Author's disclaimer: The characters of Jim Ellison, Simon Banks, Blair Sanburg (and all affiliated Cascade properties) belong to the nice folks at Pet Fly and Paramount. No money is being made. We're just having a little fun.
Author's notes: I'm posting this for a friend not on list so if the posting is screwed up, blame me **** [A short, round form skitters from the lurking shadows. Pushing the blonde top-knot back from over big blue eyes, she blinks in the unexpected light.] ummm... hi. I'm Kender and this is my first "Sentinel" fic. I usually write about them [she points over her shoulder to a tall man clad in red serge standing next to a thin man dressed in gray Armani] but the Sentinel guys kinda snuck up on me and... well, who can resist a Sandburg strength pout? ANYWAY. This story would not have been possible without my cohorts in crime: LadyJ As y'all should know, Jim, Blair and Simon (and all other cannon characters) don't belong to me Notes: warnings: well, enjoy....
Of Sleep and Dreams - part one
The luminescent numbers slowly ticked off as Jim watched, dazed.
He'd zoned. Now Ellison, Sandburg, and their young charge were going
to have to do some serious moving to get out alive. He laid a hand on
Blair's shoulder and pointed him towards the door of the large structure,
"Let's go, Chief! We don't have a lot of time here."
"You don't have to tell me twice man," his Guide answered with a
shaky grin.
The three moved quickly down the long hallway of the abandoned house,
headed for the door and the relative safety outside the rickety structure.
Blair Sandburg, anthropologist, police observer and Guide to Det. Jim
Ellison, Sentinel of the Great City, watched the back of his friend and
partner as the Sentinel led them quickly through the almost Fun House
like maze of rooms and corridors.
His mind supplied the fact that the house had been built two decades
earlier by an eccentric tycoon who liked to keep people on their toes.
The house had blind hallways, staircases that led to blank walls, and
more secret passages than your average supervillian hideout. Blair chuckled
at the analogy, he had DEFINITELY been hanging around their young charge
Timothy for FAR too long this time.
The twelve year old boy he and Jim had been assigned to watch, read
BABYSIT, was into comic books, video games and weird music... he and
Blair had hit it off immediately. The two spent hours talking about
the merits of this game over that, once Timothy had show Blair the games
in question. Or arguing the similarities between certain comic book
heros and certain cultural stereotypes, once Blair had explained the
concepts to the intelligent youngster. Jim and the young man's mother
had been amazed at the friendship between the two but neither was complaining.
For Timothy's mother Julie, it meant she'd finally found someone,
after divorcing Timothy's father six months ago, Timothy would listen
to and who would try to keep her son safe. For Jim it meant he could
spend more time finding out who was trying to take the boy and why, even
if it was without the input of his Guide.
That lack of input was what put them in this situation. Jim had
managed to find out the men after Timothy were trying to get to Timothy's
father, a lawyer who was scheduled to testify against one Marco Calderone.
Calderone was a very powerful man currently up on fraud charges. Jim
and Simon had managed to trace the men to a company owned by Calderone
and were in the process of obtaining the appropriate warrants when the
men finally managed to capture Timothy... and, consequently, Blair.
It hadn't been too hard to track the kidnappers to this particular
house. They weren't the smartest men, but they worked for someone who
compensated for it. Jim had been so focused on trying to locate Timothy
and Blair he'd zoned on his hearing and missed the tripwire... and the
bomb. Simon hadn't. While Jim headed in to retrieve Timothy and Blair,
Simon had called for Taggert and the bomb squad. Rafe and Brown had
stopped the kidnappers as they tried to escape out the back.
Blair and Timothy had been ready when Jim arrived. The three of
them had made it out the door when Timothy remembered the comics he'd
been showing Blair when they'd been snatched, comics worth quite a bit
to the twelve year old collector. So he'd gone back in... with Blair
hot on his tail. They had grabbed the comics and run... straight into
Jim. Jim had ushered them out, finally putting Timothy in the lead as
they dashed through the last twists and turns of the hallway towards
the now visible door.
"Hey Jim? How much time did you say we had?"
"Enough. Now keep moving Chief. We're almost there." Jim breathed
a sigh of relief as Timothy plunged through the open door and into the
waiting arms of his mother. He turned to check on Blair's progress and
heard the unmistakable ticking of a second device. He grabbed Sandburg's
arm and pushed the younger man toward the door. "MOVE IT, SANDBURG!!"
Blair stumbled through the door and out into the night with Jim
hot on his heels. Jim screamed for everyone to get back then placed
himself between Blair and the house. Blair didn't even have time to
register what was happening before he felt himself thrown forward by
the concussion of the explosion. As he hit the ground a heavy weight
landed hard on his back, knocking the wind from the anthropologist.
He knew the weight, the solid warmth that covered him, protecting him
from the debris and heat of the explosion. "Jim?"
"Chief," came a soft, husky voice next to his ear, "you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Good." Jim's breath was warm against Blair's face but the voice
was oddly slurred. Blair tried to turn, to get a look at his Sentinel
and friend, but his body screamed at him as he tried to move. Jim's
lips pressed softly against Blair's hair, "Relax Chief. It'll be ok.
Love you," the older man whispered before going completely limp.
"Jim?" Blair struggled ineffectually against the weight of his partner,
"JIM!!!"
Captain Simon Banks of the Cascade P.D., watched the young police
observer as he stood silent vigil across from the closed doors of the
emergency room. Sandburg's long, dark hair was tangled and streaked
with dirt and the handsome face clearly showed the recent tracks of tears
that had finally come once his partner and friend had been wheeled out
of sight. Simon was proud of the kid. He'd kept his cool at the scene,
keeping Jim calm as he faded in and out of consciousness, talking to
the injured Detective and keeping the larger man still until the ambulance
arrived.
When they'd arrived at the hospital, Sandburg had filled out the
necessary forms with a calmness that worried the police Captain but Simon
had said nothing, content to just watch the young anthropologist... for
the time being.
The younger man's stillness bothered Simon, but Sandburg seemed
alright, just worried for his injured partner, as they all were. Julie,
Timothy's mother, had stopped in to thank them and Blair had smiled reassuringly
at her, assuring her it wasn't Timothy's fault and that neither he nor
Jim blamed the young man for what had happened.
She seemed relieved when Blair sent her back to her son's side,
telling her they'd let her know once they heard anything. Being a parent
himself, Simon really couldn't blame her for wanting to get back to her
son after all that had happened.
Now all there was for them to do was wait. So they waited, and
Simon kept a discrete eye on the too still anthropologist. Certain Blair
wasn't going anywhere too soon, Simon turned to look at the other officers
gathered in the waiting room. Brown and Rafe sat near the wall each
nursing a variety of cuts and bruises but unwilling to leave until something
had been heard about Jim's condition. Taggert, who had arrived just
moments after the explosion, stood beside the younger officers looking
very guilty.
"Joel," Simon called to the bomb squad officer, "it's not your fault.
You came as quickly as you could. The bomb caught us all off guard."
"Thank you sir, but I can't help thinking that if I'd been a bit
faster..."
"Joel, Simon's right. It wasn't your fault."
The soft words, the first Blair had spoken since Jim had been wheeled
into the emergency room and Julie had tried to stay, took them all by
surprise. Joel's pain filled eyes turned towards the slumped shouldered
young man, "I'm sorry, Blair."
A soft smile tugged at Blair's full lips, "It's ok, man. Don't blame
yourself for not being a mind reader. No one knew the house would be
rigged. Besides, after all you did for Jim at the scene..." the voice
trailed off and the expressive face turned away as Blair relived the
explosion's aftermath. Joel Taggert had been the one who eased Jim's
limp form off Blair and had begun first aid. He and Simon had stayed
with Blair as the ambulance crew had worked on Jim to stabilize him for
transport. Blair moved to the large man's side and laid a shaking hand
on Taggert's shoulder, "Thanks Man."
The opening of the emergency room doors saved the large black man
from having to try to talk past the huge lump in his throat. A young
woman in hospital greens focused in on Simon, "I'm Doctor Emily Donning.
Are you with Detective Ellison?"
Simon nodded, "I'm his commanding officer, Captain Simon Banks.
How is he?"
The doctor smiled, "Remarkably lucky. There doesn't appear to be
any severe head or spinal trauma and his extremities are responsive.
We won't know for sure until after the swelling goes down but I'm very
optimistic. We've got him stabilized and have done all we can down here.
