Author's disclaimer: This story is in no way affiliated with UPN or Pet Fly Productions. The characters are their property, and this story is not meant to infringe upon their copyrights.

Author's notes: This story was originally published in Come to Your Senses 1.

This story is set early in Season 1, but was written around the time Spare Parts aired in Season 2. We didn't know much about Jim's family yet, so I invented one for him!

Forever
by Myrna

Jim was just getting ready to start dinner when he heard the knock on the door. The table was set-the good stuff, like he'd promised-- candles, crystal, the whole nine yards-but he hadn't even started cooking. With a frown, he glanced at the clock and shrugged. He knew Blair hadn't forgotten his keys-Jim had slipped them into the younger man's pocket when they kissed good-bye that morning. Jim smiled at the memory and opened the door.

"Carolyn!" he said, surprise evident on his face and in his tone. "Uh, come on in."

"Hi," Carolyn said, stepping into the loft. It had felt strange knocking on the door of what used to be her home, but once inside, she felt like she'd never been there. "Wow!" she said, looking around in surprise. "The place looks great, Jim!" She turned and jokingly narrowed her eyes. "Are you dating a decorator?"

Jim laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, it was looking pretty bleak around here, wasn't it?"

Still looking around with interest, Carolyn turned to Jim, eyes twinkling with mirth. "So, where's your roomie?" she asked.

Jim smiled, but Carolyn's amusement bordered on disdain, and he felt himself bristling as he always did when he thought someone was slighting his lover. "Oh, uh, Blair's still at school. He won't be home 'til seven, seven-thirty."

Carolyn nodded absently, leaning down to take a closer look at an ancient figurine. "Hmm. That five days has turned into, what? Five months?"

"Six," Jim said lightly. "It's been six months."

Carolyn nodded again, and when she turned back to face Jim, she caught sight of the elegantly set table. "Oh, Jim, I'm sorry!" she said. "You're expecting company, aren't you? Hot date with that decorator, I bet!" she was smiling, but it didn't make it all the way to her eyes.

"We've got time," Jim said. "Carolyn, what's on your mind?"

She laughed nervously and ran her hand through her hair. "Oh Jim, I...I can't now. This will take some time, and here you are getting ready for some intimate evening..."

Jim was quiet for a moment, but only a moment. He had not told anyone that he and Blair were lovers, but that was at Blair's request. It upset the kid every time Jim mentioned letting someone know about the two of them, which Jim didn't understand at first. Blair had always been comfortable with his bisexuality, and if he didn't advertise it at the station, he didn't go to great lengths to cover it up either. Blair had let Jim believe it was a misguided sense of protection for Jim since he was new to the game. But finally, exhausted by Jim's repeated insistence that he didn't care what anyone else thought, Blair had admitted in a small voice, "But I do." Jim had gathered him in a warm hug and winced when the kid whispered, "They'll tell you not to love me."

But this was Jim's home-their home-and he wouldn't hide it here. "No, it's okay. I told you, Blair won't be home until seven." His voice was calm, but he hoped the intensity in his eyes made his meaning unmistakable.

"Blair?" Carolyn said, confused. "You're doing all this for, Blair? Why?" She smirked. "He like to play tea party after school?"

Jim grimaced in annoyance. "Carolyn, the reason you're here?"

"No really, I want to know!" she said, her eyes shining in amusement. "You trying to teach him how to eat like a big boy? Show him which fork to use when, that kind of thing?"

Jim cast his eyes heavenward and clenched his jaw to keep from snapping something unkind at his ex-wife. Simon had usually said worse before the first cup of coffee was consumed in the morning. Of course, Jim knew Simon's insults were more in jest.

Carolyn wasn't letting up. "Hm, I'd love to be a fly on the wall during that rendition of My Fair Lady," she said.

Jim thought of all the things Blair had taught him in the short time they'd known each other and bristled at Carolyn's haughtiness. Blair had withstood serial killers and rogue CIA agents; he had believed in Jim when anyone else in the world would have just hauled him off to some psych ward. If Carolyn didn't want to take the hint, he'd spoon- feed it to her.

