to her feet, and Morgan slid in behind her, putting his arms around her, holding her gently. "Now, if you love him, take him to the house."

Jim slowly climbed to his feet, holding Blair in his arms. He leaned his head down and kissed Blair on the forehead. "Come on, Chief. Let's get back to the house, into some warm dry clothes, and then....we'll 'cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!'" He walked off in the direction of the house.

Simon opened the door as Jim appeared carrying Blair. "How is he?"

"Cold, wet...unconscious," Jim said tersely, moving toward the stairs. "We...he probably needs to be put in a warm bath to warm him up." Jim looked around. "You know, Simon, I just realized that I don't know where the bathroom is." Jim gave a small sickly smile. He laid his cheek on Blair's forehead. "He's cold, Simon."

Simon saw shivers shaking Blair's slight body. He motioned for Jim to follow him. "It's this way."

Jim walked into a very modern bathroom, complete with sunken tub with massage jets. He looked around for a place to put Blair while he ran a tub, but didn't see any where that would be safe. Simon came over and started the water running, adjusting the temperature to a comfortable warmth, but not too hot.

Jim put the toilet lid down and sat down there, resting Blair on his lap. Once he had him securely placed, Jim began removing Blair's clothes. "Simon, can you get his shoes and socks?"

"Sure." Simon pulled off Blair's wet sneakers and socks, and placed them off to the side.

Jim peeled off a flannel shirt, a short sleeved t-shirt, and finally a long sleeved t-shirt.

"Kid believes in dressing warmly, doesn't he?" Simon commented.

"He's always cold, Simon." Jim said softly. "I'll bet he was cold with these on even before he got them wet!"

"Yeah, what was that all about anyway?" Simon asked.

"I'm not sure," Jim said as he loosened Blair's button fly jeans. "I've got his pants loosened up here. While I lift, you pull on the pants' legs, O.K. "

"This is not my idea of a good time, Jim." Simon bent down and tugged on the pants' legs until Blair's jeans slipped off. "First you, now Sandburg! Why can't I ever undress a pretty woman for a change? But, noooo...that's not my luck! I get stuck with you two ugly so and so's!"

Jim looked up at him in surprise. Then he saw Simon's eyes on Blair's face as he softly stroked his hair. "So different from Daryl's hair," Simon commented softly. "So soft..."

"If you say so," Jim said. "I've never really noticed." //Liar!// his mind screamed.. //You know how soft his hair is! You've felt it before! Every time he's hurt or sick, you wind up petting or stroking his hair because it helps him sleep!//

He looked over at the tub. "That should be enough water," he said, getting up from the seat. He nearly overbalanced at the top of the rise. "Now, to get him into it!"

Simon reached over and took Blair's feet. "You take his shoulders, I'll get the feet!" Together they carefully put Blair into the tub.

Blair's shivers gradually began to decrease as his body got warm, but he still did not regain consciousness. Simon looked over at Jim. "He's not coming to, Jim. Why?"

"I think I know," Jim said softly. //'Love him...'// he remembered the woman saying, //'mentally, emotionally, physically...'// He looked over at Simon. "Help me get him out. I've got to get him upstairs and into bed," he said in a peculiar tone.

Simon looked at him sharply at his tone of voice. "I don't think I want to know," he said as he lifted Blair's feet out of the tub.

Jim carefully, gently, and thoroughly dried off his Guide. Then carefully wrapping him in a dry towel, he picked him up and headed toward the stairs. He stopped suddenly. "Simon, which room were we in?" His eyes were wide, almost panicked. "I can't remember!"

"I'm not surprised," Simon said as he led the way to the door. "You were unconscious when you were brought in the house, and then you left by the window! How can you remember what you've never really seen?" He grinned over at Jim.

Jim deposited Blair on the bed, whisked away the towel, and put him under the covers. Blair started shivering again. "Thanks, Simon," Jim said as he started peeling off his own wet clothes. When he was down to skin, he looked around for a place to lay them where he wouldn't ruin any furniture.

"Give 'em here," Simon said, holding out his hand, "and get in bed and get warm yourself."

Jim was embarrassed when Simon said that.

Simon grinned at him. "I've heard...overheard...some things that have to take place soon...or else." He glanced over at Blair. "I just hope the two of you can work things out. 'Cause I do not want to go through another month like the last one! I don't think I could stand it. 'Cause , if it happens again, I'll probably fire your ass, Jim! I've gotten used to the Sandburg Ellison. I don't really want to see the pre-Sandburg Ellison again."

Jim looked at him in surprise.

"That Ellison was a good cop, and a miserable excuse for a human being, Jim. He was my friend, but the Sandburg Ellison is a better cop, and a better friend, as well as being a human being." Simon gathered up the clothes, and went out the door. "Good luck, Jim." And he pulled the door closed behind him.

Jim looked at the door, and then at Blair. Then he just shrugged. He'd figure it out later. Right now, he had to save his Guide. //I don't think I can live without him around,// Jim thought. //And I'm not sure I want to.// He crawled into bed, and curled up behind Blair, placing both arms around him. He took a deep breath, drawing in the scent of his Guide - his deodorant, his shampoo, his shaving cream, but, most of all, the smell of Blair himself. It was intoxicating. He buried his face in Blair's hair, and, somewhat to his surprise, fell asleep immediately.

Jim woke up about two hours later. Blair was still shivering. //He needs more heat than what the extra blankets can provide. Maybe...// Jim got up out of bed, piled on every blanket he could find, and then snugged back in close behind Blair in the bed. //The body warmth will start helping soon// Jim thought to himself. A fragrance caught his attention. Involuntarily his senses followed the scent. Jim was lost in the sensation created by the fragrance. He came to himself after a few minutes to find himself with his nose in Blair's hair, and his hand rubbing Blair's chest gently, savoring the sensation of the chest hair under his fingers.

//What's going on here?// Jim thought to himself. He leaned down and sniffed the back of Blair's neck. //Jasmine, honeysuckle, comfrey, rosemary// he thought absently, //cinnamon, vanilla, musk// as everything began to blend together, confusing him, exciting him. He found himself nuzzling the back of Blair's neck, nibbling at the junction of Blair's neck and shoulder, licking his cheek. He was unable to stop himself. It was like he was intoxicated! He was aroused more than he had even been before in his life.

Blair's shivers stopped, and heat began to radiate from his body.

Jim heard Blair moaning softly as he arched into Jim's body, gently rubbing his buttocks against Jim's erection.

//Oh, god! This has to stop! This has to stop now!// Jim thought to himself, aching with the need to take Blair, to take his mate! //He needs to accept this! I can't just do this to him without his consent! I can't!// Jim's thoughts were getting more chaotic, disjointed...//I'm losing my mind!// he thought. //Wake Blair! He'll know what to do!//

Jim leaned over and kissed Blair on the cheek, gently rubbing his forehead. "Blair, baby, Chief!. Come on! I need you to wake up now!"

"Huh..." Blair moaned, rubbing his back against Jim.

//Oh, God! If he doesn't stop that, I'm going to take him, whether he wants it or not!// Jim thought. "Blair, Chief, honey, hey, come on, Guppy..." he turned Blair over to face him in the bed. "You've got to wake up here, Chief." Jim stiffened as Blair rubbed his belly and pelvis against Jim's. //If this keeps up....// Jim grabbed Blair and gently shook him. "Come on, Chief. I need you awake here!" It was working. Jim got up out of the bed, went over the pitcher of water on the dresser, and wet a handkerchief. Then he got back in bed and began wiping down Blair's face and neck. He was getting even more turned on doing that!

However, the cooler water on his face began to bring Blair back to the land of the living. "Jim," he said, putting a hand to stop Jim from continuing to run the cold damp cloth over his body. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure, Chief. I....I....have these....urges. And, they seem to be being triggered by you, your scent, your feel, your...everything."

"That's normal, Jim. It's part and parcel of the Sentinel/Guide bond." Blair ducked his head and tried to bury his face in the pillow.

"And, you knew this?"

"I knew it was possible." Blair admitted.

"And you didn't tell me? Why?" Jim demanded.

"It doesn't always happen." Blair tried to get out of the bed.

"No, you don't!" Jim grabbed him and pulled him back into the bed. "Not without telling me about this."

"It happens. That's all." His voice was soft. He didn't really want to go into this with Jim. He knew he was going to die, because Jim was straight. He knew what was happening. The cold had fled. He could feel the heat beginning to rise.

"Now, look, Blair," Jim said, pulling Blair in close to him, so that their cocks came into contact. Blair stiffened, and tried to pulled away. Jim stopped him. "Blair, I need you. I want you. But I want a willing partner. Not someone just doing it because of some...Sentinel/Guide bond!"

"God, Jim," Blair tried to pull away, tears beginning to run down his face. "I want you. I've wanted you for over two years now! But, you're straight. I understand that," he said brokenly.

"Chief," Jim squinted at Blair. "What makes you think I'm straight?"

"What?" Blair sat upright in the bed. "Jimmm?"

"Chief, I used to work Vice - undercover work, prostitution,, etc. You get called on to do a lot of stuff because of the job. It's not said, or accepted; just tacitly ignored. But being bisexual sure helps when called upon to be with....whomever. But bisexual in a straight world, a world very much NOT tolerant - like the Army and the police department? No, not something to admit! I was attracted to you, but..." Jim shrugged.

"And you didn't say anything?" Blair drew back and smacked him. "You let me go through hell thinking I was in love with a straight man, and..."

"Chief, we've been roommates for three years. You've NEVER come home smelling of a man! Only women! So, I figured that, if you hadn't been with a man in that long a time, you were straight, and the only thing that would happen would be that I would get hurt." Jim rolled over on his back. "And thanks, but, no thanks. I've already been hurt enough!" Then it penetrated to him what Blair had said. Jim sat up and grabbed him by the shoulders. "What did you say?" he demanded.

"Huh? 'You didn't say anything?'"

"No!" Jim snarled. "After that!"

"Oh. 'In love with a straight man?'"

"Yeah, that's it. You're...in love...with me?" touching himself on the chest.

Blair blushed. "Yeah. Are you mad at me?"

Jim leaned forward and kissed him gently. "No," he whispered, pulling Blair down into his arms, 'I'm not. But, tell me you're willing... before this goes any further. I've no desire to commit rape, even to cement some bond between Sentinel and Guide!"

