Author's webpage: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/3281

Author's disclaimer: UPN and Pet Fly own all "The Sentinel" characters. Original folks are mine. I didn't get paid for this, and I'm not trying to infringe on anyone's copyrights. Just sharing a story with friends.

Author's notes: This story is an AU of sorts, as I am picking up at the end of the second season, as if the third is not happening.

Thank You: To Virginia Call and Emily Brunson, my dynamite beta-readers, and all the wonderful people who sent comments on my previous stories, and those few brave souls who came right out and asked for this one!

Blair wiggled his nose, vaguely aware of something soft brushing beneath it. Unwilling to give up the peace of closed eyes, he snuggled further under the covers, groping around for Jim. All he got was the tickle under his nose again, and the very distinct scent of roses. With a spreading grin, he opened his eyes.

Jim was kneeling on the bed, leaning over him, brushing a single red rose under Blair's nose. Having been unsure how his male lover would react to a dozen red roses, Jim had taken the risk and had them delivered to the loft the previous afternoon. Blair had set the day aside to work on his dissertation at home, so it was the perfect time to catch him off guard.

The kiss in the car in front of thee Cascade P.D. had caught the both off guard. Jim still had mixed feelings about "coming out" at work, but he couldn't let those misgivings make Blair feel he had any doubts about the "rightness" of their relationship. That was right, perfect, and meant to be, in Jim Ellison's opinion.

A couple of the roses had been sacrificed the night before when Jim had the inspiration of sprinkling his beautiful, naked lover with rose petals while he lay on the bed, waiting. Then he had taken Blair with a gentleness he didn't know he was capable of, prolonging their pleasure, tasting as much of his lover's body as he could while they were joined.

"Good morning," Blair greeted sleepily, still smiling, capturing the hand that held the rose with his own. "Come back to bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Jim discarded his robe and quickly slid under the covers. Winter was coming early to Cascade, with these October nights and early mornings dipping into the 20's.

With a warm bundle of Blair in his arms, it didn't take long to warm up again. He handed the other man the rose, and then kissed his lips gently.

"Last night was beautiful, sweetheart. Thank you."

"For me too. I love you, mine." Blair reached up and caressed Jim's face. "I'll always love you, no matter what."

"Sounds kind of ominous, baby." Jim captured the hand and kissed it, then held it against his chest.

"I mean, even if things get difficult...nothing could ever make me leave you--unless you told me to go."

"Then you're here for the duration, Chief." Jim pulled Blair firmly into his arms, squeezing him just tightly enough to make his point, but not to leave bruises.

"I'm glad Carolyn was such an idiot."

"Come again?" Jim pulled back.

"Gee, thanks, Jim. I probably will in a little while."

"Smart ass," Jim chided, laughing. "You know what I meant." He leaned forward and kissed the end of Blair's nose.

"I said that I was glad Carolyn was such an idiot. She let you get away, so then I could have you." Blair busied himself kissing a hot trail down Jim's throat to his chest. Then he snuggled back into the warm nest of Jim's arms and the heavy comforter, seeming content to rest there, settled tightly against his lover.

"I'm glad for whatever chain of events brought us here."

"Did anything happen yesterday when you went in?"

"They hadn't painted my desk pink or anything, no." Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and let one hand rub lazy circles on the smooth skin of his back.

"I'm serious, man."

"I know." Jim was quiet a minute. "Nothing major. Things were a bit chilly in the break room when I ran into a couple guys from Vice."

"Not the same two who saw us?"

"No. Patterson and Miller saw us. This was Hank Andrews and some new guy."

"News probably travels pretty fast."

"Well, within Vice, I reckon they pretty much know. Since most of the people who work at the P.D. are reasonably busy, it'll take the news a little bit of time to make it to all the departments. That is, to all the people who have any real interest in who their co-workers are sleeping with."

"Did you tell Simon?"

"Is that okay with you?"

"You did? Yeah, I think that's great, Jim. Hey, I would've taken out a wedding announcement in the Cascade Herald if I could have."

"Wedding. You know, that makes me think...we still haven't really said all those words to each other yet."

"Jim, about Simon--"

"Well, I told him that I wanted to be the one to tell him, because I figured he'd be hearing about it pretty soon. I said that you and I were in love, that we were committed to each other, and considered ourselves a couple."

"What did he say?"

"Before or after he passed out?"

"Jim, dammit, I'm serious," Blair declared, completely unsuccessful at not smiling back at the sappy, lovesick face looking down at him.

"He sat there for a minute and looked kind of dazed. I kind of thought the shock had killed him at first, but then he moved again--"

"Jim, I swear to God, I wanna hear the serious version."

"Okay. Sorry. He did reel a little, and then he asked me how long. I said a few months now, since early summer. He nodded, like he had known all along, and then he said he hoped I knew what I was getting into."

"Gee, remind me to thank him for that one."

"He didn't mean you, baby." Jim cuddled his lover a little closer and kissed him, this time poking a little with his tongue until he was finally admitted. Blair was almost always responsive, but next to sex, talking was one of his favorite pastimes. He wasn't thrilled to be interrupted in the middle of either one. Jim released the soft lips reluctantly. He'd have much preferred to spend the early morning hours making love. "He meant the attitudes of people at the station, society in general, etc."

"What did you say?"

"That I had never been happier, and no archaic social prejudice was going to take that away from me, and that I didn't see it as any problem in our working relationship. I also pointed out to him that even in the brief time when Carolyn and I were actually getting along in our marriage, we were able to behave professionally around each other at work, and still collaborate without ducking into the nearest closet for a quickie. I assured him you and I wouldn't be any less professional when we were together in the bullpen, or doing police business."

"Guess we can't make out during stakeouts then, huh?"

"Just the dead end ones." They shared a little chuckle, and as it faded, Jim continued. "Seriously, he was pretty calm about it. He just told me to be prepared to take some heat, and not to be surprised if the powers that be tried to make things a bit dicey for me at times."

"You don't think that the other guys would ever...you know...not back you up or something like that?"

"I like to think I work with professionals. My significant other's gender shouldn't be a basis for whether or not I get back-up."

"It shouldn't be, but Jim...God, if anything happened to you because of us--"

"It won't. Don't even worry about it." Jim held the smaller body close.

"I'd die if I lost you."

"No you wouldn't. It might feel like it at first, but you'd survive. Because I'd want you to. That would be your tribute to me--to survive it, and live, and be happy. Besides, I'd be waiting for you on the other side so we could pick up where we left off when you got there--many, many years later when you were old."

"I hate this conversation, Jim. I don't want to talk about that. Ever."

"Shhh." Jim felt a little tremor run through Blair's body. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now--not when I finally have the sexiest lover on earth."

"What did Simon really say to all of it--after he'd said all the captain stuff, what was the friend stuff?"

"That he knew we were in for a long, hard road, bucking the tide, but that he hoped we were happy together, and he wouldn't be giving us any hassles. He said he'd support us as much as he could."

"I kind of hoped that's how he'd react."

"You know, all this talking is nice, but we've got a whole Saturday to ourselves, and I can think of things I'd rather do."

"Do you really want to say the words?"

"What?"

"What you said about weddings--and that we hadn't said those words. Do you want to?"

"Yes."

"Maybe we could plan our own. I mean, a marriage is between two people anyway, so why do we need for it to be legal or sanctioned by anyone?"

"We don't. There are a few things we need to do legally--I want to be sure you have my power of attorney for business and medical situations in case I'm down for the count. Otherwise, you could run into taking a back seat to Stephen, if they could even track him down."

"Good idea. I want that too."

"What about Naomi?"