"Look Carolyn, it's no big mystery, okay? Blair's been working really hard at the university and with me, and I promised him a nice, romantic dinner at home to end the week." Jim smiled sweetly as comprehension slowly dawned across Carolyn's face. He shrugged and added in a conversational tone, "It's not like we can go out to dinner and dancing around here, right?"

Carolyn blinked rapidly as she gave Jim a long, searching stare. "Oh right, Jim!" she said finally.

Jim merely shrugged and widened his eyes in that way of his that said, "Pardon me?"

Carolyn slowly shook her head. "I was just kidding, Jim. There's no reason to be rude."

Gruffly clearing his throat, Jim tugged at the front of his shirt, resenting the way Carolyn so deftly put him on the defensive. "I'm not trying to be rude, Carolyn," he said quietly. "You asked me why I was doing this for Blair, and I told you."

"You're doing this so Blair can have a nice, romantic dinner at home?" Carolyn repeated.

"I sense it's the word 'romantic' giving you some trouble here," Jim said looking amused.

"Oh Jim, honey, you are not serious." It wasn't a question.

Jim pursed his lips and thought about the different interpretations to her comment. He was joking about he and Blair being involved? He wasn't serious about the relationship? The relationship wasn't serious? All of those were misinterpretations to be sure. How much of an explanation did he owe her? Jim didn't want to hurt Carolyn. He still loved her in a way--albeit very differently from the way he loved Blair.

"It's pretty serious," Jim finally said, still using that soft voice of his.

Carolyn coughed in disbelief and looked like she couldn't decide which of the thousand arguments circling her brain to use first. "He's...he's a...a guy!" she said, going for the most obvious.

Jim chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed that right away myself," he said, then shrugged at Carolyn's dirty look. "Hey, it was news to me too, Carolyn. Quit looking at me like I've been harboring some kind of deep, dark secret from you, okay?"

"You want me to believe that you lived 38 years of your life as a heterosexual and suddenly your blood chemistry decides to take a 180 and..."

"Well, technically, 37 years," Jim said flippantly. "See, when Blair and I first got together..."

Carolyn shot him another dirty look. "This is not funny, Jim!" she said angrily.

Mildly lifting his eyebrows, Jim clenched his jaw. "I don't owe you an explanation Carolyn. If you're wondering did I screw around when we were married, the answer is no. If, more specifically, you're wondering did I screw around with men when we were married, the answer is still no. The ink's been dry on the divorce papers a long time now"

The whole time he spoke, Jim kept his voice calm and quiet, despite knowing it would make Carolyn even angrier. Maybe because it would.

"That doesn't mean I don't care about you!" Carolyn said hastily. "And that doesn't mean I would just sit idly by while you make a fool of yourself--or worse yet, put yourself in danger!"

Jim smirked, still attempting to deflect Carolyn's misplaced outrage with humor. "You afraid the kid's going to give me a heart attack, Caro?"

As Carolyn ignored the comment and charged ahead, Jim saw once again why their marriage had failed so spectacularly. It was as if the two of them were having entirely different conversations with entirely different people. "Jim, I know you're tight with the guys at the station, but surely you have to realize that a relationship like this will not be embraced--hell, even tolerated--by a lot of those guys!"

Jim sighed and motioned for Carolyn to sit down. She ignored him again, instead restlessly roaming in front of the windows. Jim shrugged and sat down. "I've never lived my life worrying about what other people think," he reminded his ex-wife. "As I recall, that was a point of contention between us."

Carolyn shook her head. "You are purposefully being dense hereas hard as it is to tell the difference from your normal state of being. You don't just wake up one morning and decide to be gay. It doesn't work that way!"

Jim coughed in surprised and actually laughed at Carolyn's insult. "Maybe not," he agreed with a careless shrug. "But I have decided to love Blair, and he is a man, so you make the call."

"He's a boy, Jim!" Carolyn corrected. "A little puppy dog of a man. He can't even sit still for a 15 minute briefing. He's one of those care-about-nothing, "whatever," kind of slackers who won't commit to anything and..."

"Say what you want about me," Jim said slowly and carefully. "But I won't have you ripping Blair here in our home. I won't have it, Carolyn."

