Author's disclaimer: Not mine. I only wish.

Author's notes: Previously published in 852 Prospect #1 in May of 1998.

CLARITY
by J. M. Griffin

He came in the door while I was working on my laptop at the table and I winced. I'd meant to stop and finish cleaning up, but I had gotten too wrapped up in the paper I was writing.

"Damn it, Blair. I asked you to clean this place up before I got home." Jim had his hands on his hips and was scowling at me from the door. Not a good sign, no.

I hopped up. Thank god I'd put a crock pot of stew on to cook before I started. That might get me off the hook. "I'm sorry Jim. I did the dishes and straightened up the living area. I just never got to the table part." I hate it when it goes this way with him. I hate the whine my voice gets. He just makes me feel so... I don't know, inadequate, sometimes.

Jim gave a disgusted snort and walked past me to the couch and plunked down on it. That really hurt. No, "Hey, darlin', how was your day." or even,"Chief, will ya get me a beer, it's been a long day." We've been lovers for over a month now and I still feel like I'm camping on his doorstep. I bit my lip to hold back a stupid sob and went to check on the stew.

It smelled great to me. I only hoped it would be enough to appease Jim.

"Blair, I've been thinking..." I must have jumped a foot. He had come up right behind me and I hadn't even heard him, I was so lost in thought.

He took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. I didn't want to turn because I knew there were tear tracks on my face, but he didn't give me any other option. "Shit," he swore when he got a look at me. "Blair, I'm sorry."

"No, it's all right. I told you I'd clean up. It is my mess."

"And it's your home too," he said, his blue eyes cutting into me.

"Wh, what?" I stuttered, confused.

"I've been thinking." Oh god, here it came. He was gonna throw me out. "It's your home too. After all, you do help pay the rent." He quirked a grin at me.

"Huh?" I shook my head. Was I hearing him right?

"Blair," he gave me a little shake. "I'm sorry. I apologize. The loft is your home too. Hell, I can live with a little clutter. It's not like I never make a mess."

"Oh yeah, like when?" I asked sulkily, but underneath I was smiling.

"I love having you to come home to, Chief." Man, oh man, I love it when he gets this way. It's what I live for. "I love the way you've turned the loft into our home." He swept a look around the place and I followed his gaze. Come to think of it, it did look a lot better than when I first got here. "I'm sorry I came in griping." Jim said earnestly.

"That's okay, big guy." I allowed and fell into his arms and kissed him.

And after that I never doubted it was my home too, but I did have to keep cleaning it up when I made a mess.