Blair ran his fingers around Jim's nipples in a figure eight pattern. "No...this doesn't feel anything like the just physical bond that can bind Sentinel and Guide together. I know what that feels like. This is....much more.....intense..."

Jim leaned up on one elbow. "All right, Chief. Tell me about them."

"I really don't want to discuss them with you right now." Blair said, wetting a finger and then trailing it along Jim's collarbone. "I think, however, that I need to know how you feel about me." He said simply.

"Chief, I can get relief anywhere." He held up one of his big hands. "It's called Rosy Palmer and her five dancing daughters," waving his fingers in the air. "Or I could patronize one of the better establishments in town, and I DO know where they are. They haven't changed that much since I got out of Vice!" He cupped his hand around Blair's head, and pulled his lips close to his. "I knew what I wanted...I just wasn't willing to admit it. I'm still not too happy that Simon may figure out what's happening."

Blair looked at him. "Figure out? Hell, Cat and Morgan may TELL him just exactly what's going on!" He flopped back onto the bed. He blushed a deep red. "God, that's going to be embarrassing! With Teddie and Artie, there wasn't a problem of another person!" He put his hands over his face. "Oh, God! I think I want to die!"

"Well, think how I feel, Chief. He's MY boss." Jim leaned down, picked up one of Blair's hands, and started licking his fingers one by one like candy canes. "And, stop talking about dying! I almost lost you!" Jim looked up into Blair's eyes. "I thought I was going to lose my mind when SHE was in town. And then to find you in the fountain! I think I went just a bit nuts! I may have hurt Simon and a couple of the others. Just a bit nuts? Try majorly nuts! When Simon was trying to get me to believe that you were....were dead...I probably gave them all a good set of bruises. I lost it, big time!" Jim laid his head on Blair's chest, and licked, almost absent mindedly, splitting his attention between Blair's chest and his hands.. "That was not acceptable! I couldn't lose you!"

"Why, Jim?"

"I think it's because I finally started realizing...or admitting...to myself how much you really meant to me, Chief. I love you."

"Why didn't you say something in the hospital, Jim? Blair tilted Jim's face up to him. "You just about killed me there, man." Blair shivered slightly. "I mean, I had survived being drowned, but you...you looked as if you wished I hadn't made it! When I saw you, I wanted to die! I wished I hadn't survived at all."

"I didn't KNOW what to say, Chief. I mean, I'd shoved you out of my life, thinking I was protecting you from...something. I don't even know what. Just that being around me was going to get you killed! And..."

"Now, wait a minute, Jim! What made you think that?" Blair rolled out from under Jim's head, and sat up.

Jim sat up and studied the quilt covering his knees. "Oh, how about Lash, Quinn, the elevator? I could go on and on. And...I'd....I'd been having these...dreams."

"What kind of dreams, Jim?" Blair reached out and tilted Jim's head up so that he could look in Jim's eyes. "What kind of dreams?" he repeated.

"I'd been having these dreams...I'd been hunting. And I saw a...a wolf." Jim picked at a minute flaw in the material of the quilt.

Blair reached over and put his hand on top of Jim's, making him stop his picking. "Go on."

"I shot it!" Jim chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "And when I went over to look at my prey, the wolf whined in pain, and then...all of a sudden, it turned into you on the leaves. It was you...and I'd killed you!" Jim looked over at Blair. "Scared me to death, Chief! So, I had to keep you safe, get you away from me! So," he began picking again, "I sent you away. I figured a little pain was a lot better than being dead! Instead, I sent you into even more danger than if I'd kept you by my side! You were out in the open, unprotected, when she came! And it was MY fault. It was all my fault!" Jim kept his face turned down to watch his fingers picking at the quilt.

Blair sighed. "You should have told me, Jim. We would have figured something out. We always do!" He laid back down on the bed. "You picked a fine time to start worrying about MY side of the partnership! Next time, Jim, TELL me when these things start coming through! I will not come into MY portion of this deal until we have fully...I don't know the word. Not until the bond is complete!"

Jim lay back down next to Blair, putting his head on Blair's chest again. "Next time I will, Chief...if there is a next time, which I hope there isn't!" He began licking Blair's chest and fingers again. "How does the bond get complete anyway?"

Blair started squirming a little. He'd never thought that fingers could be
erotic, however...Jim turned everything into an erotic zone. "It...uhm...it becomes complete when we take each other sexually."

"That means I have to take you sexually?" Jim whispered. //God, what an exciting idea!// increasing the amount of area he was covering with his tongue.

"Ummm, yeah. Oh, God! I'm gonna lose it!" Blair began to writhe under him.

"Are you willing, Chief?" Jim asked hoarsely.

Blair stared at him wide-eyed. Then he reached into the drawer of the bedside table, pulling out condoms and lubricant. He shoved them into Jim's hands. "If you don't take me right now, I'm gonna pull yours off and use it for a pogo stick!"

"O.K. , Chief." Jim grinned at him.

"Oh, by the way, Jim,' Blair said, leaning closer to his Sentinel, "in case it didn't penetrate, this is an equal opportunity situation here. So, you'd better be prepared yourself!"

Jim shivered in anticipatory delight, as he lubed his small partner. Blair hissed in mingled pain and delight at the feel of Jim's big fingers in his ass.

When Jim was using three fingers on Blair's rectum, and Blair's hips were thrusting back to meet Jim's fingers, Blair said, "Oh, God, Jim..." he moaned. "Please...I'm dying here, man..."

Jim rolled Blair over on his stomach.

"No, I want to see your face."

"Chief, you know that's a much more..." Jim began.

"I don't care. I've got to see your face!" Blair said fiercely, rolling over onto his back.

"O.K., Chief, here we go then." Jim eased into the tight opening, and rested with the head of his cock just inside the ring of muscle. Then he gently eased in a bit further, stopping when he heard a small hiss from Blair. "Chief?"

"It's O.K., Jim. Just give me a minute. I've haven't done this in a VERY long time...almost six years." Blair panted for a moment. "O.K., go for it!"

Jim eased out and back in, sliding a little further in. He kept up the movement, with each return stroke going a little further into Blair's body until he was finally in all the way. Once he got to that point, he rested for a moment, brushing the hair away from Blair's face. "O.K. , Chief?"

"Yeah." Blair tightened up his ass muscles around Jim, tightening almost painfully. "But, if you don't start moving here, I'm going to!" He smiled up at him.

Jim took a deep breath, and began to move to a faster, deeper tempo than he had used before. Jim was watching as Blair's eyes dilated with pleasure, and small moans of pleasure began to come from his young lover. Each of the little moans sent him closer to his own orgasm. He grasped Blair's penis and began to jerk him off in rhythm to his plunges into Blair.

"Blair," he gasped, "I'm...."

"I know...me too!' came the hoarse response.

And they both came together, Jim with a loud cry of passion, and Blair with a quiet little whimper of joy.

Jim began to pull out, and Blair grabbed him, holding him in. "Don't! Let me enjoy the feel of you for a while! It's been so long..." he said wistfully.

"O.K., Chief..." Jim cuddled up next to him. "But tonight, you're going to tell me about them, all right? "

"After I do you, Jim." Blair said, with a heated look in his eyes.

Jim almost came again simply from the implication that Blair was not going to take no for an answer. He was going to be topped! Jim laid his head on Blair's shoulder. "Promise?" he asked softly.

Blair looked down at Jim. Then he understood. Jim had to be in control at all times outside the bedroom. He enjoyed NOT having to be in control in the bedroom, for someone else to be in control, and to have to obey! //This may turn out to be a very interesting evening.// Blair thought to himself.

"Oh, damn! Oh well..." Blair said as Jim finally softened too much to stay in, and slipped out. Blair snuggled Jim closer to him, and went to sleep.

Simon was sitting at the kitchen table when Cat and Morgan came in. They were both still wet. He handed each of them a cup of coffee.

"Well?" Cat asked.

"He gave him a bath to get him warm. Then I showed him and Blair to the room you put Jim in when we arrived. They've been up there ever since."

Cat and Morgan both looked up toward the room. Then Cat smiled and reached over and stroked Morgan's cheek. "He's been trying to warm him by cuddling and sleeping next to him!" Then she grinned. "He doesn't want to take advantage of the situation. They are going to be a good match!"

Morgan plunked down in the kitchen chair. "I just wish they'd hurry up and be done with it! I'm not gonna feel safe until the bond is complete!"

Cat listened carefully, then smiled to herself. "Go upstairs and change out of those wet clothes, old man! You're almost as bad as he is for feeling cold." She smiled at him. "Now git!"

He stared at her accusingly. "What do you know that I don't know?" his eyes narrowed, and he moved closer to his Sentinel, almost threatening.

Just then they heard a hoarse scream from upstairs.

"What the...?" Simon sat upright.

Morgan rushed to the foot of the stairs only to be stopped by Cat. "Cat, someone's hurt!"

Cat grinned at him. "Old man, just because Blair isn't a screamer, doesn't mean that his Sentinel is equally silent."

"What? Oh!" Morgan flushed deep red. "Oh!" He sat down in a chair, covering his mouth with his hand. "For real?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, yeah." Cat grinned wickedly. "And Jim gave him a good ride." She snickered.

Jim awoke to the feeling of something wet being trailed up the middle of his spine. He arched his back as chills ran through his body at the feel of his Guide's tongue. "B-B-Blair!" he stammered.

"Hmmmm?" Blair murmured, licking his way up Jim's shoulder. "Yes, Jim," as he rested his head on top of Jim's shoulder.

Jim was panting with the effort to remain relatively sane. //This is NOT the Blair Sandburg I know!// he thought. At that point in the game, his libido kicked his thoughts out the window.

Blair gently trailed the tips of his fingers up and down Jim's chest, gently brushing by his nipples on several passes. He rubbed his cheek, rough with beard, across Jim's shoulder blade, not hard enough to rasp, but just enough to tantalize. He breathed gently across the nape of Jim's neck, and gently bit it.

"Blair!"

"Yes, Jim," Blair said coming over Jim so that they were now face to face, instead of being spooned together front to back. He pressed close to Jim so that their penises came into contact with each other, and gently rotated his hips in a circular motion.

//The only place I'd ever seen that particular motion was from a belly dancer// was the last and ONLY coherent thought to pass through Jim's mind for the remainder of the session.