Turning abruptly to stare at him, Carolyn looked as if Jim had just said something cruel to her. "I'm just saying he'll hurt you, Jim. If you let yourself care about him, you'll regret it. He's going to leave you. That's the way his kind operates."

Jim lifted his chin. "You can't label Blair. He's one-of-a-kind," he said proudly. "And it's already too late--I do care about him--I love him, Caro." Carolyn flinched and turned back to the windows. "I'm not saying that to hurt you," Jim said quietly. "I never wanted to hurt you, honey, and I'm really, really sorry for all the times I did. But that's the past; as much as I'd like to, I can't change it."

He heard Carolyn's heart jump and start beating a little faster. She faced him again, a light now visible in her eyes. "Maybe you can," she said softly.

"Can what?"

"Change the past."

"I'm not following you here," Jim said.

Carolyn sighed and finally sat down across from Jim. "I've been thinking a lot about us," she said. "I guess...I guess part of it is I'm not where I thought I'd be, you know?" Jim started to say something, but Carolyn inferred what it was and kept talking. "Oh, I know being the first female Head of Forensics is a real coup, but I mean personally. You know, I thought I'd be married with a nice little house in the suburbs, two point five children and a dog running around in the back yard...I know we never really talked about kids, but I always thought we'd have them..."

Jim wondered if he looked as clueless as he felt. Was Carolyn talking about getting back together? Even if she was lonely, there was no way she could have forgotten the last three months they spent as husband and wife. Surely she wasn't thinking they could give it another try, especially after what he'd said about Blair...

Carolyn looked up and saw Jim's face. She gave a self-deprecating laugh as if she knew better than to feint and jab her way to the point. "Jim, you're one of the finest men I know. You're honorable and caring and...and gentle beyond my wildest dreams." She smiled and winked at Jim's embarrassment. "And not to mention one of the
handsomest men on the planet. I...I've been floundering this past year, and I've finally come to understand what it is I want. What it is I...need. I want to have a baby."

Now Jim knew exactly where Carolyn was heading, and he hoped to dissuade her before she actually posed the question. "Uh, Carolyn, honey, don't you think this has more to do with your birthday next month than..."

Carolyn shrugged and nodded. "I know, Jim, I know," she said quickly. "Turning 39 is...shaking me up a bit. But if I don't take steps now, I may never have the chance..." She took a deep breath. "Jim, I want...well, I'd like...what I mean is, I'd be honored if you would...if we could..." She suddenly buried her head in her hands. "Oh God, this is, like, the worst soap opera scene ever imagined!" she muttered. She fortified herself with another breath. "Jim, I want to have your baby! There! I said it!"

Jim groaned and covered his eyes with his hand. "Carolyn, good God, why are you always doing these things to me? I mean, waltzing in here and telling me you want to have my kid? What do you expect me to say to that?"

Carolyn leaned forward. "If not yes, then at the very least that you'll think about it," she prompted. "Jim, I'm not asking for...for any involvement beyond what's...you know, necessary. I'm not trying to tie you down or anything, I just...I don't want my child's father to be a stranger..."

Jim sighed explosively. "You cannot have spent two years with me and not know the kind of man I am," Jim said, a shade more angrily than he intended. "I could no more father a child and then ignore it than I could...rob a bank!"

"We could work that out too!" Carolyn said eagerly. "Jim, if you want to be a part of the child's life, I'd be thrilled! I'm willing to share custody, to work out an arrangement..."

"It's a child Carolyn, not a time-share!" Jim snapped. He winced and forced himself to calm down. "I'm sorry, honey, but I just can't agree to something like this."

Carolyn moved over to sit next to Jim. "You haven't even thought about it!" she argued. "Imagine it, Jim. A little boy you can play catch with, take to ball games, coach in Little League...or a little girl you can dance around the room with her feet on top of yours...Someone who will love you unconditionally, without reservations...How can you just say an unequivocal no?"

Jim sighed again. "There are a hundred reasons why," he said carefully. He could almost feel Carolyn's pain and fear. He didn't want to add any more hurt. "I'm just not...I'm not willing, I guess, to make the sacrifices a child would entail and I'm not willing to father a child without being willing to make those sacrifices. I know that sounds convoluted, but..."