We'll need to get him to surgery soon, but the worst is pretty much over."
A hesitant voice sounded from near Simon's side, "Surgery? For
what? You said the worst was over."
Simon laid a restraining hand on the young man's shoulder, "Easy
Sandburg. Let the woman explain." He turned brown eyes back to the
doctor, "What type of surgery Dr. Donning?"
"There was some debris embedded fairly deep into Detective Ellison's
back sir. We'll be going in to remove it and make sure there isn't anything
we missed on the initial procedure. It's nothing life threatening.
He'll be fine, and in fact, if all goes well he should be up and out
of the hospital in a few weeks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to
get back to work."
"Of course Doctor,"Simon nodded offering his hand to the young woman.
"Thank you so much for the information."
Judging from the exuberant sounds from the officers behind him,
Simon gathered that they had heard the doctor's prognosis. The only
one apparently not satisfied with the news was the too still form at
his elbow. He turned to look at the silent anthropologist. The deep
blue eyes were fixed to the closing doors, unfocused and distant.
Simon felt the compact body begin to shake and turned the young
man to him. His long fingers cupped Blair's chin and forced the dazed
eyes upward, to Simon's face. Blair blinked and searched the captain's
face for a long moment, as if trying to figure out how he knew the tall,
elegant man. Now Simon was really worried.
"Sandburg? You okay?"
The blue eyes closed, but not before Simon saw the pain in them,
and Blair nodded.
"He's going to be fine Blair. He's going to pull through. It's
all right."
Blair seemed to think a moment before answering, "He's going to
be ok?"
"Yeah. The Doctor said he'll be fine."
"Good," the younger man answered, swaying slightly. Simon reached
out to steady the younger man and found himself with an armful of unconscious
anthropologist.
Simon automatically pulled the young man's limp form closer. "MEDIC!"
he bellowed, "I need a DOCTOR here!" The emergency room doors opened
and controlled chaos ensued. A nurse began barking orders as soon as
Joel had filled her in on what had happened. She called for a gurney
to be brought into the hall but Simon simply lifted the limp form, cradling
the unconscious man to his broad chest, and carried Blair in to the doctors.
He placed him carefully on the exam table and stepped back to allow the
doctors to work.
Strong hands steered him out of the exam room and back into the
hallway. He turned to see Rafe watching him closely while Brown poured
him a cup of coffee. He sighed heavily and pinned each man with a weary
look, "Would someone be so kind as to tell me what the HELL just happened
here?"
One hour, sixteen minutes, and far too much paperwork later Simon
finally got his answer. Blair had been injured during the explosion
and hadn't bothered to tell anyone. They had all been so focused on
Jim's more obvious injuries that Blair's hidden ones had gone unnoticed.
The doctor's theorized that Sandburg had been so focused on his partner
that his system had kicked in enough adrenalin and endorphines to keep
him going until he knew Jim was safe. Once it had been established that
Jim was out of danger, the natural suppression wore off and Blair's body
had finally acknowledged it's OWN injuries. Considering some of the
other amazing things Simon had seen the kid do... it sounded reasonable.
Both Jim and Blair were out of danger and being moved into a shared
room which could be guarded. The two kidnappers had gladly turned over
on their boss. The police were still looking for Calderone, and Simon
wasn't about to take any chances with his friends' safety. Besides,
with Sandburg close to Jim, Simon wouldn't have to worry about the detective
panicking over his friend's condition when he regained consciousness.
The strength of the bond between the two men surprised him sometimes
and he didn't even try to understand everything that happened between
them. But he had seen the difference in his friend in the three years
that the young anthropologist had been working with him. Hell, he'd
seen the difference in himself too. It was amazing how invaluable that
"neo-hippy flower child" had become to All of the Major Crimes Department.
Not that he'd ever tell the Kid.
He nodded to the uniformed officer at the door to Jim and Blair's
room and entered quietly. Though both men were sedated, Simon didn't
want to startle Jim. The captain didn't know how Jim's Sentinel abilities
would react to the medication. He checked on Jim first, noting the paleness
of the strong features. He gently brushed the back of his hand over
the broad forehead and was pleased by the lack of fever. He took one
strong hand in his, just for a moment, "This was too close, my friend.
Too damned close." he whispered to the sleeping man. "You just make
sure you come back to me... to all of us. Besides, Carolyn will never
forgive me if you don't come back. Hang in there, Jim."
Reluctantly, Simon released Jim's hand and crossed to the other
bed. The normally animated Blair looked far too young and vulnerable
swathed in the white of the hospital sheets. They had cleaned the dirt
from his face but his hair still fell in tangled clumps across the pillows.
Simon reached out and began finger combing through the dark mass of curls,
knowing the longer the hair stayed tangled, the harder it would be for
Blair to comb out. He tried not to think about the intimacy of the gesture,
focusing instead on the soothing, repetitive motion as he worked at the
strands around the handsome face. Blair never stirred.
Simon took advantage of the young man's silence, "You know Sandburg,
I think it's time I told you a few things. I'm glad you're a part of
our team. You're a valuable asset not just to Jim but to the whole division.
Brown thinks you're some kind of role model, of what I'm not sure, but
he's working better than he has in a long time. Rafe thinks the world
of you and Taggert... well Taggert says he owes you his job and his sanity.
I owe you my best friend, my son and my life, many times over. You're
quite a man Blair Sandburg, and if anyone asks... I'll deny I ever said
it. And if you EVER pull a stunt like THIS one again, I will personally
kick that pert little white butt of yours into next week!"
Banks ran his fingers lightly over one prominent cheek bone and
shook his head at the sleeping man, "You are far too valuable to this
department to pull this 'my buddy's hurt worse than me' routine. Rest
and get better Sandburg, I need you back for this. Jim is the WORST
patient and I don't intend to handle him all on my own."
Simon cast one last look at his two friends and then quietly exited
the room.
"No way man! I'm fine."
Jim cast an unconvinced eye over his partner. Blair had been released
from the hospital three days earlier but had spent nearly every free
moment at Jim's bedside. While the Sentinel loved having his Guide and
friend nearby, he couldn't miss the toll it was taking on the younger
man. "Look Chief, you have to give those ribs a chance to heal and sitting
here in these uncomfortable hospital chairs can't be helping. I'm
out of danger, it's just going to take a while for me to be mobile enough
to go home because of my reaction after the surgery. You don't need
to nursemaid me."
Wild blue eyes locked onto Jim's face, "I'm NOT nursemaiding you!
I just don't want to take any chances with this. The last thing you
need is to have some helpful nurse give you something that whacks out
your senses..."
Jim knew an obfuscation when he heard one, especially from Blair.
He reached out and captured one rapidly moving hand with his own. He
drew the younger man closer and placed a gentle kiss over the pulse point
on Blair's wrist. "Blair. I'm ok, " he kissed the captured palm, his
light blue eyes never leaving the darker blue ones of his companion.
"They say I should be home in a week and a half or so, safe and sound.
Promise." He could see the shadows in his companions expressive eyes
and had to stifle a frustrated sigh.
"Chief. I want you to go home and get some sleep. Simon already
told me about you not taking care of yourself after the explosion," Jim
held up his hand to forestall the protest he knew was coming, tightening
his grip on the hand he held until Blair stilled. "Blair. Love. I want
you to promise you'll take care of yourself for me."
Blair's eyes misted over at the endearment, "Jim... I..."
"Promise me Love."
"Jim," Blair made a token protest, but he knew he couldn't refuse
his Sentinel anything. Especially now. He squeezed Jim's hand and tried
to muster up a smile, "I promise. Happy now?"
Jim laughed at the petulant note in his Guide's voice, "Yeah, I
am." He brought the captured hand to his lips once more and kissed the
palm. Strong fingers caressed his face and he leaned into the touch
delighting in the feel of those familiar fingers against his skin. He
looked into the pained blue eyes and drew the young man to him, careful
of Blair's injured ribs, "It's going to be ok Blair. We won. Timothy's
safe. The kidnappers are in jail and everyone came out ok."
"Except you."
If it hadn't been for his enhanced hearing Jim would have missed
the whispered statement. He was meant to miss it, he was sure. He doubted
the trembling man in his arms even realized he'd said the statement out
loud. He had to find out what this was all about. He brushed back the
sable curls that hid the handsome face pressed against his chest, "Blair?