"You think tracking Stephen would be tricky? Man, I'd be dead three times over before they could find her."

"Are you feeling okay, sweetheart? I'm getting the feeling you're keeping us talking."

"No, I wasn't doing that at all," Blair responded, a little too defensively.

"Sore from last night?" Jim asked gently, kissing Blair's forehead.

"Kind of," Blair admitted quietly.

"I wasn't thinking about doing that again, baby. It's too soon."

"I seems like I ought to be able to do it more than once a week, Jim. I guess I'm just uptight or too small or something." Blair exhaled in frustration. "It feels good when we actually do it, but it hurts afterwards."

"It's my giant, throbbing rod of manhood that's the problem. It's just too damned huge for you." Jim smiled as Blair laughed out loud, for quite a few seconds. "It's not that funny, Chief." He reached around and swatted Blair's rear end.

"Hey!" Blair started a little, but Jim stifled the protest with a kiss as he stroked the offended cheek.

"It'll take your mind off your asshole for a minute."

"You're such a poet, man." Blair was smiling again, snuggling back into Jim's arms.

"We'll get used to everything eventually," Jim responded. "If this is truth time, after the last time you topped, I walked around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame most of the next day. Man, it killed my back."

"You're the one who wanted to be on your back and folded up like a pretzel."

"You're heavier than you look, you meaty little devil."

"Pure muscle--oh, yeah, and throbbing manhood, too." Blair grinned as Jim chuckled a little.

"The sex is great though."

"Yeah. Even if it kills us both."

"Now Simon'll know why we're walking funny all the time."

"Argh!" Blair dropped his forehead to Jim's chest, and the larger man smiled, wondering what wonderful shade of red his lover's expressive face was turning.

"Right now I just want to kiss you senseless. The rest'll figure itself out," Jim concluded, swooping down on Blair. Lips met and tongues dueled, sharing prolonged, lazy Saturday morning kisses. Hands traveled and explored, and before long, Blair thrust upward against Jim, beginning an energetic and passionate frenzy of humping that led them both to their completion.

Blair stretched up for a kiss, then wrapped a leg around Jim's to seal their sticky, sated bodies together as they dozed and enjoyed the afterglow.

Blair sorted through the papers in his "In" box. He had jokingly told Jim that he guessed he was really official now, since people could leave stuff for him to do. One sheet of pale pink paper caught his eye. He pulled it out of the stack of white memos and inter-office envelopes and scanned it. It was his copy of a memo to Jim regarding a case they had worked on with Vice a few weeks back. //Since when does Vice send out memos in pink?// Blair rifled through his lover's "In" box and found his copy of the memo, also on pink paper.

"Getting love letters in your box again, Sandburg?" Jim teased, taking a hold of Blair's desk chair and moving the rolling chair with the other man in it to the side so he could sit down and get his knees under the desk.

"We both got one. From Vice."

"It's just an update on the Hill case." Jim shrugged and tossed it aside. "What is it?" He noticed that Blair was still staring at him.

"Don't you find it a little odd that the guys in Vice have suddenly become partial to pink?"

"Maybe that was all that was available in the copy room. I don't know." Jim pulled his own stack of paperwork in front of him and began sorting it.

"You can't stick your head in the sand here, Jim. You know what this is about."

"Even if this has something to do with us," Jim said quietly, "sending us pink memos is pretty harmless, juvenile stuff. They'll get tired of it."

"It's probably just the beginning."

"Let's not borrow trouble, Chief. Hand me that file over there, will ya?" Jim reached a little past Blair, and the younger man complied with the request, knowing it was useless to talk to Jim when he was determined to pretend there was nothing to talk about.

The balance of the morning passed in companionable silence, sorting and dealing with paperwork, making a few phone calls, and finally breaking for lunch. They ate together, parked in the most remote corner of WonderBurger's parking lot, feeding each other and sharing kisses in between bites.

The blare of a car horn startled them in the middle of a particularly prolonged kiss. Jim heaved a sigh of relief and laughed when he looked over his shoulder to see Ryf and Brown parked next to them, waving and smiling. Ryf got out, assuming a very official stance and motioned Jim to roll down the window.

"Okay, I'm gonna have to take you guys in for lewd and lascivious behavior," he announced, hooking his thumbs in his belt in his best impression of a country sheriff. "The public ordinances expressly prohibit tonsil-cleaning in parking lots."

"It was all his idea," Jim retorted with a grin, pointing at Blair.

"He abducted me and threatened to do nasty things to me," Blair replied, laughing.

"So, ah, when did this happen?" Ryf was grinning conspiratorially.

"This summer," Jim responded, looking distinctly smug.

"I heard a couple rumors, but I thought it was just the usual crap. You gettin' any heat from the brass?"

"Simon's okay with it. Beyond that, I haven't heard anything. We were spotted kissing in the parking lot by a couple guys in Vice, so that's probably where the gossip started."

"So when were you going to clue us in?" Brown hollered from the car.

"We haven't exactly put out announcements," Jim responded.

"Then you better quit eating each other's tongues for lunch," Ryf jabbed good-naturedly as he got back in the driver's seat of the car. "Congratulations, by the way.

"Thanks," both voices came out in unison. As Ryf and Brown pulled out of the other parking spot and headed toward the building, where they drove through the drive-up to get lunch, Jim grinned at his lover.

"Honest-to-God, Sandburg, I never saw any liberated neo-hippie blush as often as you do." He reached over and stoked Blair's warm face. "You're cute when you're blushing." Jim snickered as that turned Blair even redder and he ducked his head. "Now, Ryf and Brown didn't stone us, did they?"

"They're our friends."

"And we have a lot of friends. The juvenile morons who send us memos on pink paper aren't enough of an issue to get upset about. Oh, hey, I stopped by this new bookstore on the way back from talking to Garvey," Jim began, referring to a snitch he'd met with before joining Blair in the bullpen. He produced a bag from under the driver's seat and handed it to Blair. "Take a look."

"You seriously bought these?" Blair's eyes widened to saucers as he perused the titles: "'1001 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed', 'The Art of Sensual Massage'," Blair read aloud, stunned. "You didn't like, shoplift these out under your coat or something?" Blair watched as Jim laughed hard enough to blow part of his cola through his nose. A few gasps and curses later, he composed himself.

"No, Blair, I didn't steal them. I picked them out and bought them. I'm over 18. If I want to pick up a book on how to have sex while hanging by my toes from the ceiling, it's my business. Although I admit to chickening out on the one with two naked guys on the cover."

"I'm usually the research person around here."

"Well, we've been experimenting on each other, which has gone pretty well, but I think we both need to relax more, especially when we have sex all the way--penetration. Neither one of us are real comfortable after being on the bottom for that. Maybe these'll help. It'll be fun trying, anyway."

"I really love you, do you know that?" Blair said, very somberly.

"And I adore you, sweetheart," Jim leaned over and kissed Blair lightly on the lips.

"Think we should get back?"

"Yeah. Here. Better stash those babies under the seat." He took the books back from Blair and returned them to their hiding place.

Blair lay on his stomach on the bed, relaxing under the gentle pressure of Jim's strong hands, kneading his muscles and rubbing away all the tensions of the day. The fact Jim had one of the new books open on the bed and kept glancing at it as he worked was just more of a turn-on to Blair. Jim loved him enough to do research on how to make him feel good. He purred a little at that thought, and was glad that Jim was taking that as an affirmation of his massage technique.

"You're tensed up, baby," Jim said softly, still working on shoulder muscles that wouldn't lose their stiffness. "Anything unusual going on at the U?"

"Not really...well, I guess there was Nicole."