Now Carolyn sighed, her shoulders sagging in defeat. "No Jim, it makes perfect sense," she said unhappily. "But it's just so...so sad, you know? For both of us. We're going to end up alone, Jim. Before long it will be too late, and we'll both be alone, and we could have had...well, I know between us we could have had a really great kid, you know?"

Jim clenched his jaw, but cautioned himself against raising his voice. Carolyn wasn't purposefully trying to be spiteful. At least, he didn't think she was. "Blair isn't going to leave me, Caro," he said gently. "Yes, he's young and wired and...and unconventional. But his heart and soul belong to me, and they always will."

Jim felt a twinge of guilt that the most nakedly revealing thing he had ever said to Carolyn concerned someone else, but he felt compelled to leave nothing open to interpretation, lest she somehow interpret it to reflect negatively on Blair. And as Jim had said before, he simply wouldn't have that.

Before Carolyn could reply, footsteps could be heard clattering up the stairs.

"Jim! Jim! Guess what!" Blair called, racing inside clutching a sheet of paper in one hand and holding the strap of his backpack with another. His hair was down, full and tangled from the wind. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his eyes bright and shining with anticipation. Since he wasn't going to be at the station, he was wearing a pair of jeans with holes in the knees. His left shoe was untied. Breathing heavy, he looked beautiful. And all of fourteen years old.

"Oh, jeez, I'm sorry," a still breathless Blair said when he saw Carolyn. "You have company. Hi Carolyn." Then he looked at the table, flushing first with pleasure then grimacing. Jim knew he was wondering what he'd said to Carolyn. The younger man bit his bottom lip in momentary consternation before turning his wide and trusting eyes to Jim, obviously asking for direction. Jim's heart melted at the faith that greeted him.

"Blair, why don't you grab a change of clothes and shower before dinner?" Jim suggested.

Blair shrugged good-naturedly and nodded, but then paused as he automatically headed for the stairs. Jim just barely nodded the okay, and Blair rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He came back downstairs with the clean clothes Jim had laid out on the bed. He traded an amused smile with his lover and pretended not to notice Carolyn's hostile glare. "Okay then, out in a sec," he said with false cheer. "Nice to see you again, Carolyn."

Hearing Blair's muffled "Whooo!" at Carolyn's coldness, Jim had to choke back a cough of laughter.

"I guess the discussion's over," Carolyn said through thin lips.

Jim knew he'd changed when Blair entered the loft, lit up, as they say. He still felt a jolt of electricity every time he and Blair were reunited after spending the day apart. He fully expected the sensation to ease after they'd been together for a little longer, but as it was he looked as forward to that rush as he did to actually seeing the kid. It was an addictive adrenaline kick. And it flushed his cheeks and brightened his eyes, and here in his own home he wasn't going to try to hide it. "I'm sorry, honey," Jim said. "If I could help you, believe me I would."

"Forty is just around the corner for you, too," Carolyn said, her eyes inexorably drawn to the bathroom door. The shower could be heard running now. "If this is just some...crazy mid-life crisis, you'll regret..."

"It's not," Jim kindly interrupted. "I'm sorry." There was a note of finality in his voice that couldn't be missed.

"Please think about it, Jim," Carolyn said, sliding her purse over her shoulder. "Just...just think about it, okay?"

Jim sighed and gave a vague shrug and held the door open for his ex-wife. He closed it behind her but still heard her dispirited sigh as she walked down the stairs.

Jim quickly shook off the residual emotions and went to the kitchen to check out the letter that had Blair so excited when he came home. A proud smile lit Jim's face. The article Blair had written about Music and Self-Identify in the Pacific Northwest had been accepted for publication in some Anth periodical. Jim had gathered from the number of times he'd been to the University that Blair was something of a wunderkid on the campus. He was published with regularity, with more regularity, in fact, than a lot of the tenured professors. Jim had even known Blair to hold back papers that would have been published simply because he didn't want to risk alienating any of his colleagues.

Hearing Blair running the hair dryer, Jim uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured two glasses and was standing outside the bathroom door holding them both when Blair charged out of it and nearly ran him down. Before Blair could turn his head to check for Carolyn, Jim handed him a glass and bent down to energetically welcome him home. "Congratulations Mr. Author," Jim thrummed.