I came out alright. I'm going to be fine."
"oh damn."
Jim couldn't stop the smile, //Busted Sandburg.// "Blair, what's
going on?"
"Nothing man."
"Chief..."
The sound of footsteps entering the room made Blair pull back from
Jim's embrace and Jim winced in sympathy as Blair's injured ribs protested
the sudden movement. Jim put out his hand to steady his friend and locked
eyes with his concerned Captain. The large man entered quickly and caught
Sandburg's shoulders, steadying the young man as he swayed. Jim watched
as Simon's long fingers closed gently around Blair's shoulders. He smiled
his thanks to the Captain and squeezed Blair's hand reassuringly. Blair
blushed as he realized how he must look to the two police officers and
quickly excused himself.
The two men watched the hasty retreat and exchanged bemused glances.
"Was I interrupting something?" Simon asked with barely contained amusement.
Jim sobered as he realized he hadn't gotten an answer from his roommate.
"Actually...."
"I don't think I want to know," Simon answered before seeing the
intent look on his friend's face. "Jim? What's wrong? Is it the Kid?"
"I'm not sure what's wrong Simon. I was trying to find out when
you came in."
"Sorry."
"I said trying, not succeeding," Jim said with a tired chuckle.
"Has anyone been keeping an eye on him since he was released?"
"Jim, he wasn't under arrest. He was hospitalized for injuries
sustained during a police operation and when he was discharged from the
hospital he went back to leading his own life."
"So who's been keeping an eye on him?"
Simon smiled at his best detective, "Rafe. He volunteered to drive
Blair back and forth to the University since his cracked ribs make it
hard for him to drive."
"Thanks Simon. I'm worried about him."
"He's stronger than he looks Jim. He'll be fine."
"I wonder. Take a good look at him Simon. He's about to drop.
Something is going on in that head of his and he won't open up to me.
The last time I saw him this wired was after the fount...," Jim's voice
broke on the word and took a deep breath before continuing, "after we
got him back."
There was so much pain in his friend's voice that Simon ached to
reach out to Jim to try and soothe away some of the anguish he heard.
He knew Jim still blamed himself for what happened to Blair at Alex's
hands, but Simon also suspected that Jim was the one responsible for
bringing the Kid back.
Even the paramedics had given up on Blair once they had pulled the
limp anthropologist out of the fountain, but not Jim. Jim had refused
to give up and eventually the EMT's had detected a faint, thready heartbeat.
Blair had lain comatose for several days when Jim came to Simon and made
him promise to watch over Blair. Then the Sentinel had disappeared.
He returned hours later in the company of Blair's mother Naomi and had
rushed to Blair's side, taking the young man's hand tightly in his own.
Simon had left them alone, determined to give his friends the privacy
the moment seemed to demand.
Shortly thereafter, Blair emerged from his coma. Simon still wasn't
sure what had happened in the hours that Jim had been gone, but he was
certain that it had been instrumental in bringing the young observer
back to them. Jim had given him a mumbled story about the "Sandburg
determination" and how he'd just gone to get Naomi, but Simon didn't
buy it. He knew he might never get the whole story, but he wasn't sure
he cared. All that mattered was that whatever had happened, it had
brought Blair back, and had saved Jim's life in the process. Of that
he was sure. The doctors hadn't held out much hope for the vibrant anthropologist
and somehow Simon knew if Blair had died, Jim would have followed soon
after. He could have lost them both. It had been a very sobering thought.
Simon shook off the troubling thoughts and turned his attention
back to his bed bound friend, "What do you mean wired Jim? Sandburg's
ALWAYS moving twice as fast as everyone else. How can you tell the difference?"
The joke fell flat as Jim turned serious blue eyes to Simon's face,
"It's too frantic Simon. He's running scared and I'm not there to
catch him this time."
Simon pulled one of the chairs closer to the bed and sat, "What
do you mean 'this time'? What happened before? He seemed fine after
he was released, all the staff psychologists gave him a clean bill of
health or I wouldn't have put him back out there with you."
"He was fine, as long as he didn't have time to think. As long
as he was working or had some problem to focus on, he was perfectly fine.
That was the problem. Once he had to settle down, he couldn't escape
his fears anymore."
Simon watched the emotions that played across Jim's face as he relived
the memories. He took the detective's strong hand in his own, startling
the other man out of his reflections. "Jim," he said softly, "start
at the beginning. What's going on that has you so worried about Blair?"
Jim smiled. Gone was 'Captain Simon Banks, head of Major Crimes',
this was simply 'Simon Banks, friend'. This was the man who had pulled
himself out of bed at 3 am to come and get his highly intoxicated and
depressed friend, namely one James Ellison, from a local bar after a
particularly bad week. The same Simon who had held him as the resulting
hangover forced him to spend far too long on the bathroom floor the next
morning and who had dragged him, kicking and screaming, out of his self-destructive
bout of self-pity. And this was the Simon who had held him as he finally
released all the pain and anguish he had kept locked deep inside after
his divorce from Carolyn. There was nothing he couldn't tell this man.
Taking a deep breath, Jim began, "When we finally got to take Blair
home, he seemed fine, weak and a bit jumpy, but fine. Even Naomi thought
so, otherwise she wouldn't have left. Two nights after she left Blair
started having problems sleeping. He tried to act like it was nothing,
but I couldn't help but hear him. He sounded so... lost." Jim closed
his eyes, trying to block out the memory of those soft, mewling whimpers
Blair had made as the nightmares took him. "After a while the nightmares
seemed to stop. I didn't realize it was because Blair had stopped sleeping
for more than a few hours at a time. He'd go out early and come home
late, sometimes going for 24 hours plus without sleeping." Jim paused.
"He'd promise to rest while I was out, but I know now he didn't.
One night I came home to find him nearly asleep on his feet. I couldn't
take it any more. I... I picked him up and bodily carried him upstairs
to bed." Jim blushed at Simon's amused chuckle but continued after a
warning glance at his friend, "He tried to tell me he was fine, but I
knew he wasn't. I also knew he wouldn't stay put willingly... so I put
him on the bed and then joined him," Jim remembered the feel of the warm
body struggling against sleep. Of the way Sandburg had finally curled
into his arms and slept. And he remembered how very right it had felt
to hold Blair while he slept.
"And you've been sleeping together ever since."
Jim looked up, surprised. It hadn't been a question but Jim answered
anyway, "yes."
Simon smiled reassuringly at his friend while his own mind was in
turmoil. He pushed his own feelings further back into the shadows and
offered his support to the concerned man in the bed. "You think he's
back to not sleeping, is that it?"
"Yeah."
"What do you want me to do?"
Jim's answer was forestalled by the reappearance of the roommate
in question. Blair knocked hesitantly on the door before peeking in,
"Is it ok to come in for a minute?"
"Of course it is, Chief. Simon was just getting some clarification
on my statement. What's up?"
"Um. I just wanted to let you know that I'm headed to the University.
I have some papers that need to be graded before Monday so..."
"No problem Chief. Can't have you disappointing a class full of
anxious anthropology students this close to midterms."
Blair smiled at his roommate's joke and nodded, "No kidding Man.
You think criminals are bad, you haven't seen dangerous until you've
had to deal with neurotic undergraduates obsessing over GPA's."
Simon chuckled at the image, "You want police backup Sandburg?
I'm sure we could spare a uniform or two."
Blair grinned at Simon, "Nah. Besides, Rafe agreed to drive me
out there. If worse comes to worse I'll throw him to the students."
"I heard that Sandburg," came a good natured growl from behind Blair.
Jim and Simon didn't miss the twinkle in Rafe's hazel eyes as the detective
in question came to stand behind the younger man. Blair turned and tried
his best to look menacing while craning his neck to stare up at the young
detective. Rafe's signature smile was firmly in place as he handed Blair
his jacket, "And as long as one of those students is that pretty blonde
who's been helping you with your class notes I'll happily let you throw
me to them."
Blair tried to keep a straight face, but failed. He clutched at
his injured ribs as his laughter bubbled up at the look on Rafe's face.
"Oh man! Don't make me laugh, it hurts. At least now I know why
you're always offering to drive me to the University. You just want
me to introduce you to Jenny. I see how you are Man, and here I thought
BROWN was the one to watch out for."
Rafe edged Sandburg out of the door and started him towards the
elevator. He spared a final glance at his Captain and was relieved to
find the imposing man was actually smiling, as was Blair's partner.