Blair leaned over Jim's body, holding Jim's hands down with his own hands while gently rubbing himself all over his lover's body. "I told you, Jim, that this was a two way street! There's no going back now. I'll try to be as gentle as I can." He lowered his head and began to suckle Jim's nipples.

Jim's body arched up under him. Blair rode the movement and continued to nurse his lover, interspersing that action with rubbing his body against Jim's.

He worked his way up to Jim's neck, licking and nipping at any location that took his fancy. //Hope you don't mind being marked, Jim,// ran through his mind as he created a huge hickey on Jim's neck, //cause...you are!// Blair looked at the mark. //He's gonna kill me! It'll be worth it!//

He licked Jim's ears, his eyelids, his cheekbones, the tip of his nose. The tip of his tongue gently teased at the edge of Jim's lips, softly asking for permission to come in.

Jim moaned deep in his throat as the sensations began to flood though him. His lips, almost of their own volition, opened ever so slightly to Blair's begging.

Given the opportunity, Blair's tongue swept into his mouth, bringing with it the taste of toothpaste, the feel of his tongue against his teeth. Their tongues gently battled for dominance, each darting into the other's mouth, twisting and twining around each other...until Blair strongly sucked Jim's tongue into his mouth.

Blair ran his hands down Jim's body, touching him everywhere except the one place that Jim most wanted him to go. "Do you want this, Jim? Do you want me to take you?" Blair asked softly. "Answer me, Jim!"

"Yes," Jim said huskily.

Blair moved into place behind Jim, and began to prepare him. Gently using his fingers to stretch him and a lot of lubrication, Blair kept licking and touching Jim with the other hand. The combination of sensations were driving Jim over the brink.

"Blair," Jim moaned. "Please..."

Blair looked at his lover, trying to judge his readiness. //I'm a little larger than average.// he thought. //I think I'm a little larger than Jim is gonna be expecting. But, it's now or never.// Blair gently shoved Jim onto his stomach, placing a pillow under his hips to ease the position for his back and to make the entrance easier. He added a third finger to the stretching process, and listened to Jim moan, and watched as Jim's hips began to thrust into the pillow. He stopped the movement. "No, Jim!" His voice was commanding.

Jim found that he wasn't able to move in defiance of his Guide's voice. "Blair..." he begged.

"Not yet, Jim, but soon." Blair knew that, if he never touched Jim again in his life, the bonding process was complete. He was the one in control. He had to control the situation or both of them would be hurt. "All right, Jim," he swallowed hard, licking his lips to moisturize them. "Now, I'm going to enter you. Don't push too hard, O.K. ?"

"Blair, I'm not an innocent with men!" Jim whispered.

"I gathered that, Jim, but..." Blair felt himself blushing, "well, never mind. You'll see." He put on a condom and liberally coated his cock with lubrication. He gently placed the tip of his cock at the entrance to Jim's anus, and began to push gently, yet firmly. He felt more than heard Jim's gasp as Blair got in just past the ring and then rested to allow Jim some time to adjust to his size. He rubbed Jim's shoulder, calming the volatile Sentinel. "It's all right, Jim. Just relax. We'll take this a little at a time, O.K.?"

Jim nodded. //He's bigger than I expected!// He caught sight of them in the mirror on the bureau. He could just see where Blair's penis was inserted in his ass. //He's not even halfway in yet! God, he's gonna split me in half!//

Blair felt Jim begin to panic, and knew he was thinking about struggling. "Don't, Jim! " His voice took on a commanding quality that Jim remembered well. Blair moved his eyes around the room, trying to see what had set Jim off. He saw them in the mirror. //Oh, God!// He ducked his head at the eroticism of the sight. //But he's just had a glimpse of me, and he's starting to panic.//

Jim started to quiver.

Blair took Jim in his arms, not even trying to penetrate any further. "Jim, it's all right. I DO know what I'm doing here. Trust me." He turned Jim's face toward him. "Do you trust me?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to shut your eyes now. Will you do that for me?" Blair whispered in Jim's ear.

Jim nodded as he shut his eyes.

"You doing O.K.? You ready for me to come a little further in?" Blair waited for an answer. He could feel the fever heat leaving his body. He knew the bonding was complete. If Jim couldn't accept him at this point, it would not matter. But he hoped Jim would.

"Go ahead," Jim whispered. "It just surprised me, that's all. It's been a while for me, too. Particularly someone your size."

Blair started a gentle rocking motion with his pelvis, each stroke taking him more fully into Jim's ass. Finally, after almost 5 minutes, Blair was fully seated in Jim's ass, his balls resting softly against Jim's buttocks.

"How you doing., Big Guy?" Blair said, gently stroking Jim's cheek and neck.

"Mmmm hmmmm." Jim moaned. "Go on...please....don't think I can take much more of this. I'm about to explode now."

"Not yet, Jim!" Blair commanded. Blair began a series of long slow deep penetrations and slow withdrawals, the movements rippling through his body. He felt Jim's breathing come faster, and deeper.

"Bllair!" Jim cried.

Blair changed the angle of his penetration and brushed against Jim's prostate.

"Ahhhhh!" Jim screamed. "BLLLAAAAIIIIIRRR!!"

Blair's movements began to speed up, to the point he was pounding into Jim's body. He could no longer control his movements so that he did not hurt Jim, but he could try.

A long wailing scream began to come from Jim as he began to ejaculate - long spurts.

Blair tucked his head, a small whimper coming from his mouth where he had it pressed against Jim's shoulder. "Jim..." he whispered as he came.

Both men lay there in exhausted silence.

Simon, Morgan, and Cat were sitting at the kitchen table playing hearts when they heard the first scream, then the screamed name, and then the final scream.

Simon put his cards face down on the table. "What the...?"

Cat looked over at Morgan. "Ellison is definitely a screamer!"

"Yeah, and we already know the kind of sword Blair wields. Makes certain his...ummm... playmates enjoy themselves."

"What do you mean?"

Morgan looked down at the table and then back up at Simon, a twisted look on his face. "Have you ever noticed that Blair doesn't exactly have the greatest track record with women? A kind of short term...relationship.?"

"Yeah...so?"

"Let's just say that Blair, while relatively short when not aroused, has a very respectable size to him when aroused." Morgan said, plainly embarrassed.

"In what way?"

"I guess you could say that...Blair, in particular for his build, is over- endowed." Cat said. "Not just long, but thick!" She sighed. "I hope he didn't hurt him too bad."

"Me, too. I'll go get the supplies. We do still have some left, don't we?"

"Yes. I drove to town and got some supplies when you told me that you were going to be driving up with him. We're covered. You get the hot water. I'll get the supplies. I know where I put them."

And the two went their separate ways, leaving Simon somewhat at a loss behind them.

Blair gently pulled out of Jim, who moaned at the feeling of loss. "Just lie still, Jim. I need to check you over," Blair whispered. "I'm afraid I may have hurt you."

He checked him over and there was some blood, but...not as much as he was afraid there would be. "Jim, I'm gonna see about getting some hot water and a cloth to clean you up with. You stay here on the bed. Don't move!" and he left the room, pulling on a robe.

Blair pounded down the stairs, running into the kitchen. "Cat! Morgan!" He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Simon. "Oh, uh...hi, Simon."

"Sandburg!"

"Have you seen..." he saw Morgan at the sink filling a large bowl with warm water. "Yeah...ummm... Morgan, I may have....ummmm."

Just then Cat walked by with the supplies. "Come on, cub. Let's get your Sentinel cleaned up. Then you two can join us downstairs for dinner, before vanishing back upstairs."

Blair looked over at Simon, and blushed beet red. "Ummmn...." He stammered and hesitated, looking over at Simon, and then gave up the fight, and ran after Cat.

She walked in and placed the supplies in a chair near the bed. "Now, young Sentinel, let's see what the damage is."

Jim started to get out of the bed, and found himself blocked by Morgan and his Guide, both of whom were holding him in the bed. "Blair," he said, his head starting to shake.

"Shhhh! It's all right, young Sentinel! You have nothing I've not seen before." stroking his flank gently as she inspected the damage. "You did good, cub. Very little tearing. You must have been very gentle when you entered him and during most of your love making. Nothing to really worry about, I don't think." She smiled up him. "It is complete, isn't it?"

Blair nodded shyly.

She leaned her head over and took a measuring look at Jim. "You're also a goodly size." She looked over at Blair. "Get over here, cub! Let's see if there was any damage to you!"

Blair laid down quickly on the bed, and let Cat do her inspection. She patted both men on the hips gently. "You both did good jobs. I think this will be a good match if you can continue in the same vein. Clean up your Sentinel, cub, and then come down to dinner!" She dragged Morgan, who had been staring at the two men, smiling, happy, and excited, by the arm out the door.

"Yes, Cat." Blair said to her departing back. Then he got up, grabbed one of the washrags, and soaked it in the hot water. He gently began to clean Jim up. "Later tonight, we'll go soak in the hot tub."

"Sandburg, that antique tub is huge, but it is NOT big enough for the two of us at the same time!" Jim stated firmly.

"Not the bathtub, Jim. The hot tub! The big one out back...the one that's big enough for 10 people! The one with the jacuzzi jets!" Blair grinned at him.

Jim's eyes got big. "They have a true hot tub!"

"Better than most of the bathhouses I've ever been in." Blair stopped his cleaning for a moment. "In point of fact, I've never been in one quite like it. You can set the jets to on or off, strong or weak, fast or slow, whatever you may desire." Blair's face melted. "Oh, Jim. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe...just maybe...I'll get warm again!" He shivered. "O.K., Jim. You're all clean now." He moved the stuff to the side, and began to clean himself up.

"Here, let me." Jim cleaned up his new lover. //My new lover! That has a nice sound to it!// Jim thought. Just then he noticed Blair's teeth starting to chatter. "Better get dressed, Chief." And started looking around for something for himself to wear.

Blair reached up and pulled down a very large heavy woolen houserobe, and handed it to Jim. To Jim's surprise, it was a little on the big side. "What?"

"It was Artie's. This used to our room." Blair said as he pulled on a warm woolen robe. He shrugged. " Artie was bigger than you, " he said apologetically.

"How big was he, Chief?"

"He and Teddie were 6' 4" tall, and weighed 250 and 200 respectively." Blair smiled and shrugged. "What can I say? I have this thing for big people!" And then he grinned at Jim, and lit out downstairs yelling, "Hey, Cat, what's for dinner?"