Blair grinned happily and toasted Jim's glass. "Thanks, man," he said taking a sip and flashing his eyebrows in approval. Jim was pleased he had turned Blair on to the wonders of expensive wine. "I just thought I hated the stuff," Blair said, after his first taste of a wine costing more than $10 a bottle.

"So, what's the story, man?" Blair asked. "What was Carolyn doing here? And what's with the little drama of sending me upstairs in front of her?"

Jim made a face and returned to the kitchen. Carolyn's visit had thrown the dinner plans into disarray. Jim put the steaks under the broiler and started chopping vegetables for a salad. "I'm not going to hide things here at home, Blair." Jim said, answering the easiest question first.

"She want to get back together?" Blair asked, trying--and failing--not to look worried.

"Mm, not exactly," Jim said and felt himself blushing. Well jeez, it was kind of embarrassing when you get right down to it. "She, uh...well, she kind of wanted to have a baby with me."

Blair started to laugh, and Jim figured he thought he was joking. But Jim wasn't laughing, and it really wasn't very funny, so the laugh petered out, replaced with a look of confusion. "Like she wanted you guys to get married again and have kids?" he clarified.

Jim bit back a sarcastic remark about Blair's conservative guess. "Not really. From what I could gather, she was just looking for stud services." He gave Blair a goofy look and shrugged as if to say, 'Women. You figure 'em out.'

"A baby," Blair repeated as if it was an alien concept. He sat down on one of the dining room chairs with a heavy thud. "Oh, man...yeah... You probably...you probably never thought about that part of it, huh?" He nervously ran his hand through his hair.

"What 'it?'" Jim asked mildly, dicing the tomatoes into small cubes the way Blair always did it.

"You told her you'd think about it?" Blair guessed, ignoring Jim's question.

Jim's brows furrowed in consternation. "No, she told me to think about it. But what's to think about, Chief? I told her no. I'm not a sperm bank, and I'm not the kind of man who would father a child and then walk away from the responsibility..." Blair flinched as if he'd been struck, even though Jim's words were no reflection on him. Just the bastard who fathered him. "Blair, come on, I didn't mean anything..."

"I know, I know," Blair said quickly. "That's why...that's why you'd make such a great dad," he said softly. "Maybe...maybe you should think about it, Jim. I mean, I've had practically my whole life to think about the repercussions of this...lifestyle." He rolled his eyes at the term. "But Jim, you haven't. I mean, you live your life with certain...expectations, and you can't be counted on to just...abandon them at the drop of a hat."

Jim was touched by Blair's concern, unfounded as it was. "Chief, I don't think kids were ever really part of my expectations. I don't know...Things went downhill so quickly with me and Carolyn, it never entered my mind. And it sure as hell isn't on my mind now!" He smiled at Blair, but the kid looked pained and ducked his head.

"Just because it's not on your mind now doesn't mean it won't ever be," Blair said softly.

"I guess that's true," Jim said. He walked over and touched Blair's chin so the kid had to look up at him. He reached out and pushed a loose strand of hair behind Blair's ear. He played with the kid's earrings for a second before drawing his hand away. "You might wake up tomorrow and decide you want some buff young stud in your bed," he said, offering Blair his own 'what if.'

Blair grinned in spite of himself. "You're not old," he said. "And you're buff and studly to boot. You've got nothing to worry about Jim."

"And neither do you," Jim said, kissing his forehead. "Whatever I want or need in the future, it'll always take a back seat to you. You know that."

Blair nodded reluctantly and watched Jim as he returned to his salad. "So what did Carolyn say about the you and me part?"

Jim took a sip of wine then grinned at Blair over his shoulder. "She told me you were a guy."

"Oh man, I wasn't going to tell you that yet!" Blair grinned back.

"I told her I'd figured that part out on my own. I think she was more concerned that I'd kept this big secret from her when we were married." Jim shrugged like that was the end of it and threw some carrots on top of the lettuce and tomatoes.

"So she said, I'm a guy and you said I know and she said were you gay when we were married and you said no and then she asked you to father her child? I think you're leaving something out here, man."