"Nicole? She a student of yours?" Jim moved to the middle of Blair's back now, rubbing gently.

"Yeah. Freshman. She's pregnant. Just found out yesterday, and she was really freaked out. She thinks her parents'll drag her back home, and the guy doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby. She was really upset. Crying... Man, I wanted to help her. I just didn't know how."

"I'm sure you did, baby. Just listening is sometimes everything, and you're a master at that." Jim's hands were interrupted when Blair rolled over to look up at him.

"I love you, mine." He reached up and laid a hand on Jim's face, watching it break into that beautiful Ellison smile he'd come to love so much.

"Love you too." Jim caught the hand and kissed the palm, then held it close to his face.

"Make love to me? I mean for real--all the way?"

"You sure?"

"I want to get as close to you as I can. I'm sure about that. I just really need to feel you inside me."

Jim carefully lowered himself to cover the smaller body beneath him, supporting part of his weight on his elbows. Blair's arms went around his neck and pulled down his full weight. Jim slid his arms around his lover and turned them on their sides, where they settled and kissed for long minutes.

"How do you want to do it, sweetheart? On your side?"

"No. I want to sit in your lap sort of, so we can really hold each other--face to face."

"It'll be a deep penetration, baby. I don't want to hurt you."

"We'll take it slow. That's how I wanna do it...if you want to."

"As long as it's with you, I want to do it." Jim leaned in for another prolonged kiss, then lost himself in exploring Blair's body with lips and tongue. He trailed kisses down the strong jawline, dipped below the chin to kiss and suck at the tender skin of his lover's throat. He smiled at the little sigh that escaped slightly parted lips as Blair's head dropped back into the pillow, exposing his throat for Jim's attentions.

Jim tuned every sense to his lover's body. Blair's heart was beating a bit faster from their lovemaking, but there was an edge of tension and nervousness missing from his muscles and his respiration. //Maybe tonight will be easier,// Jim hoped fervently. The sex was always wonderful, but it had been leaving pain in its wake, and even the thought that this would eventually get easier and more natural-feeling didn't change the unease Jim felt at hurting Blair in any way. They had been lovers for months now, and while they didn't perform this one act often, they always made it special and took their time. It seemed it should be pretty comfortable by now.

A gentle hand brushed over Jim's head, cradling it against Blair's chest as his mouth fastened on a hardening nub there. There was a little moan of pleasure from Blair as he arched up to meet the stimulation, sliding his fingers through Jim's soft hair.

Blair smiled to himself when he thought of how he had accomplished making Jim Ellison the ex-military cop actually grow some visible hair. He had been sure the already stunning face would look much more handsome framed by a more substantial amount of hair, and it did. His constant stroking of the short hair and comments on how soft he thought it would probably be, and how much he would love to run his fingers through Jim's hair for a change had worked their magic.

Jim finally abandoned the second nipple after torturing it to a painful hardness, and nibbled his way down Blair's stomach, swirling his tongue around the navel and nipping at the sensitive skin beneath it. He was rewarded with just what he was after--Blair started giggling. Nipping and nuzzling at his lover's most vulnerable tickle zone, he had Blair in a frenzy of combined arousal and uncontrollable laughter. Finally having mercy, he turned his attentions to the smooth skin of Blair's hips, then moved down to the thighs, blatantly ignoring the straining erection right in front of him.

He'd read something in one of his new books about the backs of the knees being a sensitive spot during sex. He couldn't remember a woman ever giving him a "knee job" before, but he figured he'd experiment on Blair. He gently gripped his lover's right leg and lifted it up, exposing the back of the thigh and knee for his attentions. He kissed, licked, and nipped at the back of Blair's thigh. He already knew that worked. He resisted the urge to dip lower and give Blair a rimming to remember. All in good time.

Finished with the thigh, he launched his assault on the back of Blair's knee. He got the strangled little groans and mumbles of his name that meant it was working. He smiled a little, then treated the other leg to the same sweet torment.

"Jim...help me here, man...I'm dying..." Blair whined.

"Patience, sweetheart. Hang on for me a little longer," Jim whispered against the tender skin of Blair's groin. //Now if I can hang on and not come all over him before we get to the main event,// Jim thought, noting the growing discomfort of his own erection that was demanding attention.

Gently lowering Blair's legs to the mattress, he reached over his lover and snagged the lube from the nightstand. In a move as coordinated as any made by professional dancers, Jim returned to his spot between Blair's legs while Blair drew his knees up, exposing his center. Before beginning his preparations with the lube, Jim leaned forward and ran his tongue over the little pucker and then kissed it. Blair shivered delightfully in response.

Jim smiled to himself as Blair relaxed quite easily this time, accepting the progression of one, two and then three fingers with greater ease than usual, rocking with the motion of Jim's fingers.

"I'm going to scoot up on the bed, baby. Then you straddle my lap, okay?" Jim managed, wondering where he was getting the control not to just plunge into that greased, prepared passage while Blair still had his legs apart.

"Yeah, just do it, man," Blair gasped out in reply.

Once Jim was situated, his partner straddled his lap, and lined up the opening of his body with Jim's aching shaft.

"Slowly," Jim whispered, getting a good grip on Blair's waist so he could help him control the speed at which he was impaled. His eyes drifted shut as he felt the delicious sensations of being swallowed up by the tight heat of Blair's body.

Blair's expressive face hid nothing. There was the initial adjustment to the intrusion, the sensations and emotions that were going through his mind and body as he was filled with Jim's length. When his buttocks finally came to rest on Jim's groin, Blair let out a little groan at the depth of the penetration.

"Don't move yet, baby. Relax," Jim ground out, his own head dropping back against the pillows as he made every effort not to move. He'd never gone that deep, and the feeling was beyond intense. And though it was taking him a moment, Blair was accepting him more easily than he ever had before.

And then that beautiful, sweaty, naked body impaled on him started to move slowly, almost experimentally at first. Jim remembered that Blair wanted them to be able to hold each other, and he maneuvered them slightly so he could wrap his arms around Blair, with the smaller man's arms around his neck and legs coming together around his back.

"Oh, man..." Jim gasped as he drank in the sensations of being totally joined to Blair. Their bodies were as close as possible, physically joined in every way. He began to let go of some of the controls, moving in rhythm with Blair, trapping his lover's shaft between them so it was maddened by the friction of their contact.

Blair had been reduced to the occasional outcry of pleasure, his retinue of vocabulary stripped away by the heat of their sex. Jim was surprised to feel the sting of a love bite on his neck, and then the hot, wet mouth soothing it. He pulled Blair's head up in line with his own and plundered his mouth, tongue demanding entrance and receiving no resistance. He thrust his tongue in and out of Blair's willing mouth, mimicking what the rest of their bodies were doing.

Blair tore his mouth away first, gasping for air, and letting out one cry of Jim's name before his seed spilled between them, and the spasms of his body dragged a climax out of Jim, who called out Blair's name in a series of little gasps, and then one prolonged shout as he filled his lover's body.

The smaller body was draped over Jim's, boneless and sated. Jim had collapsed back into the pillows, holding Blair close, their bodies still joined. When he had softened enough to withdraw easily, Jim began to pull out of Blair, but was stopped in his tracks.

"No. I want to stay this way." The voice was sleepy and almost slurred.

"For a couple minutes more, sweetheart." Jim smiled into the warm mop of curls under his nose. "I love you so much. God I love you." He tightened his hold on Blair as much as he dared without hurting him.

"I love you too, mine. Always and forever. For better or for worse. No matter what."

"Always and forever. For better or for worse, no matter what," Jim repeated, realizing what Blair was doing. The other man raised up a little so they could look into each other's eyes.