//He's nuts!// Jim thought, as he followed him downstairs. //But there's nothing new in that!// and he grinned as he walked into the kitchen for dinner.

After dinner, they walked back up to their room, and crawled back into bed. Later Jim woke up, feeling Blair get out of bed. Blair walked over to the window. Jim opened his eyes, and saw Blair staring out the window.

"What's wrong, Chief?" Jim asked softly.

Blair sat down on the window seat, wrapping his arms around his knees, and pulling them close to his chest.

//Oh, God!// Jim thought. //He regrets it! He doesn't want...//

"Nothing, really, Jim. Just thinking."

"About what?" Jim got out of bed and moved to stand next to his lover.

Blair rested his head on his arms, hiding his face. His voice was muffled as he spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the possibility of a sexual connection between Sentinel and Guide, Jim. But, we'd already been together for so long without it showing up that...I thought....that the last time was because of the link to Teddie. I...I just didn't think it would happen. I'm sorry, man!"

Jim started rubbing Blair's back in a circular motion. //Blair's just as tight as he can be.// Jim thought as he began to truly massage Blair's back.

"Ah, Jim! That feels so good!" Blair moaned softly, leaning into Jim's hands.

Jim smiled. Then he tapped Blair on the shoulder. "Scoot forward!" he ordered.

Blair stared at him in surprise, but did as ordered.

Jim slid in behind Blair on the window seat, spreading his legs to the outside of Blair's body. He pulled Blair back into his body, snuggling Blair up against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. "Are you saying that you regret making love to me?"

"God! No!" Blair exclaimed, trying to twist so he could see Jim's face. "Never! I love you!"

Jim kept Blair in place, pulling him closer in his arms. "Are you sure?"

"I've only been as sure of one other thing in my life, Jim. And I don't regret it either." Blair rested against Jim's chest. "I just wish it had...happened before now. And what about you, Jim? You weren't exactly forthcoming about the fact that you weren't as straight as a railroad tie. You haven't really said how you feel about...anything..." Blair stilled in his place. "Where do we go from here, Jim?"

"That's kinda up to you, isn't it, Chief?"

"No, not really." Blair muttered. "I fucked up. I pissed you off. I paid the price." He looked down at his toes. "I was only thinking of my dissertation."

Jim snugged in behind him more. "No, Blair. You didn't fuck up; I did!" He sighed. "Ever since I got shot, I'd been having these dreams. I told you about them earlier today. I thought I was keeping you safe. Instead, I sent you straight into danger." Jim rubbed his nose against the back of Blair's neck. "No. We BOTH 'fucked up', Chief. Each of us thinking that his actions would keep the other safe - you by trying to find another Sentinel so you wouldn't lose your career and keeping me safely anonymous, and me trying to keep you away from danger by sending you away from me." Jim shrugged helplessly. "We should have talked more, but...everything and everyone conspired against us."

"Jim, I..." Blair began.

"Blair, I want you to come home...to the loft...to me." Jim said, "but only if YOU want to. Not because you feel you should, or because I need you to, but because you want to. That's the only way this is going to work."

"Do you trust me, Jim?" Blair asked.

"With my life!" Jim replied promptly.

"What about with your heart?" Blair asked softly.

"I'm here," Jim said simply.

"Willingly, or because you basically had no other choice?"

"I could have left just after we woke up the first time...just before you bolted on me and took a header down an otter slide!" He leaned his head around to look in Blair's face. "An otter slide, Blair? That water was freezing!" He tightened his arms almost convulsively. "Your heart could have stopped just from the shock of hitting that cold!"

Blair leaned his head back on Jim's chest. "Jim, I knew exactly what was down that otter slide."

"You did?"

Blair twisted his body so he could cuddle sideways on Jim's chest. "Haven't you figured out where you are, Jim? This," waving his hand around, "all this, is where I grew up, man! I've been going down the otter slide for years, ever since Teddie and Artie pushed me down it when I was 8!" He leaned his head back on Jim's shoulder.

"When I wasn't with Naomi, I stayed with Cat, Morgan, Teddie, and Artie. When Morgan was at sea, Cat dragged us all over the globe - Nigeria, Kenya, India, Java, Ceylon, Hong Kong, Alaska, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Peru, Bolivia, Nova Scotia, England...she even got permission to drag us all through Eastern Europe - Albania, Yugoslavia, Hungary, Czechoslovakia. Man, we went everywhere! Sometimes Naomi'd be with us, but mostly it was just the 4 of us."

"What were you doing? Why were you going to all those places?"

Blair grinned up at him lazily. "Cat's an anthropologist who specializes in folklore. She collects stories. We traveled the globe collecting folk tales from all over. She got the stories, and WE ran wild. We did anything and everything. We learned from everyone we were with."

Blair sat in Jim's lap, gently rocking back and forth. Almost as if he were in a rocking chair.

Jim looked at his young lover. He could tell Blair was lost in his memories.

"I pulled my first Sentinel out of a zone when I was 9 years old, Jim. That was the first true time, because Cat doesn't zone the way you do. She's not exactly the same kind of Sentinel that you are. You protect the tribe. She protects the knowledge and mysteries of the tribe. She's the one who first told me about Sentinels..." Blair shivered in the cool night air, and snuggled closer to the heat source of his choice.

"I lost my virginity in Alaska after having fallen in a river when the bank gave way under me. If you think THIS is cold, try Alaskan waters. Teddie and Artie got me out, but I was freezing. Cat had gotten caught overnight in another camp due to bad weather. So we were alone. They couldn't get me warm enough, so they both climbed into bed with me, one on each side. I think I was 14. They were a year older."

Blair snuggled still closer to Jim. "They couldn't even get me warm having one on each side of me. So they crawled out of bed, stripped me jaybird naked, and crawled back in. Eventually, they did...other things to get me warm. Man, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, particularly when Teddie crawled in front!"

"Why?"

'"Why?' Jim," Blair pressed his hands on Jim's chest, pushing himself away, "if you think I'm oversexed now, what do you think I was like at 14?"

"That's a scary thought, Chief!"

"And Teddie and Artie were a year older than I was. And she'd done the dirty..." Blair blushed, "the previous year. I guess, looking back on it now, that Cat knew about it. Anyway, Teddie was never that active sexually." He blushed again. "I found out later that she had already decided that we were getting together - the three of us, and she was getting the knowledge needed to make certain it would happen. She was the dominating one of the two. She could really plan, think, do all of that. Artie was the physical side - a lot like you, Jim."

"Come on, babe. Let's get back in bed. You're freezing out here!"

"All right, Jim." Blair crawled back into the bed. Jim crawled in next to him and snuggled Blair close to him. "God, Chief! I've never seen a bed this big before!"

"Morgan crafted the bed frame, the head board, the foot board. Cat commissioned the mattress, springs, linens, all of it. It was our wedding present - a bed big enough for all three of us. Anyway, to get back to the story...given the fact that they were a year older than I was, that should tell you why I thought I had died and gone to heaven."

"Chief, I'm sure I'm missing something real obvious here, but..."

"Teddie wasn't a small woman. She was built along...heroic lines, shall we say?" He looked up at Jim, to see a look of non-comprehension on his face. "At 12, she had breasts, Jim. At 15..." Blair shook his head, "the only possible description was..." Blair was cupping his hands in front of his chest, almost as if he were cupping her breasts. "Jim, she was built! And she was in bed with me, naked, face to face! Oh, man! Artie and I got in so many fights trying to keep other guys from trying things they
shouldn't. At least until she got mad at one guy who wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Kick him where it hurts?" Jim asked, laughing softly as he pulled Blair back down on his chest.

"Uh, among other things!"

"Other things?"

"Jim, Morgan was a self defense instructor in the service (read hand to hand instructor, Jim). Do you honestly think that he would let his daughter travel the world without making sure she could take care of herself. And, at 16, she was 6'4", 190 pounds. We worked in a lot of these places we went to, Jim. Worked hard. Particularly when we got older. We would be considered adults in a tribal setting, and expected to help with the survival of the tribe. Built up a lot of muscles."

"You loved her a lot, huh, Chief?"

"Loved 'em both."

"Why aren't you still together?"

"Just wasn't meant to be, I guess." Blair sat up and turned to face Jim. "I'm an anthropologist, Artie was an archaeologist, Cat is a folklorist, and Teddie...Teddie was an artist. She made watercolor copies of all the artwork, helped fill in the blanks in art work, etc. She's part of the reason I know so much about pottery styles. Anyway, we had gone on an expedition to Columbia - all of us. A couple of other professors, a bunch of other grad students. Anyway, we - Cat, another, and I - had gone into the city for supplies. By the time we got back, half the camp was down with it. You know, they never did say exactly what 'IT' was. But, it had a better than 50 mortality rate. I came down with a mild case of it. Cat never did. We lost both the senior professors, half the native staff, and more than half the graduate students, including Teddie, Artie,
and...Gus-Gus. You'd have liked Gus-Gus, Jim."

Jim heard Blair's heartbeat increase. "Who's Gus-Gus, Chief?"

"Hold me, Jim. Please?" Blair begged softly.

Jim gathered him in his arms, holding him securely.

Blair laid his head in the space next to Jim's neck. "Gus-Gus was my son, Jim," he said softly. "He was only 4 years old."

Jim felt the wet warmth on his shoulder where tears were falling. "Chief, I...uh...I don't know what to say!"

Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's midsection. "There's not really anything to say, Jim. He caught a disease and died from it, as did his mother and his uncle!"

Jim flashed back to the little boy he'd seen on the spirit plane. "A little boy, strong and sturdy, with sandy brown curls, worn long?"

"Yeah, Jim. How'd you know?"

He hugged Blair tighter. "He told me to tell you he loved you."

"What?"

"I saw him on the spirit plane. He played hide-n-seek with me for a while, basically leading me to where you were. But, while I was carrying him, he told me 'tell him that I love him and miss him an awful lot'. Then he said he had to leave, and jumped down. I said he couldn't go off alone like that, and he said his mom and uncle were with him. That's when he said the other thing."

"Oh, God, Jim! I miss him so!" Blair wailed and curled into a ball.

"I'm here, babe," Jim said as he tried to soothe him. Rubbing his big hands gently up and down Blair's back, Jim held him until he fell asleep.

Jim's stomach growled. He didn't know why but...he was starved. He eased Blair down onto the mattress. Then he slipped out of bed, put on his robe, and headed downstairs.