Jim added more wine to Blair's glass and leaned against the counter. "I think the phrase, 'making a fool out of yourself' was bandied about. Why would you care what Carolyn thinks anyway, Chief?" I don't."

Blair sighed, and Jim recognized the signs of him spiraling downward into a sea of doubt. "What did she say?" he asked plaintively. "Just...Jim, just tell me what she said!"

Jim checked the steaks in the oven and concentrated on tossing the salad. He could sense Blair's growing agitation. "Look, Chief, Carolyn just didn't think I had what it takes to keep you interested for any length of time."

Blair's frown said he wasn't buying that. "You mean she didn't think I'd stick around, right? Like I'd bail on you, right!?" Blair's voice grew louder and he surged forward and grabbed a handful of Jim's shirt.

He wasn't angry, he was frightened. Even though they hadn't been together long, Jim had already learned the nuances of Blair's body language. Anger with Blair, usually spawned by Jim making some kind of arbitrary decision for him instead of with him or by ignoring him because whatever he was suggesting sounded too outlandish to consider, meant distance. He closed himself off and turned inward. Fright, by contrast, drew him to shelter, to Jim.

Jim held Blair to his chest, kissing the top of his head and running his hand over his soft, clean hair. "It doesn't matter what she thought," Jim soothed. "I set her straight."

"She doesn't think you could love me," Blair said, his voice muffled by Jim's shirt.

"That's not it at all," Jim instantly denied. "Blair, she looks at you and sees this...exotic, beautiful kid who could have anyone in the world he wanted. And she's wondering what in the hell you're doing with a stodgy, predictable guy like me. She probably thinks you'll get bored and go looking for greener pastures."

Blair wasn't really listening. He shook his head, tickling Jim's nose with his hair. "And now she's all pissed off 'cause you won't give her a kid...Oh, man, Jim, what if she starts telling everybody at work, like out of spite or something?"

"She wouldn't do that," Jim said, then continued softly. "Besides, it's time we started telling people."

"No!" Blair whispered urgently. "Not yet! Not yet!"

"Honey, why?" Jim asked, holding Blair by the shoulders so he could look into tear-filled eyes.

Blair frowned and shrugged out of Jim's grasp. "Don't call me that!" he snapped. "That's what you called her. I heard you."

Jim was careful not to smile. "Why don't you want to tell anyone, Blair? I'm the foolish old man here, chasing after a beautiful young man..."

Blair shook his head, and as the fear reawakened he drew closer to Jim. "Everyone will tell you you're wrong, just like she did." Blair buried his head in Jim's neck and held on for dear life. "They'll tell you not to love me," he whispered.

Jim spoke slowly and clearly. "And I'll tell them to go fuck themselves."

"That's not a nice thing to say to your mom," Blair said, managing a dry tone despite his fears.

Jim kissed his hair. "My mom would never tell me not to love someone."

"Even if that someone were a man?"

"Not even then," Jim promised softly.

Dinner wasn't the relaxed, drawn out affair Jim was anticipating. It was hard to hold Blair then just release him and sit down to eat. Jim found himself rushing through the meal just to get it over with.

"You're going to ruin your appetite for dessert," Blair warned, delectably licking his sticky fingers. He laughed when Jim shifted uncomfortably and growled at him with a feral gleam in his eyes.

Jim just assumed his consuming obsession with sex would eventually wind down, but he was in no hurry for it to happen.

As Blair finished the last of his baked potato with tantalizing slowness, it was all Jim could do not to wipe all the dishes to the floor with a single swipe of his arm. If the plates hadn't been over a hundred years old he most definitely would have. Blair carried his plate to the sink, but before he could start the clean-up, Jim rushed toward him and tossed him over his shoulder.

"Oh man," Blair groaned. "You're supposed to wait a half-hour after eating before strenuous exercise!" he warned.

Jim tossed him on the couch. "Then I won't do anything strenuous for awhile," he said breathlessly.

They necked with escalating passion that, within ten minutes, had Blair panting, "Liar."