He nodded to them both before heading after the young man he'd come to
consider his friend. "You KNOW that's not the only reason. I've had
cracked ribs before Blair, it's not fun. Personally, I think they're
worse than broken ones, because all they can do is tape them in place
and hope for the best. Every move hurts and driving is the absolute
WORST, and I can't imagine you trying to herd that Volvo of yours around
right now."
"Uh huh. I believe you Rafe. But Jenny doesn't hurt."
"Well, now that you mention it..."
The closing elevator door cut off the rest of the conversation and
Simon and Jim finally gave in to the laughter that had been threatening.
Simon looked at Jim, pleased to see the humor lines around his friend's
eyes again. He looked at Jim and made his decision, "Jim. What would
you like me to do?"
Jim looked at Simon, trying to think how best to phrase what he
was going to ask his friend to do. "Simon. I want you look after Blair
for me until I get back on my feet. He's worse than I am about accepting
help, but I think he needs someone there for him. Something's bothering
him but he won't talk to me, maybe he'll talk to you."
"I'll do what I can Jim. But why do you think he'll open up to
me? Surely he'd be more likely to talk to Rafe or Brown."
"He's going to need more than just someone to talk to Simon. When
he finally crashes, he's going to need someone to be there for him.
You've always been good at being there when someone hits bottom." Jim
looked straight into Simon's dark brown eyes and fervently hoped that
he wasn't misreading what he saw there. He took one of Simon's powerful
hands in his own, "I don't know if he can handle hitting bottom again
so soon. He's stronger than he looks, but this just takes so much out
of him Simon. Be there when I can't," he took a deep breath before finishing
his request, "Don't let him sleep alone."
Jim's words still echoed in Simon's head as he pulled into the parking
lot at Ranier several hours later. Of all the things he would have expected
from his friend, that one request had not been it. //*Don't let him
sleep alone*//. He had tried to argue with Jim, telling him that the
younger man would never go for it, but Jim had countered every logical
point Simon could produce. In the end it came down to what would be
best for Blair. They compromised; Simon agreed to stay at the loft so
Blair wouldn't be alone, and if Blair needed him... well, it wouldn't
be the first time he'd been used as a giant teddy bear. Jim had smiled
at that, as Simon had intended. There was very little Simon wouldn't
do for his friend, and they both knew that sentiment went both ways.
That's why he felt so damned guilty agreeing to do this. It wasn't
lying to Sandburg, that he could do. This was for his own good. Jim
was right; the kid would push himself until he dropped. Rafe had commented
on how anxious Blair seemed and Simon would have had to have been blind
to miss the dark circles starting under those beautiful blue eyes. If
Jim thought his presence could help Blair, Simon was willing to try.
He wasn't above a little deception for a good cause, heaven knew Blair
had done the same thing time and again. That wasn't what was bothering
him.
What was bothering him was why he'd agreed so easily to the plan.
Ever since he'd scooped the unconscious Sandburg into his arms in the
hospital, he hadn't been able to stop thinking how wonderful that body
had felt against his own.
He'd always perceived Blair as delicate, almost fragile. He seemed
so small next to Jim, even more so compared to Simon's own large frame.
He'd immediately squashed his early attraction to the young man, unable
to shake his fear of hurting him, and taken on the role of gruff father
figure instead.
Then he'd held that solid, compact body cradled to his chest and
felt the silk of those unruly curls against his own flesh. He'd been
surprised at how strongly his body had responded... and how quickly the
feel of that body had worked itself into his fantasies.
//Hell.//
He'd always thought Sandburg was attractive. From the first moment
he'd set eyes on the young man he'd been attracted to his fiery spirit
and handsome face. But he'd also been annoyed by how quickly Blair had
gotten close to Jim and he'd worried that the young anthropologist had
ulterior motives for helping his best detective and friend. He'd been
determined to keep a cautious eye on the unusual academic. Then he'd
gotten to know the man, the loyal friend who put himself on the line
for others, the cool headed trouble magnet who kept everyone on their
toes. And he'd seen time and again the way the young man would do anything
within his power to keep Jim safe. He'd found a grudging admiration
for the younger man that slowly grew into a true and valued friendship.
Not that he'd ever admit it to Blair.
Now there was the added complication of Blair's relationship to
Jim. Before, Simon could rationalize away the fantasies because Sandburg
was straight. One hundred percent straight and damn sure of his welcome
with any woman of his choice. At least Simon had thought so until this
afternoon. He hadn't missed the connection, or the love, between the
two men when he'd walked into the hospital room. //So much for that
assumption//, he thought with a grin. But then, he should be the first
to realize that looks could be deceiving. Look at him. Who would think
that the macho police captain and divorced father of a teenager would
be attracted to both women and men? He'd admitted his own bisexuality
long ago; he just hadn't found a man who really did anything for him
until Blair. And Jim.
Jim. That was the other complication. He felt like he was betraying
his friend by continuing to entertain fantasies about the young anthropologist.
Jim loved the kid, that was obvious. And Simon was pretty sure Sandburg
loved Jim as well. He was happy for them. After the divorce Jim had
been so alone, he'd needed someone who'd take care of him and that he
could take care of in return. Jim was a wonderful study of contradiction,
strong and protective but very gentle. It was one of the reasons he'd
been so open to the brief relationship they had shared when he'd separated
from Joan. He'd been reluctant at first, but Jim had reminded him of
how Simon had been there for Jim after his divorce and Simon had to admit
that it had helped knowing he'd had someone to turn to. It hadn't been
about sex; in fact they'd only had intercourse a few times in the seven
years they'd known one another. It had been about support and comfort.
Something both men knew was in short supply. There had been many nights
in those seven years when they'd shared a bed and just held one another,
each just needing the intimacy of another human's touch. Those were memories
that Simon cherished, and occasionally dreamed of.
Now, here he was, trapped in a variation of one of his own fantasies
and unable to do anything about it. Jim trusted him to take care of
Blair, and somehow Simon doubted that Jim would include 'jumping Blair's
beautiful body' under the heading of 'taking care of Blair'. To borrow
a phrase from Sandburg, "sometimes life really sucked."
Taking one last look at his watch, Simon decided to head on up to
Blair's office. He exited his car, crushed out the last of his cigar
and headed in. It felt strange being here again. The last time he'd
been here had been to ask questions about the attack on Blair. He didn't
even spare a look at the fountain in front of the main building. He
could still see Blair's limp form floating, face down in the clear water,
it was an image that haunted his dreams too many times. The fountain
was a painful reminder of how close he'd come to losing two very dear
friends.
He found Blair's office easily and knocked on the wood frame. Blair
looked up and waved him in.
"Simon? Welcome to my little corner of academia. What brings you
here? I thought Rafe was going to be picking me up."
Simon tried to look apprehensive, "He was, but... well, I was wondering
if I could ask a favor?"
Blair's shock was evident. "Sure, man. Anything, you know that.
What's up?"
"I had a slight problem with the plumbing at the house and it looks
like I'm going to be without water for a few days. Would you mind if
I..." he paused in his cover story and summoned up his best exasperated
look, "could I crash at the loft for a bit?"
Blair's smile was nearly blinding, "Sure! No problem. You can
even take the upstairs bed." At Simon's raised eyebrow Blair realized
his slip and hurried to cover, "I mean, Jim wouldn't mind I'm sure.
He just so damned anal about his stuff some times but I'm sure it'd be
okay for you to use it. Besides, the loft's been a little too quiet without
someone else there."
Simon interrupted the frantic flow of words reluctantly, enjoying
watching the rapid fire cover story that fell from those beautiful lips.
"I've talked to Jim, and he said that as long as you were fine with it."
"No problem. Oh, wait. We'll need to make a stop at the store
because there isn't much in the way of food there right now. I've been
so busy..."
"I think we can manage that, Sandburg. You about finished here?"
Blair looked around the ordered chaos that was his office and nodded,
"Nearly. Just let me close this out and I'll be ready." He sat down
and worked a few minutes at the computer before Simon heard the familiar
sounds of a computer shutting down. Blair repacked his lap top and grabbed
his bookbag from the floor, inhaling sharply as he tried to lift the
heavy object.
Simon reached down and took the canvas bag from Blair's grasp.