Cat woke up when she heard a noise in the kitchen. Morgan woke up when she got out of bed. "What's wrong?"

"Someone's in the kitchen; think it's Jim."

"He's probably raiding the fridge," Morgan said, shrugging it off. He looked at his wife. "Cat, he hasn't been eating any more than Blair has."

"Hmph!" Cat snorted putting on a robe. "I'm gonna get him something to eat before he wrecks my kitchen!"

"O.K." Morgan rolled over and was back to sleep before she was halfway down the stairs.

Jim was crouching in front of the open door of the fridge when Cat walked in. "Having fun, young Sentinel?" she asked. There was no response. She walked over. //He's zoned!// she thought in amazement. //He's zoned on the sights and smells in the fridge.// She touched him, but again there was no response. She took a deep breath, and then heard Blair clumping down the stairs.

"Hi, Cat," he mumbled as he staggered past her to Jim. He put his hand on Jim's shoulder, and stuck his face down to stare at the food. "See anything interesting in there, Jim?"

Jim blinked several times, then looked at his Guide. "Chief?"

Blair stuck his head further in the fridge. "You were zoned, man. Big time!"

"Get out of my fridge, and sit down!" Cat snapped, pulling them both out. "You two get loose in my leftovers, and we won't have anything to eat!" She shoved them over to the table.

Jim sat down in the chair. "Chief, I..."

Blair grinned at him, holding up a finger. "Shhh..." and he pointed over to where Cat was slicing bread, lettuce, tomatoes, and meat.

"Blair," she said over her shoulder, "go downstairs and bring up a bottle!":

"Yes, ma'am." Blair clattered down the stairs and came back up with a large brown bottle.. He handed it to Cat.

"Get down the glasses, cub," as she opened the bottle.

"Two or three?"

"I don't need any," she retorted, handing him the bottle.

Jim's eyes followed the bottle as Blair poured a large glass of dark brown liquid. The scent of home brewed ale drifted over to Jim. Blair put the glass in front of Jim, and then poured himself a glass. Then he sat down at the table. His eyes stayed fixed on Cat. He began to rock.

Jim put his hand on Blair's arm. "Chief?"

"Yeah, Jim?" Blair replied absently, his eyes on Cat.

"Not at the table, cub. It'll be there in a minute. Tranquillity, stillness." Cat kept on making the sandwiches.

Blair stopped, but, after a moment, began rocking slightly.

Cat put a large sandwich in front of Blair. "Eat."

He looked up at her, eyes wide.

"Yes, just the way you used to like it," Cat smiled. Then she slid a sandwich twice as big as Blair's in front of Jim. "I had to guess about you. Hope it suits." Then she washed her hands, kissed each of them on the forehead, and headed up the stairs. "Good night, cubs. Enjoy the sandwiches." Then she stopped on the stairs. "And then go back to bed! You both need your rest!"

"Yes, Cat," Blair said.

Jim just stared at her, eyes wide. //No one has done that since my mother died!// He looked down at the sandwich, and then at the beer. //Of course, my mother never put a glass of beer in front of me!// he thought humorously.

Blair picked up his sandwich and bit into it happily. Jim lifted up the bread and looked at his - lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, lots and lots of sliced roast beef, whole wheat bread (homemade from the look of it), and cheese.

"Pickles are on the side, Jim. She only has spears." Blair mumbled around a mouthful of food.

"What YOU got?" Jim asked.

"Roast beef, lettuce, cheese, margarine, sprouts," Blair smiled happily as he took a swallow of the ale. He pointed to the side of the plate. "She even gave us dessert."

"What?" Jim looked past his sandwich and saw two large cookies on the side of the plate.

"Oatmeal raisin." Blair took another swallow of his ale. "Doesn't it suit, Jim? Normally that's what you would like!" Blair looked at him curiously.

"How did she know?" Jim asked.

"You heard her. She didn't! She had to guess. Do you need me to make you something else, Jim?"

"No... this is fine!" Jim was a little scared that a complete stranger could know him so well, even as a guess.

"Eat your sandwich, Jim." Blair advised. "You need your strength," and he leered at him.

Jim laughed at his Guide. "Sandburg!"

Blair smiled at him. "How come, when I take the initiative, I'm Sandburg, and, when you take the lead, I'm Blair? Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

Blair had finished half of his sandwich, and leaned back in the chair. He looked at it with regret. He knew he wasn't going to be able to finish it. If he tried, he would make himself sick.

In the meantime, Jim had finished off his sandwich and cookies, and was still mildly hungry. Jim looked over at Blair's plate. "You gonna finish that, Chief?"

Blair looked over and saw the look on Jim's face. He also saw that his Sentinel had lost weight. In answer, he shoved the plate over to Jim, cookies and all.

Jim smiled happily. "Thanks, Chief." As he took a bite out of the sandwich, "I don't know why, but I'm starving!"

"You haven't been eating right," Blair said quietly. "You've lost weight. Now your body is saying, 'FEEEDD MEEEEE, NOW!'" and he grinned.

Around a mouthful of sandwich, Jim mumbled, "Look who's talking?"

Blair shrugged. "I just wasn't hungry." He looked up at Jim. "Jim, did they ever catch Alex Barnes?"

"No, Chief, they haven't. And, although they recovered most of the nerve gas, they haven't found all of it."

"I really didn't know she was a crook, Jim." Blair was making little balls of the bread crumbs on the plate in front of him.

Jim finished off the sandwich and took another swallow of his ale. "I know, Chief. And I also know my behavior didn't make anything any easier for you."

"No, it didn't. You were someone I didn't know, and," he hesitated for a moment, "I wasn't sure I wanted to. I didn't really like that Jim. It wasn't you." Blair took a swallow of the ale. "I...I really don't want to talk about this right now, Jim."

His face was closing off. Jim could feel him pulling away. "I'm sorry, Chief...about the way I acted, particularly throwing you out...packing up your stuff."

"That hurt, Jim. That hurt a lot! You talk about needing your privacy...well, so do I. But, now, you've been through everything I own." He looked off to the side...anywhere but at Jim. "No 'I've got a problem, Chief,' no 'I need you to find another place to stay by the end of the month', no discussion, no explanation, no nothing! And, that really hurt!" Blair began to rock back and forth in his chair.

"Chief," Jim reached over and put his hand on Blair's arm, "I don't have any excuse except...possibly....temporary insanity...and a desire to keep you save. Of course," Jim leaned back in his chair and sighed, "the method I used left a lot to be desired. I can promise you I will never throw you out again. I cannot promise that I won't try to protect you." He looked over at Blair. "We both know I'd be lying though my teeth if I said that!"

"Yeah." Blair smiled at him as he drained the last of his ale from the glass, and then carried his glass and Jim's plate over to the sink. "I'll wash them in the morning," he said going back to the table. "You 'bout ready, Big Guy?"

Jim finished the last of his sandwich in one bite, grabbed his cookies off the plate, and carried it over to the sink. He quickly gobbled his cookies, and drained the last of the ale from his glass. "Almost ready, Chief." He put his glass in the sink. "O.K. Let's go."

And the two headed up to their room. Once there, Jim sat down on the side of the bed, watching Blair putter.

//We're both spooked about this!// Blair thought. //I don't know what to do now! Where do we go from here? Are we gonna spend every night together?// His breathing became more rapid as he tried to figure out what to do, moving things in the room.

Jim watched in concern as Blair's movements became more rapid, almost frantic. He listened. Blair's breathing was starting to sound labored. //His heartbeat sounds like a rabbit's. He's terrified!// Jim thought. "Blair, Chief!" He got up, moved up behind Blair in front of the dresser, and put his hands on Blair's shoulders.

He felt Blair jump. "Chief, come on to bed...just to sleep. Nothing more." He wrapped his arms around him. "I think we're both too tired for anything more." He quietly led his partner over to the bed. He took off his robe, and helped Blair out of his. And then pulled Blair down to the mattress and covered him with the blankets. Jim scooted in tight behind him, wrapping one arm around his partner's chest, pulling him in close. He felt Blair begin to relax as the warmth penetrated.

Without his realizing it, Jim drifted off to sleep.

Jim looked around. He was near where he had found Blair earlier...but he was alone. //The last thing I remember is going to bed// he thought., //so how did I get here?//

He heard a small high-pitched giggle from behind him. He turned around trying to locate the source, but failed. Then he saw a small boy crouched at the base of a large tree, watching him and being very still. He walked over and very gently picked the child up. //It's the same boy I saw earlier,// he thought. "Gus-Gus?" he said aloud.

The boy giggled and threw his arms around Jim's neck. "You know me now!" And he gave Jim a kiss on the cheek and a big hug...at least as big as his little arms could manage.

"What are you doing out here alone?" Jim asked.

"Waiting for you. Mummy said you would be coming to find Daddy. And.." he picked at a piece of lint on Jim's shirt, "since Daddy's here talking to Mummy and Uncle Artie, you'd be coming alone. And..." he looked a bit mischievous, "I wanted to see if you hugged as good as you carried." He snuggled up, putting his head on Jim's shoulder. "You're not quite as good a hugger. Neither is Uncle Artie...or Mummy. So far, Da and Grandpa are the best. They hug as well as they carry." He lifted his head to look at Jim.

Jim had been looking around, trying to find Blair. A small hand patted his cheek. "Find him the way you did yesterday. Follow the heartbeat." The boy looked around, starting to get anxious. "We have to get out of here. There are things here that eat people!"

"All right, let's go!" And Jim headed toward where he felt Blair would be.

As they drew closer, Jim heard Blair's voice. He focused his hearing on that and used it to guide him.

"I miss you guys a lot," Blair said.

Then Jim heard a deep voice. "Now you have a new love."

"Oh, Artie, don't! You know I love you. I will always love you. But I love Jim, too."

"Does he keep you safe?" a woman's voice asked.

"He tries, Teddie. He tries." Blair laughed shortly. "But, you know me. I can get into trouble just going to take a bath!"

"I guess what I mean is, does he love you?"

"He says he does," Blair said softly, "and that's...something for Jim. He's not a big talker. Like you, Artie, he's more of a doer. He says it with actions."

"That's going to be hard for you," she whispered. "You're one who needs to have it said, a lot. Thanks to Naomi..." she said bitterly.

"I love my Mom, but..." Blair shrugged helplessly.