Jim laughed into his mouth and picked Blair up. He held the younger man by the underside of his thighs and grinned when Blair reflexively wrapped his legs around Jim's waist. "Mmm, I love you, Baby," Jim whispered. "Tell me you love me. Tell me you need me."

"You know I do!" Blair hotly replied. "You know everything about me. What I want, what I need. God, I love you so much. I love you, Jim. God, I love you!" He smothered Jim with kisses so deep the older man had to pull away and hold Blair's head to his shoulder, lest he take a fall on his way up the stairs. Once safely on the landing, Jim let up and Blair's kisses immediately turned sweet and gentle.

Sex with Blair continued to be an adventure. It had so many different, unanticipated--exciting--affects on the young man and most of them seemed to be associated with where they had it. Downstairs in the living room it was frisky and playful. Blair usually initiated, and it was full of shouts of laughter. In the shower, it was rough; all grunts and moans as they battled for dominance. And then there were those unexpected places--Blair's office, the library, Jim's truck...Sex in those places was always wild and exhilarating, the thrill of being found out adding delightful excitement to the encounters. But upstairs in their bed, it was all about love. It was gentle, almost reverent. It was about committing to one another with their bodies. It was the definition of forever.

Jim removed Blair's clothes, then settled him back on the bed. Never breaking eye contact, they stared at one another while Jim stripped and crawled on top of him. "I love you," Jim whispered, dipping his head to cover Blair's mouth. He traced those full lips with his tongue, teasing his way inside, until they were nearly drowning in one another.

Blair reflexively arched upward when the first of Jim's fingers entered him, then he forced himself down to take more of it inside him. Jim no longer asked permission before this most intimate act. Blair no longer requested his presence. They had long passed the point where their bodies were their own and could only be entered by invitation or request. Blair belonged to Jim as much as Jim belonged to himself, as much as he belonged to Blair. Asking for this would have seemed, at the very least, redundant.

The grace with which they made love still surprised Jim. He sheepishly admitted, but only to himself, that it made him proud. It was like they were dancing a beautiful ballet, their bodies effortlessly joining and moving together in what had to be a holy ordained dance that would please even the most fickle of the gods.

Jim's cock was poised at Blair's anus and with a whispered, "I love you," Jim pushed inside. He slowly but steadily worked his way deeper. Head back, eyes closed, his heart fluttered with unbridled joy at the hot tightness locked around his penis. The connection deepened, becoming more than just this one, physical link between them. Jim could hear their heartbeats coming into sync--Blair's rushing a bit to catch up with Jim's, Jim's slowing down somewhat so Blair's wouldn't have so far to go. Next their breathing came on line, and then, finally, even the flow of their blood streams seemed indistinguishable.

This was always the danger point for Jim. The desire to zone-out; to simply immerse himself in the sights and sounds and textures that were Blair was intensely addicting at this moment.

"Talk to me," Blair whispered. They knew as long as Jim was speaking, there would be no zone out. "Tell me about forever."

Jim felt himself floating and for a minute he had to concentrate to get himself back into his head. He was all the way inside Blair now; his pelvis resting against that soft, inviting ass. He shifted slightly in preparation and kissed Blair's shoulder. He brushed his long hair to one side and exposed his alluring neck. "Forever is where we start," Jim answered finally. "Forever is just the beginning for you and me." He began to undulate now. At first it was just a hint of movement, more a pressure than anything else. And then he just barely withdrew, then pushed in deeper; withdrew a little more; settled back inside. "That might frighten some people," he whispered. "But it means freedom for us, Lover. Because there's no worries in forever. There's no wondering what may come tomorrow or the next day or the day after that because no matter where we are or what might happen, what we are, who we are, is as constant as the sun. There's no questions in forever. There's no chance. There's only you and me. Always. Forever."

"I love you," Blair whispered, mildly pushing up to meet Jim's gentle thrusts. They were in flawless rhythm now, the euphoria even greater than catching the perfect wave.

Jim kept them at that smooth and steady pace; trying to keep the connection for as long as he could. He reached around and shooed Blair away from his own erection. Now he pumped the younger man's cock in time to his thrusts and together they rode the rolling waves of passion and desire with thundering hearts.