He shouldered it easily, razzed the younger man about carrying bricks,
and led Blair out to the waiting car. He didn't miss the younger man's
shudder as they passed the fountain and did his best to distract Blair
by asking about this "Jenny" that Rafe seemed so interested in. Blair
smiled and started telling him what he knew about the young woman, but
the haunted look in his blue eyes never quite went away.
The evening passed without incident. They had gotten groceries
and returned to the loft to fix dinner. Blair had insisted on cooking
while Simon got settled in. Blair was a surprisingly good cook and Simon
found himself enjoying the ease with which the meal passed. Once they
finished, he volunteered to wash dishes and smiled at Blair's half-hearted
offer to help. The young man was exhausted, Simon noted, so he insisted
that it was the least he could do. Blair nodded gratefully and settled
down to finish grading papers. Dishes finished, Simon retired to the
couch and began to read the book Daryl had gotten him for his last birthday.
Before either man realized it, it was after 11pm and Simon decided
to head to bed. He thought about asking Blair to join him, but thought
better of it. He wanted it to be Blair's decision and so far the young
man looked alright. Maybe Jim was mistaken. Simon had a week to find
out, and was worried about pushing too hard too fast. He said his good
nights to the young graduate student, who was deeply engrossed in the
last pile of blue book exams, and headed up the stairs to bed.
Blair woke with a barely stifled scream, the after image of Jim
falling to his death while trying to reach Blair had burned itself firmly
into the young man's mind. It seemed so real. Pushing himself back
from the coffee table and the exams he had fallen asleep over, Blair
staggered to the kitchen to find some coffee. He couldn't sleep, not
yet. He could still dream and every time he dreamed he watched Jim die
because of him. He couldn't face that. Not right now.
His hands shook as he reached for the coffee. He decided against
the coffee and reached for some tea instead, it was closer. He put the
water on and settled in for yet another long night.
Simon woke slowly, as usual. But as he took stock of his surroundings,
he realized his left arm was securely pinned to the mattress. He opened
his eyes, noticing that it was still dark outside but his view of the
clock was obscured by the figure curled next to him. He smiled down
at the sleeping young man, taking care not to move and wake him. In
sleep, Blair looked even more vulnerable and impossibly young. He resisted
the urge to bush the curls back from his face, for fear of waking him.
Blair whimpered slightly and Simon drew him closer, ignoring what the
feel of Blair's chest hair
brushing against his skin was doing to his frame of mind. He murmured
soothingly and stroked Blair's slender back until he quieted once more
into sleep. Simon drew the blanket up over the bare shoulders and tried
to will himself back to sleep as well, but sleep was a long time returning.
Simon was in heaven. Blair's warm wet mouth was firmly latched
to Simon's nipple, teasing and suckling at the sensitive nub until Simon
thought he would burst. He moaned deep in his throat, never had his
fantasies seemed so real. The thought pulled him from his sleep and
back to reality. He opened one eye and winced at the sunlight filtering
in through the skylight, then the mouth started up again. Suddenly Simon
was completely awake.
Blair's compact body was pressed tightly against him, his head resting
on Simon's chest. Blair wasn't fully awake, Simon knew, but his body
was doing its best to make sure Simon was. Simon could feel his body
beginning to respond to the light, lover-like caresses, his manhood swelling
as Blair's talented mouth nipped and teased at his chest. He had to
stop this now, before both of them ended up regretting it. He used his
free hand to gently shake his seducer. "Blair. Wake up."
"Uh uh." Blair mumbled, snuggling in closer to Simon's warmth and
planting a gentle kiss on Simon's chest.
Simon inhaled deeply as Blair's cotton encased erection pressed
against his hip. He had to stop this while he still could. "Blair,
open your eyes a minute. I need you to look at me."
"Why?"
Simon stifled an exasperated sigh. Even half asleep Blair had to
be difficult. "Sandburg," he said calmly as he captured one talented
hand that had started to skim down Simon's flat stomach to places further
south, "Open your eyes."
Simon knew the exact moment when Sandburg's brain finally registered
the situation. The body that had been curled so enticingly against his
began to tremble and Blair tried to pull away. Simon held the slender
body close, running soothing hands over the tense back. "It's all right,
Blair, just relax. You're fine."
"Oh God... Simon I'm so sorry!" Blair mumbled into Simon's broad
chest, the heat from his blush clearly evident to the larger man.
"Blair, it's all right. I don't mind." //Don't mind?!? Hell, I
wish I didn't have to make you stop!// Simon thought with frustration.
"Just relax," he murmured, "relax." He kept up the steady litany and
stroked the soft hair under his hand until Blair finally relaxed against
him. Only then did he dare loosen his grasp on the younger man. He
pushed back the curtain of hair and searched the embarrassed face before
him. "You want to talk about it?"
"I... Simon, I'm so sorry. I don't even know how I got up here,
man. The last thing I remember was falling asleep over the exams once
more and deciding it was finally time to go to sleep. Then I woke up
here. I'm sorry, Simon. I never meant..."
"Blair, how long has it been since you've had a full
night's sleep?"
"I'm managing."
"That's not what I asked, Sandburg. How long since you've had a
full eight hours?"
"Last week, I guess." He finally looked up into Simon's warm brown
eyes, expecting to see shock or disgust, instead he saw only concern.
The long, graceful fingers brushed through his curls again and Blair
sighed, it felt so good to have someone do that again. He felt himself
relaxing despite the situation. "Simon, I should go."
Simon smiled at the lack of conviction in the statement, besides
he wasn't ready to give up the feel of that body relaxing against his
just yet. "Blair, you're already here and neither of us have to be
anywhere today so just relax and go back to sleep. It's all right.
Trust me."
"But..."
Simon summoned up his best "Captain" voice, "Go to sleep Sandburg."
"Yes sir," Blair answered sarcastically as he relaxed,his head resting
comfortably on Simon's chest.
Simon silently stroked Blair's back in long soothing motions until
the younger man's breathing evened out into the steady cadence of sleep.
He looked longingly down at the handsome face resting so trustingly against
him and wondered just what exactly he had gotten himself into.
For the first time since he'd awoken in the hospital, Blair slept
a full eight hours without dreaming.
Blair woke, eight hours later, alone in Jim's bed clutching tightly
to Jim's pillow and more rested then he'd been in days. Then the memory
of the incident that morning intruded on him and he couldn't stop blushing.
He suddenly wished for Sentinel hearing so he could tell where Simon
was and what he was doing. He was almost afraid to go downstairs and
find out. Steeling his courage, Blair drew back the covers and pulled
himself from the bed. The loft was quiet, but Blair got the feeling
that he wasn't alone. He rummaged through the drawers and found one
of Jim's t-shirts and a pair of his own sweats. He smiled as he realized
Jim must have put them there after doing laundry last time.
Thoughts of Jim brought him crashing back to reality. It wasn't
bad enough that his own stupidity had landed his partner in the hospital,
now he had to add insult to injury by throwing himself at Jim's best
friend and commanding officer. //Real BRIGHT Sandburg!// he berated himself,
//REAL bright!// He sat down heavily on the bed and clutched Jim's t-shirt
to his chest. He fought back the wave of panic as he tried to sort through
the images of the past few days. He'd been nightmaring again so he did
like always, worked himself until he dropped so he wouldn't dream.
The dreams were all too familiar, Jim coming to harm because of Blair's
own lack of training, either as a police officer or as his Guide.
Only this time the dreams were worse, because now Blair could finally
admit that he was in love with Jim, so losing Jim was even harder. He
had once wondered if he was cursed. Every time he truly fell for someone,
he lost them. Usually they just left, but sometimes... sometimes the
leaving was permanent. He still remembered going to Richard's funeral.
That had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, to go and stand
with Richard's family as they laid the vibrant young man to rest. They
all assured him that it wasn't his fault, well Nearly all anyway, but
if he hadn't insisted on working late on his project, he would have
been the one driving them back instead of Richard. Maybe then he would
have been the one killed when an oncoming car had crossed the center
line and hit them. But he hadn't been. And he hadn't been awake enough
to warn Richard either. He'd failed the first man who'd ever shown him
the wonder of stability. He'd been with Richard for almost three years
when the accident happened. Three years. Almost as long as he'd been
with Jim.