Jim could see Blair sitting cross-legged on an old tree stump, while two other people sat on the ground near him.

"By the way, have you seen her?"

Teddie looked at him in surprise. "No! Is she....?"

Blair nodded. "Yeah."

"Blair, we haven't seen her...and we would have. " Teddie said.

"Look, all I know is that the lawyer said that she was dead, and handed me an urn with her ashes. I don't know. Maybe she's haunting the place...doesn't realize she's passed over."

"That's possible," Teddie said. "You know how stubborn she is. Won't listen to what you say."

Jim came into the clearing carrying Gus-Gus.

"Da!" the child squealed, leaning forward in Jim's arms.

"Gus-Gus!" Blair's face lit up. He got up and took the boy from Jim's arms, and hugged him tightly. "Oh, I've missed you so, Gus-Gus!" he cried.

"I've missed you, too, Da!" and he started telling Blair everything that had happened since the last time they had talked. Blair sat there, listening to the child prattle, stroking Gus-Gus' hair.

"What's going on, Chief?"

Blair shrugged slightly. "I had to talk to them. That's all."

Artie walked up next to Jim. "You be good to him. He's a gentle soul. If you hurt him..." Artie looked down into Jim's eyes, "I'll find a way to make you regret it."

"Artie!" Blair exclaimed, getting up and putting his hand on Artie's arm, "Now...calm down. Don't be like that!"

"I've seen the way he treats you! He can't make up his mind whether to treat you like a kid or an adult! You're a man, Blair, and a good one! You don't need grief like that."

"Artie, at times, you treated me even worse...and for a longer period of time! He at least has the excuse of being several years older than I am. You, on the other hand, are only one year older than I am...was..." Blair stopped for a moment. "This is getting confusing."

"What is, Chief?"

"How do you figure this? They've stopped aging. I haven't. I'm now five years older than they were when they died. Do we still continue to figure it as they're a year older than me, or do we figure that I'm now the oldest?"

"Does it matter?" Jim asked.

"I don't know, Jim. It might. But it's definitely confusing. I'm starting to get to where I really don't know how to..."

"Chief, it doesn't really matter. Did you get a chance to talk to them about whatever it was?"

"Not really...exactly, but sorta. I guess I just need reassurance that they don't think I'm abandoning them because I've...bonded with you." Blair looked at Jim anxiously. 'Not that I don't want to be with you, Jim."

"It's all right, Blair," Jim said soothingly. //I think...I guess...Wonder if this is how the second wife feels?// he grinned to himself. //And how frequently are we going to make this trip?// He sat down next to Blair, reaching out to stroke his Guide's curls. He pinched Gus-Gus' nose lightly.

Gus-Gus grinned at him and then climbed into Jim's lap. "Can I call you Uncle Jim?" he asked softly, leaning his head on Jim's shoulder.

Jim shifted him so he could hold him securely. "I think that would be O.K ....if it's O.K. with your Dad."

"I think it would be best," Blair said as he reached over to tickle Gus-Gus' ribs. "Especially since he's older than Daddy, which makes him a lot older than Gus-Gus." And he leaned over and blew a raspberry against the boy's neck.

"No," the boy squealed, scrunching up his shoulder, "tickles, Da!"

Jim quickly tickled Gus-Gus' ribs. "It's supposed to, squirt!"

"No fair! Mummy! Uncle Artie! They're tickling me!" he squealed again. Teddie and Artie watched Jim with Gus-Gus, seeing how carefully and gently he handled the boy.

Artie leaned over to his sister. "I think we can trust Blair with him, don't you?"

Teddie looked up at him and smiled. "Oh, yeah. Besides, Blair's not delicate; he's not going to break."

"Yes, he is." Artie retorted, in the beginnings of an old, and very familiar, argument.

"He's not going to break with normal usage!"

"I never noticed him not breaking!"

"Well, if you'd ever stop slamming him into the wall..." followed by a loud thwack!

The two of them started brangling, then wrestling, scuffling, even occasionally trading blows.

Jim started at them, and then murmured softly, "Should we try to break it up, Chief?"

Blair glanced over at the brangling pair. "Nah, they're close to the end of that one." He tickled his son gently. "In a minute, one of them will say something to hurt the other's feelings. The hurt one will start crying, the other will start comforting, and, a few minutes after that, everything will be all love and roses again. The only thing interfering will get you is a) hit, and b) them mad at you. Leave them alone." He looked over at them. "Besides, I've got the feeling that this is gonna be the last time I see them for a long time." He pulled his son off Jim's lap and hugged him tightly. "You be a good boy for Daddy while we're apart...O.K.?"

"O.K., Da." Gus-Gus reached up and patted Blair's cheek. "I'll be a good boy...I promise!" And he snuggled up closer to his Dad. //We're gonna be going away, Da! And I don't wanna leave you! But Mummy says we have to go!// Gus- Gus leaned his head on his father's chest and started crying.

Jim was watching as his Guide's words came true. Teddie and Artie were holding and comforting each other. He heard the child crying and leaned close. "What's wrong?" he whispered.

"Don't want to go! Don't wanna leave Da!" the child suddenly wailed.

Blair began rocking his son. "It's all right, cub." He stroked Gus-Gus' hair softly. "Da'll be with you again...sooner or later. And where you're going is very nice. Lots of animals, adventures, other children to play with..."

Gus-Gus sniffed and wiped his nose with a grubby fist. "Really?"

"From everything I've been told. It's a beautiful place, with lots of things for a child to do. And I'll be there before you know it." He stroked Gus- Gus' cheeks, brushing away the tears.

The child sniffed. "I guess that's O.K. then."

"Good."

Teddie and Artie, their argument over, came over and picked up Gus-Gus. "We have to leave now. Our time is done," Teddie said.

"Our unfinished business is now finished," Artie said, brushing a finger along Blair cheekbone. "You are safe with a loved one."

Teddie stoked along Blair's jawline. "It is time, sweeting. We must go. You should be all right now."

"I love you," Blair whispered.

"We know." The three said as one.

"But, we're leaving you in good hands," Artie said. Looking over at Jim, "Take good care of him, Jim."

"I will."

And the three faded from sight.

Jim woke up to find Blair in his arms, softly weeping. "Chief?" he said groggily.

"It's O.K., Jim. Go back to sleep." Blair caressed his shoulder.

"No, something's wrong, Chief. You're crying. Did I do something, say something...?"

"No, Jim...it's just a...combination of things." Blair said, sitting up and scooting over to the side of the bed.

Jim sat up and moved in closer to Blair's side. "What things?"

Blair moved back onto the bed, and sat with his legs crossed. "Jim," he began hesitantly, "it's a combination of a lot of things. Alex, the fight, the...dying, the crossing over of my family..." Blair looked at Jim, tears in his eyes. "Jim, Naomi's dead!"

"I know, Chief." Jim put his hand on Blair's knee. "Simon told me. When you were in the hospital, we put out an APB on Naomi when we couldn't find her anywhere. He told me she was dead just before we came up here. I'm not sure I understood all of what he said; I was kinda out of it. The headaches were making me sick. I think he said a car crash back East. That's about all I know, Chief."

"There's not a lot more to know, Jim. The lawyer came while I was in the hospital. He brought me her ashes. I'm to scatter her ashes over the ocean from a point not far from here. No grave for MY Mom. Still the wild spirit. Nowhere where we could go, put flowers on her grave, tend the grave, talk to her. Oh, no. She's got to be scattered!"

Jim put a hand on Blair's knee. "Have you done it yet, Chief?"

"No, I just kept...putting it off for some reason."

"Would you..." Jim offered hesitantly, "like me to go with you? Maybe this morning?"

Blair leaned over into Jim's arms. "I think I'd like that, Jim. I...think Naomi would too."

"Then, we'll take a picnic lunch if we have to, and take care of that today."

"All right, Jim." Blair moved over and leaned fully back into Jim's arms, rubbing his back against Jim's chest, gently rocking his hips against Jim's penis, which began to harden quickly, reacting to the physical stimuli. "Chief! What do you think you're doing?" Jim gasped.

Blair slumped. "I'm sorry, Jim," he said mournfully. "I'm doing it all wrong! Otherwise," he said, twisting his body around to see Jim clearly, "you'd know exactly what I was trying to do."

"Are you sure, Chief?" Jim said, rubbing Blair's shoulder softly. "Cause, if you are, I'm not gonna turn it down. I've wanted you for so long..." his voice trailed off uncertainly.

"I wouldn't still be in this bed if I didn't want it, Jim. You'd have waked up alone. For me, the intimacy is a big part of the Sentinel/Guide bond. It always has been. Up until Alex, it could be handled by the touching alone. But, the nature of our bond has changed." He reached over and gently caressed Jim's cock. It stirred, becoming more erect with every caress.

Blair's eyes got bigger as he took in Jim's size. "Did...that...go in me?" he gasped, turning a little white.

"Chief?" Jim hugged him close. "Yeah," he said wryly, "every last inch. Why?"

"Artie wasn't that big - in length or thickness!" Blair looked at him. "I'm glad I didn't notice how big you were BEFORE we made love!"

"Why?"

"Because it might not have happened," Blair said, moving up and taking one of Jim's nipples in his mouth and licking, then moving down to Jim's cock and suckling.

"God, Chief!" Jim came straight up in the bed.

Blair pushed Jim gently back down to the mattress, and resumed what he had been doing.

"Oh, God!" Jim whispered. "What you do to me!" He glanced down at Blair's penis, which was now fully erect. Jim stared. "You can talk, Chief!" he gasped. "You're bigger than I am." His head pushed back into the pillow as Blair's tongue quickly sent him over the edge. Jim screamed Blair's name as he came.

Blair snuggled up to Jim, putting his head on Jim's shoulder. "I love how vocal you are, Jim. It really excites me," he murmured.

"Chief, let me take care of you," Jim murmured, reaching down for Blair's penis. He found semen cooling on Blair's stomach. He glanced over at his Guide.

Blair shrugged, almost apologetically. "I told you your 'noises' really excited me!" He hid his face on Jim's shoulder.

Jim took a Kleenex from beside the table and cleaned up his Guide, and then smiled. //I've never been loved so completely,// he thought, cuddling his Guide close to him, savoring Blair's presence at his side.

There was a knock at the door. "Breakfast is ready," came Morgan's voice.

"How did they know, Chief?" Jim asked quietly.