"I do," Blair said, grinning a little.

"I do," Jim added, pulling Blair in for a gentle kiss.

"I don't want this to end," Blair murmured, still resisting Jim's movement to withdraw. There was a neediness in the statement that tore at Jim's heart. Jim wasn't sure if Blair meant their physical union or their love.

"We're always going to love each other, baby. That won't ever end."

"That was...oh, man, that was...amazing," Blair concluded, smiling and kissing Jim again, playfully this time. He finally didn't resist Jim's movement to ease out of him, and settled into the strong arms that wrapped possessively around him.

"You okay?"

"Better than okay." Blair groaned luxuriously and started to drift with his head pillowed on Jim's chest.

"You have the most beautiful body," Jim whispered, running his hands up and down the smooth back.

"Yeah, right," Blair snorted a little laugh. "This from Mr. Universe."

"Don't laugh about it, sweetheart. I mean it. Beautiful bodies come in every shape and size. Yours is just plain beautiful (a neck kiss), and perfect (a shoulder kiss), and delicious." Jim fastened his mouth on the sweet flesh of Blair's neck, leaving a substantial passion mark, then licked lovingly over it.

"We're going to have hickies tomorrow," Blair giggled.

"Big ones. Probably show, too." Jim rolled them on their sides.

"Was I smooshing you?"

"Breathing is kind of nice," Jim responded with a little grin.

"That was wonderful...I think it was the best one yet."

"No arguments," Jim agreed, smiling. "Did I hurt you?"

"That's what's so weird. I mean, I can feel it, but it's not really pain."

"You were more relaxed."

"Yeah. Maybe the massage book paid off," Blair planted a little kiss on Jim's chin, too sleepy to make it up to his lips.

"Love you. Time for sleep, huh?"

"Mmmhm." A rather long and loud yawn came from the spot where Blair had tucked his head under Jim's chin.

While Blair slipped off into sleep, Jim held him and let his own mind and body wind down for the night. At the back of his mind, a little voice was nagging: //You haven't heard the end of this coming out business, Ellison. You're just waiting for the other shoe to drop...//

He unconsciously tightened his embrace on his sleeping lover and joined him on the plane of dreams.

"Hey, Blair, how's it goin'?" Julie, Blair's student assistant, barely looked up as he entered his office. She was sitting Indian-style on the floor, partially buried in papers.

"Filing day, huh?" he asked cheerfully, tossing his backpack in his chair and turning on the speaker phone to listen to his voicemails.

"You're going to be working with those high school kids who are touring, right?"

"Yup, most of the day." He sat on the edge of his desk and started sorting mail as the messages played. One from a student who would be absent from class that evening, two from other professors who wanted him to cover classes, one from Jim, which he picked up the phone and listened to privately, and one from the Anthropology Department Chairman, Robert Tillman. He sounded way too serious for Blair's tastes. The momentary high of Jim's very affectionate message dissipated at the icy tones in the administrator's voice.

"Bad news?" Julie asked, noticing Blair's troubled expression.

"Just a summons from the boss. That's not usually good news for anybody," Blair concluded lightly, forcing a smile he didn't really feel. "He said ASAP, so I guess I better go find the old buzzard." Blair flashed her another grin, and she returned it, going back to her sorting project.

Blair approached Dr. Tillman's office and tapped on the door. The barked "come in" was not indicative of a man in a good mood.

"Sandburg, have a seat--oh, shut the door first," he ordered, barely sparing Blair a glance from the pile of papers on his desk.

"You wanted to see me?" Blair inquired, sitting in one of the chairs opposite the oversized desk, which was littered from one end to the other.

"We've had a complaint against you from one of your students."

"Who? Sam Keller? I stand behind flunking him on that last test. I don't care if he is the star quarterback."

"Not Sam Keller. Nicole Pierce."

"Nicole? She just came to me yesterday to...to talk," Blair finished, not wanting to divulge the girl's secret.

"What about?"

"What's the complaint?" Blair challenged.

"Sexual harassment. She said you propositioned her, and when she bent over to pick up her books, you fondled her rear end and told her to think about your offer." He leaned back in his chair, a look of satisfaction on his face. Blair and he had locked horns from the start, and having the grad student right where he wanted him did not seem an unpleasant situation for the professor.

"That's a lie. I never touched her--well, I might have put my hand on her shoulder, because she was crying, but I never did anything inappropriate."

"At this point, she doesn't want to file criminal charges, but since she has made this complaint, there will be a hearing regarding disciplinary action through the University."

"Hold on. You're just assuming I did this?"

"No. There will be a hearing. If it's determined that you're guilty, Rainier will take the appropriate disciplinary actions."

"Which would be what?"

"This is a very serious breach of ethics, Sandburg. The best case scenario would be the loss of your teaching fellowship but you would still be allowed to complete your dissertation here without financial assistance from the University. The worst case scenario would be your dismissal from Rainier altogether."

"How am I supposed to defend myself? It was just the two of us in my office with the door closed. I didn't do anything--I just don't know how to prove that."

"I'm afraid that's your problem. I'm sure the committee will hear your side of things with an open mind. Character witnesses would be advisable."

"How long until there's a hearing?"

"Most likely next week. I'll let you know when in a day or so, when it's scheduled. As for the girl, she's been dropped from your class by the Registrar's Office at the direction of the Dean of Students. She asked that if you have any papers of hers, you return them immediately--via mail. She further has stipulated that if you make any attempts to call or visit her, she will press criminal charges of sexual assault. So do yourself a favor and stay away from her."

"This is ridiculous. Why would she do this to me? All I did was try to listen when she needed someone to talk to--"

"It wouldn't be unwise for you to speak to an attorney. If she presses criminal charges, you'll need one. If she sues you or the University, you should be prepared."

"Do you think she will?"

"My guess as to how this will play out is that if you're found guilty by the review board and dismissed from the University, she most likely won't sue. If she perceives that the University isn't policing its own, or punishing you properly for what you did to her, she'll probably sue."

"Then I'm dead in the water right now and you know it. If my being dismissed is the difference between her suing and not suing--"

"Nothing like that has been suggested to anyone who will serve on the committee. That was an unofficial assessment, Blair." There was a drop of sympathy in the older man's voice, that slight softening that comes when you've finally decimated the enemy and can afford to be magnanimous.

"I didn't do anything wrong, I swear I didn't. I never would do something like that to a student. Besides, I'm not even trying to pick anybody up. I'm with someone permanently, in a committed relationship--"

"I had the pleasure of watching your little display in the parking lot the other day."

"What 'little display'?"

"Necking in the car."

"We never--Jim kissed me good-bye, but that was it."

"Whatever," the other man concluded with a distasteful expression.

"If your wife dropped you off for work and kissed you goodbye, you wouldn't consider it lewd behavior. Why is this any different?"

"I don't plan to debate social mores with you, Sandburg. I'll be in touch about the hearing date. I have another appointment coming in shortly, so if you'll excuse me..."

"Right. Fine." Blair stood and strode out of the office, realizing that arguing with Tillman would be akin to beating his head against a brick wall, only slightly less productive.

"You're still in one piece, that's a good sign," Julie joked as Blair returned to his office.

"I, uh, I gotta take care of something. Could you call Tammy in the Education office and tell her that I can't take that tour around?" He picked up his back pack and headed for the door.

"Sure."

Blair didn't even hear her reply as he hurried down the hall.

Sitting on an empty bench in a courtyard that was all but deserted in the chilly fall weather, Blair dialed Jim's number at the station on his cell phone.

"Ellison," came the lackluster reply.