Was that why Jim scared him so much? Because he'd found that same
stability and love with Jim that he'd found with Richard? He couldn't
help but wonder. Before it hadn't been an issue, it had been about friendship...
or at least that's what he kept telling himself, and Jim. Then, as he
watched his friendship slipping away because of his own stupidity he'd
finally admitted it. He loved Jim Ellison. After Jim had kicked him
out of the loft he'd had a lot of time to think, and he knew that he
wanted nothing more than to be with his Sentinel. Then Alex had taken
him from his office at gunpoint. His last conscious thought as she had
held his head under the water was he wished he could tell Jim how he
felt.
It had sounded good at the time.
Then he'd come to in the hospital with Jim caressing his face saying
he needed Blair and all the old fears came back full force. His first
instinct was to run, but he knew he couldn't. He loved Jim too much
for that. It wasn't about his thesis, or Jim's Sentinel abilities, or
even just friendship anymore, it was about love. They decided to try.
It hadn't been easy, but they were working through it. He knew Jim loved
him, and he loved Jim, but then something like this would happen and
Blair would find himself waiting to hear that Jim was gone.
Suddenly, all the tension of the past week battered him and he couldn't
stop the tears that began to fall. He buried his face in Jim's shirt,
inhaling, trying to find some lingering scent of the man who held his
heart.
Simon had heard Blair moving upstairs and decided to give the younger
man time to collect himself before seeing what he wanted to eat. Then
he'd heard the pained whimper. He was up the stairs as fast as his long
legs would carry him. Blair was sitting on the far side of the bed,
his back to the stairs. His strong shoulders shook as he rocked slightly,
a gray t-shirt pressed to his face to quiet the sobs.
Simon approached him slowly, "Blair?"
Blair straightening, wiping at his eyes with the back of one hand.
"I'm fine Simon. Just a bit... overwhelmed that's all. I'll be fine."
Simon knelt beside the dark haired man, laying a comforting hand
on Blair's bare shoulder. Blair tried to smile but couldn't quite manage
it. Without a word, Simon moved to Blair's side on the bed and carefully
drew the other man to him. Blair accepted the gesture gratefully, leaning
into the broad chest and holding on for dear life as the waves of anguish
washed over him. Simon simply held him, stroking his back in slow circles
until the tears finally quieted to soft hiccups. He reached over to
the box of tissues he'd seen on the desk and handed one to Blair who
accepted it with a small smile.
"I'm sorry Simon. I'm not normally like this," he said softly.
"I know Blair. But even the strongest men have to get it out sometime.
And it sounds like you've been holding back a lot."
"I..," his mind struggled for something to say, some way to thank
the gentle man holding him, but nothing came.
Simon smiled at the sudden quiet. "I'll be damned. I never thought
I'd see you at a loss for words Sandburg." Blair's smile finally reached
the expressive blue eyes. Simon hugged the smaller man gently, careful
of his injured ribs, "That's better. Now, would you care to talk about
it? Sometimes it helps."
"I... I think I would but not just yet."
Simon nodded and eased the other man back a bit, "All right. Tell
you what. You shower and get dressed and I'll cook tonight. Then
we'll talk. Deal?"
Blair took a deep breath and looked deep into the open face before
him, "Deal."
Simon moved off the bed and headed down the stairs allowing Blair
to gather his things and head down to the shower.
Thirty minutes later the two men were busy clearing away the remains
of the simple but delicious pasta salad that Simon had made and Blair
was starting to get nervous. He felt better than he had, but the thought
of telling someone, especially Simon, about his irrational fears made
him want to run for the nearest exit.
As if sensing his thoughts, Simon handed Blair a glass of iced tea
and steered him to the couch. "Blair, I'm not going to bite you." //No
matter how much I might want to,// he thought with a frustrated sigh.
"I just want you to know that I'm here to listen. Jim's worried about
you and so am I. You're a good man, and I hate to see you tearing yourself
up like this. I know from experience it helps to talk about it."
"I'm not sure where to start."
"Where ever you're comfortable starting. I'm here as your friend,
not your Captain. Anything you stay will be strictly between us. I
promise."
Blair looked intently at the large, dark skinned man before him.
The strong face was relaxed and the dark brown eyes held only concern
as he waited for Blair to start. He'd been intimidated by Simon when
he'd first met him, but now he counted the imposing man as one of his
few true friends. He trusted Simon, almost as much as he trusted Jim.
Without allowing himself to second guess the prudence of trusting Simon
with his fears, Blair began to haltingly confide in the solid presence
beside him.
Simon listened as Blair began to tell him about the nightmares
he was having, of watching Jim die over and over and his heart went out
to the young observer. He silently chastised himself for not realizing
the toll the job was taking on the sensitive man. Blair had come to
be such a valuable part of the team that Simon sometimes forgot that
Blair hadn't had the training that his other officers had on dealing
with the stresses and traumas of the job they did. He said as much to
Blair and promised to schedule a time for Blair to talk with some of
the precinct specialists if he'd like. Blair had seemed genuinely surprised
by Simon's comments.
"Do you really think I'm a valuable part of the team?"
"Of course I do! You've proven your worth time and again Blair,
and not just with Jim and this whole Sentinel thing. You've got good
instincts, a good way with people, and a new way of looking at things
that has helped break open a lot of cases. AND you're a hell of a lot
better at paperwork than Jim ever was."
Blair laughed, "Thank you, Simon. That means a lot coming from
you. I worry that sometimes I'm just seen as a 'tag-a-long.' That I'm
not taken seriously."
"Do you think Taggert would put up with someone he didn't take
seriously giving him advice? Or Brown, or Rafe, or any number of the
other officers you've worked with? Think about it Blair. Besides, do
you think I'd keep around someone who was a hindrance to our job?"
"no."
"Good. Now what's this about Jim's injuries being your fault?"
Blair found himself telling Simon about fears he hadn't even realized
he's been harboring until he'd voiced them. Fears of his lack of training
and his impetuous nature getting Jim injured or killed. Simon listened
without comment for a long time and then started to counter some of Blair's
more self-incriminating arguments with examples of how Blair had helped,
not hindered, the situations. They spoke for hours, Simon telling Blair
of some of his own early experiences and offering what support he could
to the worried young man. Both men were surprised by the ease that grew
between them in those few short hours. Blair had to admit he felt much
more relaxed by the time Simon suggested they head out and grab some
dinner, his treat. It wasn't until they pulled up outside one of Jim's
favorite Chinese restaurants that Blair realized that he'd not talked
to his partner all day.
Simon smiled at the guilt on the younger man's expressive face,
"Don't worry Sandburg, he's fine. I talked to him before you woke up.
He was relieved you were finally sleeping."
"Finally?"
"Sandburg, Jim is a detective as well as your friend. Do you honestly
believe that he wouldn't notice something like that? He was worried
about you."
"Why do I have the feeling I got set up? What exactly was wrong
with the pipes at your place Simon?" It was Simon's turn to look guilty.
"Oh MAN! How could I have been SO gullible?"
"Calm down, Sandburg. Jim was concerned and so was I. You weren't
being gullible, you just finally realized you needed someone to talk
to. It's not a crime. And you're not the first person to have to be
'convinced' that it's ok to open up. Jim was right about one thing,
you're worse than he is about accepting help."
"What do you mean?"
"At least I didn't have to come get you at 3:30 in the morning from
some bar because you'd finally hit bottom."
"You're kidding right? You can't be talking about Jim."
"Mister 'I'm perfectly in control' himself. You think you cornered
the market on stubborn?"
The rest of the evening passed in easy conversation.
The two men entered the loft in silence, both reluctant for the
evening to end. Blair tossed the keys into the basket by the door and
moved to the couch, assuming a familiar cross-legged position on the
cushions. He yawned as he eyed the few remaining exams on the table.
He knew he should try and finish them before going to bed, but he was
so tired. Simon joined him on the couch, his long legs stretched out
in front of him.
Simon finally broke the silence, "Blair, since you know that my
house is fine would you rather I go?"
The question caught Blair off guard and he felt the momentary panic
he'd come to associate with being alone in the loft since the explosion.
"NO! I mean, unless you'd rather go home."
Simon hadn't missed the desperation in the young man's voice, "No
Blair. If you want me to stay I will. I know what it's like to not
want to be alone."
Blair studied the calm face before him. "Joan?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah. Joan. It's never easy going back to sleeping alone after
you've gotten use to having someone beside you. No matter how awkward
it may have been."