"Cat was probably listening," Blair said, getting out of bed. "Come on, Jim. I think I smell waffles and bacon!"

"Blueberry waffles!" Jim said, grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt and throwing them on eagerly.

"Rough riding today, Jim?" Blair asked, holding out a pair of boxers.

Jim flushed bright red and grabbed the boxers. He pulled off his pants, jerked on the boxers, and then pulled his pants back on.

Blair ran past him laughing, hair flying behind him.

"Hey! No fair!" Jim shouted. "You made me put on underwear!"

This was said just as the two pounded into the kitchen. Three extremely amused faces stared at him as Blair slid into a seat.

"Underwear, Jim?" Simon asked mildly.

"Ummm...morning, sir." Jim said as he slid into his chair. Cat slid a plate with three pieces of bacon and three buttered waffles in front of him. He grinned at the plate, said, "Thanks," and dug into the waffles. She put a large cup of coffee at his right hand.

Cat put a plate of extra waffles in the center of the table and sat down to eat breakfast. She glanced over at Blair. "Well, cub?"

"Well, what?" he mumbled around a mouthful of waffle.

She laid her fork gently on the side of her plate. "Did you talk to them last night?"

He nodded, chewing rapidly to finish his mouthful before the next question.

"And?"

"They're gone. Their business here is finished. They have gone to the Summer Lands."

Jim and Simon saw Cat and Morgan sigh in relief, almost simultaneously.

"And?" said Morgan.

"It was easier last night than ever before to contact the dead, Morgan. In point of fact, it was never that easy before."

Morgan looked over at Cat. "Told ya." And he picked up his fork and tackled his waffles again.

"Told you what?" Blair asked.

"Morgan said that your shamanic gifts had never fully opened when you were bonded with Teddie and Artie. He also said that he thought that you would open fully this time, and be exceedingly powerful."

"And?" Jim asked.

"He has and is." Morgan said softly. "You will need additional training, cub, in order to be able to control your new senses and be able to protect yourself and your Sentinel...to keep from attracting all sorts of nasties to you."

"Why didn't this happen before?" Blair asked, finishing his waffles.

"Before, the wards put in place to guard you as a child were sufficient. Now, they aren't. You will need to install new wards on yourself and your Sentinel, as you were instructed in your training."

"Are you saying that Jim's shining like a beacon now?" Blair said uneasily.

"Until new wards go up, yes, you both are. For now, the house wards are sufficient. But, you must both be warded before setting foot outside the house." Morgan said, cleaning his plate and pushing it away.

"Why didn't something try to get us before now?" Jim asked curiously.

"Because Blair has been warded since we knew he had made his spirit walk, and you," looking over at Jim, "have been warded since that day in my garage...by me. Blair was in no condition to take care of it. You were both vulnerable. But, I had to touch you to be able to ward you."

"That tingle! I thought I had imagined it!" Jim exclaimed.

"You felt it?" Morgan exclaimed, surprised.

"Yes."

Morgan and Cat exchanged glances. Then Morgan got up, moved over behind Jim, and placed both hands on Jim's shoulders. He shut his eyes, testing Jim's powers. He opened his eyes and looked at Blair. "You have a true full Sentinel to Guide, cub. You will have to teach him how to use the wards, and then to use THOSE senses."

"Oh, great! I can barely get him to learn to use the physical ones!" He glanced up at Morgan. "All right." Blair said, wide-eyed. "All of them, Morgan?

"Sure looks like it. Definitely more than just the physical ones, though."

"I should have realized. All those dreams..." Blair murmured.

"Dreams?" Morgan said.

"Jim pushed me away because he had been having dreams of killing me...or my spirit guide. He was doing it to try to keep me safe. They, and the other Sentinel, kinda made him freak."

"O.K. Well, with all the necessary questions out of the way, what do you and Jim have planned for today?"

Jim swallowed a bite of waffle hastily. "I thought Blair and I might go on a hike."

"A hike?" Cat stared at Blair. "Cub, neither of you is in good enough shape..."

"Just to Moose Head Point, Cat!" Blair interrupted. "That's all.

"Ah. Of course." Cat nodded as she remembered what Blair still had to do. Naomi.

Jim glanced over at her. "I was wondering if we might be able to get a picnic lunch of sorts - sandwiches, drinks, maybe some apples - to take with us. Make it an all day trip. Take it easy, take our time - both ways."

"Only if you'll take one of the cell phones." Cat said, glancing over at Morgan.

"You don't set foot out of the house until I'm satisfied that you are both completely and thoroughly warded. After that, only if you take two of the horses," Morgan said firmly, "AND the cell phone. Neither of you has fully recovered from your ordeal. I'd just as soon you have a chance to make it safely home without having to call out Search and Rescue." He grinned wryly.

"Yeah, would be nice." Blair admitted, ducking his head. "I had wondered if I'd be able to make it all the way walking."

"At least with the horses, you can tie yourselves on and they'll come home without much urging," Cat grinned.

"Cat, why don't you fix them up a nice lunch while I teach Jim how to erect wards. And make Blair strengthen his own." Morgan said, as he got up and took his plate over to the sink. "Then I'll get them a couple of horses saddled. After I see them off, I'll come back and help you with the chores. What do you think?" wrapping his arms around Cat and touching cheeks.

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Cat said, stroking Morgan's cheek.

"And I'll do the dishes," Simon said, getting up to place his own dishes in the sink.

"I'll not say no at this point," Cat said. "Go!" pushing the other three out. "Go learn your wards! Out of my kitchen!" shoving them out.

It did not take long to teach Jim the wards. "The hard part is going to be learning to maintain them on an unconscious level. So you are protected even while unconscious. That will take practice, but you will learn before you go back home." Morgan promised. "Now that you know how, Blair can help you if you have any trouble. Now, off on your trip."

Blair pounded upstairs to get into warmer clothes. Jim followed more slowly. He walked in to find Blair having trouble finding the hole in his shirt.

"Here, Chief," Jim said, helping Blair find the neck hole.

Blair's head popped out. "I'll be ready in a minute, Jim!"

"Calm down, Chief. That point will still be there in two hours."

"Jim," Blair rubbed his nose, "I haven't been outside this house since I got here...except for," he thought for a moment, "twice? Once before you got here, and once after you got here. Cat wouldn't let me wander. I have just a touch of cabin fever here, Jim. I need to get out of here!"

"But why?"

"I'll tell you later...when we're on horseback. That way, if you decide to pound me, I can run," Blair grinned. He pulled on a pair of squaw boots and laced them up. "I'm ready, Jim," he said, pulling on a sweater.

"Think you'll be warm enough, Chief?" Jim asked dryly.

"I'm taking a jacket," Blair said seriously. "Moose Head Point is cold and wet, but it has a gorgeous view of the ocean."

"Wet, huh?"

"Yep. Lots of ocean spray. Makes it just a bit...damp!" and Blair grinned. "Naomi loved it there. She used to go sit there for hours, watching the waves." Blair reached over and picked up the small urn. After taping down the lid, he put it in a tote sack.

Jim pulled out a sweater and pulled it on. "Chief, are you sure you don't want another sweater to pull on over that one? You know how cold you get."

"Maybe I better," Blair said thoughtfully.

Jim threw him one of his sweaters.

As he pulled it on, Blair said, "My jacket will still fit...I think..." He ran out the door with the sack, and into the kitchen. "Hi, Cat! We're all ready!" grabbing Cat and giving her a hug.

She handed him a bulging sack. She handed another bag to Jim. "You have the liquids; he has the food."

"Given Blair's tendency to drop things," Jim grinned, "that's probably a good idea."

"Yeah." Cat grinned back. "But, he's got the good stuff! All you have is water."

Morgan came in the kitchen door. "The horses are saddled." He shook his finger at Jim. "You be gentle with these old girls. They don't need to be run at their ages. But, they'll get you there and back."

"Which ones?" Blair asked curiously.

"Dolly and Molly, the quarterhorse twins," Morgan grinned. "Now, get on with you! Try to be home before sundown."

"Right," Jim said, pushing Blair out the door when it looked like he was going to start talking again. "Let's go, Chief."

Cat grinned at Morgan. "I figure we'll see them in about 8 hours or so."

Morgan nodded. "'Bout that. I put 2 extra blankets behind the saddles, condoms and lube in Blair's saddlebags."

Cat nearly choked on a swallow of coffee. "Then they're gonna have a REAL good time!"

"Why do you say that?" Simon asked.

"Cause I tucked lube and condoms in Jim's bag AND in Blair's."

Morgan stared at his wife, and shook his head. "Are we pushing them too hard, do you think?"

"After 3 years?" Simon asked.

"Naaahhh!" All three said in unison, and went back to drinking their coffee.

Blair led the way west. Jim didn't know what to make of it. Blair wasn't talking. //That's not natural.// he thought. "What's wrong, Blair?"

"Just a bit down, Jim. This is not exactly a happy occasion for me. I was hoping to put off this for a very long time. Not when she was this young."

"Chief, it was an accident. It was her time."

"Yeah. I guess." Blair sighed. He nudged the mare along at a little faster walk.

"You promised," Jim said, moving his mare up beside Blair. "About the 'cabin fever'." Jim said.

"Oh, that. Well, I think it was a combination of things. In a large part, of course, it was due to the wards. Cat was never the best at teaching; Morgan was. And she knew mine needed strengthening. So, until Morgan got there, I wasn't supposed to go out alone. But, primarily, I was working on my dissertation. If I'd gone outside, I'd probably have fallen flat on my face. I was working some real long hours. Cat made sure I ate and I slept while working on it!" He snorted. "She was not above drugging me to make me sleep! She did that a couple of times that I know of."

"Working on your dissertation! Blair, you left all that stuff at the Loft, and you said those were the only copies!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not working on the Sentinel dissertation, Jim. You basically had revoked your consent."

"Blair, I NEVER said you couldn't use me..." Jim trailed off.

"Jim, you've never been a vocal man. For you, actions have always spoken louder than words. In this case, your mouth was saying yes, but your actions, your mind, and your heart were saying something just the opposite! Majority ruled." Blair smiled sadly. "I went with what has always been the best indicator of your true feelings...your jaw muscles. And the way they twitched didn't just say 'no', they SCREAMED 'NO!'."

"If you weren't working on the Sentinel dissertation, then what were you working on?" Jim asked.