"Jim, it's me."

"Hey, Chief. What's up?" His voice immediately brightened.

"I...I just needed to hear your voice, that's all."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Blair retorted a little too quickly. "I just missed you."

"Something happened. Come on, sweetheart, you can tell me." Jim's soft voice and the endearment were the last straw. Blair felt his throat closing, but resisted the urge to really lose it. He was just plain scared, and he wanted Jim. That's all there was to it.

"I'm in trouble. I don't mean danger or anything. I'm okay. I...I just...I don't know what to do..."

"Where are you?"

"At the U, but I'm going home. I'll be okay."

"I'll meet you there in half an hour," Jim responded.

"You're at work."

"You take priority, you know that, baby," Jim whispered softly into the phone. "Just try to calm down and go home. I'll be right there."

"Love you, mine."

"You too." Jim broke the connection and Blair folded up his phone and tucked it in his backpack. He took a deep breath, picked up his pack and headed for the loft.

Jim opened the door to the loft and located Blair immediately where he sat in the corner of the couch, knees drawn up with his arms around them.

"Blair? What's wrong?" Jim locked the door behind him and tossed his keys in the basket.

"Remember Nicole--the girl I told you was pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"She's accusing me of sexual harassment. She says I propositioned her and fondled her. Jim, I didn't touch her. I'd never do something like that. The most I did was touch her shoulder because she was crying. I didn't do anything wrong but they could throw me out and she might sue the U and--"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jim chided gently, sitting down close to Blair. "First of all, come here." Jim held out his arms and Blair went into them gratefully. "Everything is going to be okay. I don't know how, but things will work out somehow. I know you didn't do anything wrong, and I know you wouldn't hurt one of your students that way."

"I wouldn't cheat on you with anybody, Jim."

"I know that too." Jim slid his hand into the soft hair and pressed Blair's head against his shoulder. "I want you to relax. I know that's hard, but just try to calm down a little. I'm right here. You're not in this alone, okay?"

"Okay." Blair nodded a little. Jim could feel a slight decrease in the previously thundering heartbeat.

"Good boy. Just relax." He rubbed Blair's back slowly, concentrating on just holding him close and getting him calm. "Now tell me, slowly, what happened. And remember that I'm on your side. I don't care how bad it sounds, okay?" He smiled as Blair nodded again, and began his story with Nicole's visit and her teary revelation of her pregnancy and how he had tried to comfort her and offer her some kind of advice about talking to her family. The visit had ended with her thanking him for his time and concern, and her departure. The only touch had been a hand on the shoulder when she was crying.

"I don't know why she'd do something like this to me."

"Think. Have you ever had her in a class before--maybe flunked her?"

"I remember the people I flunk, because fortunately, there aren't that many. She isn't one of them. Besides, she's a freshman, and it's her first semester."

"How're her grades in your class?"

"Average. C's mostly, an occasional B if she works at it."

"Okay. Could she be related to or involved with anyone who might have an axe to grind--an angry student, whatever?"

"I don't know, Jim. How could I know that?" Blair snapped.

"Look, I know you're upset, but you've got to use that first-rate brain of yours to figure this out. She's never threatened criminal charges, huh?"

"No--she actually told Tillman she didn't want to press criminal charges because she didn't want to have to go through all that. She really only reported it to him for the U to take disciplinary action. He made the remark that what they did would probably determine whether or not she sues Rainier--and me. If that's the case, I might as well pack up my stuff and leave voluntarily. I'm not worth a multi-million dollar lawsuit to them."

"You know why the little bitch doesn't want to press criminal charges?" Jim asked, his anger building with each passing minute. "She doesn't want to bring in the cops because then that authorizes someone to officially scrutinize her background, challenge her story, push her to produce some proof. She doesn't have what it takes to run with the big dogs. She's a damn lousy fraud and the only way she can pull this off is by hiding behind the University and making veiled threats about lawsuits, which also probably wouldn't hold water in court."

"But it wouldn't look too good in print."

"Whenever I've investigated a crime where the victim was still alive, I analyzed every shred I could dig up about that victim. Either to point me to the perp--or to verify that the story held water. Her refusal to press criminal charges is the slipperiest thing she could do to you, because you don't have any rights to investigate her. She can scream harassment and have a restraining order slapped on you if you go near her. Officially, I can't do it because the police haven't been called in. I don't know why, Chief, but this girl has had some damned fine advice on how to nail your ass to the wall."

"Tell me something I don't know." Blair shifted a little in Jim's arms, but made no attempt to move away. He was just getting comfortable, and Jim could feel a little of the tension leaving the taut muscles. //Major massage tonight,// Jim thought sympathetically, squeezing Blair a little.

"Can you get access to her personal data in the student database?"

"No, but Scott can."

"Who's Scott?"

"One of my former student employees. He works in the Student Services office, and they have all that stuff on a database there. He often looks stuff up for me on the QT."

"Such as?" Jim had a little smile in his voice.

"Sometimes, if a student is having a lot of problems, or flunking out, or harassing me, or whatever, I try to get to know them better. One way is by learning all I can about their background--where they come from, if they have parents, who they are, if they live alone, on campus or at home, their high school--that kind of thing. Scott looks students up for me all the time."

"Does he work on the database a lot, or would names stand out in his memory?"

"Scott has a bad memory when he wants to. The only reason he doesn't work for me anymore is because the number of hours teaching fellows can have student employee help was cut last year and Scott wanted the maximum number of hours he could get. So he had to switch to Student Services. But we still eat lunch together once in a while, you know, keep in touch. If I level with him, he'll help me. But I really don't want him to get in trouble."

"You would be a professor making an inquiry about a student. Do you think they'd fire him for answering you?"

"First, I'm not a professor. Second, the Student Services office doesn't just hand that information out to faculty. I mean general stuff, sure, but the Dean has to okay releasing a lot of personal stuff."

"But would they fire him for helping you if he thought you were trying to help a student?"

"Probably not. Dean Ryman is a pretty cool lady. She'd probably chew him out and let it go at that."

"Hopefully, no one will ever have to know. Look, call your pal Scott and get as much on her as you can."

"Then what?"

"Then we're going to investigate the hell out of her."

"But you can't do--" Blair was silenced by two gentle fingers over his mouth.

"We're going to beat this thing, sweetheart. Even if we have to sneak in the back door to do it." Jim removed his fingers and kissed the closed lips quickly. "Now go call Scott."

"Okay." Blair moved away a minute, then flung himself on Jim, arms going tightly around the other man's neck. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Jim said, laughing a little as he got his wind back from the impact of being hit with Blair at high speed.

Blair called his former student assistant, and was rewarded with Nicole Pierce's personal data, including her address, phone number, high school, parents' names, emergency contact names, and two conduct incident reports at Rainier. Apparently, Nicole and her roommate had been the subject of one disorderly conduct incident in the residence halls and Nicole herself had gotten in hot water for throwing a loud party after curfew.

"Well, not much on the surface," Jim said, scanning the information Blair had jotted down. "Okay, your job is to get your network of friends at the U mobilized. You know enough students, other grad students, teaching assistants--hell, even faculty--who will probably be willing to fill you in on anything they know. Blair, enough people know what kind of person you are. Your friends are going to stand by you."

"Not all of them."

"Not all of them, no. But most of them will. No matter what, most of them are going to know that you just couldn't do what she's saying you did."

"What're you going to do?"

"All the things I can't tell you about so you can't testify against me if I get caught." Jim kissed Blair's forehead and stood up again.

"I wouldn't do that, man."

"Well, if you don't know, you don't have to perjure yourself by saying you don't know. Will you be okay here?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Now," Blair responded, smiling. "Thanks for coming home."