Blair thought of how comfortable he'd gotten sleeping with Jim,
and how much he'd missed it the past few days. Taking a firm grip on
his fears he asked Simon for a favor, "Simon. Would you mind if I joined
you in Jim's bed again tonight? I mean, if you're not comfortable with
it I'll understand."
A graceful, long fingered hand captured Blair's restless ones and
Blair turned to face Simon. The older man was smiling at him, "I'd like
that, Blair. If it's all right with you."
Blair's smile went straight to Simon's heart, "Yeah. It's cool
with me."
Simon settled in to the bed and smiled as a familiar warmth settled
beside him. He drew the younger man closer and sighed as the silken
curls snuggled against his shoulder.
There was a nervous silence until Blair's voice sounded in the darkness,
"You're sure this is ok?"
"Sandburg..."
"Just checking man. Just checking."
Simon couldn't help but chuckle at the whispered, "Cool" he heard
just before he drifted off to sleep.
The next day found the two men visiting their friend at the hospital.
Jim was pleased with the improvement in his partner even after Blair
had taken him to task about sending Simon to "look after him". Jim was
so glad to have the old Blair back, he readily accepted responsibility
for the whole thing.
Simon watched the exchange between the two with mixed emotions.
He was pleased that Blair seemed back to his old self and he could see
how the news improved Jim's spirits. But that didn't lessen the ache
he buried deep inside himself as he watched the ease between the two
of them. He left them alone, giving them time to talk. He'd convinced
Blair to talk to Jim about his fears, to give the detective a chance
to tell Blair his view of the events. Simon pretty much knew what
Jim would tell the younger man, but he knew it would have more impact
coming from Jim than from him.
He headed to the nurse's station to check on Jim's progress and
was surprised to learn that Jim might be going home several days earlier
that expected. That meant that Jim could be home by the end of the week
or the beginning of the next. Simon was glad for his friend's recovery;
he knew how much Jim hated hospitals. But part of him wished he could
have just a little longer with a certain vibrant anthropologist. He
knew he shouldn't even be thinking it, but he liked the rapport he'd
found with the younger man, and he was going to miss it. Once Jim was
back, Blair would have all the support he needed.
Blair hadn't missed the look on Simon's face as he'd left. He turned
to Jim and was startled to see that Jim apparently hadn't either. Jim
was staring at Blair as if trying to decide how to ask something important.
Blair asked it for him, "Jim, how close are you and Simon?"
"What do you mean, Chief?" Jim hedged, not sure what his friend
was getting at.
"I mean, have you and Simon ever been involved?"
"Yes."
The direct answer surprised Blair. He'd expected to have to wheedle
it out of the reserved Sentinel. "Oh."
"Is that a problem, Chief?"
Blair took his partner's hand and smiled, "For us? No. For Simon?
I don't know." He turned serious eyes to his Sentinel, "Jim, how long
has Simon been alone?"
"You were there when he signed the papers Blair."
"But they were separated before that, weren't they?"
"Yeah."
"So how long were they separated?"
"Officially, six months." At Blair's exasperated look Jim amended
his answer, "Unofficially, almost a year. They tried, for Daryl's sake,
but it just didn't work. It wasn't easy on him. He loved her and it
got really nasty towards the end."
"Damn. Has he always seemed so... alone?"
"Yeah. He has a hard time getting close to people, Chief. But
once you get close, you've got a friend for life."
"Or a lover?"
Jim looked at Blair, trying to guess where this was leading. He
knew where he hoped it was leading, but he wasn't sure so he remained
still, letting Blair think out loud. "Jim. I... would you be open to...
oh hell."
Jim drew Blair closer and stroked his handsome face, "If you're
asking if I'd mind bringing Simon into our relationship, no I don't mind.
I was kinda hoping you'd agree if I asked. He's a very special man Blair,
and I'm tired of watching him hurting."
"You know this isn't going to be easy."
"When has ANYTHING been easy for us? Now we just have to convince
Simon that this arrangement can work. But Blair, no matter what happens,
I don't want to lose Simon's friendship." Blair nodded his agreement.
"So what do we do now? This is new water for me Chief. How 'bout you?"
"Closest I've ever come to this was the DelCosta twins and that
was just for two months. I want this to be about more than just two
months."
"You've got my vote Chief. But we've got to show Simon that it
can work. I think we've got our work cut out for us. Now, who are the
DelCosta twins?"
That night at the loft Blair curled up close to Simon and casually
draped his arm across the older man's chest. Simon gently stroked the
younger man's arm, marveling at the contrast between his own dark skin
and Blair's paleness. Blair smiled up at Simon and twined his own fingers
with the Captain's long, graceful ones. He felt the same sense of belonging
with Simon as he did with Jim and his resolve to find a way to include
Simon in their lives strengthened. With a small smile on his lips, Blair
allowed himself to sleep, cradled in the safety of Simon's strong arms.
Simon walked into Jim's hospital room two days later to be greeted
by a very exuberant Blair Sandburg. Judging by the smile that was threatening
to split the young man's face Simon guessed that the doctor's report
had been a favorable one. "So what's the verdict Professor?"
Blair smiled at the endearment and drew Simon forward to stand with
him by Jim's bed. "He's got a clean bill of health and should be able
to come home on Friday."
//Three days, Banks. Three more days to savor that young man before
you have to give him up//. Simon managed to smile and clasped his detective's
hand, "It's about time you got out of this bed, Cowboy. You've got a
mountain of paperwork waiting for you back at the office."
Jim knew his friend too well to be fooled by the smile and deliberately
light tone, but he pretended not to notice. "You mean my partner hasn't
been covering it for me?" he asked with a mock-hurt look at Blair.
"Excuse me, but your partner has been too busy grading midterms
and dealing with his own job to cover yours too."
"Chief, I'm hurt," Jim pouted.
"And you're healing. Your hands aren't broken so you'll be MORE
than able to start catching up when you get back. I'm drowning in my
own paperwork right now, 'Partner'. Sometimes I think I'd rather
do your forms than wade through another paragraph of 'let's see if the
grader will get tired of reading before he realizes I haven't got a CLUE
what he's asking about'," Blair laughed.
"That bad," Jim asked sympathetically.
"Worse," Blair sighed. "But you almost want to give some of them
points for imagination. You can't believe some of the stuff they try
and pull. You know, sometimes I can't help but wonder if my profs said
the same things about me."
Jim reached out and ruffled Blair's hair, "They probably still do,
Chief."
Simon watched the easy banter between his friends with a suppressed
sigh. He envied them this, the ease Jim had with Blair, the way Blair
seemed to gravitate towards his partner, the soft smiles and reassuring
touches. They looked good together, and happy. The ache in his heart
grew, and he shifted back slightly from the two.
Jim watched as Simon drew away from them, pulling back into a shell
of gruff self-sufficiency that Jim knew far too well. He had to bring
Simon back to them. "Don't you agree, Simon?"
Simon paused, startled that Jim even knew he was still there. "I
know I say it," he answered, managing to summon and hold his best 'I
am not amused' face for the hapless police observer.
"Hey!" Blair protested, "I'm not THAT bad. Am I?"
Simon's control held. Barely. He raised an eyebrow at Blair as
if to say 'what do you think?' and Jim almost broke. He smiled behind
his partner's back, knowing that Simon was baiting Blair and loving it.
He let Blair squirm.
Blair, not as use to Simon's teasing as Jim was, was starting to
worry. He studied the larger man's closed body language and looked deep
into the dark brown eyes. That's when he saw that mischievous spark
Simon only got when he was joking. He decided to play it for a bit,
warmed the man was comfortable enough to tease him. He summoned his
best 'puppy-dog look' as Jenny called it and turned his pleading blue
eyes full force on the handsome black man, "Am I?" he asked softly.
Simon almost broke. Those eyes. He could happily drown in those
dark blue eyes. Blair focused on him like he were the only person left
in the world, and Simon felt himself flush. He watched mesmerized as
Blair slowly closed the distance between them, flowing towards him, the
blue eyes never losing their intensity. God the man was gorgeous. It
was taking everything Simon had not to grab Blair and kiss him senseless.
Blair's hand skimmed over his crossed arms, the 'almost' touch causing
Simon to shiver. Fathomless blue eyes ringed with thick, dark lashes
peered up at him from beneath a tumble of dark chocolate curls. Luscious,
entirely too kissable lips pouted, drawing Simon's gaze, then parted,
allowing the dark pink tongue to dance over them, leaving them shimmering
with moisture. Simon longed to capture those full lips and see if they
tasted as exotic as they looked, but still his control held. The fingers
on his arm traced seductive circles and Blair's voice was husky when
he finally spoke, "Am I that bad Simon?"