Jim sensed an indefinable hint of release. Blair took a deep breath and Jim knew he had felt it too. With timing possible only between a Sentinel and his Guide, they whispered identical "I love you's" and came together, the power of the climax doubled by their connection.

The sheer force of their release always brought with it a brief, out-ofbody experience that let them float above the bed and fondly look down upon their earthly vessels as they lay entwined and still connected.

And then it was over.

Jim extracted himself and resituated Blair so he could hold him tight. He sighed when Blair tucked his head onto his shoulder and nestled in closer. "I love you, I love you, I love you," Blair whispered over and over again, his voice drowsy as Jim lulled him nearer to sleep with his own soft whispers and gentle pets.

Jim could never have explained to Carolyn that the strength she saw as a wall to get behind, Blair saw as a quality to treasure. Jim loved comforting and soothing Blair, he loved supporting and nurturing him. There was some need deep inside him, maybe that Blessed Protector gene, he thought with a wry grin, that made him want to cherish Blair every possible way he could. It was an instinct that never failed to make Carolyn bristle--she saw it as condescension and sexism--Jim trying to be the big, strong man to her helpless female. Jim had never been able to explain to her that it was simply the way he loved.

Blair, of course, had known instinctively. Even before they became lovers, he never once complained about Jim's protective nature, which surprised Jim when he thought back on it. Blair had been the most individual, independent person he'd ever met. He had friends in every nook and cranny of Cascade, but he did a lot of things alone, like going to movies, museums, and restaurants. He dated, both men and women, but always casually, never investing himself. He never seemed lonely so much as alone. Shortly after he moved in with Jim, he had admitted, with adorable shyness, that Jim was the closest friend he'd ever had. "Keep that in mind in case I goof up," he'd said, bouncing on the heels of his feet.

Given Blair's solo style, Jim thought his demeanor would alienate the kid. Blair had explained his easy acceptance with a philosophical shrug. "I knew from the beginning that I was yours and you were mine," he'd said when Jim finally asked him about it. "You protect what's yours. It's one of the most basic human characteristics there is."

And it wasn't like Blair didn't play the role of caregiver as well. He was the one who worried over Jim's diet and his work schedule; whether he was sleeping enough or driving himself too hard. And Blair was the one who monitored Jim's senses and made sure the Sentinel could function without undo concern for his safety. Jim thought of the multitude of times he had shouted in frustration, "I can't do this! I can't do it!" And all Blair had to do was put his hand on Jim's arm and say in that soft, deep voice of his, "Jim, man, you can do anything. Just concentrate." And like a child, Jim believed him every time.

Jim smiled and snuggled down into the sheets. He would have to remind Blair about that the next time the kid had an attack of selfdoubt. Hopefully those spells would get fewer and fewer until they disappeared altogether.

Jim shifted his sleeping lover into a position that would let them both sleep comfortably. He was finally getting drowsy. Tomorrow he would tell Simon about them, though he suspected his captain already knew. They were pretty tight, and Simon was sharper than most. Still, Jim wanted it out there, on the table. He'd tell his family next, but not for awhile. Jim knew his family would be surprised to say the least. His father and brother would have more trouble with it than his mom and his sister, but anything short of elation would frighten Blair, so Jim decided to wait until Blair was in a calmer, more confident place.

With a grin, Jim imagined how best to instill that confidence in the kid. Mmm, if this was a mid-life crisis, he sure as hell hoped he wouldn't come out of it any time soon. Given their age differences-- and a little luck--about the time he was growing out of his, hopefully Blair would just be starting one. That would give them a good fifteen year run of this mind-blowing stuff before they settled down into comfortable, old predictability. Jim chuckled and the sound brought an answering smile to Blair's lips. The younger man mumbled under his breath before throwing a leg over both of Jim's and very nearly climbing on top of him. Jim stifled an "Oomph!" when most of Blair's weight settled over him, and then he chuckled again.

He'd give the kid another hour on the Ellison mattress, then he'd scoot him off to the side so he could sleep.

Blair shifted and sighed contentedly. His hot breath waft over Jim's chest and his soft hair tickled along after it. "Mmm, Jim...love..."

Okay, maybe two...three at the most. But then he had to get some sleep.

[The End]