"I'm glad you called me, baby." Jim leaned down for one more quick kiss. "I've gotta go. I have a few things I want to check on right away, and you have some people out at the U to talk to. Right?" Jim urged, smiling when Blair stood up.

"Aye Aye, Sir." He executed a sloppy salute.

"And when you're done with that, you're going to come home so I can have my way with you." He patted Blair's butt and then headed out the door, leaving his lover to ponder that thought.

The first person Blair went to see was Julie. His current student assistant was a sophomore, lived in a small apartment near the campus, and had a very active social life. She was an honor student who ate up learning with an appetite not dissimilar to Blair's, and in the brief time she'd been his student assistant, they'd become good friends. Blair knew all the ups and downs of her love life and her academic struggles, and Julie heard every frustrated groan about the dissertation, the administration and any other cause that might have caught Blair's attention that day.

Julie was in the middle of outlining a research paper when Blair arrived at her apartment. The cramped one-bedroom unit was cluttered with books, nick-knacks, and the general disarray of someone who had no fondness for housekeeping. As she moved a pile of magazines off the couch to clear a seat for Blair, he felt right at home.

"Well, we've established you don't want a soda, you don't need any help at the office, and I'm not fired. So why are you here?" she finally prodded, after all her chatty attempts at learning the purpose of Blair's visit were thwarted. Sitting on the other end of the couch with her legs gathered under her, dressed in old sweats with her blonde hair pulled back in a haphazard pony tail, she wasn't the neat, fashionable student that Blair saw every day now that she was in her home environment.

"Julie, I need your help. To get it, I have to do something pretty unethical. I need you to keep some things in confidence for me. Can you do that?"

"Sounds serious."

"I didn't kill anybody or anything," Blair hastened to assure with a nervous little smile. "Actually, I didn't do anything, but someone's saying I did, and I need some help to..."

"Get your fat out of the fire?"

"Yeah, you could say that," he said, laughing.

"Just tell me what's happening. I won't say anything."

"A student accused me of sexual harassment."

"That's ridiculous! If you were that kind of pervert I wouldn't let you in here."

"Do you know Nicole Pierce?"

"Vaguely. I went to a party of hers once. Got shut down by the campus cops. I left right when they were arriving. Good timing, I guess." She smiled a little. "She's saying you did something to her?"

"She claims I propositioned her and fondled her. She came to me with a personal problem, mainly just to have someone to talk to--or so I thought--and so I spent an hour or so with her, and the most I did was lay a hand on her shoulder. I never touched her anywhere else. I never would do that to a student."

"I know that, Blair. God, I trust you completely."

"Is that a good thing?" Blair raised his eyebrows.

"A little disappointing, maybe, but yeah, it's a good thing."

"Thanks, I needed that right now," he responded honestly, smiling at her little compliment. "I guess I'm just trying to find out why she'd want to do this to me. I'm not flunking her--I don't know her other than the fact she's in my Anthro 100 class this semester."

"Maybe you flunked that brain surgeon she's sleeping with."

"Who's that?"

"Bryan Tipton. He's a football player."

"Name isn't familiar, but I can look through my student records."

"I don't know Nicole real well. I got invited to her party because my sister, Jackie, is friends with Nicole's sister, Marti. They're both juniors at the same high school back home. They got talking and Marti told Nicole that I was here, and that I was Jackie's sister--and they're like, best friends. Anyway, Nicole invited me to the party because of that, but we didn't spend much time together. She spent most of the evening climbing on Bryan and drinking. There was pot at the party, I heard from someone. I smelled something funky, so I guess that must have been it. I was only there about an hour before I left. It sucked."

"Other than Bryan, do you know any of Nicole's other friends?"

"I'm in an English class with one of her suitemates. Her name's Pam something. Oh, God..." She winced as she tried to remember the girl's last name. "Sorry, Blair. I don't remember her last name. But I can find out. Anyhow, Pam's pretty nice, and a good student. Beyond that, I don't know if we have any of the same friends. Like I said, I don't know her too well--don't really care to."

"Hey, even this information helps. I just need to find out why she's targeted me."

"I won't say anything to anyone about it. But I hope you know that even if this gets out, nobody on campus is going to buy her story. I mean, I know you've dated a couple of the TA's, but I've always heard good things back about you from other students. None of the girls I know who've had your classes ever said you were anything but nice to them or helpful--and a couple of them were kind of pissed that they used their best tight mini skirts on visits to your office with no results."

"Julie, I-I'm in a relationship."

"This must be tricky then. But I'm sure Jim believes your side."

"He does, but--hey, how'd you know I was talking about Jim?"

"Oh, please! Whenever he stops by, all you two need are those little cartoon hearts floating around between you. You're so cute together. He's got it so bad for you he can't see straight." She giggled a little as Blair blushed furiously and covered his face with one hand. "Don't be embarrassed. I think it's sweet. You know, if you guys were out, Nicole's claim would look a lot sillier."

"We're sort of coming out. Not really intentionally. I mean, I don't care who knows, but Jim's a cop--"

"And that's not cool with the whole machismo thing on a police force. I can understand that."

"Well, we sort of outed ourselves by accident. He kissed me in front of the precinct."

"All right, Jim! That's so romantic."

"And so accidental. He just did it out of habit, because when he gives me a ride here--"

"Don't be so sure it was accidental. You know, sometimes our subconscious mind makes us do things we wouldn't ordinarily do. Jim's a pretty up-front kind of person, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Not a good liar?"

"Professionally, he's a master at it. Personally, he sucks at it." Blair smiled fondly at the thought, and Julie laughed.

"He's been living a lie by keeping your relationship in the closet. Maybe he outed himself without really knowing it's what he needed to do. But on some level, it wasn't an accident."

"I don't think Jim wanted to be out at work. Trust me on this one." Blair took a deep breath. "He loves being a cop, and being a gay cop is, like, such a challenge...I don't think he would have come out voluntarily." Blair hated the note of disappointment that showed up in his voice.

"That hurts, doesn't it?" Julie asked gently.

"Honestly?" Blair chewed his lower lip a moment before answering. "Yeah, it does. I know it shouldn't, and I told Jim I would play things however he wanted to about that...it's just...I don't know. I wish he was proud of us, in front of his friends." Blair smiled a little sheepishly. "Man, that psych major is sure paying off for you. You'll make a bundle once you go into practice." Blair knew he was blushing, and Julie grinned.

"I just know how I'd feel if someone I was with didn't tell their friends about it--kept it a secret. It would bother me a lot." Julie sighed. "I didn't mean that Jim wanted all the hassles that would go with it when I said he subconsciously wanted to come out. What I meant was that he's all sticky-sappy in love with you, and he's a very straightforward person, and I think those two things together made him want to come out. Not that he wanted to be harassed, but that he was tired of the...duplicity."

"That makes sense." Blair nodded, then caught sight of the clock on Julie's wall. "Oh, man, I better get going. I've got about ten thousand things to do before Jim gets home."

"You guys are so married." Julie shook her head, grinning again.

"Yeah, we are, aren't we?" Blair replied, standing up and heading for the door with a big stupid grin of his own.

"Hey--if I hear anything on the grapevine about Nicole, I'll fill you in. Meanwhile, let me give my sister a call and pump her for information."

"Don't tip her off, whatever you do."

"Blair." Julie raised her eyebrows. "Give me some credit here, huh?"

"Wouldn't underestimate you for a second, pal," he answered, chuckling a little as he left the apartment.