//dear god...// With a barely suppressed moan Simon managed a hushed,
"Worse."
Blair's smile was almost feral now, "Good. I'd hate to think I
was losing my touch." His strong hand curled around Simon's forearm
in a surprisingly intimate "hug" and Simon's control finally slipped.
He growled at the young tease and caught the slender shoulders in a firm
grip. He held Blair fast as he contemplated which to do first, throttle
the young man for his audasicity or kiss him until neither of them could
breathe. One look at Blair's flushed face stopped Simon in his tracks.
Blair was watching him intently, calmly, and the trust in those
beautiful eyes took Simon's breath away. Most men would be cowering
before the power in Simon's large form, but not Blair. Blair stood watching,
as if wanting to see what Simon would do next. Simon simply stared,
as if trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. One of his
large hands slid upwards of its own accord, the fingers burying themselves
in the silken mass of Blair's hair while the thumb brushed over one high
cheekbone. Blair leaned into the touch and sighed, the blue eyes closing
as he nuzzled the older man's palm.
Simon inhaled sharply at the touch and forced himself to back away
from his seducer. Blair's arms wrapped around Simon's waist and drew
him close once more. "It's all right Simon," he whispered, "trust me."
"Why?" Simon asked, not sure exactly what he was questioning.
"Because." Without loosening his hold on the older man's waist
Blair led Simon back to Jim's bedside and urged the larger man into the
chair.
Jim smiled at his partner. "What happened to slow and subtle, Chief?"
Blair smiled mischievously as he ran his hand gently over the Captain's
tense shoulders, "Subtlety is so overrated sometimes. Besides, he
was about to bolt and neither of us want that."
Simon was staring at his two friends as if they had both suddenly
sprouted tails and started speaking ancient Minoan, "James, would you
care to fill me in on what's going on here?"
Jim grinned at his superior and friend. His Sentinel senses could
smell the phermones pouring from Simon's body and there was no mistaking
the growing bulge tenting Simon's dress pants. "I'd think it would be
pretty obvious Simon. We're trying to seduce you."
The brown eyes widened, "We!?!?"
Jim chuckled and Blair's smile widened. Jim took one of Simon's
hands in his own. "Yes we. Is that a problem?"
"I... No." The large man spared a glance at the man standing at
his shoulder. "So now what, Professor? Since you seem to be in charge
of this seduction."
"Only because Jim can't get out of bed yet. Otherwise he probably
would have approached you. At least that was the original plan."
"Excuse me? JIM? Why Jim?" Simon still couldn't believe what
he was hearing.
Blair smiled and blushed, "Why? Because you and Jim have a history,man.
I didn't know if you'd... well, if you'd be open to something like this
if I asked."
Simon's gaze snapped up at the words, his eyes darting back and
forth between the two men, "You make it sound like you've been discussing
this."
"We have," Jim answered simply.
Simon's jaw dropped as he focused on the tall man lying in the hospital
bed. Surely they couldn't mean... "Why?"
"Because this is a big step and we wanted to make sure we were doing
it for the right reasons," Jim said softly. "And before you jump to
any conclusions, this was my idea, not Blair's."
"Our idea," Blair corrected gently
Jim smiled at his partner then turned light blue eyes on the man
who sat so quietly beside him, "Simon, are you ok with this?"
//You hand me one of my private fantasies on a silver platter and
then ask me if I'm ok with it? Ok... I'm ecstatic!// He squeezed Jim's
hand reassuringly and smiled up at Blair, "Yeah, I'm ok with this. Are
you sure?"
In answer, Blair leaned in and kissed Simon's full lips. Simon
wrapped his arms around the solid form carefully, still mindful of Blair's
injured ribs, and kissed Blair back with an intensity that left them
both a bit shaken.
"Thank you," Jim whispered roughly from where he lay on the bed
watching them. He reached out and stroked first Simon's face then Blair's.
"You have no idea how happy you've made me."
Blair leaned in and kissed Jim softly, "I think I have an idea though."
He and Jim had spent much of the past few days discussing their relationship
with each other and with Simon. Blair couldn't help but wonder if the
handsome police captain knew how much they cared for him, or how much
the Sentinel loved him. Jim had told him about his and Simon's time
together and Blair was warmed by the obvious love his tender-hearted
partner had for the gruff, older cop. And after spending so much time
with Simon in the past few days, Blair knew that Simon cared for Jim
as well.
Once upon a time, hearing that his partner loved someone else so
strongly would have devastate Blair. But not now. He KNEW how Jim
felt about him, had seen for himself the depth of Jim's love and the
lengths Jim would go to for him. He loved Jim and Jim loved him and
there was more than enough room left in both their hearts for Simon.
Bringing Simon into their lives this way seemed the next 'logical' step.
Jim had been afraid that Simon would run, or worse, end their friendship.
Judging by the warmth of the solid arm draped around his waist, Blair
doubted they had anything to fear on that front.
He kissed his partner's forehead, "I love you James Joseph Ellison,"
he whispered Sentinel soft and was rewarded with another kiss.
"I love you too, Blair Sandburg. Now go home and get some sleep,
you look exhausted." Blair moved back and Jim reached out to Simon,
"Take him home and make sure he sleeps would you Simon?" Simon nodded.
Jim saw the lingering doubts in his friend's eyes and pulled him closer.
Simon leaned in willingly and was surprised when Jim's lips brushed against
his own. He shyly returned the kiss and felt Jim chuckle. Jim's arm
wrapped around Simon's shoulders, one large hand coming up to cradle
the base of Simon's skull and draw the large man in for an even deeper
kiss. Jim kissed him like he had when they had first become lovers,
so many years ago. He kissed Simon with all the passion, respect and
love he still carried for the older man and tried to convince Simon without
words that he was truly wanted.
Simon moaned deep in his throat and pulled back from Jim's attention,
"If you want Blair to get any sleep tonight you'll stop now, Tiger."
Jim smiled at the old nickname, "Oh I think you'll find that Blair
can hold his own, lover. Just remember that you both have to work
tomorrow."
Simon blushed at the familiar jibe, and the welcome endearment.
How many times had that stopped them, the knowledge that one, or both,
of them would have to work the following day? He couldn't help but smile
at the laughter lurking in Jim's blue eyes, "I'll make sure he gets some
sleep at least."
An arm snaked itself around Simon's waist. Simon straightened,
draping his arm over Blair's shoulders to pull the younger man tight
against him. Blair snuggled in close and stared at the two men, "Don't
I get a say in this?"
"No."
"Not really."
Jim and Simon looked at each other, startled by the overlapping
answers, then burst into laughter. Simon kissed the top of Blair's head
and stroked the soft curls, "I'll take good care of him Jim."
"I know you will, and he better take good care of you. I expect
you both to be well rested and eager when I get out of this joint. We've
wasted too much time as it is." Jim smiled as both men blushed. He
knew he should be ashamed of himself, but baiting the two of them was
too much fun. They needed each other almost as much as he needed them,
now he just had to make sure they knew that as well. "Go home, both of
you. The quicker you're gone, the quicker it gets to be tomorrow and
the quicker I get to come home. Take care and I'll see you both tomorrow,
right?"
Simon turned and grinned, "Unless I get a better offer, Tiger."
They laughed and Blair leaned in and kissed Jim once more, "Take
care Jim, we'll be back tomorrow." He ran his hand lovingly through
Jim's thick, soft hair and leaned in for a quick hug before turning to
go. He crossed to where Simon stood by the door and felt a large hand
settle on his shoulder. He smiled up at Simon and with one final farewell
they left.
[Kender ducks as an elegant hand reaches out from the shadows to bap at the top of her head], Keeker: Story Hamster extrodinare and ST -
// = thoughts
//* = remembered words/situations
Quotes that begin with small initial letters indicate softly spoken words/phrases. - hope that makes sense.
Explicit m/m and m/m/m sex depicted in loving detail.- NC-17 folks!! No kidding around! Romance, angst and owies abound, as does the ever-present "Kender happy ending". (well, I think it's happy anyway
[the figure turns and in a swirl of blonde hair disappears back into the shadows where the sound of clicking computer keys is soon heard.]
by Kender
NC-17 : B/S/J