"Police as a closed society..." Blair grinned. "Just exactly what we have been telling these people for years." He sighed, and laid a hand on Jim's leg. "I had started having second thoughts about publishing any of my information when we had that run-in with Brackett. And, you know me, Naomi did not exactly raise me to be fond or trusting of the government!"

He urged Molly up a steeper slope. At the top he waited for Jim to join him. "The more I researched and gathered information, the less I felt that that information needed to be in the hands of 'Big Brother'. I published just enough to satisfy the grants I had gotten, being extremely non-specific, and mainly using Alex. That way, if they ask who the Sentinel is/was, I can safely say Alex Barnes, a known and fugitive criminal, no longer available for questioning."

"But, isn't that going to delay you getting your doctorate, Chief. I never wanted that to happen. I just....I just got scared, hurt...I don't know. I acted like a jerk." Jim said softly.

"Yeah, you did." Blair leaned over and kissed Jim softly on the lips. "But, that's in the past. It's behind us. Just don't let it happen again!" he said fiercely. "However, as I said, I had been thinking for a long time about the suitability of publishing my information. So, I started writing a second dissertation - the actual one on police as a closed society. I went ahead and researched it, just like I was doing on the Sentinel one, talked to families, made my observations, etc. Wrote in the truck or wherever we were on stakeout, sitting at your desk, at the kitchen table." He shrugged.

"But...I didn't think you could change your topic once you decided on it."

"Several of the dissertation committee members had always been reluctant to see me work on the Sentinel research. And, when I told them that my subject had revoked her consent, and was now a wanted criminal (and specifically wanted for stealing nerve gas from the University's Hazmat Lab), they agreed that I could change my dissertation topic. It didn't hurt that I already had the complete outline, the Introduction and 5 chapters already written and ready for review."

"So?"

"So, Cat and I mailed the necessary hard copies of my dissertation to the University and the committee three days before you got here, and I e-mailed them the electronic one before the hard copies went in the mail. Now, I wait to see what they think, and then go back to defend my dissertation." Blair reined in his horse and nodded. "There's Moose Head Point."

They tethered the horses to a tree and walked to the top of the promontory. Blair took the urn out of the sack and took off the lid.

Blair had been trying to think of what to say for days, and, he still wasn't sure. "Naomi, this wasn't supposed to happen for a long time, 'ya know. But, it did. I know you've always loved this point - the ocean, the winds, everything. It made you feel free. Well, you are free now. Fly!" And with those words, he emptied the ashes into the air slowly, so that some of the ashes fell into the ocean, some blew to the earth of Moosehead Point, and some continued traveling on the breeze.

Jim came up close behind him, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Are you O.K.?"

"No, not really." Blair looked over at his lover. "I know it's selfish, but...I wanted a place where I could go, sit near her, talk to her about the troubles and joys of my life, tend her grave...you know. And SHE wanted to be scattered to the four winds.

"You could always put up a memorial stone," Jim said quietly.

"It wouldn't be the same, Jim. Memorial stones usually mean you don't know where the body is - drowned at sea, killed in a plane crash, lost on an expedition, things like that. You don't know where the body is."

"You don't know where she is either, Chief."

"I know...but, it just doesn't seem the same." Blair turned the urn in his hands slowly. "It was comforting to me...to know that the bodies of my family were here...in the cemetery...on the land that has been in their family for over 100 years. Although they were gone, I still felt connected somehow. Even when it was very recent, I felt connected. I don't feel anything here, Jim. Nothing at all! I should feel something."

"Blair, nothing I can say will change these feelings. I know that." He pulled the younger man into a tight hug. "All I can do it be here for you. And I will be; I promise."

They stood that way for several minutes, each savoring the feel of the other. Blair finally broke away. "I guess we better get started back."

They held hands as they walked back to where the horses were tied. As they were untying their mounts, Jim's stomach growled.

"You can't be!" Blair exclaimed.

Jim blushed. "What can I say, Chief?" He shrugged helplessly. "I know I ate a good breakfast, but...my stomach is saying its throat has been cut by my backbone."

Blair laughed. "That we can take care of." He pointed to the northeast. "There's a great place for a picnic about 4 miles from here. It's got a freshwater pool and everything. Think you can last?" Blair swung into the saddle and grinned at Jim. "Well, can you?"

"I can try, Chief." Jim mounted and they headed northeast.

They rode into a small clearing. There was an overhang big enough to be used for sleeping, a pool of water, trees. "It's gorgeous, Blair." Jim started to lead the horses over to the pool.

"Jim, it's a hot spring." Blair went toward the back of the shelter and brought out 2 buckets. After filling, he put them aside to cool. He pulled hobbles from the saddlebags, and hobbled both mares. Then he pulled down the extra blankets, and food from the saddle.

"You look like you've done this before," Jim commented mildly.

Blair glanced around him as he spread the blanket out. "Yeah. The family comes here a lot. It's a favorite trysting place. Has been for generations." He sat down on the blanket, and patted beside him in invitation.

Jim pulled the bag with the water off the saddle and went over to where Blair was setting out the food.

Jim pulled out 6 large bottles of water. There was something else in the bottom of the bag. Pulling it out, he was embarrassed to find lube and condoms. "Ah, Chief..." Jim's face was beet red! He looked over at Blair.

Blair's face was just as red as he stared at the lube and condoms in his own hands. He looked up and saw Jim's hand full of the same products. "I guess they wanted to make sure we had enough," he muttered and hid his face in his hands. His shoulders started shaking.

Alarmed, Jim put his hand on Blair's shoulder. "Blair?" He lifted Blair's head and was surprised to see him laughing.

"Oh, God, Jim! What do you want to bed there's still more in the saddlebags?" Blair wrapped his arms around his ribs.

"I don't think I'd touch that bet with a ten foot pole. Can I ask you a kind of crazy question, Chief?"

"I notice that ...uh...you and Morgan seem to have similar behavior patterns, similar height, and, given the difference in ages, weight. Exactly how are you related?"

Blair lay back on the ground howling. Finally he sat up. "I'm sorry, Jim. It's just that, out of the hundreds of questions I thought you might ask, that was one that never occurred to me!" Blair wiped his face with his shirt.

"Glad to know I amused you so," Jim said sourly.

Blair laid his hand on Jim's arm. "No, man, I mean it! That wasn't an anticipated question." He took a deep calming breath. "sorry. Guess the doc wasn't kidding when he said I'd be a little more volatile than normal emotionally." He sighed noisily. "Cat is the mother of Teddie and Artie, my mother-in-law. Morgan's their stepfather. Their biological father, Cat's first husband and Morgan's first Sentinel, was killed in action three months before the twins were born. But, Morgan was the only father they ever knew, and my father-in-law, foster father, whatever. Kids, particularly boys, tend to behave like the men they're exposed to. Imagine Cat dealing with Morgan and three hyperactive little Morgans. I'm surprised we survived to adulthood!"

He leaned over and rested his head on Jim's shoulder. "Am I forgiven for laughing?"

Jim shivered as he thought about dealing with four Blairs. Then he shivered again as his Guide worked a finger inside his shirt to tickle a nipple. "Chief! Sandburg!" Jim said nervously. "Blair! What's going through that inventive little mind of yours?" backing away from his lover cautiously.

Blair got to his feet, and then suddenly pounced. "Mine!" he snarled as he knocked Jim onto his back.

//He's stronger than he looks!// Jim thought fuzzily, yielding to the domination and submitting his body for the use of his Guide.

Several hours later, Jim came to with Blair curled up next to him on the blankets, naked as the day they were born, another blanket on top of them.

Jim stretched and winced as he discovered he was covered in scratches and bruises. And he was sore. He slid out from under the blankets, and then took care of necessary business. He put the now cool buckets of water with reach of the horses. Then he walked over to the pool. He looked at his reflection, and his eyes flew open in shock. //That little shit marked me! Quite obviously marked me!// "SANDBURG!!!"

"Uhnnn..." came from the blankets. Blair stuck his head out. "Wha', Jim?" he slurred.

"You marked me!" Jim yelled angrily. "I look like...I've come out of barroom brawls with fewer marks!"

"Uh-huh." Blair sat up scratching his chest. Then he got up to relieve himself.

Jim stared. Blair was covered in bruises, claw marks down his chest and across his back. His throat had three big hickeys, WELL above the collarline.

Blair stared sternly at his lover. "And, as for the marking, YOU started that!" He winced as he straightened up.

"Did I do that, Chief?"

"Well, it wasn't the Sta-Puffed Marshmallow Man," Blair said softly.

"How could...how could I...do something like that to you?"

"Have you taken a good look at yourself?" Blair asked. "I gave as good as I got. You are just as marked as I am, Big Guy." Blair opened one of the bottles of water and drank thirstily. Then he handed it to Jim. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry." He sat down on the blanket and starting pulling out food.

Jim took a long pull on the water bottle, then sat down next to Blair. He touched one of the hickeys guiltily. "I'm sorry, Chief."

"For what? I could have stopped you. I liked it. Mind you, I wouldn't want a steady diet of it, but..." Blair handed Jim a sandwich. "And, besides, you had to claim your mate your way. I showed my willingness to mate by making the first move."

Blair unwrapped his sandwich, and took a bite. "I thought that, after we rested a bit after our dinner, we'd climb in the pool and soak. It'll make us feel better."

Jim ate his sandwich slowly, trying to work out in his head what had happened.

Blair finished his sandwich and water, and moved closer to Jim, lying down next to him, pulling the blankets up around his shoulders. He looked up at Jim. "Jim, are you all right with this?"

Jim ate the last of his sandwich, and then lay down next to Blair. "All right with what, Chief?"

"This - you, me, me moving back home...all of it."

"I can't say I'm happy that I got rough with you, Chief. I won't deny that. But, you try to get around moving back home... I'll do whatever it takes to get you home and in my arms. Whatever!(. or, or-)" He pulled his young lover close to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "Chief, I know we're gonna have problems. What couple doesn't? But we'll get through them...together." Jim kissed the side of Blair's head softly.

"All right, Jim." Blair said sleepily. "Let's nap, and then we'll soak. O.K.?"

"O.K.," Jim listened as Blair's breathing deepened until Blair was again asleep. //We'll soak. Maybe make love again...gently this time. Then we'll go on with the business of living and loving...together.//

And so it was.

~ finis ~

And, yes, I know Alex is still out there, but the boys are talking about their adventures yet <G>.