Blair visited a couple other friends from campus, trying to find out something more about Nicole Pierce. As dinnertime drew near, he found his visit with Julie had been the most fruitful, so he called it a day and stopped at the grocery store to pick up something to fix for dinner. It was Jim's turn to cook, but Blair decided to surprise him by having it done when he got home. Of course, that also gave them more of the evening free to kiss, cuddle and make out on the couch under the pretense of watching television.

Blair gathered his purchases, picked out a bottle of decent wine, and made his way through the check-out lines. His stomach was still twisted in a knot about the whole situation at Rainier, but a part of him couldn't contain the happiness he felt about his life with Jim. Julie was right--they were "so married". And they'd even exchanged vows the night before...and he'd come to this morning not feeling sore from the sex. He certainly knew it had happened, but it wasn't painful. He knew he'd have to analyze what they did right later, but that would be much more fun in a different setting than the grocery store--and with Jim there to...experiment.

With a wicked gleam in his eyes, he paid the cashier and bounced happily out toward his car with his single fat grocery bag firmly in his arms. He nearly dropped it when he caught sight of his car.

Blair made a habit of parking the Volvo at the most remote point of most parking lots. First of all, he figured it was good exercise since he spent most of his time away from Jim at a computer or in a library or pacing very slowly in front of a class. Most of all, he wanted to preserve the pristine paint job from the dings and dents of careless fellow parking lot dwellers.

The pristine paint job would no longer be a concern. The side of the car he could see sported at least three long lines that appeared to have been gouged in with a razor blade or other sharp object. A white, spray-painted message declared: "Cascade Isn't For Perverts".

//Breathe, Sandburg,// Blair coached himself. //You are not going to lose it in a parking lot because of your car. Get a grip. Put your groceries on the cement next to the car and call Jim on your cell phone. Don't disturb the evidence. Don't touch the car...even to see how deep those gouges really are...God, why my car?!// Blair swallowed the inclination to react emotionally. He had already called Jim in a state of panic once that day. He wasn't going to do it again.

He dialed Jim's work number on the cell phone and waited impatiently while it rang. Ryf picked up Jim's phone.

"Ellison's desk, this is Ryf," the voice replied.

"It's Blair. I need to talk to Jim if he's there."

"Hey, Blair. He's with Simon right now, but he said he was on his way home after that. You want to hold on or catch him at home?"

"Could you ask him to meet me at the parking lot in front of The Food Center over on Elm? It's official. Somebody vandalized my car, big time."

"Aw, man, what a bummer. I'll go tell him."

"Thanks. Tell him I'll wait."

"Hey--don't touch the car. I'll make sure some lab guys get over there in case we can lift anything from it."

"Thanks, Ryf. I kinda figured I should leave it alone."

"Sit tight. It shouldn't be too long."

Blair waited by his ruined car, exchanged a few words about the damage with a bag boy who was retrieving carts, and finally saw Jim's truck pull in, followed by Simon's car and a crime lab van. //Why didn't Ryf send the SWAT team along, just in case,// Blair thought with a fond shake of the head.

"Oh, man..." was Jim's first comment as he got out of the truck and saw the car. Both sides had matching damage, and the hood and trunk also sported what appeared to be deep scratches.

Simon directed the lab team to get started, while Jim moved over toward his uncharacteristically quiet partner. The smaller man had looked nothing short of pathetic, sitting cross-legged on the cement next to his ruined car with his bag of groceries.

"You okay, Chief?" He squatted down closer to Blair's level, taking in the somber face under the small glasses, the stray strand of hair that had escaped the pony tail--a sure sign that Blair had been nervously fidgeting with it while he waited.

"I think my butt's numb, but yeah, I'm okay." He accepted the hand Jim offered to pull him up.

"How long were you inside?" Jim slipped an arm around his partner's shoulders as they moved a little closer to where the car was being inspected for evidence.

"About twenty minutes, I guess. I wanted to get some stuff for dinner. Surprise you," Blair said, smiling a little ironically. "Guess I managed the surprise part, anyway."

"It looks pretty clean, Captain," one of the lab guys announced. "We've lifted some prints, but other than that..." He shrugged, and Simon nodded.

"Thanks, guys. Check the prints against Sandburg's and Ellison's--yeah, better check against mine too," Simon added, obviously recalling Blair giving him a ride to pick up his car from the shop a few days earlier. "Anyone else?" He turned to Blair.

"Not that I've given rides to. I don't know if anyone else has touched it since. It's been in lots several times."

"Okay. Let me hear the results on the prints ASAP," Simon directed at the technician who was picking up the last of their supplies. He nodded an answer, and with that, the three men were left standing there around Blair's mauled car. Jim approached it first and tested the scratches with his finger. Blair seemed to be just staring at it.

"These are pretty deep. Probably a knife."

"Who else have you two told recently?" Simon asked, sitting against the hood of his own car.

"Some people at the University," Blair spoke up. "But they've known for a while now. Plus, this might not be related to Jim and me."

"Meaning...?" Simon prodded, raising his hands slightly in a questioning gesture.

"Meaning a student just accused me of sexual harassment. I didn't do anything to her, but she's claiming I did. And if she had a pissed off boyfriend or relative...I don't know."

"That's a possibility." Jim agreed, rising from his crouch by the side of the car.

"You want to handle this, Jim?"

"You bet I do."

"Okay." Simon rose and moved around to the driver's side of his car. "I'll tell the lab to get a hold of you with those print results. Just don't forget there are a couple of pesky little murders on your desk right now."

"I won't," Jim responded, smirking a little at Simon's assumption that Blair's wounded Volvo would probably be his top priority. The captain was right, and all three knew it.

After Simon left, Jim turned back to his wilted lover, who was sadly surveying the damage, finally venturing a tentative finger out to trace the scratches.

"It's ruined...I don't see how they can ever fix it," Blair muttered.

"Here. Take the truck and follow me. I'll drive this one over to the police garage, and we'll lock it up in there for tonight." Jim placed his keys in Blair's hand. "We can pick up some take-outs for dinner and go home, huh?"

"I was going to cook...I got stuff for dinner," Blair replied a little blandly, indicating the bag that had taken up residence on the ground next to the Volvo.

"Anything perishable?"

"Nah. I was going to make those chicken fajitas you like. We already had the chicken."

"Okay. We'll put the car in the garage and then go home. We'll cook together. Okay?"

"Yeah." Blair forced a little smile and Jim leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his forehead.

Blair was grateful to Jim for driving the Volvo. It was so like Jim to take the stares and comments of fellow motorists and pedestrians on himself and spare Blair that humiliation. Driving around Cascade labeled as a pervert would have been just about the last straw in what had been a bad day of epic proportions.

As soon as they were home, both men washed up and started on dinner preparations. Blair seemed to prefer not to discuss the car or anything else, and Jim let the silence stay unbroken. They were together, moving around the small area of the kitchen, bumping into each other from time to time. The love and support needed no words.

When the food was ready, Jim took out the wine that had been stashed in the freezer for a quick chill while they cooked, and went to look up glasses. There was the sound of shattering glass and a rain of curses from Blair a moment later. He hadn't noticed the white wine on the counter, and when he picked up the pan of rice to dish it up, his elbow sent the wine bottle crashing on the floor.

"I don't believe this! I spent $20 on that wine! How could I be so goddamn stupid!" He slammed the pan of rice back down on the burner. "This ruins everything! We don't have any more wine. I wanted wine!"

"Blair. Sweetheart, come on," Jim took him by the shoulders until the troubled face came up so their eyes met. "Is this about the wine? If it is, I'll run down the street to the liquor store and get us a better bottle." He watched as Blair's angry expression faltered a little, and then there was a momentary quiver of the chin before Jim pulled his lover into his arms and held him tightly. "You're entitled to feel bad, baby. It's been an awful day. I know you're tired." Jim's gentle words and the warmth of the embrace were Blair's undoing. Tears flowed freely as he tightened his arms around Jim, and let loose all the tension and misery he'd felt since walking into Tillman's office several hours earlier.

"I'm sorry," he croaked.

"No need. Not your fault, sweetheart." Jim let his hand slide into Blair's hair and massage his scalp slowly. "This has been the granddaddy of bad days, hasn't it, love?" he asked, an affectionate smile in his voice. Blair just nodded and held on tighter. "We'll figure out who vandalized the car, and we'll figure out this mess at the U. It's just going to take a little time."

"I'm...so much...trouble. No wonder...you didn't...want to...come out with...me." Blair clutched handfuls of Jim's shirt in his hands. "This is...a nightmare. I-I'm messing...up your...whole life."

"We've been through this before, Sandburg. So this time, listen so you get it right," Jim began, with completely feigned sternness in his voice. "You are my life. How many times do I have to tell you that? God, Blair, the only way you'd fuck that up is to leave me. What do you mean I didn't want to come out with you?"

"You didn't, man," Blair sobbed into Jim's chest. "You never would...have wanted...anybody...to know...at work. It was an...ac--accident that anybody...found out."

"Oh, man. You really know how to make a direct hit, baby." Jim tightened his hold on Blair and kissed his hair. "Guilty as charged. But it has nothing to do with not loving you enough, or not being proud of you. You have to understand that. It's about telling someone about the most beautiful, precious, perfect part of my life and having them look at me like I just told them something sickening. It's about having what I feel for you reduced to getting my memos printed on pink stationery. It's about holding something that's...sacred between us up for ridicule. And it's about not wanting to spend all my time defending myself or you or us for something that's nobody's goddamn business. It's about shit like this happening to us. It's you whose getting it right now, and oddly enough, from the university, but I'll get my turn. I wish all the turns could be mine because I don't ever want you hurt. It hurts me worse to hear you cry that it hurts to have somebody stick a knife in my guts. So no, I didn't want to come out so we could spend all our time feeling lousy."

"Do you think...it was somebody...from the U...who messed up the car?" Blair was fighting to regain his voice.

"The fact that it happened the same day as this whole dilemma with Nicole Pierce, and the choice of words--'pervert' as opposed to 'fag', 'queer'--and it happened away from the precinct...my guess would be the same as yours. Someone on Nicole's side, someone she's lied to and led to believe that you really did something to her... I wish I knew. But we'll find out."

"This isn't about...the car," Blair choked out.

"Hey, if somebody did that to my paint job, I'd cry too." Jim's levity brought a little chuckle out of Blair.

"Think they can fix it?" Blair's voice sounded so small and shaky that Jim didn't have the heart to say he didn't see how in the hell anybody could fix that mess.

"We'll take it to the best place in town, baby. We'll do everything we can. Okay?" Another nod.

"I'm sorry." There was a distinctly loud snorkel from Jim's chest.

"That better be a general apology and not one for blowing your nose on my shirt." Blair laughed a little at that comment as Jim freed one arm and reached behind him for a napkin. "Here, snotface, blow." Jim covered Blair's face from the nose down with the napkin. He was a little disgusted when Blair followed the direction, leaving Jim the task of cleaning him up. //Oh, well, after all the juices we swap, what's a little snot?// Jim thought, smiling as he saw a slightly less devastated Blair emerging from under the napkin. With the nasty part of the task done, Jim kissed away the remains of the tears under Blair's eyes. "You're the most beautiful creature on earth, do you know that?"

"Yeah, sure, Jim. My eyes are puffed half shut, my nose is running--"

"Not anymore," Jim corrected. He was rewarded with another smile.

"I look like hell and you know it."

"Your bad day is better that most people's best." Jim planted a kiss right between Blair's eyes. "Feel like you could eat something, sweetheart?"

"I guess. Better get the wine cleaned up first."

"I'll do it. I don't want you to cut yourself on the bottle. See how cold the stuff is and maybe you can nuke it while I clean this up."

"Jim, I'm not a child. I can clean up broken glass."

"I have plans for these hands later, and I don't want them all bandaged up. Humor me." Jim grabbed Blair's hands and kissed the palm of each one. "Okay?"

"Okay," Blair replied, grinning.

Dinner was consumed slowly, with the conversation very deliberately steered to something neutral while they ate. Jim described the details of a suspect's prior record, and which leads he was planning to follow in looking for something to solidify his case against the man for the murder of a teenage girl. Blair was all ears.

With dishes rinsed and abandoned in the sink (a growing habit which Blair considered a personal victory over anal levels of tidiness), they moved to the couch, curled up together and talked over the less pleasant aspects of the day. Blair shared the information Julie had given him about Nicole Pierce, and Jim asked Blair several questions about his students and colleagues and what, if any, backlash he'd gotten from their brief displays of affection on the campus.

Dr. Tillman was the only vocal negative reaction, and Blair couldn't say he'd really been snubbed by faculty or his fellow students. As for students who had him for a teacher, none of them had mentioned anything or made any remarks. He had no idea if the upper administration knew--or cared--that he was in an "alternative lifestyle".

Jim admitted that he had been pretty much snubbed by two-thirds of the other cops since the news of their now-infamous "car kiss" had spread. Most of the Major Crimes personnel treated Jim the same as always, with only a couple of women who had been extremely pleasant to him in hopes of catching his eye, losing a little of their friendliness. Cops from other departments who didn't have a reason to like Jim personally or respect him to any special degree beyond their mutual respect for their fellow cops, seemed to be avoiding him or ignoring him unless they were forced into a professional encounter.

He didn't tell Blair about how he'd spent part of the morning trying to isolate the voice of the man who, in another part of the building, had drawn laughs from other male voices by commenting that "Sandburg must have a deep throat and a tight ass." But he knew the voice, and he'd find the son of a bitch eventually.

Their lovemaking that night was all about closeness, holding, touching, kissing, reaffirming. They did nothing more than some heavy petting and a little humping to finish things off.

Jim spent a restless hour or so just watching Blair sleep, listening to his breathing, feeling his heartbeat. He dialed up his sense of touch so he could feel each little thud like a metronome against his chest, and he could feel the tickle of each of Blair's chest hairs as they were moved against Jim's skin in time with the smaller man's respiration. Blair murmured something agitated a couple of times, but a kiss to his forehead and a little caress to his shoulder calmed him into peacefulness again.

A pain flared in Jim's heart as he wished he could freeze this moment, and never have to go back out into the world and face all the shit that would come down on them just for loving each other. He thought about all the times he'd joked with his friends about someone being queer or a tinkerbell. He'd never had any special prejudice against gays, but he certainly hadn't stood up for their rights either.

He looked back down at Blair, cuddled up against him, one hand splayed on Jim's chest, silky curls resting on his shoulder. He let his eyes travel the line of shoulder and arm, and as he did, drew up the blanket. Just because he loved to look at the naked flesh didn't mean it wasn't a little chilly to leave Blair's shoulder and arm bare all night.

The movement brought a little shift and mumble, which settled again quickly. He traced with his eyes the perfect line of Blair's nose, the full lips, then back up to the lashes that dusted the slightly flushed face. He realized he would never love another human being the way he loved Blair, and that no matter what the world would throw ruthlessly at them, it would all be worth it, if even for only this one silent moment in time.

Tucking his nose into the warm, fragrant curls nearby, Jim Ellison dozed off into a peaceful sleep.

Continued in part two.